Ok... let's start over. Have y'all seen the new trailer for the newest Final Destination movie? Bloodlines? It's like the sixth Final Destination movie... which means these people have now spent an accumulated 555 minutes ruining my our fucking lives.
And don't get me wrong... just like every single person in my age group I fucking LOVE these movies and have watched all of them (especially the first two) MULTIPLE times. Maybe it's the 90s baby in me... but there's nothing quite like ole school Devon Sawa. (Speaking of Devon's... mine's gonna be SO mad when I end up shanghai'ing him into watching this shit).
I digress. (Also, RIP Tony Todd).
I haven't had to have a panic attack about one of these movies (ie: see a new trailer) in damn near fifteen years. That's a long ass time by any standard but the fact I was twenty-one (HUH?!) the last time one of these dropped blows my ever-lovin.
How many creatively f*cked ways are they gonna think to kill someone and how f*cking old am I again?
Anyways... I don't know what brought this to my attention (probably TikTok if I'm being honest)... but now it has my attention and I couldn't stop... so I watched the trailer.
2003... what did we love the most?
Well... we were coming up to or were already teenagers. So... driving, of course!
Final Destination: Cool! *insert traumatic highway scene here*
2025... what are millennials into the most?
Well... we're trying our best and not letting anyone tell us what to do. So... self expression!
Final Destination: Cool! *insert traumatic tattoo/piercing shop scene here*
What. The. Fuck.
The worst part? Not only am I gonna have to watch this shit because it's another Final Destination movie so DUH but also... y'all had to go and put Richard Harmon in it to guarantee my viewing experience. Knowing I couldn't resist seeing Murphy in a horror fest. Fucking rude.
Well played, Warner Bros. Well played.
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