Whose f*cking roads are you talking about again?!??!

I seen a recent study... survey... whatever you want to call it.

There was an article that claimed Indiana has some of the best roads, if not THE best roads in the US. And as someone who lives in and traverses the Indy roads on the daily... on behalf of our city (and most of the state) I call bullshit.

And if you don't believe me... I got receipts.

Last year when we still had Doug Judy... had to buy five tires in five months. That doesn't include the patches.

This year? With four months to go?

In June... Bonehead patched my tire for me.

Last month... had to have Trudy's front tire replaced completely because of a hole in the sidewall.

And just this week... me AND Dani had to have our tires replaced. My front passenger side. Her rear passenger side.

So... this whole best roads in the country bullshit you're trying to sell? We ain't f*cking buying.

Dev and me travel ALOT... lots of states... lots of highways and county roads.

Indiana? F*cked. Ohio? F*cked. Michigan? Amazing... after the first couple of minutes from point of entry. Y'all keep doing you! Tennessee? F*cked. Kentucky? Yee-F*cking-Haw kinda f*cked. Georgia? Pretty good. Alabama? F*cked. Florida? North is fantastic... once you start getting midways? F*cked.

The audacity of these folks to even pretend these roads aren't Jacked to Jesus and we're all just doing the best we can. If they're so fantastic, then y'all pay for all these tire problems... cause shit be expensive!

We're definitely more Trikru than Skaikru.

On January 29, an American Airlines plane and Blackhawk helicopter collided. And I can't help but to think... January 29th must be a bad omen type of day. It shouldn't have to be said, but I'll say it anyways, I feel absolutely terrible for all these people.

Since then, it feels like I have seen NOTHING but news reports about plane crashes. 

We're a traveling family, but we do all driving because my hubby is scared of... well... flying in planes. I always thought it was a valid fear but now more so than before. Didn't think it was possible, but it is.

Apparently there hasn't been a major US plane crash since 2009... and now we're creeping the deep in 2025? The fuck?

Listen... I don't know if this means some kind of Terminator malfunction is happening and it's crashing planes from here on out until they (hopefully?) find the glitch or if it's because this one major plane crash happened and the media feels the need to tell us about all the crashes that have been happening the whole time.

Either way... super uncomfortable and not fucking on board with it, dude.

I know I talk about things that have nothing to do with my personal life.

Ok... back to The Program: Cons, Cults, and Kidnapping. 

Y'all... what in the actual f*ck?! Have you seen this? If not, go and watch it and come back. I'll wait... did you watch it? Good.

Dude... when I was growing up, we didn't have cable. Well, we sometimes had cable for spurts... but then it was cancelled and a whole thing so for the majority of the time, no cable. Because of that, my Momma had the classics on tv during the day. Aka... daytime talk shows. She didn't do "the soaps" but daytime talk shows? She loved them all... from Sally Jessy... to Maury... Ricki Lake... Jerry Springer... Rosie O'Donnell... with her absolute favorite being Montel Williams.

I used to watch all these shows with her and while they could be fun and crazy... other times, the hosts had guests with very serious topics. 

I remember when it started feeling like you couldn't turn on a talk show without a set of parents on there talking about how "they couldn't handle their kid" and they "needed someone to step in and handle it." For the life of me, I could never understand why all these people had kids and then decided they were "too much" or "didn't have the time" for them. 

Then... why did you even have kids? Seriously, if you didn't have the time... and you don't have the capabilities to handle it... and you don't want to put forth the effort even when it's hard or feels impossible... and you feel perfectly comfortable letting someone else step in and raise that child... why did you even bother? And don't give me the whole "we were at our wits end"... "we didn't know what to do"... yadda yadda. That's quite literally part of being a parent and if you didn't have the mindset to deal with that, perhaps you should have reevaluated your priorities and life before deciding to reproduce. You have that option available to you.

But, that's one cynic of a shit parent (only one... I was fortunate enough to have an amazing mother).

Moving on. The solution both the hosts and parents seemed to come to for dealing with these kids were either one of two things. Either, the kid was sent to boot camp/juvie to be "scared straight" or they were sent to what they termed a "behavior modification facility." Basically, these were places that were supposed to be like "strict educational facilities" that taught values and discipline to all who attended.

You like how there was never a third option that allowed the child to stay with their actual family though? Oh no... gotta ship those little shits off. Afterall, the parents had enough!

While everyone was made to believe these places were essentially just a more strict and "life skill developing" educational program (think boarding school), there was apparently a dark side that people either didn't know about or chose to ignore all together when they stumbled across that information.

I always thought it sounded like a shit idea. Again, you're just shipping your kids off to stay with all these... strangers? Sure it's supposed to be a "school" and you should be able to trust people in that position... but how much do you really know about these places you're sending these kids and how much do you really know about the people taking care of them? These places and programs just started popping up out of nowhere and no one had any f*cking questions? They were just like, oh solution! And that was that? The f*ck?

You don't have to have any skills or degrees... no training or even a little read through... you literally could have just rolled out of bed from a four day bender still twitching through the day... and you're just in charge of the wellbeing of ALL these kids? And you just keep them until you've deemed they're no longer harmful to society or they age out of the program? 

The Program talks about this system. It literally traces it back to it's origins... and I'm sure you'll be so shocked to find that it's origins are... well... CULT. 

This documentary is amazing. I can't even describe to you what it feels like to watch it but to say it definitely makes you feel those feelings would be an understatement. It takes you through the horrors that happened to these kids through their eyes... as adults looking back. 

The particular events they go over in this documentary were around 2004/2005... meaning all the survivors are around my age. And while every single one of those people are grown and amazing people... all I wanted to do was hug them. Because realistically, I watched a group of adults recount the trauma they've endured and the struggles they still have... and yet, all I saw staring at me and telling me a story were kids. Scared, lonely, abandoned, tortured kids.

It was devastating and heartbreaking. Watching the videos and hearing the stories and just knowing even a percentage of what was going on, I can't even imagine. I will never understand how someone just looks at a kid and abuses them simply because they can. In fact, I'll never be able to understand an abusers state of mind in general, because I'll never understand just because you can... why the f*ck would you?

The atrocities committed against these people were horrendous. Physical, mental, emotional, sexual. Any kind of abuse you could think of, it was there. You haven't heard of a few different ones? Yeah, well, they were probably there too. It literally started from the "program" sending people to KIDNAP your child and drag them to this facility. Upon arrival, they were locked inside (not allowed to step foot outside again without permission), stripped completely naked "for contraband searches" and then the bullshit continued to escalate. 

You can tell these people are haunted by their time at that place.

They go through it all. From the events leading up to them being taken until they were finally able to go home. The things they saw and felt, the things they still feel and have to live with. From being abused to being brainwashed to being made to feel they weren't supposed to acknowledge any of these things. Some rebelled (can I get a whoop-whoop for Q!) while others tried to work the program. The bottom line is... there was no escape. 

No making eye contact, no smiling, no looking out the windows, no forming any kind of bond.

"Palms up, palms down, palms together, palms apart."

The survivors talk about all these things and where they are now. Many have long-term issues with their mental health while others have been left with a broken family. And I have to say, I get why they want to forgive their parents... they didn't know! The program (and others like it) are literally designed to brainwash the parents too. But, that also means they are better people than me... because there is no way I could forgive that. Whether you knew or not, you are still the person who not just signed your kid up for this abuse, but actually had them taken away for it to be enforced. You quite literally paid someone thousands upon thousands of dollars to abuse your child because you didn't want to deal with them. 

You can say they were troubled or you didn't know what to do.

Spin it whichever way you like, but Imma call a spade a spade and say shame on all of you.

And HOW has there been no justice for these people? These kids? Sure, they're grown now but you took a piece of them they can never get back. Months or years of their lives... not to mention the struggles they still have because hello TRAUMA. And what... nothing? 

I love the director of this documentary. She's spiteful and frank and doesn't give a shit who she makes uncomfortable. She's snarky and sarcastic and honestly, I think it must just be something within us Katherine's. She makes me feel like all things are possible with enough resilience and perseverance. 

None of these people cared what happened to her and her friends, so why should she give a damn about their feelings? Their reputations? Their family lives? I'm not saying anyone should do anything rash or illegal (because absolutely not, we're better than these people!), but legal recourse FOR SURE PLEASE. 

