I know I talk about things that have nothing to do with my personal life.

Ok... back to The Program: Cons, Cults, and Kidnapping. 

Y'all... what in the actual f*ck?! Have you seen this? If not, go and watch it and come back. I'll wait... did you watch it? Good.

Dude... when I was growing up, we didn't have cable. Well, we sometimes had cable for spurts... but then it was cancelled and a whole thing so for the majority of the time, no cable. Because of that, my Momma had the classics on tv during the day. Aka... daytime talk shows. She didn't do "the soaps" but daytime talk shows? She loved them all... from Sally Jessy... to Maury... Ricki Lake... Jerry Springer... Rosie O'Donnell... with her absolute favorite being Montel Williams.

I used to watch all these shows with her and while they could be fun and crazy... other times, the hosts had guests with very serious topics. 

I remember when it started feeling like you couldn't turn on a talk show without a set of parents on there talking about how "they couldn't handle their kid" and they "needed someone to step in and handle it." For the life of me, I could never understand why all these people had kids and then decided they were "too much" or "didn't have the time" for them. 

Then... why did you even have kids? Seriously, if you didn't have the time... and you don't have the capabilities to handle it... and you don't want to put forth the effort even when it's hard or feels impossible... and you feel perfectly comfortable letting someone else step in and raise that child... why did you even bother? And don't give me the whole "we were at our wits end"... "we didn't know what to do"... yadda yadda. That's quite literally part of being a parent and if you didn't have the mindset to deal with that, perhaps you should have reevaluated your priorities and life before deciding to reproduce. You have that option available to you.

But, that's one cynic of a shit parent (only one... I was fortunate enough to have an amazing mother).

Moving on. The solution both the hosts and parents seemed to come to for dealing with these kids were either one of two things. Either, the kid was sent to boot camp/juvie to be "scared straight" or they were sent to what they termed a "behavior modification facility." Basically, these were places that were supposed to be like "strict educational facilities" that taught values and discipline to all who attended.

You like how there was never a third option that allowed the child to stay with their actual family though? Oh no... gotta ship those little shits off. Afterall, the parents had enough!

While everyone was made to believe these places were essentially just a more strict and "life skill developing" educational program (think boarding school), there was apparently a dark side that people either didn't know about or chose to ignore all together when they stumbled across that information.

I always thought it sounded like a shit idea. Again, you're just shipping your kids off to stay with all these... strangers? Sure it's supposed to be a "school" and you should be able to trust people in that position... but how much do you really know about these places you're sending these kids and how much do you really know about the people taking care of them? These places and programs just started popping up out of nowhere and no one had any f*cking questions? They were just like, oh solution! And that was that? The f*ck?

You don't have to have any skills or degrees... no training or even a little read through... you literally could have just rolled out of bed from a four day bender still twitching through the day... and you're just in charge of the wellbeing of ALL these kids? And you just keep them until you've deemed they're no longer harmful to society or they age out of the program? 

The Program talks about this system. It literally traces it back to it's origins... and I'm sure you'll be so shocked to find that it's origins are... well... CULT. 

This documentary is amazing. I can't even describe to you what it feels like to watch it but to say it definitely makes you feel those feelings would be an understatement. It takes you through the horrors that happened to these kids through their eyes... as adults looking back. 

The particular events they go over in this documentary were around 2004/2005... meaning all the survivors are around my age. And while every single one of those people are grown and amazing people... all I wanted to do was hug them. Because realistically, I watched a group of adults recount the trauma they've endured and the struggles they still have... and yet, all I saw staring at me and telling me a story were kids. Scared, lonely, abandoned, tortured kids.

It was devastating and heartbreaking. Watching the videos and hearing the stories and just knowing even a percentage of what was going on, I can't even imagine. I will never understand how someone just looks at a kid and abuses them simply because they can. In fact, I'll never be able to understand an abusers state of mind in general, because I'll never understand just because you can... why the f*ck would you?

