I thought we all agreed that 2018 wasn't going to be a shit show.

Here we are, almost three months into 2018 and yet, it doesn't feel like the shit show that was 2017 ended?

I've mentioned multiple times that people won't quit doing ridiculous internet challenges (ranging from eating laundry detergent to sticking their arms on hot stoves ON PURPOSE) and that isn't even the worst of it (even though, that's ridiculous enough).

Don't even get me started on the fact that I lost even more faith in humanity (something I didn't think was possible after 2017) and we're just going to ignore the fact that shit keeps escalating far beyond what it should.

It's at a point that it feels like we're going through a giant shit show breakup without actually doing it. And I can't be the only one thinking this.

If you're anything like me, you try to escape the harsh reality that is our present day by escaping into television (or a good book). It seems like no matter what's going on around us, we can always "escape" even if it is for just a couple of minutes.... right?!!?!

And then, 2018 had the AUDACITY to hurt Kevin Smith.

Like, haven't we all been through enough without something trying to take away Silent Bob?! What in the actual fresh hell is that bullshit?!!?!

Sunday night (2/25/18) as he was performing a stand up comedy show in California, Smith suffered a heart attack caused by a total blockage of the left anterior descending artery (aka, the "Widow-Maker"). He was rushed by ambulance to the nearby Glendale Memorial Hospital for emergency surgery and thankfully recovered.

He released the following statement (along with the picture that I have accompanying this post) on his social media platforms to announce his health scare:

"I was trying to do a killer stand-up special this evening, but I might've gone too far. After the first show, I felt kinda nauseous. I threw up a little but it didn't seem to help. Then I started sweating buckets and my chest felt heavy. Turns out I had a massive heart attack. The Doctor who saved my life at the Glendale Hospital told me I had 100% blockage of my LAD artery (also known as "the Widow-Maker" because when it goes, you're a goner). If I hadn't canceled the second show to go to the hospital, the Doc said I would've died tonight For now, I'm still above ground! But this is what I learned about myself during this crisis: death was always the thing I was most terrified of in life. When the time came, I never imagined I'd ever be able to die with dignity- I assumed I'd die screaming, like my Dad (who lost his life to a massive heart attack). But even as they cut into my groin to slip a stent into the lethal Widow-Maker, I was filled with a sense of calm. I've had a great life: loved by parents who raised me to become the individual I am. I've had a weird, wonderful career in all sorts of media, amazing friends, the best wife in the world and an incredible daughter who made me a Dad. But as I stared into the infinite, I realized I was relatively content. Yes, I'd miss life as it moved on without me- and I was bummed we weren't gonna get to make #jayandsilentbobreboot before I shuffled loose the mortal coil. But generally speaking, I was ok with the end, if this was gonna be it. I've gotten to do so many cool things and I've had so many adventures- how could I be shitty about finally paying the tab. But the good folks at the Glendale hospital had other plans and the expertise to mend me. Total strangers saved my life tonight (as well as my friends @jordanmonsanto & @iamemilydawn, who called the ambulance). This is all part of my mythology now and I'm sure I'll be facing some lifestyle changes (maybe it's time to go Vegan). But the point of this post is to tell you that I faced my greatest fear tonight.... and it wasn't as bad as I've always imagined it'd be. I don't want my life to end, but if it ends, I can't complain. It was such a gift. #KevinSmith"

Can we all just agree that Kevin Smith being ok is the only great thing this side of 2018 thus far?!

Thinking about making a drastic change to your hair.... without a breakup.

There is no doubt about women (or at the very least, women in my life) making drastic changes to their hair when they are going through some sort of "crisis." Whether that crisis be legitimate or a "crisis" as in a breakup.

Random guy: "That girl is in love with me. I can do whatever I want and she'll always take me back like that." ME: "Dude, let that girl change her hairstyle after y'all break up.... YOU AIN'T GETTING HER BACK."

But, what do you do when you want to make a drastic change to your hair.... even though you're not "going through a breakup"?

There's no question in the fact that I have a love/hate relationship with my hair. It's crazy more often than not and I have done so much with it in the way of cutting/dying/etc that I'm truly surprised that it hasn't abandoned ship at this point. For better or worse my hair has generally stayed in the "medium length" category for the majority of my life, getting shorter at times and longer at others, but generally medium.

Right now, my hair is long. I've been letting it grow for the last few years and there's no color in it at this point. This is literally the most natural my hair has been since I was twelve years old (yes, I started experimenting with it young and no, I don't regret it). It's long and curly and a sandy blonde/light brown color.... which was surprising to me, because I forgot how much natural blonde my hair had in it.