It's no wonder the majority of people that had anything to do with that place didn't even want it brought back up to begin with. Mostly, because they're all complicit in child abuse but also because they're shit people who think they didn't do anything wrong. Oh, "I was only there doing my job." The f*ck you were. You knew all of that was going on and you not only didn't tell anyone... you contributed to it. 

The few former employees that did talk in the documentary? F*ck them too. They're no better than any of the other ones... just because they're willing to talk about it doesn't mean they didn't abuse those kids. Even the most open former employee straight up admits to hardcore strip-searching the girls... and looks way too creepily excited about the recollection. Another, says she wasn't required to have any training or background investigation. The survivors all not only had horror stories about her but she admits she was a straight up "bitch" and did terrible things to them. Even going so far as to say, "I would want to know this information about people if it involved my kids." F*cking audacity by the handfuls. You're perfectly comfortable abusing other people's kids so you go ahead and have a few of your own? Fffffuuuuuu........... not saying that's not your right as a person. But also, f*cking audacity.

And there's literally nothing any of them can do to refute it because they left ALL the evidence right there in plain sight. They cared so little about these kids... and thought so few people would believe them... they didn't even bother to try and cover it up. Because they didn't give a shit as long as there was change going into their pockets.

F*cking savages.

I read earlier today there was an investigation opened in NY over this. I don't know how far it will go or to what extent they can even get justice for these people, but I would truly hope there is some form of civil justice out there for them. For all of them... the ones who survived and the ones who lost the battle. 

Like dude said, the abuse of a child is the business of anyone who knows about it. There were truly too many people who knew and did nothing. Don't let history repeat itself. Find them justice, don't let the big dogs win, and do what's right.

Also, let the Katherine's of the world do our thing. One way... or another.

Call us DINK or call us selfish narcissists... but what you aren't going to call us... is to a f*cking parent-teacher conference.

Dev and I are what people consider "DINK." As in, "Double Income No Kids." Not only did I not know there was an acronym for it for the longest time... I didn't even know that many people were on the same wavelength as us.

Dev and I don't have kids. Nor are we planning on having kids. In fact, we actually have many reasons for not having kids that we call "The List." This list ranges from serious reasoning we discussed even before we got married to hilarious little bits we've run across with the parents and children in our lives. 

Your three year old decided to unpotty train herself and flush the family hamster down the commode? PUT IT ON THE LIST.

Everyone seems to have an opinion on this one. Why I have no idea... it's not like we judge people for having children. You want kids? Cool. That's legitimately my reaction when someone brings it up. However, when someone asks me when (NOT IF) I'm having kids and I say we're not... well then.

I understand that people have the expectation of me to reproduce. I get it. It's been drilled into my head since I swear the day they told my mother she was having a girl. You legit come out of the womb expected to someday push another human out of the womb you just brought out. Like damn, a girl needs a minute. So yeah, I understand it's there.

What I don't understand, however, is why it's there. Why? WHY?! Why is it so f*cking important to you that a human come out of my vagina? Why is my vagina that f*cking important to you in general? I'll never understand why anyone cares what another person is or is not doing to and with their own body.

I've talked about this before. In fact, I've rambled on and on about it over the course of my time on this planet and at this point the argument is moot. There should literally not have to be any other reason other than BECAUSE I SAID NO.

Why? Because NO IS A FULL SENTENCE. NO. See? Full sentence. 

People shouldn't expect others to explain how they feel or what they want to do with their own bodies. BRO, it's their body. I don't tell you what to do with yours, don't tell me what to do with mine. At what point during the human condition did it become acceptable to have an opinion on someone else's body? Don't comment on their weight, don't comment on their dress, don't comment on their reproductive system. Just f*cking don't, you entitled piece of shit. Just because it worked for your body and your God believes that's the way it should be does not give you the validation to condemn other people.

My God and your God? Not the same dude. Because I absolutely refuse to believe that whatever is out there in the universe has nothing better to do than to worry about whether or not I'm having children or wearing pants or eating gluten... whatever crazy it is you think is happening. Does your guy literally have nothing better to do than watch your every move to decide if you'll be condemned to an eternity of hell and servitude if you so much as have the nerve to consider not reproducing? Sounds a little Santa Clausy meets the bitterest part of Revelations to me, homie. You that scared of the afterlife you have to shame and indignify your way through the current one?

People are super mad at Seth Rogen and his wife right now, because they too have made the decision to not have children and he's perfectly comfortable listing the reasons why they made that decision. (They have a "put it on the list" too!) 

And all I have to say is... Seth and Lauren (Miller) Rogen are my f*cking heroes. 

Like Dev and me, their list consists of legitimate and serious reasoning... and hilarious tidbits that I feel you only really understand if you have no desire for children. He makes the crack that, "we like to lay in bed on Saturday mornings and smoke weed and watch movies and we couldn't do that if we had kids" and people are super f*cking butt hurt over it.

People legit COULD NOT WAIT to rip into this man's soul because he had the nerve to have a different opinion than them. My favorites are shit like, "imagine bragging about being a loser" and "sad, they will wake up at fifty and realize life has no meaning."

Seriously, y'all? Your life had absolutely NO meaning for you whatsoever before you had children? You didn't have families or jobs or friends or pets or homes or dreams or goals... none of that? You have literally just been sitting on the sidelines of your entire life waiting for the day you could squirt a little human out of your ballsack or vagina so you could have some meaning? Absolutely nothing before or after that? Right?

How incredibly f*cking sad for you. And I mean that in all seriousness. You say you feel bad for those of us without children, but I feel incredibly sad for you that there is nothing in your life other than one thing that gives you any meaning whatsoever. I'm not saying you feeling like your kids give you meaning or you always wanting to have children is wrong. It's not. It's valid and if you want to be a parent, then by all means, do it. But... nothing else out there in the universe, huh? You only exist to make the next person exist and you don't get to feel fulfilled without it? F*cking sad.

Also, not that it really matters but... y'all know they're like 40+ years old, right? They know whether or not their lives are working out and they're happy or not.

Another woman was all, "a simple we're selfish narcissists would've sufficed." Lady, get off your f*cking high horse. I'm unsure of how two people making a decision in their lives that effects literally no one other than the two making the decision is selfish, but ok then. It's selfish to not have kids... because? 

Because you said so? Because that's what everyone has done before you? Because your life has no meaning whatsoever without your children? 

I think you should read that again. YOUR LIFE has NO MEANING without YOUR CHILDREN.

People get to decide what gives them meaning and makes them feel fulfilled. Just because your children make you feel fulfilled doesn't mean the person standing right next to you feels that way. 

Also, it sounds like alot of people's "valid reasoning" for having children ties into them aging themselves. "What are you going to do when you're old and there's no one to take care of you?" "What's gonna happen when you get up there in age and you don't have kids around... to take care of you?" "I could never imagine not having my children."

I don't want you to imagine not having your children. I want you to be happy and safe and I want your life to be full of wonder and amazement and happiness. But also...

Whose to say the family I've built over my lifetime won't make sure I have the absolute best care I could ever have should the situation arise... whose to say I won't take care of myself all throughout my life perfectly happy and healthy until I just fall asleep one day and don't wake up...

And whose to say your children are going to grow up to be good people that care what happens to you? 

Oohhh... you don't like that one, do you? Hear me out though. You're perfectly comfortable thrusting your opinions into a complete strangers face... telling them they're ignorant and shameful for making a decision to NOT do something with their own bodies... I can't imagine you'll be too uncomfortable shoving your opinions and bullshit down your children's throats as well. And whose to say that child won't grow up to resent the f*ck out of you and stick your hateful ass in a nursing home and never set eyes upon you again until the day you die and you'll just be alone and sad? 

I'm not saying it will happen. I'm just saying, I've seen it happen. And people are so sure it will NEVER happen to them because they're so amazing and raising such extraordinary people... never once considering that maybe that child doesn't feel the same sense of obligation to you that you try to guilt them into. You think Charles Manson's mama knew what the f*ck he was gonna get into as an adult? I don't know for sure, but I'd feel safe taking the bet of no. Was he there to take care of her later in life when she got old? No. Why?

Because even though she did what the entire universe said she should (reproduce) and she did what she was supposed to do (raise said child), at the end of the day, her son was his own person (and a complete piece of shit) who didn't care about anyone other than himself. 

You think her life had absolutely no meaning other than her children? Shame on you for condemning that woman to such a horrid fate. You f*cking savages.