The atrocities committed against these people were horrendous. Physical, mental, emotional, sexual. Any kind of abuse you could think of, it was there. You haven't heard of a few different ones? Yeah, well, they were probably there too. It literally started from the "program" sending people to KIDNAP your child and drag them to this facility. Upon arrival, they were locked inside (not allowed to step foot outside again without permission), stripped completely naked "for contraband searches" and then the bullshit continued to escalate. 

You can tell these people are haunted by their time at that place.

They go through it all. From the events leading up to them being taken until they were finally able to go home. The things they saw and felt, the things they still feel and have to live with. From being abused to being brainwashed to being made to feel they weren't supposed to acknowledge any of these things. Some rebelled (can I get a whoop-whoop for Q!) while others tried to work the program. The bottom line is... there was no escape. 

No making eye contact, no smiling, no looking out the windows, no forming any kind of bond.

"Palms up, palms down, palms together, palms apart."

The survivors talk about all these things and where they are now. Many have long-term issues with their mental health while others have been left with a broken family. And I have to say, I get why they want to forgive their parents... they didn't know! The program (and others like it) are literally designed to brainwash the parents too. But, that also means they are better people than me... because there is no way I could forgive that. Whether you knew or not, you are still the person who not just signed your kid up for this abuse, but actually had them taken away for it to be enforced. You quite literally paid someone thousands upon thousands of dollars to abuse your child because you didn't want to deal with them. 

You can say they were troubled or you didn't know what to do.

Spin it whichever way you like, but Imma call a spade a spade and say shame on all of you.

And HOW has there been no justice for these people? These kids? Sure, they're grown now but you took a piece of them they can never get back. Months or years of their lives... not to mention the struggles they still have because hello TRAUMA. And what... nothing? 

I love the director of this documentary. She's spiteful and frank and doesn't give a shit who she makes uncomfortable. She's snarky and sarcastic and honestly, I think it must just be something within us Katherine's. She makes me feel like all things are possible with enough resilience and perseverance. 

None of these people cared what happened to her and her friends, so why should she give a damn about their feelings? Their reputations? Their family lives? I'm not saying anyone should do anything rash or illegal (because absolutely not, we're better than these people!), but legal recourse FOR SURE PLEASE. 

It's no wonder the majority of people that had anything to do with that place didn't even want it brought back up to begin with. Mostly, because they're all complicit in child abuse but also because they're shit people who think they didn't do anything wrong. Oh, "I was only there doing my job." The f*ck you were. You knew all of that was going on and you not only didn't tell anyone... you contributed to it. 

The few former employees that did talk in the documentary? F*ck them too. They're no better than any of the other ones... just because they're willing to talk about it doesn't mean they didn't abuse those kids. Even the most open former employee straight up admits to hardcore strip-searching the girls... and looks way too creepily excited about the recollection. Another, says she wasn't required to have any training or background investigation. The survivors all not only had horror stories about her but she admits she was a straight up "bitch" and did terrible things to them. Even going so far as to say, "I would want to know this information about people if it involved my kids." F*cking audacity by the handfuls. You're perfectly comfortable abusing other people's kids so you go ahead and have a few of your own? Fffffuuuuuu........... not saying that's not your right as a person. But also, f*cking audacity.

And there's literally nothing any of them can do to refute it because they left ALL the evidence right there in plain sight. They cared so little about these kids... and thought so few people would believe them... they didn't even bother to try and cover it up. Because they didn't give a shit as long as there was change going into their pockets.

F*cking savages.

I read earlier today there was an investigation opened in NY over this. I don't know how far it will go or to what extent they can even get justice for these people, but I would truly hope there is some form of civil justice out there for them. For all of them... the ones who survived and the ones who lost the battle. 

Like dude said, the abuse of a child is the business of anyone who knows about it. There were truly too many people who knew and did nothing. Don't let history repeat itself. Find them justice, don't let the big dogs win, and do what's right.

Also, let the Katherine's of the world do our thing. One way... or another.

