Let's play a little catchup and see what happens.

I'm having a real hard time with my attention span lately. Sure, I buckle down and manage it while at work, but once that clock dings, I'm out. Quite literally... mentally and physically, I'm in Lalaland.

But, that's ok. Because while I may be a bit of an airhead on the regular, D and I have been in a blissful little bubble. Sure, there are things looming in the background and we're on edge more often than not, but we've been trying to take it easy and be serene.

Personally, my goal for life has always broken down into four things I wanted: calm, happy, peaceful, stable. That's it, all I ever wanted for my life. Most people have big plans and goals and dreams. And maybe it sounds a little sad to most, but I never wanted all of that.

I just wanted a calm and happy life with a little stability. And I wanted to share that life with my best friend. I didn't need bunches of money or a fancy house. I didn't want to be entrapped in drama and I didn't want to have to answer to anyone other than myself.

And that's the life I have. 

We did finally get D's surgery scheduled. His pre-op appointment is on 3/14 and his surgery date is 3/17. We're both happy and nervous to have it finally on the books to be taken care of. We've been keeping his stress down and it seems to be helping quite a bit. His mom wants to fly up and be here for his surgery and I'm sure he would appreciate her being there. Personally, I was just going to sit in the waiting room alone and have a nervous breakdown, but it'll be nice to have company to melt down with.

Ok... probably not melt down. But, it is a nerve inducing situation.

My birthday was this past Monday and D has been spoiling me since last Friday because of it. He said I get a whole week, because I'm special and if I want the whole month or year, I can have that to. He's such an enabler and spoils me rotten. I love it.

Dani also invited us to my company's "gala" event this year. Basically, D and I are going to get all fancy and show up with the other fancy looking people and hang out. It's a formal event, so while D is wearing a suit (one that he looks damn fine in by the way), I have to find an appropriate dress to wear. Just the thought of dress shopping makes me itchy, but this time around D is taking me. He's actually really good at picking out clothes that look good on me and frankly, I could use all the help I can get. Besides, I'm usually in a pair of boxers and an oversized sweatshirt (that belonged to my FIL Dennis), so it'll be nice to let my husband see me all dressed up.

We've also been out on the bike a bit recently. Of course with winter being cold, wet, and all around miserable for most, the rides have been fewer and further between, but we've managed to get a few in here and there. We were gonna ride it when D took me to the Famous Tomato, but we didn't really want to drive on that side of town, so we've been taking random rides with no destination in mind.

Other than that we've mostly just been hanging out at the house with our pups and having chill evenings (and days). And I have to say, I'm into it. Like, this could keep on keeping on and I'd be extremely good with it.

We're on our way to fix it... just give us a couple minutes.

You know my hubby, correct? He's the tall, handsome guy that's always hanging out with me and making me feel like a princess? Well, he's had some health issues recently and we're trying to get a handle on them. 

He was diagnosed as having supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) when he was around twenty-five years old, I think? He's not sure of the exact date, but he remembers that he was in his earlier twenties and it's when he stilled lived in FL. He's managed to live with this since that time with only having "spells" on occasion. He even went the majority of two years without any at all. 

That was until the last three months or so. Since that time his "spells" have gotten worse and they're at the point of being terrifying and debilitating. I mean, constantly feeling like you're about to have a heart attack? That's alot for any person to take on. 

We've taken measures to get this taken care of... went to a primary... twice... and finally got to see a cardiologist on 1/27. Basically, the only option for this is surgery. D kind of knew this going in, because they had told him about the surgery when he was first diagnosed. I asked him why he didn't have it then and he told me that he thought it was something he could learn to live with.

However, the older he gets, the worse they get, and now they're so bad that he honestly just wants to get it taken care of. I guess it's true when they say you realize you're not invincible as you age. 

But dude, when you're twenty and the world starts crashing? You feel like you're ten feet tall and bulletproof. Not so much past thirty. And that's not a bad thing at all, it's just a realistic thing.

Now we wait. Mostly, we're just waiting on the cardiologist office to call me so we can schedule his surgery... I spoke with her the other day and she said she thought it would probably be somewhere in mid-March, but she wasn't 100% sure. 

Until then, we're doing all we can to minimize D's stress. We both agreed that he should take some time off work to relax and destress (a suggestion made by his doctor). Honestly, it's been real nice to have a "house husband" for a little bit. *insert laugh here* He's been doing projects around the house, cleaning, taking care of the pups, running errands. He's basically doing all the things that are stressful when you don't have time to do them, but aren't bad when you don't have a deadline.

It seems to be making a difference. D seems to be able to tell in the fact that he's had less "spells" and the ones he's had he's managed to get himself calmed down and they don't last as long. I can tell it's making a difference, because he just seems to feel better all the way around. Those things take so much strength and energy that when they're over he feels drained. Now if he feels drained he can sit down and relax in our home until he's ok. I know it doesn't seem like it would make all that much difference, but it really has.