Furthermore, they're losers because they what? Like to smoke weed and watch movies and hang out with each other? I don't know why that sounds sad to you but that sounds like a f*cking treat to me. And I think most would agree. Maybe not with those particulars, but you've never just had a peaceful morning with your spouse and hung out and just I don't know... been present? They enjoy spending quality time together and don't feel like they need anyone other than each other to be fulfilled and that's somehow... sad? 

F*ck on somewhere with that nonsense.

You're calling them losers for not having children and smoking weed because they can't possibly be fulfilled... and all that good they're putting in the world is for nothing, right? Doesn't matter that they've raised more money and awareness for Alzheimer's than any other celebrities out there. Doesn't matter that they campaign for equal rights and donate their time to help others. Doesn't matter that they're descended from some of the most persecuted people in history. Doesn't matter that they're both creative and make films that bring joy to people. Doesn't matter that they travel the globe trying to share their legacy with the world through hope and opportunity.

They're losers because they made the decision to not have children. 

Yeah, they're clearly the ones with the issues. I hope y'all are wearing helmets because it's gonna f*cking hurt when you fall off that high horse of yours.

The whole thing is, there were people (like me) that defended the two and I'm pretty sure we mostly agree with each other. There are people with kids that understand that some people want them while it's not for everyone. Just because they wanted kids, they don't feel the need to judge others that don't.  People who don't have kids don't care if you do. We're happy for you and are thrilled that you feel fulfilled in your lives. We want your kids happy and healthy and chances are, we love SO many of them. Seriously, I love all of our nieces and nephews and cousins and friends children more than I can explain. BUT I still don't want my own. I have absolutely no desire to be a mother and whether you refuse to accept it or not, my husband and I are incredibly happy together, sans those young 'ens.

I want you to do what works for your life and I'm gonna do what works for my life and maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle and not f*cking argue about it. It's clear that you're not going to change your opinion (because history has shown that progress is unnecessary... right?) and I'm certainly not going to change mine, because again, MY F*CKING BODY. So maybe we should find a happy medium and you just keep your opinions to yourselves and live your life how you think and I'll do the same for mine.

Yes, I'm aware that we're only thirty-four years old. Yes, I'm aware we have much more life to live and (hopefully) many years to come. 

But no, I do not regret making the conscious decision to not have children. Having a child you have no desire for, or are unsure if you want to have in the first place, is f*cking selfish. Putting your insecurities and failed dreams and aspirations on that child is f*cking selfish. Having a child for validation from the people around you is f*cking selfish. Not being able to provide for your child because you put them in said situation even though you knew the outcome would be hard and impossible just because you wanted one is f*cking selfish. Having a child just so you can call yourself a parent and then still making all the decisions for yourself because "they're a kid and I'm the parent" is f*cking selfish.

Maybe the people that choose not to reproduce aren't the selfish ones. Perhaps, maybe we're all a little selfish. I'm selfish for only wanting to be responsible for my husband and myself and our lives with our pups and you're selfish for wanting to have children just so you can call yourself a parent and get that validation from society. Maybe we're both selfish or maybe neither of us are selfish. Maybe we're just trying to live our lives and opinionated people riding in on their steeds of superiority need to take a f*cking seat and let us go on about our business.

Also, Seth Rogen is a national f*cking treasure and coming for him is fighting words, f*cker.

Yeah, why are bodies a trend and 40 hour work weeks the norm?

I got sucked into a Buzzfeed article the other day that was all about the standards that society has set for us. And follows that up with... but why though? And in all honestly, I have to agree with the majority of these. In fact, I bitch about most some on the regular. Not just through this crazy little space I call my ramble-verse, but also to my husband, my pups, my boss/cousin/friend, basically anyone who will listen to my sarcastic ass.

Who made up all the rules and decided which was the correct way of living? Society as a whole? 

You mean the same society that quite literally fist fought over f*cking toilet paper? Yeah, we all remember the pandemic like it was yesterday. People were deciding if they were gonna use coffee filters or just hop in the shower and spray their asses off after each incident. All because SOCIETY decided to hoard copious amounts of toilet paper. It's not even like diarrhea was a symptom of Covid, so I still don't know what the f*ck that was all about.

BUT I WE REMEMBER.

With that being said, I thought I would follow up on a couple of them (from said article)... not all because your girl has limited attention span to mess around with these days.

"The expectation that you should automatically know things that weren't taught to you growing up. Taxes, laws, basic medical care, and even from what cleaning chemicals you can mix to how long food lasts in the fridge."

I couldn't agree with... most of... this more. I feel like some things we should be taught and others we can figure out as we go. Do I need somebody to tell me when it's no longer acceptable to eat the leftover spaghetti in my fridge? I mean, they could but I could also probably trial and error that shit throughout my life. Cleaning products not to mix? Bro, I can read and I don't feel the need to put a warning label on everything. Sometimes I feel like maybe use some common f*cking sense. BUT TAXES? Dude, all you have to do as an adult is deal with taxes and they just let your ass out into the world with no idea what the f*ck is happening and throw you in jail if you avoid it or do it wrong. I'm almost thirty-four and I still wish somebody would explain taxes and medical care to me. And I've been dealing with this shit a long time. If I'm being honest, I've been winging it this whole ass time.

"Healthcare being tied to employment. I don't want to be trapped in a job I hate just so I can get my prescriptions. I have enough savings and low cost of living, so I could totally do a part-time job but no... 40 hours for insurance."

I don't think healthcare should have anything to do with employment. I will never understand how the capabilities and potential are there and they are not available to every single human unless they somehow contribute to what society deems worthy. F*cking excuse me? Lord forbid you take a look at Denmark and see what they're doing. No. Because that would mean "giving something to someone who hasn't worked for it" and that just isn't something we do as a society, right? Wouldn't want someone to get something for nothing. Because unless you work your fingers to the bone you're not worthy of it. Right? F*ck off.

"The expectation of being constantly employed. If you're not producing something then you're worthless."

I was very much raised with the mindset that if you didn't work every single day, including on weekends, then you were considered lazy. The kind of work didn't matter, you just had to be working. Then again, if you had what people deemed an "easy job" then you were lazy too. Didn't matter how much you worked or how much of yourself you gave, it was just never enough and people would call you lazy for it. It took me a long time to realize that was an extremely toxic way to live. I've made many changes to myself over the last few years and one of those changes was I opened my mind to rethink things that had been ingrained into me since birth. With that came the "work ethic" point. I no longer fault someone who doesn't want to work round the clock, forty hours a week. I want people to be happy and to be fulfilled. Yes, we have to work to survive and not everyone was born to be a rockstar or doctor. Sometimes, we just want to live our normal lives and spend as much time with the people we care about as we can. That's extremely hard to do when you're chained to a desk or working yourself so long and so hard that you immediately collapse given the first opportunity.

"The quest for youthfulness. Growing older is a privilege, and I don't understand that hate on wrinkles, grey hair, etc. There used to be a saying, "grow old gracefully" which implies accepting the changes and making the most out of it."

Look, if you want to dye your hair or wear makeup or something, go for it. If you want to take care of yourself and have a skin care routine, go for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of yourself or making yourself feel or look good. As long as it's for you. But how about, we leave everybody the f*ck alone about it? I don't care if you're twenty and look thirty. I don't care if you have grey hair. I don't care if you're thin or heavy or purple or have wrinkles or wear pajama pants in public. I DON'T CARE. Are you happy? Because that's what should matter. I do not care what someone looks like. Why are we judging people solely based on that? What the f*ck is wrong with you? Are they a good person? Do they treat others with respect and kindness? Are they minding their own f*cking business? Yes? Take a note and do the same.

"The false idea that men cannot be abused, or men cannot feel emotion. Men are supposed to slap on some bootstraps or, however, its called and "take it like a man." It's disgusting."

This is the dumbest shit I've ever heard and I've heard it my entire life. Men are supposed to have absolutely no feelings and women are insane for acknowledging theirs. It's a vicious no win cycle. I love that my husband shows me his emotions. There are no secrets or kept things between us. I'm 100% me and he's 100% him and that's one of my very favorite things about our relationship. I don't want to have a warm piece of stone walking around the house nodding along. I married a whole ass human with feelings and emotions and secrets and strengths and weaknesses. All of which he's entitled to have and be because again, he's f*cking human. He, and any other person. You should be allowed to feel your own feelings and not have to hide the fact that you have basic human capabilities.

"Beauty standards (for all genders). Human bodies should not be treated or seen as a trend, in my opinion."

