Friday, November 29, 2024

The bathroom art on Thanksgiving was giving *chef's kiss*

Holidays are usually weird for us. The majority of Dev's family lives in Florida and the majority of mine have their own things to deal with. It's usually just our little family at the house, having a good time come holiday time... but sometimes we venture out and pretend that we're normal folks doing normal folk things.

Usually with Mavis. And this year was no exception. Mace's mom and stepdad moved this year and they all invited us over to spend Thanksgiving with them. We had a good time. We all ate, hung out, rode go-karts, and just enjoyed the day.

But the highlight? The wall art on Mace's moms bathroom walls.


Thursday, November 28, 2024

I was such a little cutie. What happened? I don't know.

When I was little, one of my all time favorite people was my uncle, Steve. In my eyes, he was a big ole hero. A marine in his youth and husband and father with age... a wonderful family member in general. He lived a hard life... he had demons... but you would never know that if you were a little girl looking up to him.

He's also the uncle that convinced me I was going to turn into a chicken when I got the chicken pox and that the hillbillies were gonna steal my teeth while I was growing up in the hollar. What? It might have freaked me out as a kid, but I can completely confirm that as an adult, that shit is hilarious.

My Uncle Steve had four kids, my cousins: Tanya, Laura, Heather, and Steve. (Jr). Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend alot of time with them growing up, so we're not particularly close, but we do still love each other and talk when the opportunity presents itself. And today, my cousin, Heather reached out via Facebook just to send me a photo she came across.

Because Uncle Steve was the best, I was adorable, and it's the holidays. Merry Christmas!!

Friday, November 22, 2024

We just said f*ck it and did what we wanted. *it feels so sexy*

So... remember the whole hoping to get another year or two out of Doug Judy before we traded in? Well... that wasn't in the cards. Mostly, because every time either of us hold cards someone walks by and sets the f*cking deck on fire.

I digress. We've been having issues with DJ for awhile now.

First the brakes (yes, I know everyone has to change their brakes but this was an exception as it wasn't time!)... next was the throttle body... then the transmission started it's shit. And that's not even counting all the tires we've had to replace this year (f*cking six!) and have fixed (too many to count). It was one thing after another and nickel/diming us to death.

It was stressful and draining and needed to be addressed. But like... alot has been going on recently! We lost our Xur-Xur and our water heater went out... again... and we had it fixed... again... and then it went out... again... so we had to have it replaced completely... AGAIN. This is the third water heater in seven years and to say we got every warranty you could think of this time around is NO joke.

Anyways... so Wednesday we were supposed to have a winter storm come through. It was supposed to hit late in the evening and be the first "real" winter weather we've dealt with this year. I was scared to take DJ out into the winter weather with it acting crazy, but what choice was there? None. 

Except... my hubby was having none of it and finally was like, we have to bite this bullet and get you a better car. We'd been looking for weeks and decided on a few different things, so he picked me up when I got off work and away to Ford we went!

Why Ford? Because Ford has Broncos. And right after we got engaged, Dev had asked me what my dream car was and I let him know in no uncertain terms that I had for my entire life wanted a Bronco. Don't know why, that's always just been it for me. He told me, "one day, baby!" because you know, expensive, and then I promptly forgot about the conversation because it was like five or six years ago and who remembers shit like that?

My husband does. So when the opportunity for a new car came our way... and we were kind of financially on board with it... he was like, perfect time, sweetheart!

We literally walked into Ford and I was like, "ok... this is what I have" *insert questionable credit debt, a small down payment, and negative equity from DJ here*... "this is what I want" *insert Bronco*... and "this is what I'm willing to concede on and what I'm not." And then we played Find A Car.

Hilariously enough, the first (and only) Bronco we looked at was the one we got. Mostly because when I drove I fell in love... but also because it was between two (same Bronco- different color) and mine already had the tow package installed.