So yeah, that's what we're doing. I haven't mentioned it, because it's been scary and we're trying to figure everything out, but that's where we are with it. Waiting until we get my little Gatorbaby into his surgery and until then spending time together, hanging out, doing house projects (he converted our "spare" room into a kind of walk-in closet for me and I'm here for it), playing with our pups, and trying to be as happy as we can possibly be.

Either way, we have each others backs and will take on anything and everything together. Because he's my love, my best friend, and my soulmate, and that's what we do.

If my babies could quit growing up on me, that would be great. 🎉🧡

Our youngest guy turned five today and according to his dad, demanded cake at 7:30 this morning.

Happy Birthday, Sparkles! You may be a big ole mess, but you're my big ole mess and I wouldn't trade your sleepy ass for anything in the world!

I don't think that works how you think that works, sir. *a Netflix ramble*

I'm just going to get it on out there and admit I'm obsessed with the Netflix documentary series... I Am A Killer. I know, I know. I'm one of those people that gets sucked into true crime stories and can't seem to look away from them.

My poor husband is forced (I say forced, but really he loves me and my quirks so eh) to watch hours upon hours of this shit while we lay in bed and I'm on a binger (get it? binger instead of bender! I crack myself up). Luckily for him, it gives him the opportunity to play copious amounts of COD. So really, I'm not sure it's not a win and he says it is so I'm going with it.

We'll (mostly because I) will lay in bed for HOURS upon HOURS with our pups and watch this ridiculousness and just have so many questions.

The point is, I watch this shit all the time. Not only "I Am A Killer" but various other ones too. But I have to say, this one has me hooked. Mostly because I am learning a whole lot of things that I thought I kind of knew, but apparently had absolutely no idea about.

Like, apparently just because you're on death row doesn't mean that you won't get out of prison? Don't get me wrong, I didn't think I had a complete understanding of the death penalty. I don't think I know more about laws than an officer and I'm not on the same level as a lawyer. 

I don't claim to know everything and understand there are some things I have absolutely no clue about and probably never will have a full understanding of.

However, I thought I at least had a basic understanding of the death penalty. I thought once you were sentenced to death row there were only three options for no longer being there:

#1: you pass away while in prison awaiting your execution date

#2: you actually make it to your execution date and they... you know... xxxxx

#3: there's a rare occasion where an appeal comes through and you're re-sentenced

Apparently, those are not the only options and I am an idiot for believing it was. There are so many new laws and loopholes and things that contradict each other that I'm not even sure how law enforcement can keep up with all of it. It's kind of insane.

Speaking of insane, some of these motherf*ckers? BRO. You never really know what's going to happen. You never know if you're going to see reasoning or if this person is just a psychopath with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. 

I'm not going to lie, maybe I'm a fool, but some of these stories are so damn heartbreaking that I feel for everyone involved. And then other ones? I'm like, yeah that dude is a sociopath, definitely keep them contained. Please and thank you.

In all honesty, Netflix documentaries got me on edge and looking over my shoulder 24/7 like there's a cult leader hiding behind my shower curtain or something. Paranoid? YES. Understandable? Also, YES.

Now when you tell people you're thirty-three, it'll be the truth.

I mean… thirty-three years ago (even though you've been telling people you're thirty-three for the last year) today you were brought into this world and I’ve been lucky enough to love you for almost eighteen of them. 

You are the kindest, sweetest, most gentle and amazing human being that I’ve ever met and I’m in awe that I get to do this life with you. Marrying my hype man was definitely a fantastic decision. 

There's not a day that goes by you don't remind me how much you adore me and show me that you love me through it all. You are the pitter to my patter and everything good I have to offer the world is directly tied to you with a pretty little bow.

I never get tired of spending endless amounts of time with you and you truly are my best friend. There's no one on the planet I'm more open, honest, and myself with than you.

Simply put, you're it for me, baby. I'm hopelessly in love with you. I want you to know you can always remember to just say fuck it and move on, because we'll do it together. I've got your back throughout it all and there's nothing going to change that.

This evening is all about lovins, foot rubs, pup snuggles, cuddles, German chocolate cake, and YOU.

Happy Birthday, Gator. I love you more today than yesterday and somehow, even though it seems impossible, I’ll love you more tomorrow... and the day after that... and the day after that.

He may be a tank, but he's my massive little tank.

Happy 6th Birthday to our middle child who gives absolutely zero shits if he steals my pillow and mouth breathes in my face. You may be massive, but you’re still our wittle baby. You give the best cuddles and you're oh so warm. Those cute little faces you make? EPIC. You, your two brothers, and your daddy are my heart. I love you, buddy. You're such a good boy!!

People literally tried to make me throw in the towel on the first day.

Y'all, people didn't even wait until we were a little bit into 2023 before they decided to make me lose all faith in humanity. Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? 

On Sunday, D and I decided to spend the day on his bike. We took a ride out to my aunts house in the morning and by the time we got home, Travis and Mace showed up so we could all ride up to my brothers and hang out together.

We all had a fun day and couldn't wait to get home and spend the last "free" evening before we all had to prepare ourselves to reenter the world of our regular jobs and everyday life. 

We decided to use the GPS on our way, because traffic has been a nightmare with all the construction and holidays, and it took us a route we had never been before. Sure, we've driven that way in our vehicles, but never on the bike. 