Usually when I get my hair cut short (and by short I mean "shorter") I hate it, because I always think to myself:

"I am way less attractive with shorter hair.... I look like a boy.... I look old.... I look fatter.... blah. blah. blah."

But, I'm twenty-eight now. And with twenty-eight I would like to say that I've developed a type of.... how should I say this? I've developed a whole "I don't give a single f*ck" kind of attitude. Which is hilarious, because that's generally my entire attitude and I didn't think it could get progressively worse, and yet, HERE WE ARE WITH IT.

I just don't care. I don't care if people don't think I'm pretty. And I don't care if people don't like the way I look. Furthermore, I want to be able to be comfortable in my own "skin", regardless of the way my "skin" does in fact look. Why do I have the thought that in order to be considered "feminine" that I have to have long hair? Why can't I just feel that way regardless of what's on top of my head? (And let's be real, it's not like I ever wear it down or "style" it in the first place).

I don't want to feel like I have to have my hair to "hide behind" as a type of security blanket.

Frankly, I want to feel like I can rock some short hair like Lily Collins, Emma Fitzpatrick, and Lauren Cohan. Who's with me?!

I watched the second season of Breaking Bad.... finally.

Almost a year ago, I watched the first season of Breaking Bad and shared my opinions on it. (And my general confusion).

One year later, here I am again, to talk about the second season. And no, I didn't delay writing about it for a year.... I literally delayed watching the second season for an entire year. Not because I don't like it (I think it's awesome!), but because I have a tiny attention span.... and by that, I mean I share a tv and can't just force someone to watch whatever I want 24/7 (boo!).

A year and a half ago, I made a list with the five shows that I wanted to get around to watching/finishing and on that list among other things were The Walking Dead (that I've literally been trying to watch/finish for like four years) and.... Breaking Bad.

I haven't even attempted the other three (The Man in the High Castle, Vikings- even though I did watch the first season, and Outlander).

Even though I know alot about the show and things that happen to the characters throughout the second season (the show ended in 2013 and was one of the highest ranking Dramas EVER), I still don't think that I was prepared for some of it. I mean, hearing about something and then seeing it (re-enactment or not) is a whole other ballgame.

The things that I knew: Walt would go into a sort of "remission." Jesse's girlfriend Jane would die of an overdose (with Walt watching it happen). And, Skylar would leave Walt for however long.

The things I knew that I wasn't prepared for: Jesse's girlfriend Jane dying of an overdose (with Walt watching it happen). Watching that scene isn't what got to me (even though- damn, brutal), BUT it was actually Jesse finding Jane/trying to help her/his reaction to the whole thing that got me.

There is definitely a reason that Aaron Paul won three Emmys for this role!

Aside from that, Walt is definitely losing his grip (and only Bryan Cranston can look badass with a bald head and wearing a bright pink sweater vest), Jesse is in some kind of hippie dippy rehab/enlightenment(?) center, Jane's dad definitely should not have been directing traffic let alone air traffic with how distraught he was (how did no one at his company not realize this was a HORRIBLE idea?!), and I literally thought Skylar was NEVER going to have that damn baby.

In February 2017 I watched the first season of this show.... February 2018 I watched the second season. Hopefully, I won't wait until 2019 to catch up on the third. But with me, you never know. Afterall.... it's been over four years for some.

It's actually pretty outside and some things could be done.

But, I want to do none of them and instead go home.... (and watch Netflix/eat junk food). While sipping on some alcohol.... in sweatpants. I watched the remake of Flatliners last night. Loved it.... Diego Luna is a national treasure.

Work has been steady busy, but Dani and I are now in our lull, because it's 2:30pm. I have to stop by the pharmacy on my home today.... AGAIN (they never have everything in when I call in our prescriptions.... I always end up having to make two trips).

And I learned that the second season of Santa Clarita Diet premieres on March 23.

You call it a gift.... I call it tornado weather. *insert paranoid look here*

It’s currently February 20th and 73° outside.... what. the. f*ck?!!?! (You would think I would want to be outside, but I don't).

Am I the only one that feels like this is some godawful trick? Like, I appreciate not freezing my ass off and my toes not turning blue from sloshing around in ice/snow/rain/salt at 6:00am, but there’s no way this is gonna turn out well for us. Hey, people who don’t think global warming is a thing.... what up?!!?!

Since when should we expect to go around in capris and a tshirt in the middle (middlish? endish?) of February?!

