Thursday, September 21, 2017

Because it's just too good not to share.

I've We've talked about my ongoing battle with my hair a time or two.... right?! I always say that I'm going to grow it long and when it's long I hate it and want it short, but then I cut it short I hate it and want it to grow and.... do you see where I'm going with this? Do you see that I'm never satisfied with my hair? (Except one time when I was like, eighteen and had my favorite hairstyle that I've ever had.... another story for another day).

It's an ongoing battle that I've been fighting my entire life.... ever since my arch nemesis cut off one of my pigtails (yes, just one, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE). And honestly I can trace it back to that exact moment (and the little asshole that did it), but it only got increasingly worse as I got older and always toed the line between Wtf and #JeffFoxworthyHairDontCare. And while it's long now and I like the way it looks when I put effort into it, the truth is, I don't put effort in nearly enough (because eff that) and I end up with it piled on top of my head.

And that opens the door for a myriad of things including, but not limited to: headaches, pain, agony, and defeat (not to be dramatic or anything). Plus, I sometimes get my hair shut in my car door.... more often than I care to admit. And while it's curly and has a mind of it's own, I think I would miss it if I was to cut it short. Why?!

Well, I have a tendency to live more in my imagination then I do in actual reality, and I "feel" like I should have long hair. You know, because in all of the legendary love stories/books and movies that I insist on reading/watching, you never hear of the "long lost love" or "woman of the dreams" or "heroine of her own destiny" having short hair. You just don't. The only one that I can think of off the top of my head is Maggie Greene-Rhee and let's be honest, she's such a badass that you can't argue with her.

And while my sensibility tells me that's ridiculous and my inner "warrior woman" says that's foolish, I can't seem to compute that to my actual brain. I always think of cutting my hair and end up at, "what if?!" I know that shouldn't bother me, but it does. And if you think I'm as crazy as what I do, I get it, but just know.... EXPLAIN IT TO MY BRAIN AND MAKE IT UNDERSTAND, BECAUSE IT'S A JERK (and that's probably why that makes up at least 87% of my personality).

Also, doesn't society.... and your family/friends kind of make you feel like if you're female you should have long hair?!

I say all of this, because I don't know how to not ramble feel the need to tell you that when you have a lifetime full of "hair woes" you're bound to have some real "gems" hidden away in old pictures. (And so do your family and friends). And when I run across a really good one.... I have to share. So, without further ado, I give to you.... Katie and Amanda (and our friend from back in the day- Devo) at ten.... eleven? (twelve?). Something like that. We are truly the epitome of 90s kids.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

There are numerous advantages to being 53.... just ask any 83 year old.

Today is my Momma's 53rd (but if anybody asks, 25th) birthday. I'm so happy that I get to see her on this day and every day, because a couple of months ago I didn't know if I was ever going to get to celebrate another birthday with her. She's come a long way and her strength and perseverance is something that I marvel at daily. She truly is one of the strongest people that I have ever known and I'm very proud to call myself her daughter. 

While she always insists that no one make a "big deal" when it comes to her birthday, I make it a point to let her know how special she is to me every day. And whether she likes it or not, people want to celebrate this day with her (and all the other days, as well), because she really is just that great of a person.

Here's to you, Momma. It's your party.... and you can cry drink nap party do what you want to. I love you.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Sixteen years later (and still so many questions).

Sixteen years ago today were the infamous September 11th attacks. It's hard to look back at something like this, but it also seems that sometimes people don't remember. They remember what September 11th is, but if you were to look at how divided of a country we are right now, it would almost seem like they don't remember it all too well.

I remember that day. I was only eleven years old and the memory is still so vivid in my mind. As a country we were all scared, hurt.... and angry. Here we are sixteen years later and it seems as though we haven't ever fully recovered from it. Not only does the wound still feel fresh, but to look at the divide of our country, we all seem to be sharing those same feelings. 

Scared, hurt.... and angry. And the only ones that can change any of this is us. Our nation. We're the only ones that can do anything about any of this, and yet, we don't seem to want to start. To say that we haven't healed fully would be an understatement. So, we'll do what it is that we must do together and that is to try and do better. Because that's all there is to do.

Try to do better.... and so we shall.

September 11, 2001: 

Good evening. 

Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts. The victims were in airplanes or in their offices: secretaries, business men and women, military and federal workers, moms and dads, friends and neighbors. Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror. The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge -- huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger. These acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed. Our country is strong.

A great people has been moved to defend a great nation. Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining. Today, our nation saw evil -- the very worst of human nature -- and we responded with the best of America. With the daring of our rescue workers, with the caring for strangers and neighbors who came to give blood and help in any way they could.

Immediately following the first attack, I implemented our government's emergency response plans. Our military is powerful, and it's prepared. Our emergency teams are working in New York City and Washington D.C. to help with local rescue efforts. Our first priority is to get help to those who have been injured, and to take every precaution to protect our citizens at home and around the world from further attacks. The functions of our government continue without interruption. Federal agencies in Washington which had to be evacuated today are reopening for essential personnel tonight and will be open for business tomorrow. Our financial institutions remain strong, and the American economy will be open for business as well.

The search is underway for those who were behind these evil acts. I have directed the full resources of our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible and to bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them. 

I appreciate so very much the members of Congress who have joined me in strongly condemning these attacks. And on behalf of the American people, I thank the many world leaders who have called to offer their condolences and assistance. America and our friends and allies join with all those who want peace and security in the world, and we stand together to win the war against terrorism.

Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23:
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me"
This is a day when all Americans from every walk of life unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day, yet we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world.

Thank you. Good night. And God Bless America.
-George W. Bush, following the attacks on our country

Friday, September 1, 2017

And nineteen years later we'll all meet up at the Platform.

Most people that know me know that I am an avid Harry Potter fan. Well.... I'm mostly a Ron Weasley fan, but for the sake of argument, we'll go with Harry Potter.

The fact that my generation of Harry Potter lovers have the best nickname ever is just an added bonus. What do they call us?! Well.... Potterheads.... of course.

I talk about it as often as possible and some of my very favorite memories are associated with the world that JK Rowling was kind enough to share with the rest of us.

Fun fact: Did you know studies have shown that fans of Harry Potter tend to be more politically tolerant, politically active, open to diversity, and less authoritarian?! If not, you do now.

And today is a special day for Harry Potter fans like me. You see, on this day- September 1, 2017- Albus Severus Potter, Rose Granger-Weasley, and Scorpius Malfoy all gathered on Platform 9 3/4 and headed off to Hogwarts for the very first time.