About twenty minutes from home, we were driving under a bridge coming up and we had to make a left. There was a man on the left side of the road and when we came up on him it looked like he was waiting for traffic to pass through so he could cross the street. D got into the opposite lane to ensure we wouldn't be close to him and all of the sudden he charged at us full force and tackled us.

I'm not even shitting you, he tackled us while we were driving down the road and sent us into the guardrail/almost the concrete barrier. If that wasn't enough, he proceeded to loop his arm around me and try to yank me off the back. Oh... and he had a knife. You know, in case this wasn't escalating enough to fucking begin with.

Luckily, my fight or flight instinct kicked in and my first reaction was to tighten my legs around Dev as tight as I could and just start punching the dude in the head. I don't know how D managed to keep that bike up and get us away from the man, but he did.

He didn't stop though. He chased after us and then started throwing beer bottles and pieces of concrete cinderblocks at us, Travis, and another dude that just so happened to be passing by on a bike. 

I called the police and of course Dev and Travis made sure that Mace and I were far enough away to be safe and then kept an eye out on our surroundings and where the dude took off to make sure he didn't get away. Once the police showed up I had to tell them what happened (a very short description of events as they were in pursuit immediately) and they caught and arrested the man.

I would be lying if I said this turn of events didn't freak me out a little bit. I feel like I'm usually a pretty strong person and while I have fears, I'm usually pretty good about keeping myself together. However, it's not everyday you get sucker-punched into a motorcycle accident and possibly abducted and/or assaulted. At least, I don't and if this is an everyday occurrence to y'all, please send tips.

I'm jumpy now and more on edge than I'd like to admit. My paranoia has gone up about four notches and honestly... I don't want this to affect me, but I think it is. The whole way home afterwards I couldn't get my legs to stop shaking and when D asked if I was cold I thought it through and said no. I wasn't cold, but I also couldn't stop shaking and I'm smart enough to know that's adrenaline... and possibly shock.

We're all ok. Dev hurt his leg when we went into the railing and we're both extremally sore, but considering the turn of events and how it could've went down, I'd say we're grateful to only be sore. Luckily, Travis, Mace, and the other guy weren't hurt at all. 

And while I am thankful that we're all ok and the man was arrested (thank you, nice policemen that showed up and helped even though I know I was on edge and freaking out some), I honestly just want to know what the fuck is wrong with people.

I mean, what possesses someone to tackle a person they've never met and try to assault them with a weapon for absolutely no reason at all? And I know this happens all the time and we should all be more prepared, because people just keep proving that they're the worst, but... COME ON, DUDE.

Is this really where we're at?

The only people in my family that know are my brother and Dani. The only people in D's family that know are Travis (and Mace) and his dad. We didn't want to tell alot of people, because then all they'll do is worry and freak out and honestly, I feel like my mental health is hanging on by a loose thread, so maybe let's not deal with all that right now.

Dani said she probably wouldn't ever get back on a bike again. I can't say I blame her and I would be lying if I said that thought hadn't crossed my mind at first. But you know what? I enjoy riding with my husband and spending that time together and I'll be damned if I let some asshole with an anger issue and a small dick complex ruin that for us. People aren't going to stop being horrible and doing what they do, so we all have to find a way to keep living our lives all the same.

It's shitty, but it's accurate.

Instead, I have to say I'm thankful for my husband for making me feel safe when that was the last thing I thought I would feel again. For protecting me and loving me. I'm thankful for our cousins that were with us that stood by our side and had our backs. I'm thankful for the stranger who stopped to help even though it put himself in danger. And I'm thankful for emergency personnel (from the amazing dispatcher on the phone to the patrolmen that showed up). This was an incredibly shitty moment and feeling, but we're ok. We're together and safe.

And at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

Time isn't real and 2023 is creeping like a three-part Netflix documentary.

I've essentially felt like I've been in a time warp since the Friday before Christmas... so... December 23rd?! I've basically just decided that between that time and this coming Monday (ie: the day after the first of the year and my final day of the last three day weekend I'll have for awhile) time means nothing and we're pretending to live in a calm and serene bubble. 

Worrying about what will be and what is and what's going to sounds like a fucking 2023 Katie problem and I stand behind that reasoning. Sure, I'm doing all the things required of my adult life (work... ok, I'm just going to work, that's all), but I've decided I like having a carefree and oohsah attitude, so I think I want to keep it moving forward.

And in the spirit of keeping with that trend, I'm going to tell you a random story. Fact? Statement? Whatever.

I should probably start this out by saying D and I fell asleep at like eight thirty last night, but I was awake by eleven thirty, got up, took a shower, did dishes, and proceeded to not sleep for the next... until my alarm went off this morning, D also tossed and turned all night (when one of us can't sleep the other can feel it... or something). By the time my alarm went off I was reading a book on my Kindle and D rolled over and we proceeded to watch Tiktok videos together until well after six.

Once we rolled out of bed and I did the bare minimum to make myself presentable for the human population... we proceeded to stand in our kitchen talking while I made my coffee and he essentially made me feel better about having to deal with people that aren't him or our pups today.