I don't remember agreeing to it and even though most people are happy about it, I'm 157% sure that we're gonna have to pay for this "good" weather in the next few weeks.

You could probably chalk all of this up to my raised in the holler paranoia (we all have it and believe in it where I was raised), but I swear, this is perfect tornado weather.

And no, I’m not wishing for one (because no thank you and then some).... but, there’s no doubt in my mind that this is the weather for it. Warm during a normally cold season.... humidity in the air, but also maintaining a cool breeze.... sporadic raindrops.... and utter peacefulness in the middle of the night.

It’s so warm that I actually had to turn our A/C on for a couple of hours tonight, because it got 81° in our house and Tayder and I do not sleep well when it’s hot (in all fairness though, I hardly ever sleep anyways and keep him up by extension). 81° IN F*CKING FEBRUARY.

We may get lucky though (fingers crossed), because it’s supposed to be getting back down into the thirties/forties and stay pretty consistent for the rest of the week (not including all the rain that’s heading in).

Wish us luck.... and remember, this is only the semi-drunken rambling of a gal who drinks too much wine. (Too much? HA!).

Dumb reasons to break up with someone.... but you probably would too.

I'm single. I have been for quite awhile now and while most people think it's insane to be twenty-eight and like not wanting to be in a relationship, I find that it suits me very well. In fact, in the honesty of full disclosure, I LOVE IT.

With that being said, it doesn't mean that I don't have an input on relationships and dating in general, because I do have experience in them. Afterall, why do you think I love not being in one so much?!

My friends and I are sarcastic and have a random sense of humor unlike most others.... some may call us weird, but then again, we'd probably call those people assholes, so we'll just let that one go. My good ole friend, B. Davis, tagged myself and our mutual friend, Feather, in a FB post detailing "dumb reasons that people have broken up with others."

While I probably should have been on the side of the people who got dumped for stupid reasons, I found myself identifying more with the dumpers.... and that's honestly not a sentence I ever thought I'd catch myself saying because ew.

Since this is both hilarious and confusing to me, I felt the need to share with everyone else.

She pronounced 'coleslaw' cold slaw. In her defense, this is a little annoying, but I don't feel like it's "that" insane. Alot of people mess little things like this up. Someone in my life died, and she said, 'I'm sorry for your lost.' That is both confusing and annoying, but it's the thought that counts? Maybe don't be a d*ck when someone is offering their condolences. One day I realized that she looked like Paul Dano and I couldn't unsee it. Paul Dano is a national treasure and you should've thanked your lucky stars he even looked your way.... or something like that. She poured her milk first, then the cereal in the bowl. Only serial killers (or, "cereal killers") do this.... RUN! Dated a guy who said "my bag" instead of "my bad." Who were you dating.... Austin Powers?! He pronounced the "l" in salmon. Ugh.... seriously?! 

She ate a chicken drumstick with a fork.... and a t-bone steak with her hands. I prefer to tear my food apart like a true carnivore as well, but that's just damn confusing. Everytime he would get drunk, he would yell, "I'm Rick James, bitch!" That's annoying for you, but hilarious for me, so I'll allow it. He wore jean shorts. What kind of jean shorts are we talking about here? Because while it might be wrong, I'm ok with cargo shorts. She put the spoon into the sugar jar after stirring her coffee, leaving clumps of coffee sugar. She's an animal and deserved to be dumped.

He wore socks with sandals. I wear way dumber shit than that, so I don't give a damn. He said "creme rinse" instead of conditioner. Was he born in 1923?!!?! She refused to eat anything besides chicken nuggets and french fries.... no substitutions. While chicken nuggets and french fries are delicious, you can't trust somebody that doesn't enjoy tacos.... even demons love tacos. He didn't take his underwear off during sex.... EVER. I have way more follow up questions than explanations for this one. She said, "Burber King" and I just couldn't bear it. That doesn't even make sense.

She would write, "I half to go." Was she on Facebook? Because I see this shit alot on Facebook. She always smelled like peanut butter even though she never ate it. In her defense, there are all kinds of ways for ladies to smell like something that they don't eat. Like, when was the last time you heard of a gal eating something called "Pure Seduction"? The answer is, you haven't, but that doesn't stop Vickie Secret from selling it. He told me I was in his cat's chair. I can't say anything, because my dog is the ruler at my house and I will legit kick somebody out of bed in favor of him. She wouldn't eat scalloped potatoes, because "she didn't eat seafood." Seriously? Well, bless her heart. Her apartment was an 8th floor walkup. I'm on his side about this one. I drink too much to be attempting all of those stairs.