To celebrate that fact, we're off to start a three day weekend (after I leave today I won't officially have to be back at work for 3 days, 14 hours, 59 minutes, and 34 seconds).... ok, the reason for that might actually be Labor Day weekend, but we're going to pretend that it's in celebration of the Golden Trio's kids heading off to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

2017 films. (Part II).

Back in April I did a little recap of all the movies that I had watched from January-April. And now, here we are in August and it's time to do it again (because I said so.). And while this all started, because I wanted to let people which movies I recommended in 2016, now I just enjoy it and want it to keep rolling.


I think not. Also, remember when I said I would tag onto this post if I watched anymore movies in April after my post was published? Well, I know this is going to be shocking (no, it's not), but I totally did. With that being said, I give to you "The films of my 2017.... so far. (Part II).

Tagging onto the end of April: Creature Lake, Lake Eerie.

May's films: Dollface, Live Free or Die Hard, Spectre.

My favorite: I didn't watch too many new ones this month (I know, it's almost like I was sick or something.... I was preoccupied by The League), I'm going to go with Live Free or Die Hard. I mean, Spectre was good (I love James Bond/Daniel Craig movies), but you just can't go wrong if you go with Bruce Willis. Least favorite of the month: Even though I liked it, I'm going with Dollface. It was one of those tacky B+ horror movies that's just a guilty pleasure, but it doesn't beat Bruce.

May's rewatched from years gone by: Red, Red 2, Malibu's Most Wanted, The Mummy (1999).

June's films: Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, Fist Fight, The Bye Bye Man, John Wick 2, Power Rangers (2017).

My favorite: Hands down, Fist Fight.... I loved this movie so much that after I rented it from Redbox I actually went out and bought it on DVD. Between Charlie Day and Ice Cube I was cracking the hell up. And that daddy/daughter talent show rap? HILARIOUS. Least favorite of the month: I hate to say it, but maybe John Wick 2? The only reason I say this is, because I was half asleep while watching it so I don't remember a whole lot of it. That's what I get for drinking an entire fifth of whiskey and eating a bag of smarties by myself. I'll definitely have to rewatch and reevaluate.

June's rewatched from years gone by: Now You See Me 2 (I will never get tired of Lizzy Caplan hitting on Dave Franco), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

July's films: Inferno, Masterminds, The Fate of the Furious.

My favorite: This was kind of a hard one to pick, because they were all pretty damn good.... I'm gonna go with Masterminds, because Zach Galifianakis calling Kristen Wiig "Sugarbush" as her nickname is probably my new favorite nicknames ever. Least favorite of the month: I'm gonna go with The Fate of the Furious.... not because it was bad or anything (it was actually pretty good), but because it's just not the same without Paul Walker.

July's rewatched from years gone by: Taking Lives, White Chicks, Daybreakers (apparently I was just in an Ethan Hawke kind of mood this month?), The Fifth Element, Fist Fight (yes, I watched it again in July #NoRegrets), Cold Mountain.

August's films: Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, Mine Games, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword.

My favorite: While I liked all of the new ones that I watched this go around (yes, even the Netflix find Mine Games that's psychologically appealing and the cheesy Syfy extravaganza Sharknado 5), my absolute favorite has to go to King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. I don't know what all of those critics (ie haters) were bitching about, it's a shit ton of fun and Charlie Hunnam plays a sarcastic asshole so perfectly.... watch it! Least favorite of the month: I guess I'm going to have to go with.... Sharknado 5: Global Swarming? I mean, you can't really expect to watch any of these movies and take them seriously (that's the whole point!), and I will watch (and probably love) all of the ones that they bring out, but it doesn't beat the other two.

August's rewatched from years gone by: Scooby Doo, Spy, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II.

Documentaries watched: 9/11: Stories in Fragments, GLOW: The Story of The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, Giants: The Dwarfs of Auschwitz, Treblinka: Hitler's Killing Machine.

Tv series I've finished: Grace and Frankie (twice), The League, The Ranch, GLOW, Riverdale, My Name is Earl, Disjointed. Tv series still on my queue: Burn Notice, Dexter, The Following, The Walking Dead, Baby Daddy, New Girl.

Stand-up watched: Rodney Carrington: Laughter's Good, Kevin Hart: What Now? (again), Monique: I Coulda Been Your Cellmate, Dave Chappelle: Netflix Special, Anjelah Johnson: Not Fancy, Iliza Shlesinger: Confirmed Kills, Iliza Shlesinger: War Paint, Iliza Shlesinger: Freezing Hot, Ralphie May: Imperfectly Yours, Ralphie May: Unruly.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Rearranging our office. (And now people can stay away from us).

Most of the people that know me know that I have personal space issues. Not in the sense that I invade other people's personal space, because I don't know boundaries, but in the sense that I can't stand for many people to be in mine.

And it's not like that with everyone. If I know you very well and love you then you're more than welcome into my personal space.... mostly sometimes. I try not to be a giant pain in the ass with it, but sometimes, you just can't let shit go.

For the past (almost) five years, Danielle and I have shared quite a bit of our personal space (and she's just as bad at it as I am, if not worse) while at work. Our desks were right next to each other, scooched up against the back wall of our office. If you need a little guide to know how close we had to spend about nine hours a day/5 days a week together then just know, we shared a power surger. And not the extension cord kind.

And it was like this, because we had no space. And I don't mean that metaphorically, I mean that literally.... WE HAD ZERO SPACE. Our entire office was filled with two desks and enough file cabinets to drive a gal insane. This is how little space we had.... we had to store files on our "deck" that was basically falling down and we risked our lives every single day that we attempted to go out there.

Everything was dirty and disgusting.... and cluttered.

But ever since we had an additional room added onto our office to replace the janky deck (remember?) we've been slowly trying to pull things together and set up a system to make things more efficient (we were basically just "winging it" until then). FINALLY the additional room was complete and half ass pulled together, but we were still cluttered in our office.

You see, no matter how many good intentions that we had, the fact that our company has been busier this year than it has been in years (yay!) has made it incredibly difficult to complete (or even start) certain tasks. We usually don't stop working from the time we show up until the time we leave and there's always a stack of shit to pick up with the next day. So, we've kind of just been dealing with it.

Until today.

And today Danielle decided (technically she decided this on Tuesday?) that we were going to make the time to rearrange our office since we FINALLY have the room for it. Further down the road they're wanting to repaint and put some new flooring down, but that's still awhile off, because SO. DAMN. BUSY. So, we decided we might as well get everything moved around to see if it would work and how we would like it.