Before I tell you what D said and how I laughed and knew it was beyond accurate, I feel like there needs to be a little context for you to understand this. I believe that our relationship is so loving and fun, because we're the best of friends along with being together. And I know people say their significant other is their best friend all the time, but when I say it, I legitimately mean it. He truly is my best friend and I could spend 25/8 with him and be perfectly fine with it. Unhealthy and codependent? Absolutely. Do I give a shit? Not even one.

With this level of friendship also comes our constant honesty. Neither one of us are under the impression that we're perfect. We both have our faults and where one slacks the other picks it up. It's not a problem for us, because all the things I hate doing he does and all the things he hates I don't mind doing. Sure, we like to tease each other about it, but neither of us truly care to do it for the other. We know our strengths and weaknesses and love each other for them. How boring would it be if everybody did the same things all the time without fail? Ugh.

So... while D has been home alone with the pups all day, he's been cleaning and organizing and basically doing all of the things we've been talking about needing done around the house that we just keep putting off.

Why do we keep putting them off? Well... because they're all things that are not "difficult" projects but are "time consuming" projects. Which means we can't really do them after work... because my anxiety will not allow me to shut off my brain until a project is completed once it's been started... but would default to weekend projects. Honestly, once the weekend rolls around we want to spend time together doing fun things or resting from the hard ass week not do adult projects that make me want to pull my perfectly ridiculous hair out.

And yes, we both realize that every other person on the planet has to figure this shit out and make it work, but D and I have a very unique approach to our lives and the way we live them... another million explanations for a million other days.

Back to the point. So, D has been doing all these projects by starting them first thing in the morning and having them done by the time I'm home from work in the afternoons. Which means I get to see all the amazing results and the vision we've talked about a million times come to life, but I don't actually have to see or participate in the anxiety inducing clusterfuck of it all. If I'm being honest (which I often am... sometimes to a fault) I love that shit, dude. It has been the best and now all I can think about are the fun things I get to do, because all the boring shit is out of the way.

The garage? Taken care of. Apparently Trav is coming by this morning (that boy will show up at four o'clock this afternoon and pretend it's nine in the morning *cry laughter*) to help D load up and haul off all the stuff we know for a fact is garbage. Then all that will be left is going through the boxes and sorting through what we keep, what goes to my brother, what goes to other family members, and what gets thrown out. I know it sounds daunting (because it is), but some of this stuff I've been moving around with me my entire life and I've been avoiding it all for going on four years. I think it's time I stop avoiding and start dealing with the last piece I haven't started dealing with yet.

The kitchen? Amazing. That's all I have to say about it and he's not even done yet. He rearranged our shelving and reorganized the entire system... got rid of some things and revamped the rest. He's got our bottom shelves left and then it will all be done. All I'll have to think about is how I want to paint our cabinets when the time comes. *swoon*

In fact, he's done so much around the house and in general lately that I kind of just want to jump his bones all the time, because that shit is sexy without even meaning to be sexy. You know what I mean? Maybe I'm just reading too much smut on Kindle.

Anyways... while we were talking this morning we were discussing the things that are done and the next things he's going to start on (quite literally the only man on the planet I know that requested a "honey-do" list) and he said, 

"I know you don't really like change... especially when you have to deal with it... but I was hoping that with me doing it all you would like it."

Bro, write that on my fucking tombstone. If that isn't the most accurate description of my personality I don't know what is. I immediately started laughing which in turn made him start laughing and next thing I know I just felt good. He has that way. I don't know what he does or how he does it, but somehow and someway he just makes me feel... good. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

Because it's the truth. I love absolutely everything he's done to the house/garage. It's incredible and so fun and cozy and basically a dream come true. It's both of our eclectic personalities coiled into one tiny little space and I am HERE FOR IT. 

But just the thought of doing it all had me nervous twitching like a tweaker. And he knew that. He knew that I would eventually do it, but as soon as I started it I was going to get overwhelmed and in my own head about it. The man just knows me too well. So... he did it. He did all the things that could be done without me directly being there and he'll help me with all the rest moving forward. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of support and love that I want to continue throughout not only the new year, but our lives together. 

I'm not perfect. So far from it I can't even see it as a blip in my rearview... and he not only knows that but accepts it and loves me for it. We love that we both acknowledge that we're human and we don't expect perfection out of each other. We only need and want love and understanding. We want to be together and live our lives our own way.

So yeah... I've been in a time warp for a week now... but I know once life catches back up and the anxiety and dauntingness that is the everyday starts creeping in that my husband will have my back and we'll keep doing it together. Because we truly are a pair now. You get one, you best be ready for the other, because we don't really like to do anything without the other.

Again, codependent? More than accurate. Do we care? Behold the field in which we grow our fucks... and see that it is barren.

It was a regular ole scene from Mad Max out there.

Y'all, it is frigid ass cold out here in these parts and my hubby and I are battering down for the count!

With the temperature being a "scorching" -10° and the wind velocity increasing by the minute and essentially making it feel as if it's -32° you could say that shit is getting a bit serious. There's snow and ice everywhere and quite honestly, I just want to wear sweatpants and thermal socks and not leave our house for the next... oh, I don't know... six months? Give or take... dependent upon our will towards the end.