She didn't believe in the moon landing. I too think most things are a government conspiracy (you can thank Steve Hyde for that). She held her fork overhanded, as in the shovel technique.... you can't take someone like that anywhere. She deserves to be dumped.... twice. It was four days before my birthday and she said she was going to get me a gift. I knew I couldn't break up with her for at least 30 days after accepting her gift and I wasn't willing to make a 34-day commitment to the relationship. How are you mad at this man for knowing what he wants and admitting that he can't make that kind of commitment? She wore the same deodorant as my mother. Chill, Norman Bates.... at least she f*cking wore deodorant. She would constantly say the names of the stores we passed by while driving. "Jiffy Lube. Huh, a Spencer's. Gym-boooo-ree." (That's how she would say it.) You should have kicked her out of the moving car.

I looked at him, really looked at him from a distance, and realized that his head was just waaaay too big for his body. Like, how big are we talking? How big is too big to be a deal breaker? When she watched shows on the DVR, she wouldn't fast forward through commercials. I do that.... but only when I have to pee. And then I fast forward. Everytime I yawned she thought it was hilarious if she stuck her finger in my open mouth. You should have bit her. I would have bit her. Her mouth made a trapezoid when she talked. I don't even know how that's possible. How have I never heard of this before? She'd wait until she had the bartender's attention and then started to decide what she wanted to drink. She's Satan reincarnate.... RUN.

She walked too slow. We'd go out somewhere and walk down the street and I'd turn and she's 20 feet behind me. Maybe she was just stoned. Did you ever think of that? Rude. She ate her peas one at a time. One at a time! It doesn't matter how she eats her peas. The point is, she eats peas.... get rid of her! She was the loudest eater I've ever met. She constantly chewed with her mouth open and smacked her lips. God forbid if she really liked it, then there came a litany of "mmm" and "nom"s as well. It was like dating the f*cking cookie monster. You should have punched her in the face, because if we're all being honest, that's exactly what she deserves. She walked like Jar Jar Binks when in heels. Couldn't you have just asked her to wear flats? She walked like a T. Rex. So.... she had teeny arms? She had giant legs? She swung her head back and forth? I need a visual aid.

She put mustard on her fries by applying it to her hand first and then rubbing it all over the fries. Then she licked the mustard off her hand. Y'all, I never realized how passionate I am about what and how people apply condiments to their fries until my friends and I (and some of their friends I don't even know) had an entire debate about this one on FB.

Leave it to my B. Davis to find something to entertain us all on a Monday.

People have got to stop with these f*cking internet challenges.

Remember when I mentioned people won't stop eating laundry detergent and how I had lost all faith in humanity, because of it? Well, guess what.... people are still doing it. And now, they have a new "challenge" out called the "Hot Coil Challenge" and it's exactly what you think it would be.... some idiot sticks their arm to the hot coil of their kitchen stove for as long as they can.

Because eating laundry detergent just wasn't stupid enough.... they had to find something even more ridiculous. See, this. Moments like THIS are why people won't take millennials serious. While I'm in the age group of "millennials" I absolutely refuse to be associated with these fools. Why should I be punished for their stupidity?

This is third grade all over again. Well.... if people would have been that dumb when I was in third grade. (They weren't).

Is this really what it’s all come down to? Is this truly where we are?!

Before I begin, let me just say this.... this is not a post about my stance on gun control, violence, legislation, or any such thing.... this is a post about people. It's not political and I have no agenda. I am simply trying to make sense of what is happening in the world around us. And in trying to understand, it doesn't mean that I think I have all of the answers, because I absolutely do not.

I don't have any answers.

I usually steer clear of all subjects regarding anything considered "political" in a public forum. And it's not because I'm ashamed of what I think, and it's not because I'm afraid of how people will react to me and my opinions. I think I am just the type of person that doesn't feel the need to justify herself to satisfy others. As I said, this has nothing to do with politics.

But, it does have everything to do with people.

Earlier this week, on Wednesday, February 14, 2018, a gunman opened fire at a high school in Parkland, FL.

This event left seventeen people dead, several others injured, and countless lives changed forever.

While kids and staff were leaving their classrooms and the building for what they thought was a fire drill, a 19-year-old man by the name of Nikolas Cruz opened fire outside and in the hallways of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. For around six minutes, but what must have felt like an eternity, shots were fired outside and in the hallways and classrooms of the first and second floor. Some say that he went to the third floor and tried to shoot fleeing students. He eventually discarded his rifle, vest, and ammunition in a stairwell, and proceeded to weave his way into the students that were being evacuated to camouflage himself and escape the chaos that he had caused. He walked away like nothing had happened and proceeded to run errands and get himself a drink. Around an hour later, he was arrested on a residential street and taken into custody.