I always said I couldn't justify an $800 car payment... then we absolutely had to have a new car because ours wasn't going to make us through the winter... I drove a Bronco... the finance lady slid the paper across her desk to me... I almost had a stroke when I seen the payments... contemplated jumping through the window so I could hightail it out of there... made eye contact with my husband... watched the defeat on his face because he just knew I wasn't about to have that... sat there for a second... and decided to pull a wild card. Because f*ck it.

And that's how I justified our not $800 but not too far from it car payment.

For the record, if you don't have to, I wouldn't recommend car purchase in your near future, because that shit is expensive. But this Bronco, though?

Yeah, I recommend that shit. Because it is INCREDIBLE. Dude, I'm so in love with this car. I've never been one of those people that was super into cars. Essentially, if it got me from point A to point B, I didn't give a shit about the rest. But this one? 

Oh, this one. Yeah... this bitch will make you fall in love. At least, it did us.

I've never had a brand new car before. I've always bought used and hoped for the best. Dev was so pumped that we got to buy my very first brand new car together. So, we're happy about it for multiple reasons. It's exciting. 

Y'all meet... TRUDY. Trudy Judy.

Because even though Doug couldn't stay, we still have mad love for him. Trudy just happens to be his buffed up sister. It's got essentially everything we wanted and the rest will be done over time. Because we plan on driving this motherf*cker until the wheels fall off! I tell you what, trading a FWD for a 4X4 in Indiana winter is where it's at. There ain't no going back! Not to mention, it's got the perfect setup for our babies and roadtripping.

And that's how we became a Bronco family. Because my husband is the best, our luck is the worst, and we just take the hits as they come and brace for impact... but like... at least we do it together!

Friday, November 15, 2024

Life for the Glisson clan as a four person crew.

Things without the Xur-Xur are hard. It's sad and frustrating and waking up looking for your comfort pup only to discover all over again that he isn't there to snuggle you is devastating. 

When I lost Tayder, a piece of me went with him. But... I got to spend so many good years with him that every single one felt like a little extra. While Dev already had Xur when we got together, he was only a year old... still a pup... and I got to be his mama for the next six years. Six years... our baby was only seven. Just doesn't seem fair.

I brought our boy home with me today. And while we're still incredibly sad, it did true-up a piece of us that was missing. I don't know what it is, but having him home in one way or another was helpful.

We're trying. And we'll be ok... it's just hard. It's all those little moments and times that you miss when you can't have them anymore. I miss my early morning coffee buddy. Just huffing and puffing but otherwise quiet, content to just following me around and staying close... maybe getting a few kisses and some neck scratches.

So yeah, we still miss him and we're still sad... Sparkles misses his brother something fierce... Steve looked everywhere... and me and Dev are trying. Our family looks different, but we're still our family. We just carry a few we love in a different way now.

Tuesday, November 12, 2024

It feels hollow and cold... there's just a massive piece missing.💔

The last four days have been... debilitating. I can think of no other word that encompasses the feeling of this. It's sad and I feel cold... down to my bones and throughout my entire body. There's a hollow feeling in my chest and three out of four times when I open my mouth to speak... tears.


We had to say goodbye to our baby, Xur-Xur. 

My big, strong, cuddly grizzly bear got too sick too fast and there was nothing we could do. Literally... nothing. We tried... I begged... BEGGED the vet to give me any other option to where my baby could have a good life and we could keep him. But... there was nothing.

It all started with that hip... when he originally hurt it we made him take it easy and we iced. It seemed to be getting better... slowly but surely... and then he hurt it again. So... we started over with the rest and the ice and again... it started doing better. But then, last week it reverted and kept getting worse instead of better. So... Thursday we loaded our baby up and took him to the doctor.

We had no clue what they were going to tell us. We assumed he would be loaded up on meds... have to have physical therapy... maybe even surgery. Our "worst case scenario" was an amputation or something, because again, we had no clue what was going on. But, he was in constant pain and getting around was terrible for him... so... doctor.