D drove me into work this morning, because the roads (and weather in general) were questionable and if I'm being 100% real with you guys, it did not hurt my feelings at all to be chauffeured around in this ridiculousness.

We decided the highway was probably a better choice since it was so early and no roads had been cleared, but it didn't really matter, because they hadn't done anything for the highway either. Basically, D and I took the ice/snow covered highway with no way to see the lines and we hauled ass and were all over the place.

Why? Because it's not everyday you get to reenact a scene from Fury Road with your ride or die quite literally right next to you. We couldn't help ourselves. It had to be done. NO REGRETS.

Also, I totally ignored the fact that I'm the one who essentially taught my husband how to drive in snow and ice, because now that he knows how to deal with it, he feels the need to take care of me that way. And I'm not arguing, because I love that shit.

We finished all the errands we had and all the holiday shit is done (I think?), so if anybody needs us we will quite literally be hunkered down in our house with each other and our pups enjoying this holiday weekend and trying to stay at least lukewarm. 

Wish us luck and stay safe and warm out there, folks! Merry Christmas!!

I always say my husband wears his heart on his sleeve... now I do as well.

A reenactment of 7:00am. (Aka, my husband is the sweetest and best to me without even realizing it).

Looks everywhere for my glasses because apparently Velma is my blind ass spirit animal and I need coffee… finds them on hubby’s bedside table and realizes that I passed out with them on last night and he took them off so they wouldn’t get jacked up… visibly awes and tears up because that shit is sweet without him even meaning to be and I apparently have emotions in the early waking hours… debates on whether to wake him up smothered in kisses but thinks better of it because he’s the best man on the planet to me, but even I ain’t trying to wake up one of my MIL’s kids.

We do this to ourselves every year... because gluttons for punishment... or something along those lines.

Can we all take a moment to come to terms with how woefully unprepared I am for the upcoming holiday? Ie: CHRISTMAS. I'm not the only person on this struggle bus, right? I have a hard time believing that everyone has all of their Christmas shopping, baking, wrapping, and planning accomplished. 

I mean... it's only the 12th, so I still have plenty of time to accomplish all of our goals and not lose my hair in the process, right?

Guuuuuyyyyyyysssssss..... RIGHT?!!?!

The majority of everything we needed to "get" was accomplished this past weekend after a trip to Costco, a trip to Kroger, and a full Saturday evening (ok, not full because it was only like 45 minutes right before we went to sleep, but still!) spent perusing and ordering gifts from Amazon. 

Now I only have to get a gift for... Greg... and Gabriel... and Travis... and Danielle. Plus, we still have to make all of our "treats" and get those packaged and divided up. 

There still isn't a Christmas tree in our house. I got one out the weekend before last, hated it and put it back away. D and I tried to find our small one that we like, but we found literally every single tree except the one we were looking for. At this point, I really want to get a tree out for D, but I also don't want to deal with it at all.

Also, once I get that dump run I want to do accomplished we will no longer have like six Christmas trees. Another story for another day. 

Adding to that, I have no idea what we're doing in the way of Christmas dinner or celebration. I'm assuming it will be me + D + our pups as usual, but we haven't really talked about it and I don't necessarily want to bring it up even though I need to. 

Eh, potato tomato.

WAIT!! I do know what we're having for Christmas dinner. We got a small ham this weekend! So... we're doing ham, mashed taters, green beans, and rolls. Check that off the list!

As far as celebrating goes, we'll probably do presents in the morning, dinner in the afternoon, and dependent upon the weather, perhaps D will take me for a bike ride. Then maybe we can spend the rest of the day together riding the bike, playing chess, working on puzzles, hanging out with each other and our pups, and just enjoying the day.

Before that happens though, we need to get all the rest of this stuff done. (We started on jerky last night). This week will probably be full of treat making in the evening, because we would like to get this shit done and shipped... at least to his family. We have a couple extra days to get mine done.

At least I get to do all of this with my hubby by my side. I like that we enjoy different hobbies/interests together and enjoy spending so much time together. He truly is my best friend and I believe that this time of year would be extremely hard without him by my side. Actually, all times of the year. He's simply my comfort.

With this ever-growing list of goals that need conquered at least I got our Christmas cards printed and mailed out. Even though they weren't how I wanted them to be. I finally got to the point where I was annoyed with myself and was like just do it! They're not my favorite, but I do like them either way.

If you need me, I'll be elbow deep in flour and jerky seasonings. Merry Christmas!

This is random and means nothing to you, but it's hilarious to me.

The other day, hubby and I were talking about something... I can't even remember what... geez, how old am I getting? Either way, we were talking about something and you ever have one of those moments where you're like that doesn't mean what I think it means does it? 

Well... one of those moments was had and it cracked me up more than it probably should've.

D: "TITS FOR TOTS!"
Me: "..... ??? ..... ???"
D: "wait.... no.... that's not what I meant... ?? ... buuuu...."
Me: "......tit for tat?"
D: "TIT FOR TAT! THAT'S IT! That's what I meant! See... you got me! Soulmates."