Hospital visits, X-Men, applesauce, towels, and Becks.

My little Gatorbaby finally had his oral surgery (10/9) that we've been waiting MONTHS on. The poor man has been in round the clock agony and to say we're relived for this part of the process to be done would be an understatement.

Now... he's a whole new kind of sore.

He came through the surgery fantastically (the docs words, not mine) and did so damn good with the anesthesia. That's the part we're always sketch on but everything went as smooth as possible (thanks!) and he was back to me in no time.

Well, I say no time now but it felt like an eternity and I was a little dramatic about it. Luckily, I was in the room by myself so the only person to actually see my internal freakout and constant leg shaking was... well... me. (I was a little on edge.)

Now, he has to go through the healing process (he's been doing pretty good and taking it like a champ!) and relearn a couple of things, go to a few more follow-up appointments and he'll be good to go. 

We spent his recovery time laid up in the bed (well... I didn't spend the whole time in the bed I was doing things around the house and for him... that's besides the point!) watching X-Men movies and the new Beckham documentary on Netflix (that I highly recommend!).

Like when I had my surgery, he's real sore and there's some frustration because you have to relearn to do so many things you don't even realize you do naturally (like holding your jaw). 

He also had three additional teeth at the bottom that had to be surgically removed (they had to cut his gum open to the bone... eek!) so he's more sore than I was... probably... it would make sense to me.

BUT he's recovering and his first follow-up appointment is on our third anniversary. Because we know how to party. I love that we're a legit old married couple even though we're still young.

There's mostly a diet of cup-a-noodles, applesauce, and jello happening at our house and we're staying inside as much as possible (the cold has hit the Midwest!). There's also a whole lot of relaxing, netflix-bingeing, and drool happening (maybe some tattooing... shh), so there's that.

All in all, I'm happy this step for him is over. I know he has a long road to go but the fact that he's sore from his surgery but not in constant throbbing pain is a bonus in my book. Trust me when I tell you it's a different kind of pain.

So basically, if anybody needs us, we'll be at home (with the exception of when I'm at work or we go to the grocery store) with each other doing as little aside from what we want as possible.

I don't think that works how you think that works, sir. *a Netflix ramble*

I'm just going to get it on out there and admit I'm obsessed with the Netflix documentary series... I Am A Killer. I know, I know. I'm one of those people that gets sucked into true crime stories and can't seem to look away from them.

My poor husband is forced (I say forced, but really he loves me and my quirks so eh) to watch hours upon hours of this shit while we lay in bed and I'm on a binger (get it? binger instead of bender! I crack myself up). Luckily for him, it gives him the opportunity to play copious amounts of COD. So really, I'm not sure it's not a win and he says it is so I'm going with it.

We'll (mostly because I) will lay in bed for HOURS upon HOURS with our pups and watch this ridiculousness and just have so many questions.

The point is, I watch this shit all the time. Not only "I Am A Killer" but various other ones too. But I have to say, this one has me hooked. Mostly because I am learning a whole lot of things that I thought I kind of knew, but apparently had absolutely no idea about.

Like, apparently just because you're on death row doesn't mean that you won't get out of prison? Don't get me wrong, I didn't think I had a complete understanding of the death penalty. I don't think I know more about laws than an officer and I'm not on the same level as a lawyer. 

I don't claim to know everything and understand there are some things I have absolutely no clue about and probably never will have a full understanding of.

However, I thought I at least had a basic understanding of the death penalty. I thought once you were sentenced to death row there were only three options for no longer being there:

#1: you pass away while in prison awaiting your execution date

#2: you actually make it to your execution date and they... you know... xxxxx

#3: there's a rare occasion where an appeal comes through and you're re-sentenced

Apparently, those are not the only options and I am an idiot for believing it was. There are so many new laws and loopholes and things that contradict each other that I'm not even sure how law enforcement can keep up with all of it. It's kind of insane.