Sidenote: watching her and I try to move two bigass fireproof/bombproof/judgement day proof file cabinets was hilarious. We yanked and pulled and pushed with all of our might and.... nothing. Forreal, those things wouldn't budge. But no worries.... we never admit defeat! I mean, we might be defeated, but we'll never admit it.

Guess what?! We LOVE it. And I'm not one that drops the "L" word at every whipstitch. It really is just that much better and instead of being so close together that we're almost sharing a chair, now we're.... ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE ROOM. And we're both pretty damn happy about it. I mean, I love her, but COME ON.... we needed space. And now we have it and our office is more open for other activities.... let the Nerf wars begin.

Monday, August 21, 2017

Solar Eclipse 2017.

Bitches are going crazy over this whole "Historic Solar Eclipse" thing.

I get it. Solar Eclipses are fairly rare and this kind (coast to coast) won't be making the rounds again for another 99 years. But as soon as I heard that do you know what I thought?! I thought, "oh thank God, I'll be dead for the next one." Because that is literally how crazy bitches are getting this time around.

People are taking the day off of work, some schools are closing, and honestly people are debating on whether or not this could possibly be judgement day? I'm not really sure what those people are on, but they are very upset about it and forming protests.

And then you have Danielle and I that had to come to work (because our boss would've laughed if we would've said we were taking off for the eclipse) and we have to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and have ridiculous conversations like this one:

Danielle: "I'll just use this envelope box to make an Eclipse box since I don't have a cereal box."
Me: "Will that still work?"
Danielle: "Uh yeah, I don't think it's contingent upon the kind of cereal, Kate."
Me: "Not even what I meant, asshole."

The majority of people are very excited and saying things on social media like: "just got my pair of Eclipse glasses" and "can't wait to share this with the kiddos."

And then you have the other type of people (aka my FB friends) that have taken an entirely different turn and are saying things like: "Seriously, I'm so sick of hearing about this eclipse. Yes, it's a once in a lifetime event, but so was yesterday!" and "Remember, the best way to watch the eclipse is with two large magnifying glasses held about eleven inches from your eyes."

Because my friends are bitches and I love them for it.

And in case you want to take part in this event just know that you can google "solar eclipse 2017" with your town/state and it will give you the exact time that it will be in "full effect" where you're at.

Ours is apparently right at 2:24 pm. And in case you're wondering, yes, you will have the overwhelming need to look behind you and stare right into the sun, BUT DON'T BECAUSE YOU WILL GO BLIND.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Stranger Things: Season Two and what the episode titles could mean.

First off, we're getting one additional episode compared to season one (season one was eight episodes long, season two will be nine). Can we all just agree that the more the better? Load us the f*ck up on these.

Episode One (Chapter Nine) Madmax: There's a few new characters coming into season two and one of them happens to be a girl about the same age as the boys.... and her name is Max. Could this be an introduction into her character specifically? Or, could this episode try to set her up so we have instant love for her like we did with the boys and El back in season one? Also, this character apparently has a brother around the same age as Nancy/Jonathan/Steve.... so hopefully he and Steve can "bro out" and Nancy can get back to what's important.... JONATHAN.

Episode Two (Chapter Ten) The Boy Who Came Back To Life: This has to be a "Will centric" episode.... right?! I mean, he is "the boy who came back to life" in season one and that has to freak some people in that little podunk town out. They all attended his funeral and tried to convince his mother that she was crazy when she was the only one (aside from the boys) that believed that Will was still alive. There has to be some repercussions from that. The entire town already thought Joyce was crazy, Jonathan was creepy, and Will was strange.... have things changed for the Byers?!

Episode Three (Chapter Eleven) The Pumpkin Patch: I would like to be all "theory crazy" and come up with something crazy for this episode, but it could be that the kids literally just go to a pumpkin patch (it is set around Halloween almost a year after season one's events) and some shit goes down, because shit always goes down wherever those boys go. From the previews it's clear that our favorite group since the Goonies are going as the Ghostbusters, but what exactly is catching Dustin's eye while they're going into the school? Something that could reappear or come forth in a pumpkin patch perhaps?!

NOTE: I feel like this might be the episode that Eleven makes her re-emergence, because even though it's episode three of the second season, if you put season one and two together, it is technically chapter ELEVEN.

Episode Four (Chapter Twelve) The Palace: This sounds fairly important. A big theme of season one was Dungeons&Dragons and while I have never played that game, I'm assuming that there's some kind of castle/home base for the characters? It just seems to fit that you would have a castle/palace of some sorts since they have dungeons and dragons, right? If not, where in the hell is the dungeon?! Then again, this could be a location in the UpsideDown. Could the boys travel there to try and help their friends (Will/El) and run to the palace for refuge.... OR could this be a place that the boys run into where the demogorgon/new baddie reside?! Then again, could this be an entirely different/yet to be introduced realm?!

Episode Five (Chapter Thirteen) The Storm: I looked into this a little bit to see if 1984 (the year season two is set) was a crazy storm year and apparently, YES IT WAS. Apparently there was a hurricane via the Atlantic and it was said to be pretty rough and beat up the US pretty badly. So.... are we thinking that our boys will be getting out into this storm and getting trapped in the worst of it? Or.... could this have absolutely nothing to do with the 1984 storms and the Duffer Brothers are just trying to throw us off with a play on words? "The Storm" could mean what's happening within one (or more) of our characters.

Episode Six (Chapter Fourteen) The Pollywog: When I think of a Pollywog I think of Binyah Binyah the Pollywog from Gullah Gullah Island.... but I doubt that's what this is meaning. Since a Pollywog is technically a tadpole, is it referring to a creature (maybe the slugs Will is puking up?) or could it be referring to our little runt of the group? Is it a rebirthing of sorts or is it a reference to our little ones growing into more serious players? Can they get more serious than they did in season one?! Is there going to be a cute little Pollywog creature that the boys find? OR is there going to be some sort of weird frog/hybrid monster?!

Episode Seven (Chapter Fifteen) The Secret Cabin: Who's it a secret to? That should be the first question. Afterall, finding out that there's a secret place in Hawkins isn't that far of a stretch. Is it where Eleven is hiding? She's had to be somewhere for the past year and what better place to be hiding out then a place that people don't know exists? Then again, chances are if she's not been locked up or in the Upside Down since she destroyed the Demogorgon and just chilling in a cabin, she would've at least come out to find Mike. Unless she was too scared. Or is this where some freaky experiments will go down?