And that ladies and gentlemen, is one out of the five bajillion reasons why I love this man. There's never a dull moment, he makes me laugh, and keeps me on my toes!

The holiday season is here and we're cold. Also, breakfast.

I don't want to be one of "those people" but have y'all felt the temperature outside lately? Holy fucking shit, it's subzero. Ok... maybe that's being a little bit dramatic, BUT it feels ridiculous to me. And also, I am dramatic. So... there's that.

This is the first year that Winter has ever bothered me. Usually I love and welcome it with open arms. Cuddly days and sweatpants? Hell yes. And I have to say, if I didn't have to be an adult and go out into the world... if I could just enjoy Winter from my house... I think I would still love it as much as what I always have.

However, 6:00am Katie feels very different about the weather considering she's dealing with the frigidness in the pitch black. I'm already over having freezing fingers and having to warm my car up. And it's only been a couple of weeks. D was over it before it even began and honestly, I get it.

But... we're not gonna let this get us down. Why? Because we're fucking tough, that's why... also, we don't really have a choice considering if we want to live our everyday lives we have to deal with it.

Tomato, potato.

Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow and what are our big plans? Well, in true us fashion, D and I will be at our house celebrating with our pups and I'm going to cook us a big brunch situation. The first couple of years I did a turkey, last year I did a roast, but this year we decided to go all out on breakfast foods. 

I know it's not traditional or anything like that, but why can't it be our new tradition?

That's how traditions are made, right? Somebody just thought of something one day and ran with it? If not, then I'm breaking tradition again and doing it anyways. I was going to cook a big dinner like always, but I somehow came up with the idea of a "brunch" situation (I think maybe I seen it on one of those random Netflix shows or my little buzzed ass was Tiktoking or something?)

Either way, I mentioned it as a possibly and D informed his mom Saturday on the phone that's what we were doing when she asked, so I'm assuming that's the go ahead on this plan? 

I'm not gonna lie, I'm actually really excited about it. D isn't a huge breakfast person, and doesn't even like biscuits and gravy (I KNOW and I was unaware of it until after we were married for over a year), so I don't usually cook breakfast foods. Which is insane, because it's my favorite. Sure, we'll have pancakes for dinner or something on occasion, or we might stop at Pana and pick up some donuts, but mostly we just don't have breakfast.

This time though? Y'all better be prepared because I am going all out. If I only get a giant breakfast spread once a damn year you best believe it's going to have EVERYTHING. Ok... maybe not everything. But, it will have all the shit we like.

And honestly, isn't that and being with people you love the most in the world the whole point of the holidays? Hence spending all of mine with D and our babies. 

Also, not for nothing, but this past weekend D and I got some winter gear and I officially have to wear three layers of clothing everywhere except in our house. Therefore, when my four day weekend gets here (starting after work tomorrow), I probably won't be seen out of the house much. Unless I'm on the back of D's bike.

Another story for another day. 

A little catchup on life in general and the daily struggles of mental health.

Life has been... I would like to say good, because it really does feel that way, but I also don't want to jinx myself or anyone around me either. I'm not sure what it is, but life has had a kind of calm around it lately. Things are very go with the flow and I find myself reflecting on memories or thoughts in a peaceful kind of way.

Don't get me wrong, there's every day normal stress... daily personal problems, work, health, financial. But, life in general has felt a bit serene. I find myself on edge less and it takes more than usual to make me panic.

Perhaps it has something to do with my surroundings... D and I finally managed to get our house and yard cleaned up. Don't get me wrong, more could definitely be done, but for the most part it's clean and doesn't look like a swarm of crackheads came through and had a field day. It actually looks like normal people live there... well, mostly normal people.

I don't think anyone would accuse us of being too normal. Or, normal at all really now that I think about it.

Also, I find "normal" to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I'm not sure who decided what was appropriate and what wasn't, but the fact that we live our lives how we see fit and let ourselves be happy is good enough for me. I don't really care if other people don't find my way of life to be acceptable.

But yes, our house being clean was like a giant weight lifted off my shoulders. It may sound insane, but I had so much anxiety that constantly ate at me when our house was a mess. 

And yet, I couldn't find any motivation to do anything about it. It was a real Catch-22 situation. I didn't like it a mess, but couldn't find the effort to do anything about it. Ironic, huh? It literally took me four hours to scrub our shower down.

FOUR. And don't get me wrong, it probably didn't need that thorough of a cleaning (yes, it did) and I could've probably stopped long before I did (no, it definitely needed all of the attention it got and probably then some), but it looks so much better now... and I feel so much damn better about it. 

I've talked about not cleaning or maintaining a house like Momma used to... I'm just not that person. I've thought about it, accepted it, and moved on. However, there are some things that are forever ingrained in my brain and while I may not keep house like her, I do still like to keep house. Or yet, I like having a kept house. It doesn't have to be perfect or immaculate, but it does have to be comfortable 

And I do like cleaning house... mostly. I find it comforting to toodle around mopping or cleaning... making sure laundry is caught up. Once everything is cleaned, the windows are open, and the candles/incense are lit, I'm at my most calm. Remember when I said I sometimes wake up early in the morning and stand in my kitchen with nothing but silence and coffee and contemplate the day ahead or my life in general? Well, it's even more peaceful surrounded by cleanliness and comfort items.