See my quest for youthfulness. Again, I don't care how you want to look or what you want to wear. The chances of me paying attention to you instead of in my own little world or having a self-induced anxiety attack are pretty f*cking rare. You wear or dye or feel whichever way you want and if somebody has a problem with that, f*ck em. They're probably miserable little shits that get off on judging other people on the regular. You know what you should do with the people in your life that do that to you and make you feel that way? Cancel them from your life. You no longer have to pick up that phone or read that text. You don't have to stand there and listen to them. In all areas, you can simply walk away. From the situation, the person, the bullshit.

"The 40-hour work week."

This all goes back to my mindset growing up. The amount of shit I have received over my lifetime on this could fill a bucket. I've held a full-time job since I was fourteen years old. Before that, we worked every summer in tobacco and I had responsibilities on not just our land, but on the land of our neighbor because our family did work for him and his. What I'm saying is, work is not something new to me. I've never minded working and don't really know what I would do with myself without a job (although I bet with enough f*ck you money at my disposal I could figure it out). HOWEVER, I do not hold it against someone for not having that mindset. I don't care if you don't feel the need to hold a "40 hour" job or if you do odd and end jobs to make ends meet. I simply don't care. I want you to do what you need to do to get you to the next day and I want to do what I have to do to get to the next day and maybe we can meet somewhere in the middle and have a cup of tea or something. Because f*ck, life is hard and there's no reason to make it harder by being a dick to somebody because they don't meet your standards. Why do you even have those standards? My guess would be because society has influenced you to.

And when that happens, I want you to remember the toilet paper-laden fist fights of 2020.

"The stigmatization of mental health: Nothing says 'progressive society' like still treating mental health issues as taboo or a sign of weakness. It's almost impressive how persistent this standard is, considering the leaps and bounds made in understanding the human brain."

I'm gonna be real honest with this one... I struggle with my mental health daily. And I am certainly not the only one. It's easy to get lost in your head and let your mind take over. It literally is an every single day process to deal with. With that being said, I should also throw it out there I have a dark sense of humor. Do I crack jokes about something another person is going through? Absolutely not. But, do I crack jokes and make sarcastic quips at my own expense? F*ck yes, I do. Because that's what gets me through and I won't apologize for it. We all deal with our lives any which way we can. And I will never understand why someone would feel the need to shit on somebody that is just trying to live their life the best way they know how or can.

We need to do better as people in general. Humans as a whole. And society? Well, society as a whole can suck a bag of dicks because we've decided we're not listening to those f*cking losers anymore.

This old gal is aging out of the tomfuckery.

I recently read an article about women in their thirties. Ok, that's a bit of a broad statement... I read an article about how women in their thirties "age out of the male gaze." Seriously, you ever get sucked into a Yahoo "news" article? Happens to me on the regular and I'm not even sorry about it because why the hell not?

This article went on to explain that by age thirty-three women start becoming less attractive to men physically and men felt the need to approach those women less in everyday life. It said that whether men do this purposefully or subconsciously, it happens. Mostly, it applies to strangers, as you tend not to notice the aging of a person in your day to day life.

Meaning, my husband will still find me attractive but no one else will feel the need to talk to me.

And can I just say, I have NEVER been more excited to be turning thirty-four in a few weeks in my entire f*cking life? SERIOUSLY?! People are going to feel the need to talk to me less? YES.

I mean, it's not like dudes are walking up to me on the regular to hit on me (it takes alot of effort to look this mediocre on the daily), that's not what I mean. I don't think I'm so damn pretty people are in awe and I think men are lining up to harass me. THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.

However, I did think of about fifty jokes to go along with it and if I'm being completely honest, shit is funny. I mean, where do people get off on this kind of study? Who is lining the f*cking halls wanting to know the judgment of society? Did someone just walk into work one day and get assigned a project and the first thought they had was, "huh, let's see if I can break self esteem and give people some information that cannot possibly be accurate?"

Because I don't for one second believe this is accurate... otherwise there wouldn't be men that prefer older women? Has no one heard of a cougar? I think this is another one of those made up things to get women to raise their levels of paranoia and spend copious amounts of money to try and age like f*cking Benjamin Button.

We age. It happens. Move along now.

Keep the people who love you for you close and all the naysayers can go naysay on the f*cking hill across the pasture. And if anybody needs me, I'll be living my sweet-sweet almost thirty-four, aging out of the small talk, snuggling with hubbs and pups life. And let me just say, it is a good f*cking life.

People haven't learned in 111 years? Leave that bitch alone.

We'll start off by saying I in no way, shape or form want to make light of someone's life. Life or death situations are scary and traumatic and I feel for the people whom are left behind in the wake of something so life-altering and tragic.

HOWEVER....

You absolutely CANNOT send a submarine down to the depths of the Titanic, name it Titan, and lose said submarine and expect me to NOT have some sarcastic and/or wtf commentary about said situation. I mean, it doesn't affect my life at all and its absolutely NONE of my business, but you know what? 

Eh. I don't even really feel like getting into it. Let's just say, I'm gonna say it either way.

We'll play a little catchup first... this past Sunday, it was reported that a submersible watercraft set to explore the wreckage of the Titanic had gone missing. Like, poof. Gone, nadda, nothing. VANISHED. And yeah, you read that right. They were going to explore the Titanic. The one that wrecked and was responsible for the death of over 1,500 people?!! In 1912?! Yeah, that one.

Because apparently motherf*ckers didn't learn the first time around. And once I learned about this and started reading up on it I learned that this is an actual thing. Like, not just the five guys missing this time around, but the fact that people go 13,000 meters below the North Atlantic to see this disaster. IT'S A THING. A whole ass thing.

The only thing that comes to my mind when thinking of being in that situation is mind-numbing/body-crippling fear. And that's even before they lost the sub. That's just the thought of being out in the ocean that damn far. There is nothing more terrifying than the ocean. Ok, maybe outer space, BUT I can't just run into that so the ocean wins top dollar on this one. There's so much we don't know about it and the creatures that live there. And yes, I say creatures because at this point I don't know what's down there. You don't know what's down there. Even Jason Momoa doesn't know what's down there.

NONE OF US DO.

You know what immediately comes to my mind when I think about this? Sea creature or the Bermuda Triangle. I mean, you do have the US, Canada, and France looking for this thing.

And forgive me for being somewhat dramatic... but don't we all think that sub may have been eaten by a massive creature that they've let out of the pits of underwater hell? Anyone ever watched The Meg? I know its a sci-fi movie made in all good fun but... seems a little sketch to me. Apparently everybody and their mama has been going down there for a damn weekend visit like its grandpappy's house. They were bound to stir something up or let something out down there, right? RIGHT?!

According to reports, three of the five men onboard are billionaires and the fourth is the heir to a billion dollar empire. I'm sure this is because I've watched one too many movies in my life time, but shouldn't they have a contingency plan for that? You know, missing and in need of rescue? Christian Grey made getting out of a dangerous situation look easy as long as you have enough cash. And again, not trying to be an ass but... you're worth billions of dollars and nobody thought to put a freaking chip in you in case of kidnapping or some other super extra thing like that? COME ON.

You know who I feel the worst for? The "heir" that was onboard. He was a nineteen year old kid that just wanted to make sure his dad had a great Fathers Day. He literally went to spend the day with his dad, have a good time, maybe some laughs, make some memories and instead had to live a f*cking nightmare. All because ANOTHER set of dudes thought they knew what was best and "didn't need to listen to" a full set of people even though said people have studied and worked with these materials and kind of explorations and technology for YEARS. Ok, you don't have to use their designs, but at least listen to what they're telling you about the safety. Maybe you have to push your timeline a couple of years. I'm all for innovation and I know taking risks is what defines progress, but seriously? 

THAT MOTHERF*CKER WAS DESIGNED TO FUNCTION WITH A PLAYSTATION CONTROLLER. 

The hubris definitely outweighed the common sense in this situation. AGAIN. Just like back in the day when they built the original and now today, when five families have to say goodbye to their loved ones. 

Can we all just agree to leave well enough alone and stop going down to the murky pits of the deep to see a ship that hit an iceberg and sank over a century ago? I get that its a piece of history and its amazing to see. I understand. BUT, maybe we just all stick to the 1997 version and go from there. You've seen all that needs seen. Y'all are acting like this is The Inferno and One-Eyed Willy is about to walk off that sumbitch and wave at you.