With that being said, I ask you one question.... why? Why would someone do this?

It feels like I was just here, sorting through all of these feelings and trying to understand.... because I was, back in October.

There are certain tragic moments that stick with people. And unfortunately, that number is only growing with each passing day. Just in my lifetime alone there have been too many to count. For some it's Oklahoma in 1995. Others, New York/Virginia/Pennsylvania in 2001. More recently, Newton Connecticut (known as Sandy Hook) in 2012, Boston in 2013, Orlando in 2016, Las Vegas in 2017. And just last month, there was a school shooting in Benton, Kentucky leaving two dead and eighteen injured.

For me, I remember when Columbine happened in 1999. I was just a little kid and was completely terrified to go to school.

I've tried over and over again to understand why someone would do something like this and each time I always come to the same conclusion.... and that conclusion is, I honestly have no idea. I don't know what makes someone think to do something like this and I don't think I'll ever comprehend any of it. Honestly, I don't even know that we're ever supposed to.

Something like this shouldn't be an everyday occurrence. We shouldn't be "expecting" things like this to happen and it shouldn't be common enough for people to be able to say "we saw this coming" or "we're not really all that surprised." How has it gotten here? HOW HAVE WE GOTTEN HERE? How have we all let our society get to this point? How have we let this continue?

More importantly, how can we stop this? I'm not guileless, I'm aware that violence has been present since the beginning of time and will always be a factor in our lives no matter how far we come. There's absolutely nothing that can be done to stop it. But, shouldn't we be able to help the situation in general? Shouldn't we be able to make horrible events such as this not be such a common occurrence one way or the other?

To say yes sounds naive, but to say no sounds.... hopeless.

When you're trying to wrap your head around something like this it's easy for you to come up with the solution in your head. It's easy for you to do the play by play and "fix it." But the truth is, no one person is going to fix something like this. This isn't a "person" problem it's a "people" problem.

It's also incredibly easy to give up hope. Once you read about these horrible events over and over again, it's remarkable how easy it is to lose all faith in humanity in general and chalk it all up to "people are the worst." And sure, we've all thought it before. I know I have.

But you want to know what makes me reevaluate that thought? It's never just one big thing.... it's always a bunch of little ones. There are people out there that are "the worst" but there are also people out there that are "the best." And those kind of people are what makes going on worth it.

I don't know how we're all going to get through this. As I said, I don't have the answers and couldn't even begin to pretend to know what they are.

This is no different than what I had to say about Columbine, 9/11, Sandy Hook, Orlando, or Vegas....

Something like this can bring out the very worst kinds of people. People so vile that you didn't even know they existed outside of film and novels. In almost every work of fiction, there is always an "evil" entity (antagonist), that the "hero" (protagonist) has to deal with. And it's designed like this, because without evil how would we ever measure kindness and the goodness in someone? Without it we wouldn't know to root for our heroes and have hope that in the end good will always conquer evil. We've all had this ingrained into us since we were children.... the prince saves the princess, the evil queen is destroyed, the hero comes out on top and we all go on to fight another day.

We hope that at the end of the day, everyone will get their happily ever afters.... except, that's not how real life works. When it comes to something like this, there are never really "winners" but it can feel like the evil is winning regardless. And it's a completely hopeless feeling. It always has been.

But then, sometimes, through all the darkness and the fog, a little tiny ray of hope can shine through. And sometimes, it's such a tiny little ray that if you don't pay attention or you're not looking for it, you can completely miss it.

Sure, moments like these can bring out some of the worst in people.... but, it can also bring out the very best of people.

You hear about the purity within someone such as helping others even though it might come at significant personal cost to themselves. And you hear about others making sure that someone will go on through them, because they touched their lives in such a deep way. You hear about communities coming together to treat, love, help.... and eventually, maybe even begin to heal.

When you're thinking about this, try to remember, this wasn't just "something that happened." And it's not just a "blip" on your newsfeed for a couple of weeks. It certainly isn't just a "dark spot in our history." At least, that's not all it should be remembered for. Remember the names: Alyssa Alhadeff. Scott Beigel. Martin Duque Aguiano. Nicholas Dworet. Aaron Feis. Jaime Guttenberg. Chris Hixon. Luke Hoyer. Cara Loughran. Gina Montalto. Joaquin Oliver. Alaina Petty. Meadow Pollack. Helena Ramsay. Alex Schachter. Carmen Schentrup. Peter Wang.