D did the entire back yard by himself and I am entirely impressed. He hacked down all the crazy tomato plants and vines that had taken over and put everything back in its rightful place. Even our firepit is standing at the ready to take out all the hang around stuff that shouldn't be there. He blew off the sidewalk and the pups are so damn thrilled. Spart and Xur love to run around and play in the openness and even little Tayderbug appreciates not having to scour the jungle looking for a place to pee.

We've been meaning to do this for quite some time, but always lacked the motivation to do so. I always joked with D that something like his mom coming to visit would have to happen before it actually got done. I mean, something would have to kick us in our asses to get the ball rolling, right? Well, something did apparently.

D's cousin, Travis, is staying with us for a bit. I love the guy like he's a little cousin or brother so when D said he needed a place to crash and asked if he could stay with us, I didn't mind at all. In the span of one day he... lost his job, house, fiancé and dog. Honestly, I'm just glad the guy has a newer truck, because I had a feeling it was going to be turning real 90s country love ballad soon. He started staying with us last Thursday (? I think it was Thursday) and it's been going real good. We don't mind having the company and we've seemed to find a somewhat routine with each other for now. D and I have a very calm and "hippie-esque" vibe about our lives and that's how we live it... and he seems to be ok with that and fit into it nicely. We all go about our own business, but also co-exist and hang out.

With that said, that's the motivation we needed. Trav is currently crashing in our spare room, so we rearranged to fit his stuff, but that also kickstarted our cleaning weekend. And honestly, I'm glad it did, because I love our house even more now. 

Other than that, we've just been relaxing and trying not to get too stressed about anything. D's been taking me for rides on his bike (and got me all decked out in gear-helmet, gloves, jacket) and it's something that we both have fun doing together. Between that and the random fishing trips we've been taking down at the river, life has just been... nice.

Cleaning, cooking, reading, relaxing... I know it all sounds ridiculous and you're wondering how any of that could possibly make me happy, but it does. Because I feel like me and I feel happy and I feel peaceful. I have an amazing, loving, caring, compassionate, adoring husband and three of the most adorable and loving pups that were ever put on this planet.

Sure, I have everyday stress and worries, we all do. I struggle with my mental health on a daily basis and there are times I feel so overwhelmed I don't know which way is up. I have moments or thoughts that are sad or unsettling, but I also have wonderful moments full of laughter and light. 

Things aren't perfect, they rarely ever are, but if this is the feeling I have for the rest of my life, I'll take it. Because while it may not be someone else's perfect, it feels pretty damn great to me.

“It’s not the length of time we knew someone that makes them so special. It’s what they brought into our lives.” –Sandra Kring

This past week (10/12-10/18), D and I made a trip to Florida to help out with and attend my FIL's (Dennis) Celebration of Life. The week was full of tears, laughs, love, understanding, questioning, and acceptance. 

Dennis was an amazing guy. The kind of man that didn't show up out of the blue too often. He was as firm as he was caring and once he had his mind set there was no turning him back. He stood true to his convictions and never faltered when it came to understanding and loving his family.

I've never met a man in all my life that was as stubborn and accepting as him. I know that makes absolutely no sense, but that's really the only way to describe him. When he had a thought or belief he held true to that but he was also able to see other peoples sides and accept that. Didn't mean he changed his mind or agreed with you at all. In fact, he'd argue with you until he was blue in the face and you were so exasperated you wanted to jump off a bridge. However, he was able to accept that people were going to live their lives how they saw fit and there was nothing he could do except offer advice, knowledge, and love.

And trust me when I tell you the man had more love to offer than any of us knew what to do with. 

I was very fortunate when I married D. I had heard horror stories my entire life about people and their in-laws never getting along. Some of the things people would tell me sounded completely unbelievable.

I knew I would never have issue with my MIL, because I love the woman like a second mother. I've known her since I was fifteen years old and she has always treated me as one of her own. Momma and her were good friends and I feel a peace and calm surrounded by love when I'm around her. No one could ever replace Momma in my mind or heart, but she has a way of showing me motherly love without trying to take the place of. She's honestly just amazing like that. 

However, when we got together I had only met his dad once (briefly when we were teens) and had never met his stepdad. I was nervous... but I didn't need to be. I have a unique relationship with each of his parents. Not unique in a bad way, but actually, quite the opposite. I'm completely comfortable and myself around them all the time. I never feel the need to hide myself or have fear that I'll say the wrong thing. His family has always just accepted who I am as a person and we've rolled with it. 

That was never more true than with Dennis. His big personality sucked you right in and he was your friend before you even knew what hit you. While expecting not to have much of a relationship with either of my FIL's, I found myself pleasantly surprised to realize that they weren't just "in-laws" they were family. My family. 

And my family is devastated over this loss.