LET IT GO.

I don't think that works how you think that works, sir. *a Netflix ramble*

I'm just going to get it on out there and admit I'm obsessed with the Netflix documentary series... I Am A Killer. I know, I know. I'm one of those people that gets sucked into true crime stories and can't seem to look away from them.

My poor husband is forced (I say forced, but really he loves me and my quirks so eh) to watch hours upon hours of this shit while we lay in bed and I'm on a binger (get it? binger instead of bender! I crack myself up). Luckily for him, it gives him the opportunity to play copious amounts of COD. So really, I'm not sure it's not a win and he says it is so I'm going with it.

We'll (mostly because I) will lay in bed for HOURS upon HOURS with our pups and watch this ridiculousness and just have so many questions.

The point is, I watch this shit all the time. Not only "I Am A Killer" but various other ones too. But I have to say, this one has me hooked. Mostly because I am learning a whole lot of things that I thought I kind of knew, but apparently had absolutely no idea about.

Like, apparently just because you're on death row doesn't mean that you won't get out of prison? Don't get me wrong, I didn't think I had a complete understanding of the death penalty. I don't think I know more about laws than an officer and I'm not on the same level as a lawyer. 

I don't claim to know everything and understand there are some things I have absolutely no clue about and probably never will have a full understanding of.

However, I thought I at least had a basic understanding of the death penalty. I thought once you were sentenced to death row there were only three options for no longer being there:

#1: you pass away while in prison awaiting your execution date

#2: you actually make it to your execution date and they... you know... xxxxx

#3: there's a rare occasion where an appeal comes through and you're re-sentenced

Apparently, those are not the only options and I am an idiot for believing it was. There are so many new laws and loopholes and things that contradict each other that I'm not even sure how law enforcement can keep up with all of it. It's kind of insane.

Speaking of insane, some of these motherf*ckers? BRO. You never really know what's going to happen. You never know if you're going to see reasoning or if this person is just a psychopath with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. 

I'm not going to lie, maybe I'm a fool, but some of these stories are so damn heartbreaking that I feel for everyone involved. And then other ones? I'm like, yeah that dude is a sociopath, definitely keep them contained. Please and thank you.

In all honesty, Netflix documentaries got me on edge and looking over my shoulder 24/7 like there's a cult leader hiding behind my shower curtain or something. Paranoid? YES. Understandable? Also, YES.

How the world told me I was wrong and how much I didn't give a shit.

I recently read a Buzzfeed article that had adults explaining the "childish" things they still do or enjoy and how they no longer feel bad about them as society would want. 

I have to say, it was refreshing to know I'm not the only person out there that enjoys random things or feels like a kid at heart. At the age of thirty-two, I feel no different than I have my entire life. Well, not not different, but you know what I mean. I still think I can do all the things I have always done... even though my left knee would disagree, tell me to shut the fuck up, and sit down.

NO KNEE. YOU HAVE ONE FUCKING JOB. DO IT. AND BE A KNEE.

This got me thinking about things in my life that people said I couldn't do, I would have to grow out of, or they think I should change because it's just not "normal." You know what I say to that? Normal is overrated and with my mental health not likely. 

Speaking of mental health, remember when I said I was really working on mine and felt that I'm still learning myself and evolving into who I actually am? Well, I felt this was a good way to put out there some of the strange things about me that other people deem inappropriate, but I couldn't care less about. Why? Because it makes me happy or brings me peace.

And that, my friend, is something money can never buy.

Our bed is in our living room. And people fucking hate it. Not everyone, most people don't give a shit, because you would quite literally never know unless we/someone has told you or you've been in our house. And let's just say, we don't have a plethora of visitors. So, the majority of people that know have heard it through the grapevine. 

Honestly, it all started with Momma. She used to have to sleep in the living room, because the only place she could get comfortable was the chair and I slept on the couch in case she needed help throughout the night so I could hear her and get to her quickly. After she passed away, I tried going back to sleeping in the bedroom, but found myself with extreme bouts of insomnia or at times when I could sleep, sleepwalking, and somehow I always ended up in the living room. 

It wasn't purposeful and I wasn't thinking about it, but it was like instinct (or perhaps, habit) told me that's where I should be. I would wander all night long or D would simply find me standing in the middle of our living room staring off into space and try to coax me back to bed. 

After about a month of this he decided that if I couldn't sleep in a bedroom then he would bring the bedroom to me. He pulled our damn mattress into the living room, laid me down, covered me up and played with my hair until I fell asleep. 

That was the first night I slept for more than an hour in a very long time.

Since then it has become something in our lives that we both are fond of and seems to work for us. I like to think of our house (on the inside) as set up like an old school cabin. Quite a few people I grew up with had this type of situation going on. Homes were small and the cabins tend to have the living room/bedroom combined with a kitchen, bathroom, and perhaps a small "guest" room off to the side. That's it, because that's all you would need. I assume growing up with that has made me accepting of it. And I would be lying if I said my ultimate dream wasn’t to live in a tiny cabin (like our house) in the middle of the mountains surrounded by nature and calmness.

I miss living in BFE and the peacefulness of it all. I miss living in the mountains up hills and down hollers. D also misses living in the middle of nowhere. Even though he grew up close to Orlando, he lived in the "off" version of it or what some would call, the "country" part. Now we both live dead ass in the middle of the city and we make the most of it. 

So yes, our setup is a little unorthodox, but it works for us and we're not changing a damn thing about it anytime soon. Maybe never. Why? Because it's our house and we can live in it any which way we choose.

Howard- my forever comfort item. I have had the same teddy bear since the day I was born and I sometimes still sleep with him. When I'm sick, when I'm sad, sometimes for absolutely no reason at all other than I just feel like I need him. I take him on all of our roadtrips... because well, what if we get stuck somewhere for the rest of our lives and I don't have him with me? Dramatic as always, but it's what goes on in my head.

He's looking a little worse for wear these days, but then again, aren't we all? He's been around the same thirty-two years as me and he's been through alot. And I do mean alot, because he went everywhere with me as a child... as a teenager... and now as a fully grown adult. He's not a clean white anymore... more dingy than anything. He's been sewn up throughout the years and one of his eyes had to be replaced with a button (thanks to the beginnings of me and Tayder's journey together). However, he never fails to comfort me and make me feel like it's all going to be ok. It's not, but he has a way of comforting me like no other inanimate object can. He's like my forever security blanket... without being a legitimate blanket. If that makes sense? 

Frankly, I don't care if people find me childish for still keeping him around. It doesn't bother anyone and it affects no one's life. Does that stop others from having an opinion on it? Never. Do I give a shit? Also, never.

I wear my boots (or stay barefoot) pretty much everywhere no matter the occasion. There are exceptions of course. I tend to not wear them when I have to dress up for a funeral or something, but mostly, I'm in my boots... or barefoot. I know, I know. Walking around barefoot is one of the worst things you can do... at least, if I believe every single person throughout my childhood and adult life that's what you're supposed to know. Like an unwritten rule?

Clearly, I've never gotten the memo and even if I did, I would ignore it. I've never been one of those girls obsessed with shoes. I have a shit ton of them, more than I'll ever need, but they're gifts from people throughout the years and I would feel horrible about throwing them out. Say what you will, but when someone gives me a gift, whether it be a hand me down or brand new, it feels special. They took their time and thought of me and that means something.

Then again, it could be my compulsive hoarding. I don't hoard to the point of needing to be on a reality television show, but to say I have more random things than I'll ever need would be an understatement. What can I say? I'm sentimental like that.

I had one of my aunts tell me that you're supposed to "retire" your shoes after 300 miles. Bless her, I don't think the nurse in her will ever go away. And I love that. She didn't mention it to be mean or really even call me out, she just worries about my health from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

But, for every person that cares there's three more trying to bring you down. And I don't feel the need to listen to those people. The way I look at it, my toes are adorable and my boots make me feel like me, so they're not going anywhere. People don't like it? They don't have to look... there's a whole world out there they're more than free to stare at.

I don't clean house how I was raised to. This one is something that even I've had to come to terms with myself. You see, Momma (and ALL of her sisters) were/are very particular about their houses. Everything has a particular spot where it belongs and you sweep, mop, dust, and vacuum every single day. There are very few exceptions to this "rule" and we were all raised to be the same. Isn't it funny how that works? I didn't grow up around my cousins and our lives were so damn different, but there are some things that remained the same. I suppose passed down from generation through generation. My Grammy was the same way about her house, so I'm assuming that's where it comes from.