Episode Eight (Chapter Sixteen) The Brain: This either has to refer to Eleven because of her telepathy skills, or it has to refer to the "brains" of the group, right?! Speaking of which, who is the brains of the group? It can't refer to Nancy, because at the end of season one she very clearly chose Steve over Jonathan and we all know that doesn't constitute being the "brains" of any operation. Could this be a reference to the entire US Department of Energy and all of it's shady dealings? Or, could this be a reference to Hopper since he's most likely going to be looking into things over the last year?

Episode Nine (Chapter Seventeen) The Lost Brother: Who's brother? Nancy's brother (Mike)? Eleven's brother (there are more kids like her)? Maybe the new girl's brother (who looks shady as hell)? Jonathan's brother (Will) again? Or, *gulp* maybe Will's brother (Jonathan)? They all could be likely or even a completely new character within itself since there are bound to be a whole other world of characters waiting to come out and play.

See y'all October 27, 2017.

Friday, August 11, 2017

My brother is about to be a dad. (Part III).

Actually, my brother has been a dad (and I've been an aunt, I guess?) for almost six months now, but I started out with this whole "my brother is ABOUT to be a dad" posting and now there's no turning back for me.

Catch up on Part I here and Part II here.

All caught up now?! Good.... because I have some complaining things I would like to talk about when it comes to this whole "having a nephew" thing. And I know people are usually very excited about this whole "having a baby around" thing, but I'm a horrible person and just don't care for it at all.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like this particular baby or don't love him or anything, but.... how do I explain this without sounding like even more of a dick than I already do? I thought having a baby around would be.... more fun, I guess?!

Actually I don't even really know what I mean, because it's hard to explain. Let me start over.... my brother sends me around the clock pictures/videos/facetime calls with Gabby front and center. I mean, I get it, he's proud of his kid and all.

But.... I don't think I need to see EVERYTHING that he does. Why? Because he doesn't really do anything. Afterall, he IS a baby (he'll be six months old on the first of next month) and at this point he only knows like three tricks. Yes, I know he's not a dog, BUT aren't babies supposed to be just a more fragile version of a puppy?!

No?! Oomph, I didn't see that one coming.
Is thinking your nephew is cute NOT enough?!!

The point is, my brother sends me constant videos of Gabby.... and he's always doing the same thing (staring into the video and on occasion making a random burp sound). And then he sends me pictures of every little detail of his life.... and he's always doing the same thing (staring at something and looking really confused). And then he Facetimes me and wants me to stare at Gabby while he does whatever trick my brother and his girlfriend are convinced that he can do.... even though he's ALWAYS doing the same thing (again, staring at someone/something looking super confused and on occasion making a burping sound). And let's not mention the pictures he sends me that have Snapchat filters on them and they freak me the hell out (because I've usually had quite a few drinks by the time I receive them). Every once in awhile you'll get a laugh (or nap) out of him, but that's about it.

I'm not trying to sound like an ass or anything, but most people that know me know that I'm not "huge" on the whole baby thing to begin with.... like, I get that y'all want them and love them, but my anxiety levels and looming sarcasm don't seem to really let me in on the phenomenon that is babies.

I'm going to hell, aren't I?! The answer is yes.... but for so many other reasons other than this. I guess what I'm trying to get at is: Bro, I know you love your kid (and that's great, you're supposed to!), but I don't need to stare at him do nothing. Holler at me when he can start pouring drinks or cleaning toilets.... now that I'll find exciting!!

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Why they gotta do me like that?!

I'm about three weeks into this whole having a legit driver's license thing (yes, we've established that I'm late to the party and blah blah), and FINALLY received my actual license in the mail.

Can y'all believe that they give you a temporary paper one and you have to wait forever and a day for the laminated one?! They used to make that shit (and actual plates) right there and it took a total of like fifteen minutes.

And now I sound old as shit. MOVING ON.

While most people are usually excited when they receive their licenses (I am), I also knew what that nasty little picture on it looked like.... so, I wasn't exceptionally good with it. Does anyone actually look good on their driver's license? You know, besides probably Kate Beckinsale?! Asking for a friend.

What does it look like?! Well, they had to retake my picture about seven times, because their machine was broken and it wouldn't read my image (how ugly do you have to be before even a government issued machine is like "nah, bruh"?) and the girl that was taking my photo and I couldn't stop laughing (and I was blind from (a)not being able to wear my glasses and (b) from having a fluorescent bulb go off in my face eight times).... for those reasons, I knew it was going to be a doozy.

And dude, was I right.

Furthermore, did y'all know that they put your weight on your driver's license?! Rude. I don't need Brenda behind the cash register at the liquor store judging me while I'm buying my whiskey. Seriously, I go in there and she's all "you're in here at least four times a week" and I replied with, "well, so are you, BRENDA" and she made sure to let me know, "well, I work here" and I had to throw back at her, "QUIT BEING SUCH A SNOB, BRENDA." And while that probably has more to do with my slight drinking problem, I'm going with she's judgy, because they put your weight on your license.... because I'm an adult, and it helps (no, it doesn't). It is pretty hilarious to see my "grown up/adult license" say that I'm only five foot though.

Friday, August 4, 2017

The Sprouse twins are all grown up (and I ain't mad about it).

Remember those pesky Sprouse twins? (Let's be honest, they always kicked Jonathan Lipnicki's ass in the little cutie department). Let's talk about them for a minute or two.... or however long, because today is their twenty-fifth birthday.

While I've been #TeamSprouse in general for quite a few years (I'm only 2.5 years old than them, so it's almost like I grew up watching them?), at some point people say you have to "pick a favorite." I don't really think that I can do that (and why would I want to?).... but I'll talk about them either way.

What have they been up to lately? You know, besides cracking me up with Twitter Feuds (and I don't even know anything about Twitter- Cole here, Dylan here) and acknowledging that Dylan is, in fact, fifteen minutes older than Cole (and I love how often he throws it up, because I have a guy friend that I'm exactly ten days older than and I have loved giving him shit about it our entire lives and it literally never gets old.... to me. He would probably like to smack me by now *twenty years later*).

If you've been around here for a minute or two, then you already know that Cole has been playing my favorite character- Jughead- on the ever popular/my new favorite show- Riverdale. Other than acting in this show (and owning it) he's a genuinely impressive photographer. If you don't believe me, go check out his photos on his Instagram page and see for yourself. Social media has come a long way in the last few years and people are using it to not only debut their work, but to build a steady fanbase for said work. And if you're not a fan of his acting you're wrong you might just become a fan of his skills with the lense. If neither of those tickle your fancy you're wrong you're more than welcome to check out his modeling.... photos of him tend to have some kind of old school/rebel without a cause vibe to them.... somewhere between James Dean, Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker, and 90s Leo DiCaprio. And that is nothing but a good thing.