My heart and the sincerest part of myself goes out to these people and their families.

"Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious, and the greatest healing energy." -Sai Baba

Ricardo has to go to the doctor and I won't get him back until tomorrow.

I received a letter (letter? notice?) in the mail telling me that Ricardo has a recall and I have to have him serviced immediately.

Which sounds kind of dirty, but I swear isn't. You see, my little Ricardo was born in 2011 and while he's a trooper, there was a mistake made with the seal on his Battery Junction Box (BJB), allowing debris and water into it.... causing corrosion.

And that's a problem, because apparently this little mistake can cause side effects of: loss of function of exterior lights, vehicle stall, vehicle no start, and loss of function of interior lights. All of which I need. Therefore, Ricardo has to go into the doctor (ie- shop) for repair.

I tried to get this handled last weekend.... completely willing to give up my Saturday by sitting in a shop/dealership awaiting his safe repair and return, but alas, it was not meant to be. You see, in order to have the repair done with no cost to me (because it's their mistake and people shouldn't have to pay out of pocket for it!), he has to go to a Ford Dealership.... which is handy, because Uncle D gave me his guy that takes care of their truck. BUT the dealership/shop doesn't do those kinds of repairs on weekends, because they don't have the staff.... and for various other reasons that I didn't 100% hear, because I was freaking out about not having my car.

Side note: What are the odds that those nice men will also clean the inside of Ricardo while he's hanging out for repair? Like, I cleaned him up all nice and pretty before winter hit hard.... but now he's a little dusty and could use a good vacuum. Honestly though, I don't see the point in trying to keep him "cleaned out" while in the depths of winter though. (And by "cleaned out" I mean I don't have him full of trash or anything like that, but the wetness + ice salt + muddy/wet boots + winter in general just isn't friendly to a "clean" car.).

It's also not a "huge" repair, but is time consuming, so they'll have to have Ricardo for a full day. ONE. FULL. DAY. Are you hearing me on this? Since I work towards downtown and come in at 6:30am and the dealership doesn't open until 8:00am (and is twenty to twenty-five minutes away) I have to drop Ricardo off after work today and I won't be able to pick him up until tomorrow after work. Meaning I won't have him for about 24 HOURS. And my anxiety is not having this shit.

Lucky for me, Aunt Poot agreed to follow me down to give me a ride home this evening and take me back tomorrow for pickup.... and my brother is going to be getting up on his day off at 6:00am to bring me to work tomorrow (against his will).

While they have Ricardo for his recall repair, I'm gonna go ahead and have them change his oil, check the fluids, and rotate the tires (I think they call it "the works"?) too. Might as well, right? No sense of them having him for a full day for a repair and then having to take him back in for the oil change (it's a little overdue) and whatnot an entirely separate day.

And to be honest, Ricardo deserves a little pampering. Afterall, he's dealt with me learning how to "redrive" after all of those years I was too scared to.... he's been patient, understanding, and has held his own through the process. From the beginning of easing everywhere slow and being 100% unsure of myself to now where I am comfortable (for the most part) and drive a tad-bit crazy (like I used to before I got scared).

He truly is a champ and I love him.... a champ, that has a flaw in his "junk" (junction box). Then again, don't we all?!!?!

UPDATE: Ricardo's stay at the doctor (aka- shop) has been postponed to a later date.... the flu is a nasty little creature that seems to be making its way through a little bit of everybody for the past two months. Therefore, this little "trip" will have to wait a week or two. Hopefully, not longer than that, but you never know.... we just take every situation as it presents itself.

I feel the same today as I did ten years ago. *insert sleepy face here*

Today is my twenty-eighth birthday and I'm not really sure how I should feel about that? Except that I want to go back to bed.

Sure, I'm older.... I'm creeping up on thirty, but I don't "feel" any different than what I ever have. I've never been one of those "I just had a birthday so that means I'm older and a completely different person now" kind of people. I know most people say that once they reach a certain age they begin to feel "different." Maybe even more grown up?

Perhaps I haven't reached that age yet, or maybe I will never have that kind of "moment" but I can honestly say that twenty-eight feels absolutely no different than twenty-seven did. (Except now I have to tell people that I'm even older than I was yesterday.... but isn't that true for all of us?!).

In fact, twenty-eight feels no different than eighteen felt. Well, aside from the whole being out of highschool and able to buy booze thing.