But the news we got... what the fuck? Our baby wasn't just hurt. Our baby had advanced and aggressive osteosarcoma that had already metastasized to his lungs. Our vet pulled up the xrays and my baby was lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. I went through all the options... everything... trying to find some route that let Xur stay with us, but make sure he could have a good quality of life as well. 

And then that vet had to essentially look me in my eyes and tell me there was absolutely nothing we could do for him that wouldn't make him feel a thousand times worse than he already did. Once we came to that fork in the road and we knew there was no "saving" or "improving" we asked how long we would have with him. And if shit wasn't bad enough, he again had to look me in the eyes and tell me they could give me enough meds to keep him "comfy" so we could "have the weekend" but extending it past that would be... well... not recommended.

With that devastating news... we loaded our baby in the car and brought him home and spent Thursday night through Monday morning together. We did everything we possibly could to make him comfy, shower him with affection and love, and just try to make him see how much we love him. He ate all the foods he usually doesn't get (and was a big fan of bacon), got as many cuddles as we could give (you know, the kind we could give because we had to be careful not to hurt him). He had visitors and even his Gma flew up from Florida on Sunday evening so he could spend some time with her.

By the time we were supposed to take him in on Monday, it was very clear to us why they said not to extend any longer. In a matter of three days our baby had lost even more weight (he had already lost a ridiculous amount in a small amount of time), his leg was six times the size it should have been, he could hardly move, his breathing was labored at best and he was never comfortable. Essentially, he was hurting but holding on for us.

But even with all that going on and knowing what we knew... having to make that decision is fucking haunting. No, I didn't want my baby to be hurt or sick... I wanted him to be the free-loving wild card he's always been and I wanted to cuddle him and kiss him and keep him forever. Once that option was no longer on the table... the anger, sadness, disbelief, and emptiness started rearing it's ugly head.

There are so many questions that we'll never have answers to. The fact that we are very much NOT ok with the circumstances doesn't change them. And I know everybody whose ever loved has to deal with this, it's a fact of life, but knowing that doesn't help get you through it when it's your turn.

I want my baby back. I want my grizzly bear to give me cuddles and keep me warm. I want him to get up with me first thing in the morning and wander the house and check in on things while I'm getting ready. I want to be outside with him in the dark to feel safe and I want about fourteen million more excessive kisses. I want to lay my head on his chest and burrow in.

I am not ok. My husband is not ok. And our other two babies are not ok. Xur-Xur not being with us has left a massive hole and none of us know how to fill it. I know we'll move forward together... we love each other... we're a family... but I would be lying if I said our family didn't feel a little lost and broken right now. He was the glue and the comfort and the warmth and how do you account for that when it's no longer there?

We know we did the right thing. Deep down in our bones, we know. We would never want Xur in pain and only wanted amazing things for him. He was the best pieces of both me and Dev that we had to offer the world. But knowing it was right, and coming to terms with it are completely different. We didn't want this... we wanted our baby. I still want my baby and honestly, I kind of want to crawl into a ball and cry and scream until somebody gives me my way. Except, they can't. Because no one or nothing can fix this. And that fucking sucks.

I don't know what happens from here. I don't know what our family is supposed to do or what the dynamic is or how any of this is going to work. We're all just so very lost and so fucking sad.

We all love our Xur-Xur something fierce, we'll miss him always and there will never be another pup that is like him. He was unique and had so much damn love to give. I miss him... I'll continue to miss him... our family will always love and miss him.

He may no longer be here next to us, but he's very much still here. In our minds... in our hearts. In every decision I have to make where love is involved, that's his sweet spot.

Rest easy, my big ole grizzly bear. Thank you so very much for letting me be your mama... it was the greatest gift and something I'll never be able to repay you for. You keep watching out for us and we'll continue to carry you with us until the day we come to join you. I love you so much, Bubs.