While they both took time off from acting to attend NYU (impressive, much?), Dylan took a little longer to return to the field of acting than his brother did. He even took up working as a host in a restaurant, and while some people condemned him for it and couldn't quit spreading rumors that he had "lost all of his money" and was working in a "deeming service industry position"(why in the hell would someone do that?), he took it all in stride, saying: "To clear up the air (which is admittedly pretty rude), I did not take this job because I 'lost all my money', I am financially secure, and took this job as a way to primarily feed my over bountiful video game addiction…. I feel most comfortable when I'm working and doing something, to criticize someone of that is pretty odd. I will potentially return to acting someday, but in no way do I think any experience is a step down for me, but rather a new step in another direction."

Side note: I had to Google these guys, because I felt kind of weird about having as crush on the kids from the movie- Big Daddy. Luckily, I learned that they're only about 2.5 years younger than me.... so, now I only feel mildly strange and like a predator. (Buzzfeed tried to make me feel better about it).

Back in 2013, some photos of Dylan were "leaked" (also, we're using this whole term "leaked" too loosely these days).... by an ex-girlfriend.... and it was said to have ruined his "Disney image." Ruined his "Disney image?" Y'all do realize that one of this/these guys' first roles was as an orphan that named himself Frankenstein, swallows his own spit (after first seeing how far he can let it stretch out), "screws over" Microsoft, and trips people with sticks.... right?! Calm down, people don't stay ten forever. Besides, if it was a female whose ex-boyfriend "leaked" the photos, people would say that she is a "victim" but because he's a dude he's not? Bullshit. (Although, watching his brothers reaction to it is hilarious and I'm glad they can joke about in the long run). And no, I'm not trying to get into an argument about the whole men/women/victim/anything like that argument right now.... another day, perhaps.

Nothing needs to be said more than- Twitter Feuds.

While I love Cole (and Juggie!) and his engaging photography, the fact that Dylan is opening a meadery in Brooklyn and could literally make enough alcohol to get me consistently drunk for however long my little heart desires (as the youngest Brew Master in the US) is pretty impressive.

So.... can I just hang out with both of them and be lifelong friends?!

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Yeah, if y'all could go ahead and just release the second season of Stranger Things.... that would be great.

Back in August 2016 I watched that show- Stranger Things. And by "watched" I mean, I binge-watched the shit out of that show and was immediately sad that there weren't more episodes. Like, how y'all (The Duffer Brothers/Netflix) gonna do that to a girl?! Can't you just release it earlier like- SURPRISE?!!


Thankfully, they are bringing out another season.... BUT it doesn't release until the Friday before Halloween of this year (10/27). Guess what this chick will be doing the weekend before Halloween?! That's right, I'll be streaming (which really isn't all that different from any other of my weekends.... moving on). Besides, Halloween is on a Tuesday this year and that's just dumb.

With the first trailer officially released, there are many questions that we all (mainly just me though) need answered as quickly as possible. As in, give us the second season RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT. (Also, I'm still SUPER psyched that it's all good to Winona again.... even though I never stopped #womancrushwednesday). I've decided to rewatch the first season again to make sure that I'm all "caught up" and not forgetting anything for when the second season comes out!!

Can y'all believe that Danielle had to practically yank my hair out to get me to watch this show in the first place?! It's not that I had anything against it, but I usually just try to avoid shows that people are 100% gung-ho about.... ie, Once Upon A Time, Grey's Anatomy, Game of Thrones, etc. But once I watched the first episode.... there was no turning back.

About those questions that I need answered going into the second season:

1. So.... Hopper 100% left those Eggos' in that box in the woods at the end of season one, but.... why does Hopper know she's out there?, is she actually out there?, and what kind of shit is he getting into with these bad scientist bitches? Like, is he doing it to protect the town?, is he doing it to try to bring his daughter back?, and what exactly is it that he is doing? Because I keep asking if he's doing "it" for various reasons, but I don't seem to be able to grasp the "it."

2. WHY did Nancy still choose Steve over Jonathan?! Yeah ok, maybe everybody thinks that Steve redeemed himself, and I'd be lying if I said the dude didn't have majestic hair, but COME ON.... him swinging a bat does not change the fact that he allowed his friends to call Nancy a slut (basically agreeing with them) and being horrible to Jonathan, because he was "upset." And yeah, Jonathan was creepy taking Nancy picture through a window, but it's not like he stalked her there.... he just happened upon her and took the girl he had a crush on picture. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

3. Speaking of Nancy/Jonathan/Steve.... how is Nancy gonna pretend like she doesn't like Jonathan "like that" even a little bit? Girl, you asked him to crawl up into your bed with you so you could feel safe, quit playing. Sure, Steve was the "safe bet" for your days going forward, but it wasn't him that you wanted/needed for comfort. Nor was it him that was there for you throughout the Upside Down, and sure he wasn't there and didn't know what was happening, but WHATEVER STEVE HARRINGTON YOU'RE A LIFE RUINER. #TeamJonathan

4. There are more kids like Eleven, right?! Like, I know they're not as cool as her and I'm not going to love them the same, BUT they exist? Or did they all get murdered by the bad guys?! If they are still alive and not murdered by those creepy ass lab/government guys.... where are they? Are they still at the lab? Has the lab taken more precautions so that they don't escape like Eleven did? Why does nobody know these things and pay attention in this damn town?!

5. Will is currently puking up slugs, so he's obviously not "ok" but how bad is he?! Like, on a scale of 1-10 is HE an Eleven?! Things don't look too promising in the second season promos for Baby Byers, but how bad are we talking here? Is it a PTSD thing? Is it a recurring nightmare thing? Is it a "they can suck me back into the Upside Down with telekinesis only" thing? How bad are we talking here?!

6. How was NO ONE suspicious of this Hawkins Laboratory?! Y'all I get that it's a tiny Indiana town, and as someone who lives in Indiana (heart of the midwest) I get it.... but I wasn't raised in Indiana, I was raised in Tennessee in a town that is actually about the same size as the fictional "Hawkins, Indiana" and you can't do ANYTHING in that town without suspicion and whispers. When the Nestle Water Plant moved into our town, people literally thought a cult was moving in and it was a government conspiracy for almost six months. SIX. I call bullshit on none of these people being suspicious.