Momma asked me this morning, "so, how's it feel to be eighteen?" (We all have a running joke in our family that dictates you never say someone's real age while teasing). And I told her, honestly it feels exactly like it did ten years ago.... except now I have to buy bigger jeans and I'm a little more cynical (who even knew that was possible?!!?!).

Side note: Dani did bring me "birthday doughnuts" to work this morning from the Amish bakery and they were the most delicious thing EVER. I had one that was caramel wrapped in cinnamon and powdered sugar.... yeah, you heard me right.

What are my big birthday plans for this year? Well.... absolutely nothing. And I love that. I came to work like it was any old day (because honestly, it is) and will go about my business like nothing is different (again, because it really isn't). Tonight my twenty-eight self will eat the roast that my twenty-seven self was forward thinking enough to put in the crockpot for supper last night. And it will be winter business as usual.... supper, snuggles with Tayder, warm shower, snacks, wine, and Netflix.

Maybe I'll watch a scary movie in honor of my birthday? (Because scary movies are my favorite and I love when my birthday falls on Fridays, because then I can be all "it's Friday the 13th!"). No parties or binge-drinking.... no craziness or recklessness. Just nice and "boring" and calm (and that's just the way I love it).

And that, my friends, is what twenty-eight looks like from over here.

I don't even know how to respond to that, so I'm gonna ignore it for hours.

I'm all for social media and lord knows that I post some random things, but you know what I've never done? I've never sent someone a message on social media and then thought to myself, "you know what would make this message the bomb? a shirtless selfie to accompany it."

I've also never thought it was a good idea to take naked (or half-naked) photos of myself for any reason and then be surprised when people I didn't "intend" to see them actually do see them. (Apparently people are doing that and are then surprised when someone breaks into their phones and shares said photos?)

However, that's not the case with everyone as when I woke up this morning I had a message (via FB Messenger) from a guy that I've known since I was like eight that said, "Soooooo bored" that he just so happened to attach to it a shirtless selfie of him laying on his bed.... and that's apparently his hobby, because that camera angle was just way too weird and deadset to just be a "fluke."

So, I guess my questions is.... is this what we're doing now?

Also, has this ever actually worked and someone just randomly send a shirtless photo back for absolutely no reason other than you received one in the first place?

Actually, you know what, I don't even have a question, because honestly I don't want answers.

Speaking of answers, apparently when someone sends you a shirtless selfie you're supposed to reciprocate? (A friend of mine informed me of this, I was painfully unaware). Which is probably why he didn't think my response of "Get Netflix. It helps boredom." was too funny. Personally, I found it to be hilarious and sage advice.... and that's probably why I'm considered to be sarcastic. Sorry dude, you shouldn't be texting people at almost eleven o'clock on a Thursday night anyways for any reason, let alone so they can see you shirtless.... ESPECIALLY when they didn't ask. (How old did that just make me sound?)

I say I'm spicy.... they say I'm a jerk.... we'll agree to disagree. TGIF, dude.

I get where they're going with it, but ugh, do you really?!!?!

Are people still calling Wednesday "Hump Day"?

You know what, don't answer that.
I'm pretty sure I don't even wanna know.... my faith in humanity is too low at this point.
You know, because people won't quit eating f*cking laundry detergent.

I have an important meeting this afternoon.
Wish me luck, downtown traffic and directions are not my friend.
And yes, I insist on being vague and saying "my meeting" because it makes me feel like a spy.

Also, I have two episodes of Hawaii Five-O left for streaming on Netflix and then I will have completed ALL seven seasons.

Sometimes, it's the little things.

Ten years can seem like either yesterday or an entire lifetime ago.

It's not every day that someone can look at you and ask "where were you on this day exactly ten years ago" and you legitimately remember. Most of us have no clue and if you're like me, I can barely remember what I was doing two days ago, let alone a decade. But, there are those few circumstances that stand out and warrant your memory.

Back in February 2008, my family and I were living in Tennessee. We had only been back for a couple of months and were for the most part adjusting to living in the country again (a small readjustment for myself, as I have always loved living in the country). I was a senior in highschool, scheduled to graduate that May (and I still can't quite believe that was a decade ago), working at the nursing home, thinking about how those were my last days of being seventeen, and enjoying being with all of my friends whom I had loved and missed.

Most of us remember that February ten years ago for an entirely different reason than anything that I just listed, including myself. You see, back then something happened that would go on to be referred to as the "2008 Super Tuesday Tornado Outbreak." Essentially it was a total of eighty-seven tornadoes occurring between the afternoon of February 5th and the early morning of February 6th throughout four states and eighteen counties. Among the damage there were fifty-seven people killed, hundreds injured, and countless lives changed forever.