And I was raised that way. I don't think it was ever intentional and she would never ever make me feel bad about myself in any way, but I was led to believe that if you didn't keep your house like this everyday, it meant that you were a gross person. And yes, while I think sometimes that may very well be true, I also don't necessarily think your house needs to be spotless for you to be a clean person.

Our house is clean, but it is also lived in. I don't sweep and mop the floors everyday and I see no reason why I should have heart failure if I have two loads of laundry instead of washing every single day. Dusting? HA! I spot dust to the best of my abilities on my good days and all the other days I say fuck off. 

I simply don't care that there's some dog hair on my furniture (it's their house too and they are allowed on all of the furniture) or that my bathroom rugs don't match. I don't care that I choose to do laundry once a week or every other week instead of daily. I don't care that clean dishes stay in the dish drainer instead of being put in the cabinet or that the blanket on our bed may be crooked. And I seriously don't care if anybody likes it.

Our house is comfortable. It is very us and I find a sort of peace within. I think that's what your home should feel like. Who gives a shit what it looks like to other people? Sure, I would hate for my house to be a gross disaster and have company over, but it never gets to that point. It's not really "dirty" its just not spotless. Between my hoarding and D's OCD its cluttered, but nice. Serene even.

I struggled with this. When I was in the deepest pits of my depression our house could've been a hole in the ground surrounded by mucky water and I wouldn't have cared. It never did, but it could've. I felt extreme guilt with not cleaning my house like Momma would've done it or I would've done it for her. I thought something was severely wrong with me and I was a disgusting person for not adhering to those rules.

And then one day I realized something. I realized that I'm fucking grown and I make my own rules. There's quite literally no one that can tell me I'm not doing it right, because even if they did, I wouldn't listen. I became ok with not living by the rules and structures that were presented to me throughout my entire life. I felt guilt over it, sometimes still do, but I've accepted that this is just who I am as a person. I want my house clean, but I also want to enjoy it. And quite frankly, I don't want to live my life adhering to the way someone else thinks it should be. Therefore, you don't like my house? Yeah, well, chances are you weren't invited anyways.

Children. People are forever asking D and I when we're going to reproduce. Once we tell people we have no intention of spawning little demon offspring, they immediately begin with the reasoning behind why we should. 

"Ooohhhh... but you guys would make the most gorgeous babies ever!" We know.

"You'll change your mind eventually, everybody wants kids!" No, we don't. We love our nieces and nephews and friends children, but we prefer our furbabies.

"But if you don't have children, whose going to take care of you when you're old?" I don't know, hopefully ourselves and each other. Are y'all seriously having kids just so someone will be around to take care of you when you're old?

"Babies are such a blessing! There's nothing like motherhood in the entire world!! I can't imagine life without children." Yes, they are. I'm sure there isn't. I wouldn't want you to. Doesn't mean I want any crotch goblins of my own flitting about.

As a woman, you're made to feel inferior or like something is clinically wrong with you if you don't desire to be a mother. I used to think there was something wrong with me too. I've just never felt that motherly instinct or pull. My husband likes to tell me that even though I'm not a human's mother, I am still our pups mother and I have good motherly instincts. Then again, he also tells me I'm gorgeous and don't look a day over seventeen, so the jury's out on whether or not to believe him on that one.

My MIL also tells me I have those instincts. She didn't say it to try and coax me to have children (probably the only MIL on the planet that actually adores her DIL's and thinks they should make their own decisions and live their lives how they see fit), but she said it in a way that made me feel nice. She let me know that even if I don't have my own children I love and treat those around me like a mother would. Caring, giving, loving, supportive. She makes me sound much cooler than I actually am.

And that's good enough for me. I truly believe some people were born to be mothers and others aren't. Just like I believe some people are born to create wonderful music and others aren't. There are people meant for certain things and others for different things. My mother was absolutely born to be a mother. There's no way to convince me otherwise. She quite literally did it all for my brother and I, going and doing without so we wouldn't. 

But, that's just not me. I will give you the shirt off my back, but don't ask me to reproduce, because no. And maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe there is. But you know what? I'm ok with that too. Because I would rather have someone think something is seriously wrong with me than make decisions in my life based off of another's opinion.

Fuck that.

So, there you have it. Not nearly everything I could say or call out, but the major things that people seem to have a problem with. That's ok though, because as I always heard growing up, if they're talking about me, they're leaving someone else alone.

And I'm telling y'all. Peace. Of. Mind.

It's been an exhausting week, but we totally got this.

This week has been exhausting. Nothing extensive has happened within our lives, but it's just one of those weeks. You know? Aside from the fact that I've been thoroughly freaked out, because there was a shooting at our local mall last Sunday (and the fact that D and I almost went to said mall that very day to pick up a backpack but decided to go to Walmart instead, because we felt lazy), nothing else has been out of the ordinary.

My MIL was supposed to be up this week, but because of my FIL's health, she's had to postpone her trip indefinitely. We would have loved to see her, but we completely understand the situation and why she felt like she needed to stay home. I myself would have made the exact same decision. Sometimes when something happens to your person, you have to put everything else on hold and deal with it the only way you can. However that may be.

We've been spending alot of time customizing D's new bike and I have to say that it's coming along rather nicely. He decided he wanted to go with a "Merica" theme and we definitely went with it. From the handlebars to the seat, we have customized it all. There's absolutely no way I can look at that bike and not see my husband in it. I've also taken to calling it "Mistress" and it makes D crack up every time.

Our pups are still my amazing little babies. Sparkles' ear has healed up all the way and he's still napping as often as the opportunity presents itself. Xur's anxiety is through the roof 24/7 even though we did have a handle on it, but he's still as lovable and cuddly as ever. And my little Tayderbug is chugging along and simply reminding me what a gift they all are to me every single day of our lives.

Can I just say how happy I am that its Friday? Like, forreal I'm so happy about this. All I want to do is stay in my house with my pups and hubby and let the weekend crawl by. Unfortunately, D has to work tomorrow so there will not be any sleeping in then, but maybe a chill day and a relaxing Sunday? One can hope for the best even if disaster is on the horizon.

Let's go ahead and put it out there so people know and move on with their lives. *this is my opinion and you are more than welcome to walk away*

I have been asked more about my uterus in the last week and a half than I have my entire life. 

In fact, people are increasingly concerned about the decisions we (people that possess a uterus) make, guns, and somewhere in the back folks keep hollering about Jesus.

The only thing I have to say to that last one is if y'all don't think Jesus is rolling his eyes right about now, you're sorely mistaken. But, that's an argument that I have no desire to partake in. Also, I'm not exactly yearning to have a conversation about guns either. In fact, its ridiculous that I even have to say anything about any of this, because people can't quit acting a fool and mind their own fucking business.

Seriously, if people could just mind their own business, stop shooting/stabbing/raping/maiming/harming each other, and just get on a mutual level, life would be so much simpler.

Alas, that's not ever going to happen. Because who would want to live a peaceful life and be happy while doing it? People are too busy plotting how to hurt someone or screw them over and the rest of us have to deal with the repercussions. Assholes.

Remember a couple years ago when the pandemic first hit and we were all hunkered down in our houses, trying random TikTok hacks, binge-watching Netflix, experimenting with exercise (or in my case, drinking), not wearing pants, and honestly wanting everyone around us to be healthy, but also keep their distance? Can we please go back to that? 

Not the pandemic part, but the quarantine and generally trying not to be a terrible person part? Let's do that.

I say all that so I can respond to the constant questions that are on loop everywhere in our country (and I'm assuming with some instances, the world). Let's just jump right on in.

Do I believe in abortion? Medically, yes. Do I think it should be used as the first form of birth control? No. Do I think there are circumstances that call for abortion? Yes. Do I think every single person has the right to make a decision about their own body no matter their age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs? Absolutely. Do I think it's ok for someone, whether it be politician or passerby to shame someone or make a decision for that person that has absolutely nothing to do with their life? Absolutely not. And also, fuck you.

I don't care where you stand with your religious beliefs. Honestly, I couldn't give less of a shit. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt. I know scripture and I've been around "the gospel" my entire life. They drill that into you and if you don't believe everything exactly how they think you should, you are shamed for it. There is no understanding or discussion, it is simply you are shamed. Period. Every mistake you have ever made, every unfiltered thought you said out loud, all the most devastating moments and events in your life will be thrown in your face and there will be no remorse from them, because you don't fit into their belief system. As an adult, I would not say I'm religious at all. Spiritual? Yes. Religious? No. 