7. Is there something worse than the Demogorgon lurking out there?! You know, besides the Kardashians?! Because let's be honest, they're worse than anything that the Demogorgon is spitting out. What else is there lurking in the darkness? Sure, the Demogorgon was (is?) bad, but I'm still not 100% convinced that there was something else stalking Nancy when her and Jonathan got separated for that time. IS THIS STEVE'S FAULT TOO?!

8. This takes place in November 1983 (the second season will pick up in October 1984), so are we going to get a bunch of seasons all leading up and into the 90s? Are we going to skip years and do time jumps? Is this show going to last forever (YES)? Now that Sean Astin is part of the cast are we going to get some iconic Mikey lines once we get to 1985?!

9. Speaking of Sean Astin.... what is his new character and could I love his addition to the cast anymore?! The fact that they have yanked up Sean Astin, king of my little 80s heart, to portray anything in this show just makes me love it more. So, will he be pulling out his Goonies roots to tap into this role and help out?! *see question eight*

10. Will Mike, Lucas, and Dustin (ok fine, and Will) find out that El is around sooner rather than later?! Like, they met her at the very end of the first episode of the first season, so are they going to run into her pretty quickly or are they going to make us wait forever and a day?! MIKE CAN'T TAKE THIS KIND OF STRESS.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

This past Sunday (7/30) was my big brother's birthday.

I don't know if y'all remember my only sibling or not.... but he just turned thirty-one and my jokes are only getting better with his age. I don't think thirty-one is old AT ALL.... except when it involves him. (So. Many. Jokes.).

With age for him has come many things. However, the capacity to do laundry, take out the trash, mow the lawn, vacuum, cook, flush the toilet, and other household chores/regular shit that adults do apparently aren't any of those "acquired" things that he seems to have picked up. He does kind of creak when he stands up too quick or has been sleeping for awhile, so that's kind of fun (for me).

He was off on his birthday this year and while his girlfriend took him out for a bit, they left the baby with us (against my will and I did not agree to it).... and it was a bit difficult. But, whatever, I did my sisterly duty for the decade day and he better not try to pull that shit again. (I'm watching you, dude).
I would like to share with you some stories about all the love and affection that my family showers upon people on their birthdays every year.... but that's not how we roll. Instead, we prefer to harass you for an entire day and proceed to drink. Which isn't all that different from any other day, but we tell you that we're doing it "in your honor" so you can feel special while pickling our livers.

Also, I was taking trash out and trying to figure out where all of the laundry in the basket had come from (I did ALL of the laundry yesterday when I got home from work) at 2:50 this morning and I'll give you two guesses where it all of the mess came from. But you'll only need the one guess, because IT WAS HIM.

He seems to have enjoyed his day and we were all grilling out anyways (his, my aunt, and my cousins birthdays are all within like three days of each other).... not to mention Ashley caught the grill on fire and that shit was hilarious. And then we all wished happy birthdays and took naps (because of the drinking).... in his honor, of course.

So.... here's to you (three days late), big bro. I love you, but seriously.... flush the f*cking toilet.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

My thoughts on the first season of Riverdale. (Part V).

Some shit went down this hour, friends. While things are left is a mess.... I have heard rumors that Season Two starts on October 11th and that it will be available on Netflix the very next day (October 12th), so hopefully this is a true thing?

This hour you get to see a mess.... and some closure.... and some kisses.... and then shit gets f*cked up again, because that is the way this show goes.

Let's begin, shall we? Read Part I here, Part II here, Part III here, and Part IV here.

(Season Finale) Episode (Chapter) Thirteen: The Sweet Hereafter

Official Synopsis: Archie and Veronica continue to grow closer. Betty is tired of her family acting as if nothing has happened and confronts her mother. Jughead finds himself in an unexpected situation, leaving Archie and the gang scrambling. Hermione makes Fred an offer that seems too good to be true. Meanwhile, the truth about the Blossoms’ family business is revealed, leaving Cheryl to take matters into her own hands.

My Thoughts: So.... the Blossom family maple syrup business was really a front for a heroin ring?! Why are people still so surprised when rich people are caught up in drugs and deceit? You need to calm your tits, Sheriff Keller.... Billy Loomis FP ain't gonna tell you shit. I know it, you know it, even Jughead knows it. How is shit already back to being so creepy and cold at the Cooper house? Like, we're just all gonna pretend that the last twelve episodes haven't happened and that Polly isn't pregnant with her cousin's baby? Not Betty.... Betty knows this is bullshit. There's just a random Cooper brother out there somewhere?! I think it's awesome that Betty wants to write an article calling the town out on its bullshit and the fact that they're just trying to blame/exile Juggie, because of his dad, but nobody has even mentioned that the rich dude was the murderer/drug kingpin. *insert eyeroll here* Screw you, Mayor McCoyJuggie is apart of Riverdale!! I think it's great that Betty published that article.... I think the whole bloody locer thing was an overreaction. No one cares that Archie and Veronica are dating now.... it's like Betty said, Archie, she's with Jughead now and they're happy SO MOVE ON AND DON'T RUIN IT. Juggie giving Betty that side-eye when she called out that they were together is adorable. Cheryl apologizing to Juggie is so well deserved. NO.... Juggie CANNOT transfer and leave! I'm not ok with this.... and he just went and did it without telling them about it? To make things easier? Your friends/girlfriend ain't going down that easily without a fight. I know you want to keep Betty safe, but she is not giving up that easily. What is Cheryl Blossom up to? Her mom better chill, because Cheryl is about to f*ck some shit up.... what's that text say, Veronica? TOLD YOU. Oh no.... they're just totally ignoring that they could all die to run across the ice and save Cheryl. Poor Cheryl.... yeah, I said it. Damn Archie, my hand hurts just watching you punch through that ice.... those poor kids. So, Hermione just fired the Serpents even though they had their backs when the chips were down? So much for loyalty.... I agree with Fred. That talk that Juggie and FP have? Amazing.... FP knows what he needs to tell Juggie and Juggie knows what his dad needs too.... oh, you guys. Ok, I guess Archie really does deserve to have his song sung at the jubilee. Don't be nervous about your speech, Betty.... Juggie showed up to support you. In her speech, Betty says that everyone in the town is the essence of Riverdale - even people they attempt to shun, like FP and Jughead. She says that Riverdale needs to do better to prevent something like Jason’s murder from happening again. She finishes her speech, and Jughead leads the audience into applause. That's right, three cheers for Betty Cooper!! Hip hip!! HOORAY!! Cheryl is burning down the Blossom family mansion (did she remove Nana Rose, hopefully first?) and her mom is PISSED. I told you not to mess with crazy ass Cheryl!! The gang (JuggieBetty Archie, & Veronica.... where's Kevin?!) are celebrating at Pop's.... I don't think they're gonna let things end this nicely. Ugh, I am over this whole "Archie & Veronica" thing. Back to the important stuff.... Jughead and Betty. (While at FP's trailer alone) Betty"I'm not givng up on him, Jug.... not until he's out." Jughead"Hell no.... that is why I love you, Betty.... I love you.... Betty Cooper." Betty"Jughead Jones.... I love you." Aw, they love each other and now they're gonna kiss.... whoa, who knew Juggie had that much upper body strength? Must be all that construction work. No one cares that Archie is hooking up with Veronica, he has literally hooked up with like fourteen people this season. But Betty and Juggie? That's a first.... I love that they're really into it and when there's a knock on the door interrupting them, Juggie is immediately like "is that your mom?!" Ha! That would so be like Alice Cooper to show up right about now. It's the Serpents.... and they have Juggie's back, because they "take care of their own" like FP did? Juggie is gonna be a Serpent?! Can you let a Highschool Sophmore into your gang? He looks pretty happy to put on that leather.... and Betty looks freaked.... and now Juggie looks freaked looking at her.... I bet she didn't see this coming like three minutes ago when she thought she was just gonna get to sleep with her boyfriend.... y'all, please survive this. Don't listen to ArchieVeronica.... he's sneaking out, but it's to meet Fred at Pop's for breakfast, so it's ok. Hi, Dylan McKay Fred!! Wait.... what's happening? Holy shit, that dude has a gun! Get away from Pop's! Stay back, Archie!! I feel like he's not there for Pop's.... this is all WAY TOO convenient.... NO!! Did he shoot Fred?! Did Archie jump in front of the gun?! DID HE SHOOT FRED?! Holy hell, he shot Fred!! Somebody call 911!! Get Fred some help!! What?! To be continued until next season?! OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F*CKING KIDDING ME.