I remember it like it was yesterday. We all knew there was a bad storm coming, and were doing the usual to prepare ourselves, but didn't think too much of it at first, because we had lived in "Tornado Alley" for the better part of our lives. But, that night changed it.... at the time, the outbreak was the deadliest in the era of modern NEXRAD doppler radar (which came into effect in 1997). And no matter how much everyone thought they were prepared, the truth was, none of us were prepared for any of it in the least little bit.

For over fifteen hours everyone just had to try to tell themselves that if they got through that part, then everything would be ok. The truth was, no one had any clue if everything would be ok or if we would even pull through it. You never really understand the resilience of people until you're standing there with them and neither of you knows what to do, but you just do something.

The beginning of this catastrophic storm started in Arkansas, and once it started it didn't stop. One of the first signs that we knew something major was happening was when a major fire was started, because a natural gas plant was in the path of the tornado and was ripped apart. Luckily, they had evacuated that area and no one was injured inside of the plant.... but you could see those colors against the sky just as clear as day. I'll never forget it. We lived in an apartment at the time (and our apartment was in a holler) and once we heard the giant "BOOM" we all ran outside to figure out what was going on. What was going on was the natural gas plant had been ripped apart and exploded and against the coal black sky all you could see was the prettiest red/pink/orange colors. I know it sounds ridiculous to call it pretty, but it truly was.

It sounds a little dramatic to say that the tornado "leveled half of our county" but it's not being dramatic, it's the truth. There were over one hundred seventy homes completely destroyed, thirteen people lost their lives, and there were almost fifty more seriously injured. Our county felt the effects of that night for years, and at times, still do. Over a million dollars worth of the trees were destroyed, putting a severe hurting on our logging industry that are comprised of mostly family owned businesses that have been operational for generations.

President George W. Bush actually came into our county a couple of days later (on February 8th) to take in the damage for himself and promised that aid was on its way, even though we were doing our best to help each other.

Pieces of our county (debris) were found as far as seventy miles away from where they had been before the storm. We had lost all power and had to pull together to stay warm, eat, and make sure that people got the medical attention that they required. Alot of people didn't have power for a week and they closed our schools for a couple of weeks. They estimated that there was upwards of seventy-eight million dollars worth of damage in our tiny county alone.

Many of my friends were/are on the rescue/fire squad and we all came together and tried to do our part the best we could. Personally, I went with three friends of mine and we delivered generators and cases of water to churches and various buildings that had been converted into makeshift shelters for hours upon hours. It was so cold and everyone tried to collect as many blankets and clothes as we possibly could for everyone. Some of the people that were injured even had to do physically therapy at the nursing home where I worked. Strangers helped one another, people were pulled from rubble, you let others in to share your heat, and food was more like a community gathering for awhile. It's an incredibly sad thing to see, but to know how some people can come together in the face of tragedy is amazing and truly shows you that no matter what, there are decent, good, hardworking people out there willing to lend a hand and help others.

It's been ten years, and sometimes it still feels like it was yesterday.

I don't think I'll ever forget that night. I don't think any of us ever will.

This week has been a year long and I'm so happy it's finally Friday.

After thinking that Wednesday was Thursday and yesterday was Friday, it's finally Friday.
And I don't think people realize how appreciative I am over it.
Because this week has been seventeen years long.

I may or may not have grown a patch of gray hair from this week alone.
This is the second Friday in a row that Dani has brought me doughnuts.
The sickness is still going around, but I think people are starting to feel better?

Did I mention how happy I am that it's Friday and therefore a couple days off?
Because I am and I'm not even sorry about it.

Here's to the weekend. Cheers, y'all.

A poem about me: I hate people, I wish I was drunk (and at home). The end.

Today is Thursday. Did you know that?
I thought yesterday was Thursday ALL DAMN DAY.
So, you can imagine my irritation when I woke up and discovered today wasn't Friday.

Apparently this is the week for sickness (Momma, Bubba, & Dani are all sick).
It's also the week for paying people back.
Not in the "Mafia" way.
In the regular you owe someone something and you're in the position to give it to them way.

It's a nice feeling and takes some of the edge off.
Not all of it, because I have too much anxiety for all that.

I'm on Season06, Episode24 of Hawaii Five-O.
Only two episodes left and then it's on to the final season offered on Netflix.

I still want today to be Friday though.