Basically, what I'm saying is, you can stand there and yell and scream at me until you are blue in the face about how I'm a sinner and going to hell, because I'm "pro-choice." Well, guess what? I wouldn't say I'm "pro-choice" or "pro-life." I would however say I am pro mind your own fucking business and quit thinking your beliefs are the only thing acceptable in the universe.

How about you keep your church out of my fucking vagina and I'll keep my vagina out of your church? Is that a deal that can be made? If so, sign me and about fourteen million other people the fuck up.

Look, I'm not trying to be an asshole. Honestly, it just comes natural. But, I'm having a real hard time with people right now.

I mean, the government decided to regulate my uterus and nicotine consumption within two days of each other and honestly, I feel like I might be treading in dangerous waters. Frankly, I picked the wrong year to stop drinking and taking crazy pills. And yes, I can say crazy pills, because I am not shaming anyone with mental health issues. I call them crazy pills, strictly for myself, because I felt as though they kept me from going crazy for awhile. So before you get pissed off about that, let me go ahead and stop you right there and say once again, you don't like it? I don't fucking care.

On the other side of Roe v. Wade being overturned, I've heard many people discussing gay marriage and how the right to that may be taken or re-evaluated as well. Where do I stand on that?

Well, first off, can we stop calling it gay marriage and call it what it is? 

Marriage. Just marriage. That's legitimately all it is. Just two people married to each other, making decisions, sharing bills, caring for each other, and never knowing where to go out to eat for the rest of their lives. 

I'm going to my little cousins wedding in a few weeks. When she sent me the invitation did she say, "Katiedid, would you like to come to my gay wedding?" Hell no. She simply asked, "Katiedid, would you like to come to my wedding?" That's all she needed to say, because its not a "gay wedding" it is just a fucking wedding. A wedding that she, her fiancé, and every single other person should have the fucking right to have if they so please.

I have a hard time with people having such a problem with this. Like, why in the actual fuck do you even care? I certainly wouldn't invite your opinion into my marriage and I'm fairly certain you're not taking your marital decisions to the polls to ask everyone else what they think. So again, why in the actual fuck do you even care? 

And before you answer that with the same thing I've heard a million times, remember, I don't give any shits where your religious beliefs lie. Again, I'll say it for the people in the back, YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO AFFECT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU WITHIN THEIR OWN LIVES. 

Furthermore, if you feel so strongly about other peoples relationships or marriages (you know, the ones that quite literally have nothing to do with your life), where are you to help out all the people in abusive situations? Oh wait, let me guess! That's not your business. Why isn't it your business? Because it's not your relationship or marriage? Guess what? No relationship or marriage you're not an active participant in is your business.

You'll turn a blind eye to Steve beating the absolute dogshit out of Brenda, but Lord forbid Brad ask fucking Rick to Prom. I will never understand some people.

You believe what you believe, I'll believe what I believe, and we can still coexist without shoving our opinions down each others throats. We could probably even be friends. Because I actually have friends and we have different opinions about many things. And you know what? We're still friends even though we think about certain things differently. I don't try to get them to believe what I believe, they don't try to get me to believe what they believe. We actually just have adult conversations and continue on with our own lives. Fucking wild, right?

However, I cannot, and absolutely would not want, to be friends with someone who doesn't think every single person deserves their own basic fundamental rights. We can disagree on a whole lot of things and continue throughout our lives, but this is a hard limit for me. You think you have the right to tell someone else how to live their life, because your opinion and structured belief system is the only thing that matters? Seriously? 

Must be exhausting being so fucking entitled all the time.

Speaking of entitled.... guns. Look, I don't even want to get into this shit, because honestly, why would I want to? However, it seems ever prevalent in today's world, so I might as well just say what I'm gonna say since everyone seems to associate gun control with my uterus. 

2022 is fucking wild, dude.

Look, I am very much not anti-gun. I own guns and have been around and used guns my entire life. I was taught from a young age to handle and respect every single weapon as if it's loaded and the safety is off at all times. I've used them to hunt and I am a firm believer in the right to have weapons to protect your home, your family, and yourself. Not only that, but I understand gun collection/use as a hobby. And my stance on "the right to bare arms" holds firm.

However, if you think for one second that I'm perfectly fine with the amount of mass shootings that have occurred and continue to occur, you are sadly fucking mistaken. It is absolutely appalling to me that people have to live in constant fear every time they step in public. It makes me physically ill that everyday I watch people send their children to school and they have to consistently worry that it may be the last time that they see said child.

I was a kid when Columbine happened. I remember the absolute overwhelming fear and anxiety that I felt watching that unfold and then going back into school after it happened. I was absolutely petrified before my nine year old brain could really process exactly what I was so petrified of or even what I was feeling. I had no idea what those feelings were or how to deal with them. And now, that feeling is something that kids don't just have to deal with, but is such a common occurrence, have to actually prepare themselves for.

How fucking sad is that? No, not sad. Devastating. 

I've always been open about not wanting to have children. And while my stance on marriage has significantly changed, my decision on children has not. D and I are simply happy with it being just us and our pups. Don't get me wrong, we love children. We have many nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends with children. We just don't want any of our own.

The morning of Uvalde, TX, I quite literally cried in public. I couldn't fathom how something like this had happened yet again. Honestly, I was relieved to not be a parent. I've never wanted to be a parent, but it was the first time in my life that I was actually thankful I wasn't. Maybe that makes me sound cruel or something, but I honestly don't know how people do it. And I certainly didn't envy my brother, sister in laws, or brother in laws for having to wait for their children to get home that day and send them into school the next.

Do I think something more can be done about gun control and the violent situations arising? Yes. Do I think that taking peoples guns and outlawing a bunch of things is going to stop the problem? Absolutely not. Do I think we can somehow find a solution that works for everyone with some understanding and a little follow through? Yes. Just because something is going to be hard, or no one knows where to start, doesn't mean we shouldn't start somewhere. Something needs to be done. What? I don't have all the answers, I really don't. Maybe this is coming from a place of naivete, but I feel like there is a solution out there. We simply haven't found it yet. Doesn't mean we stop trying. 

The majority of responsible gun owners feel the exact same way I do. Just because you are ok with, like, or appreciate a weapon, does not automatically make you a criminal with some kind of agenda. Nor does it make you strange for having the interest.

With that being said.... Do I want to take anyone's guns? No. As I said, I own guns and have absolutely no problem with someone having them if they are responsible adults that have respect for the weapons around them. But, do I still want a solution to the horrible events happening in our country and justice for the victims? Abso-fucking-lutely. 

And before you say some stupid shit like, "making it harder for people to buy guns legally won't stop people, they'll just buy them on the street!" let me say, I am fully aware of that. I didn't say "punishing" innocent people was going to stop criminals. In fact, I didn't say I had any solutions or answers whatsoever. I simply stated the fact that this current situation needs a resolution of some kind. 

Before I move on from this topic, I feel it needs to be said, if you have somehow sought out to micro-manage my words and came to the conclusion of "she says she's sad about children losing their lives, but she's pro-abortion so what about those babies?" I would just like to say, you're a fucking bag of dicks and the exact problem with society. I don't have to explain my feelings or thought process to you. Just know, your opinion on my opinion means less to me than what your religious stance does. And trust me when I say, that's a whole lot of not giving even half a shit being accomplished.

Did I miss anything? I feel like I've covered all the topics that people are discussing right now.

I'll leave off with social media.

The only reason I felt the need to write anything on this is simply because I'm tired. I'm tired of people constantly asking and trying to justify themselves for thinking and doing horrible shit to other people. I'm tired of accepting people into my life that are more fitting to be a Disney villain. I'm tired of "letting shit roll off my shoulders" because it's uncomfortable or confrontational. It's simple really. I don't accept that kind of behavior from people in my everyday life and I'm not about to accept it on any form of social media. I simply delete and block. Childish? Maybe, but I honestly don't care. 

While watching this shit show implode social media you would not believe some of the nastiness coming from people. I dealt with this for about.... oh, I don't know.... fifteen minutes and came to the realization I don't care about any of those people enough to actually stay "friends" with them.