Jughead's Input: "Jason’s murder had revealed some dark truths none of us were too eager to face, especially not Mayor McCoy, who wanted every last vestige of corruption crushed, like a snake under a boot heel."

Final Thoughts at the End of Season One: I CANNOT wait until season two of this show comes out. Like, they need to get on this shit.... I hope Betty and Juggie can survive all this. And Fred. Oh, come on, Fred.... you, Juggie, and Betty all pull through!!

Saturday, July 29, 2017

My thoughts on the first season of Riverdale. (Part IV).

We are pulling into the home stretch my friends. How am I even making this into so many posts? It literally took me two nights to watch the first season of this show (#NetflixBingeWatching). And yet, here we are.

While I admit that this is probably ridiculous and that I should've maybe never even started this.... I've never been known for taking the easy way out of for not doing dumb things. Hey, you win some you lose some.... right?! Nevermind, just go with it.

Read about Part I here, Part II here, Part III here, and now we're onto Part IV.

Episode (Chapter) Ten: The Lost Weekend

Official Synopsis: When Fred decides to finalize the divorce with Archie’s mother, MaryArchie hides his true feelings. Archie tries to win Valerie back with a romantic evening, however, Betty hijacks his plans when she decides to throw Jughead a surprise birthday party. Once Cheryl learns of the party, she decides to make it interesting and things quickly get out of control. Meanwhile, Veronica contemplates whether she should participate in the deposition to help get her Dad released.

My Thoughts: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JUGHEAD!!! I mean, I kind of feel about Veronica and her dad like I do about Josie and the Pussycats.... like, I'm not going to stop watching because of them, but I'm also not really into it either. Archie, you told Betty that it was Jughead's birthday?! He's going to be SO pissed off. I love that everybody keeps referring to Betty and Jughead as boyfriend/girlfriend and they are the only ones that won't admit it until the very end.... really Juggie?! Gonna go down swinging.... alright. I love that Jughead and Betty went to the movies for his birthday (An American Werewolf in London!!). Fred, don't leave town, bro.... this "birthday party" is gonna get so out of hand. Annndddd.... it's out of hand. Jughead is pissed, Betty is upset, and Archie is LIT THE F*CK UP. Get over yourself, Valerie.... Archie is trying to talk to you, not accost you and throw a fit like you are clearly doing right now. Juggie thinks he only has two friends? He has more than two friends.... KEVIN IS TO YOUR FRIEND, JUGHEAD. Seriously, you're gonna be that big of a douche, Jug? Fine, but you're gonna feel bad about it in about two seconds.... told you. Ugh, Chuck. You might call everybody out on their "dirty little secrets" Chuck, but you are also the dude that was lying about hooking up with girls in really gross ways when you weren't so I feel like you still earn the biggest loser title. OH SHIT!! Juggie knocked the f*ck out of Chuck! I mean, he got a hit back, but DAMN.... and the FP threw Chuck out and made everybody go home. Boom. No Juggie, you don't need FP to give you any tips on your right hook.... that bitch went down like a sack of taters. Hang up the phone, Drunk Archie! This is all Cheryl's fault. Listen to FPJug.... go talk to Betty.... at Pop's.... and tell her about how you have layers so you guys can bond and kiss and be even more adorable than you already are. FP knows Alice.... sounds feisty and like good ole times. Oh snap, Archie is gonna hook up with Veronica now? That boy has too much damn energy. I love that they both fell asleep and the next morning when Veronica tries to sneak out Jughead catches her.... and immediately they have a "I won't say anything, because you really are my friend" moment.... I told you that you had more than just two friends, JugFred brought Archie's mom back? Is that Molly Mother-F*cking Ringwald?!

Jughead's Input: "Weekdays, from 8:25am to 3:01pm we adhere to a strict regimen. Everything in our lives is controlled, but then something like the murder of Jason Blossom happens and you realize, there is no such thing as control, there is only chaos. Nevertheless, some of us strive to impose and maintain order, in what is, fundamentally, an orderless world. A fact which would very soon be confirmed, in ways none of us could have foreseen."

Episode (Chapter) Eleven: To Riverdale and Back Again

Official Synopsis: Betty is slammed overseeing Homecoming and Reunion weekend, but Alice wants her help with the Jason Blossom investigation. Alice turns to Archie and Veronica for help, but when Betty discovers they are working with her mom, she is not happy. After seeing his father, FP, start to clean up his act, Jughead wonders if it’s the right time to give him another chance. Cheryl and Polly have both decided to go to Homecoming in Jason’s honor, until a revelation waylays their plans. Meanwhile, Fred and Mary attend the Homecoming dance, leaving Fred to possibly reconsider the divorce.