It may sound cliché, but this is a loss that not only had we never seen coming, but also completely annihilated us. It rocked everyone of us to our core and we all feel it. No one more so than his wife and children. Because D and his siblings were never "stepchildren" to Dennis. He treated, thought of, and loved them like they were his own. And he did the same with all of us that happened to marry his children. 

My MIL lost her husband, best friend and love of her life and we all lost a father.

This past week was about celebrating his life and starting to heal as a family. People came from all over the country to say their goodbyes or share their memories and to say that our family is humbled by the outpouring of love and support that has been shown to us throughout this time, would be an understatement.

It's been hard and it's going to continue to be hard. Learning that this is your new normal after such a big loss is an overwhelming feeling. But we'll continue to go on together, and I know he'll always be hanging around watching out for us and rolling his eyes at the fact that us "kids" can't seem to keep our shit together.

We miss you, Papi. We love and adore the shit out of you and there's a giant hole in our lives now that you're no longer here. We'll continue to take care of each other and we'll keep a special eye on your honey bunny. Thank you for being the dad we all needed when we didn't even know it.

P.s... I know when we were talking to Trish on the porch this last week the only thing you could do was throw up your hands and holler "YOU KIDS ARE KILLING ME!" But, we tease out of love.

Two years with my forever Gatorbaby. ❤️🧡

It sometimes blows my mind that I've been married for two years. I tell my husband constantly that our lives together feel like forever and right now all at once. We've known each other since we were fifteen years old, but somehow, it also feels like things are brand new.

I wouldn't even know where to begin with describing the level of love and adoration I hold for that 6'3 man of mine. He's as loving as he is thoughtful and as caring as he is kind. When the man hugs me I honestly feel safe and like everything is going to be ok. He is my peace and my calm. My best friend and partner in crime. 

We do nothing without each other and when someone tells me I can't have only my husband as my bestie, I tell them to piss off. 

We get bigger together, smaller together, hell, we even get matching pimples. My BIL likes to say we're so damn adorable with each other that it's damn near disgusting. And I love that. I love that when people think of us they think of us as how we are with each other.

He's my comfort and my love. Basically, he's everything good that I have to offer the world. 

Happy Anniversary, my love. We may not be spending it like we thought we might (when do our plans ever really work out?), and we may be in a different state, but as long as I'm with you, I know we got this. You're my rock, my calm, my happiness, and the love of my life.

Here's to two and many more.

P.s... I'm gonna try to talk you into watching a scary movie and giving me some cuddles as soon as the first opportunity presents itself. You just don't know it yet. Actually, you probably do, because you know me well.

I know it died out in 1353 but... I don't know. It's shady is all I'm saying.

Dude, you would not believe the damn weekend that D and I had. 

By the time he got home from work on Friday he was so damn sick he could barely stand and had a 102° temperature. By the time I got home (about an hour after him) he was showered and in the bed curled up. I took his temp and immediately went to the store to get drinks and meds. The poor guy was miserable and I felt terrible for him. He hardly ever gets sick, so when he does, he's usually down for the count.

...Cut to Saturday evening and I started feeling like shit... followed by waking up at one o'clock in the morning thinking this is the end and having a 101.8° temp. Between the two of us we had every ill symptom you could think of... cold sweats, fever, shivers, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, body aches, fatigue. I'll tell you one thing, this flu was not fucking around but we sure as shit found out. I thought I was going to have to at least get D in the doctor at a couple points.

We mostly just stayed in bed all day Saturday and Sunday watching movies and taking meds, because we didn't have the strength to do anything else. Our pups sure loved being able to hold us down and make sure we couldn't go anywhere though. We watched some movie about the Black Plague and honestly, I thought way too long about the fact that may be what we had. I blame NyQuil.

D had to call out of work this morning, because his fever still hadn't broke completely. I managed to come into work, but I sure as shit can tell I'm running on fumes. We're both feeling better(ish), but we're drained and so damn sore.

Oh, and did I mention we're supposed to leave tomorrow evening to head down to FL so we can spend time with my MIL and help out with my FIL's Celebration of Life?

Essentially, nothing we had planned in order to prepare for our trip got accomplished. And our house is a disaster. Kind of smells like sickness in there too. I have to wash everything and Lysol/bleach the rest. I'll get to it... maybe. If I can find the strength. In other words, this all should be very interesting.

And a picture of Tayder... just because (and yes, he has a bald spot on his butt... mind your own business).

Two things that deserve their own thing but nope.

Two things happened recently that I never had the chance to mention, but felt the need to share something right quick.

#1: My little baby Solae got married. Well, she got married a couple months ago, but they had a wedding. All the pictures that were taken were by their photographer and my brother took one of me and my SIL. Other than that, I got nothing. 

#2: D and I took a road trip with his cousin, Travis, to visit his mom up on the Ohio/Michigan border. It was about a 3.5 hour drive (one way) and it was real nice. I had never been that far North, so it was new to me and I have to say, we all had fun.

That's it, that's all I got. I want to tell people more about both things, but honestly, I don't have the energy right now, so instead, I offer two pictures in the place of words.

Happy Birthday, Momma. ❤️