Seriously. I'm a thirty-two year old woman. Why the fuck would I care what my fourth grade teachers opinion of the way I "turned out" would be? I thought about it and realized I didn't. I didn't care at all. There were no fucks to be given. So.... delete-block. The guy who didn't even speak to me until we were well into our twenties even though we quite literally have known each other almost thirty years? Delete-block. The girl I met through an old friend of mine that was just kind of hanging out on my friends list even though we don't like each other? Delete-block. 

Social media has tricked us into thinking that we need the approval of other people and I simply don't agree. I have cut people out of my physical everyday life that have made me feel a certain way and my feelings towards social media are now no more different. I can't just continually cut people out of my life? Snip.... snip.... snippity snip, motherfuckers.

And you know what? That's fine. People are more than welcome to accept or remove me from their life as well. 

I don't crave approval. Not to mention, that's my entire point for this post.

What I'm saying is, this is my stance on these topics. I'm not asking for your opinion. I'm not demanding you accept mine. That's why this is my opinion. It's for me, myself, and I. Not only am I not asking your approval, but I'm outright telling you I don't care about it. Not that I don't need it, or I think I'm too good for it, or my mind can't possibly ever change about anything, I just honestly don't give a shit.

I am human. I am flawed and I make mistakes. I'm not the same person I've always been and my opinions at times contradict themselves. I'm not saying I'm a great person or that there are things about me that aren't unusual. I'm not even saying I'm right and you're wrong. 

I am simply saying, this is my opinion on it. We don't have to talk about it and the chances of me talking about it again are slim to none. Hence, the writing it out once and for all and letting sleeping dogs lie.

I am not going to fight or argue with you. I am not going to shame or get into some kind of grand debate with you. But, I am also not going to stand idly by and allow you to treat me or the people I care about like shit. Does it have to be confrontational? Am I threatening to fight you over it? No. I'm calmly telling you that's fine, we're adults, we can quite literally go our separate ways and never have to speak to each other again. Isn't that grand?

You spend your time with people you want to be around and make you feel good about yourself and I'll spend my time with the people I love and make me feel comfortable being the person that I truly am.

Because snip.... snip.... snippity snip, motherfuckers.

Umm, you said and did and he and they what?!!?!

I recently read an article about things people learned about their significant others after marrying them. I'm always interested in random things like that, because even though we've known each other since we were fifteen and we're married now, D and I still manage to find out new things about one another.

Hopefully though, we won't be finding out anything near the levels that some of these people did. Geesh.

Like, the woman who had a phobia of pooping in the toilet, so she'd get up in the middle of the night to shit in a dustpan and hide it from her husband. HUH?? Or, that one woman's husband drinks the tuna juice out of the can instead of draining it. EW. And let's not forget about the man that gargles everything before he swallows no matter the beverage. UGH.

I know I have some weird quirks and some random habits that people would find strange. I know I say and do things every single day that would have some people trying to have me committed. I am fully aware of this and make no excuses or apologies for it. I'm strange and not for everyone and I'm good with that. Lord knows I ain't changing at this point.

Same with D. We both have habits and traits about ourselves that either we find endearing and adorable or we just learn to live with them. Thankfully though, we don't have a lot of conflict. I'm not saying we're perfect, but our marriage is pretty f*cking fun and we love spending time together. 

Most of the things that people would find annoying or strange about me D finds adorable, and most of the things that people would find unusual or irritating about D I find sweet and charming. It just works and why fix something that ain't broken?

I mean, D does think I'm strange for eating "hot" pudding. I tried to tell him that "cook and serve" pudding is meant to be eaten warm (I don't know that for a fact, but it clearly was helping my argument at the time and now this is a hill I have to remain standing on), but no matter how much he sees me do it, it still blows his mind and freaks him out. I'm sure there are things about him that freak me out, but I can't think of any right now. Go figure. 

We're weird. Strange even. Borderline abnormal. It works and we love it. We wouldn't trade each other or the relationship we have for anything on the planet. It's amazing and freeing and makes me feel warm just thinking about it. 

*insert gag for being so mushy here*

But rest assured, if either of us find the other shitting in a dustpan and hiding it in the bushes (or anywhere for that matter) or drinking tuna out of the can, we will be sure to piledrive the other. Because ain't nobody trying to live with either of those things.

My bloodline ends with me.... the dramatic way to let people know.

I read an article the other day (I can't remember which website?), written by a woman who doesn't want kids and was being chastised for it. Because apparently, when you're a woman, the only thing you should want in life is to be a mother.

It's ok, dude. I get it all the time.

You see, my mother was the best mother. And I know almost everyone thinks and says that about their mother, but when I say it, it's true. I am a firm believer that some people are born to be mothers.... and some are not.

One of the things that I deal with the most in life, is when people ask me when I'm going to have kids. Once someone learns that you have no plans for children or that you don't want them, they seem to make it their lifelong goal to ensure that you do in fact reproduce.

Why it's so important to other people what pops out of my vagina, I'll never know, but I guess that's one of the great mysteries of life that I'll never solve.

If it were possible, I would have Robert Stack narrate my life.

You see, I've never wanted kids. I once had to write a paper for my "senior project" (in high school.... so many moons ago) detailing what I thought my life would look like in ten years, and actually had to write a second paper, because the first one came off so sarcastic. So yeah, two papers. One truthful and one completely made up.

But, when you tell people that you don't want kids, they look at you like you have six heads. And then you get to hear the best of the best with shit like:

"I don't know how you can feel that way, I've always wanted a family."
"You'll change your mind."
"That'll all change when you meet the right person."
"Everyone thinks they can't be a mother, but once you hold that baby in your arms...."
"Do you hate all children?"
Are you too selfish to have children?"
"Who will take care of you when you're old?"
"Parenting is the best job in the whole world! You'll be missing out."
"What if your husband decides he wants kids? You know, people get divorced over that."

Well, my answers to those inquiries are quite simple really:

I don't feel like a family is just parents and children. There are many kinds of families, whether bound by blood or not, that truly love each other and would do anything for the other.

I'm not going to change my mind. Have you met me? Once my mind is set, it's there and there's no going back. I'm too stubborn and set in my ways to turn it around now.

And frankly, I have met the right person. If I was going to have children, it would be with D, because I know he would be a fantastic dad. But, I still don't want kids.

You know what makes me happy when I hold it in my arms? Puppies, burritos, and booze. Not necessarily in that order. We are all entitled to our happiness and who is one person to determined what happiness is for another?

No, I don't hate all children. I love my nephews dearly and brag about other children until I'm blue in the face. I just don't want to have any of "my own." And that doesn't mean that I don't love them or that I would ever hurt a child. Just because you love something, doesn't mean you want it. I love Mexican food, but that doesn't mean I want to sit down and eat fifty burritos every day for the rest of my life. Why? Because that's expensive and will cause stomach problems.

Call it selfish if you want. I feel truly horrible for the people that want to be mothers and can't. My heart goes out to them and I wish them all the hope, love, and encouragement from the deepest and most sincere part of myself. But, just because I want that for them, doesn't mean that I want it for myself.

I don't know who will take care of me when I'm old. Hopefully I'll be able to take care of myself or just randomly kill over one day and won't be a bother to anyone else. Besides, who's to say that if I were to have children, that they wouldn't be little shits of human beings and would actually take care of me when I'm old anyways?

You know what the best job in the world is? Puppy daycare runner. I don't know if that's a legit title or not, but I'm currently looking into it as we speak.

I know where my husband fiance stands on kids. He's always wanted kids. And don't think for one minute that we haven't had that talk, because we have. In fact, we have that talk at least once a week, because I don't want him to feel like he's missing out on anything, and honestly, that's the kind of talk you really should have BEFORE you get married. I want to be able to give him everything that he wants in the world and to make him unconditionally happy, but I also am not going to have kids just to please someone else. Maybe that's selfish? Maybe that's just realistic. Either way, we both know where one another stands on the subject and we've learned to not only live with it, but understand it.

D has always wanted ten kids. I've never wanted any. We compromised and have three dogs (with him trying to sneak in a fourth). And our lives revolve around those pups. And I wouldn't have it any other way. If D wants it another way, he knows that he can tell me. We're very open and honest about our future with each other. Always have been.

So, quit saying that I'm missing out. Quit trying to make me feel bad for not wanting kids. Stop trying to change my mind and if you don't like all of my answers, then maybe you shouldn't bring up the subject. And if you feel like it's something you want for your life, don't just assume that every other person around you wants the same thing.

Why?! BECAUSE MY BLOODLINE ENDS WITH ME. That's why.