My Thoughts: Molly Ringwald/Archie's mom is not only named Mary, but they expect me to believe that Andie Walsh Mary and Dylan McKay Fred were kind of highschool sweethearts? I don't buy it. Aw, Juggie is stopping in at his dad, Billy Loomis FP's trailer.... and it's clean? And he's sober first thing in the morning? And he shaved? And they are just gonna talk about Jughead's manuscript?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?! Juggie has so much hope for the future now. Shut up, Veronica! Maybe mind your own business and deal with your shady ass daddy before you go poking around with other people's. Cheryl is just going to bring Polly as her date to the homecoming dance? Because it should've been Polly and Jason there in the first place? Ok.... I'm just gonna let that one go.... but only because Polly stumbled upon Clifford Blossom in a wing of their house (how rich do you have to be before your house starts having wings?) and he has a billion red wigs.... I don't trust him. Cheryl and Polly found the ring.... and now Cheryl is tripping again.... and the mom drugged Polly with a milkshake.... what. the. f*ck. Cheryl did NOT flush that ring and if y'all think she did, you're dumb. Alice just invited Juggie and Billy Loomis his dad over for dinner without asking Betty? She's up to something.... but Juggie is excited and Betty can't let him down! Did anybody really think this this dinner was gonna go good? Betty is 100% the f*ck over it and they are going to the dance.... look, I'm glad y'all are doing better, but you CANNOT move Jughead to Toledo, Billy FP. Damn you, Archie and Veronica.... y'all shouldn't be doing all this shit.... Jughead is gonna be pissed off and we JUST ESTABLISHED that y'all are friends. Look at Fred walking into that homecoming dance with Mary AND Hermione. Like. a. Boss. Betty caught y'all!! And now Jughead is mad at her too?! Oh come on, she didn't know and tried to stop shit before it happened.... yeah, he doesn't care, he's pissed: “to think I was going to pass on moving to Toledo with my family for you,” she loves you dammit, Jug!! LET HER LOVE YOU. She didn't do anything wrong! Annndddd.... now Billy Loomis FP has been arrested for Jason Bloom's murder. There was NOT a gun in that lockbox when Archie and Veronica were snooping in his trailer. Where is Jughead going? Omg, he's crying and I can't take it. Seeing Juggie cry all alone is too much for me. Betty can't find him.... I wouldn't talk to Archie and Veronica either, Betty.... but y'all HAVE to find Jughead and tell him about the gun plant!! Who is framing Billy FP and why?!

Jughead's Input: "People like to say that the death of Jason Blossom changed everything at Riverdale High, but certain things, certain traditions, never change. Take homecoming for instance. Though Jason’s jersey had been retired, the Riverdale Bulldogs would still be playing their arch-rivals the Baxter High Ravens with the River Vixens cheering them on. As in previous years, graduates from days of Riverdale past will come to town to relive their more youthful, more carefree days or… to make up for lost time."

Episode (Chapter) Twelve: Anatomy of a Murder

Official Synopsis: Archie and Veronica are shocked to learn of the arrest, but know they need to come clean to their parents about what they uncovered. Still hurt by the betrayal of his friends and torn over who to trust, Jughead reluctantly joins them in a quest for the truth. Meanwhile, Cheryl confronts her mom about why she treats her so much worse than she ever did with Jason.

My Thoughts: Juggie.... I know you feel upset and alone right now, but you CAN'T move to Toledo. And now your mom says you can't either?! Oh, f*ck her. Like, I can say no, but you're damn momma shouldn't. PLEASE STOP CRYING. I'm so glad that BettyArchie, and Veronica found you before you skipped town (I've lived in FL, it's not all that great and you'll hate it). And now y'all are on the hunt to find whoever is framing Billy FP! What?! FP, you didn't kill Jason and you're being framed, we all know it, so WHY are you confessing? You're lying. And now Alice Cooper has a gun too? Where are all of you people getting these guns?! WHAT?! THE COOPERS ARE REALLY BLOSSOMS?!?! Which means Polly and Jason were hooking up and Polly is now pregnant with her COUSINS BABY. That's right, go get Polly RIGHT F*CKING NOW. I agree with Alice, y'all probably killed your son to cover up the incest.... which blows my mind that people are just NOW throwing that rumor out there. Betty and Jughead need each other now more than ever. Juggie looks so sad talking to his dad.... and he knows FP is lying through his damn teeth!! FP called JoaquinKevin's boyfriend? My poor little Kevin. That's right Joaquin, the least you can do is take them to that other Southside Serpent that could maybe help.... annnddddd.... he's dead. All of these parents should be super pissed off right now.... but I also need these kids to help Juggie, so y'all will just have to get over it. Now Hermione is in trouble?! ONE PROBLEM AT A TIME, PLEASE. Kevin is getting Joaquin out of town.... poor Kev, he really cared about that gang member. At least Joaquin gave Kevin a piece of "evidence" before he skipped town.... and the kids found the bag with Jason Blossom's letterman jacket in it. Wait, does this make FP look more guilty or help?! That's right, Betty, SLAY ALL DAY GIRL AND GET IT. What's on the USB drive? All of these kids look officially traumatized. What was on it?! Betty.... why are you calling Cheryl? What's happening? Alice is turning the USB into Sheriff Keller? Ok, now we get to see what's on it.... HOLY. SHIT. Clifford Blossom murdered his own son?!! And Cheryl is hella bent on revenge!! FP confessed, because Clifford came to him the night he was arrested and threatened to kill Jughead?! I'LL BE DAMNED. And now FP can't get out, because he still has a bunch of other charges? Does Juggie at least feel better knowing that his dad isn't a murderer? Mary Andrews is leaving (Bye, Felicia) and Veronica's dad is getting out of prison? Go arrest, Clifford Blossom.... wait.... Cheryl, why do you look like that on your porch? What's in the barn?! CLIFFORD BLOSSOM HUNG HIMSELF?! That, or Cheryl got shit done, because bitches get shit done. And there are drugs everywhere.... shit is getting really realer than real up in here.

Jughead's Input: "And, though one question had been answered that night, that it was Clifford Blossom who killed Jason, a new mystery loomed over Riverdale. Why had he done it? It was a question only Clifford himself would be able to answer..."