Speaking of insane, some of these motherf*ckers? BRO. You never really know what's going to happen. You never know if you're going to see reasoning or if this person is just a psychopath with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. 

I'm not going to lie, maybe I'm a fool, but some of these stories are so damn heartbreaking that I feel for everyone involved. And then other ones? I'm like, yeah that dude is a sociopath, definitely keep them contained. Please and thank you.

In all honesty, Netflix documentaries got me on edge and looking over my shoulder 24/7 like there's a cult leader hiding behind my shower curtain or something. Paranoid? YES. Understandable? Also, YES.

Quarantine life be like whaaattttt?!!!!

With everyone and thing on lockdown and quarantine due to COVID-19, I have been working from home. And with the exception of the occasional trip to the grocery store, I have been staying inside the majority of the time.

This whole quarantine thing doesn't really bother me, because as I've said many times over the years and as most people that know me are aware, I have no problem being inside. I'm a homebody through and through and can be inside my house for days on end without it bothering me.

(What does bother me is the fact that so many people are sick and I hope they make a speedy and healthy recovery asap!)

I would be lying if I said this change hasn't affected our household and made us all a little bit crazy though. Especially our pups! But you know what? We got this.

D's company hasn't fully shut down (mine hasn't either, Dani and I are just working from home in quarantine), so the pups and I pass our time by me working and watching Netflix (have y'all seen Love is Blind and Tiger King yet? Because holy shit). Well, that and eating everything in sight. But, we're good. Also, D and I are catching up on The Walking Dead.

To everyone on lockdown out there, just know that we are thinking about you and hope that you and your loved ones are safe and provided for. (Also, who would've thought something like this would have caused mass hysteria and people would start hoarding all of the toilet paper?)

PS: I'm living my entire life in pajamas. #NoF*cksGiven

This weekend was full of.... nothing but also a couple of things?!?

Y'all, once again the weekend went by far too fast and here we are just hoping to make it through until the next one. It's perfectly acceptable to just wallow in the fact that our next days off are five days away, right?

If not, there are no f*cks given and I want to be chilling with my pups and watching Netflix. But, we'll agree to disagree (even though I'm right) and we'll continue on with what these people are calling adulthood.

Even though I don't sleep late when I'm off (insomnia, party of one), I like having the option of not putting on pants and doing the things. I can have my fan going, curled up under a blanket with my (fur)babies, taking shots of fireball and chugging wine, watching whatever in the hell I want on the tv without hearing exasperated sighs in the background.

In fact, D had to work on Saturday, so what did I do? Well, I was of course awake before his alarm even went off, so once he had left I cleaned the house, finished laundry (I've been trying to keep up on the whole keeping the house clean thing, I thought it might help some of my anxiety), poured myself some drinks (yes, I drank alcohol on Saturday morning), and commenced to watching Keeping up with the Kardashians on tv. Sometimes, you just need some trash tv in your life. Besides, it was the old episodes when Khloe/Lamar were still together, so they needed to be watched (by me). Not to mention, if you're day drinking, the Kardashians are where it's at.

Then, I poured myself some more drinks (are you sensing a trend here?) and finished binge-watching V Wars on Netflix. If y'all haven't seen that one yet, I highly suggest that you watch it.

(The electricians were supposed to come on Saturday to check out our kitchen/living room, but they called and rescheduled for tomorrow.... it's frustrating.)

Saturday was also Soso's "sweet 16" and we had been invited a couple months back. Personally, I didn't really want to get out (you know me and my wanting to be home 24/7), but she stopped by that morning and asked me in person if I would come and I was like fine. So, D and I went for a little bit (about an hour) and then we left and ran by the video store. I like going into the actual video store, because it reminds me of my childhood (aka, I'm old as shit) and he and I commenced to watching two movies that night and the rest the next day.... because Sunday are for rest. (Aside from me cleaning, running to the store to pick up pup food, and cooking dinner).

And, from the first movie we watched, we learned our new code word for when we need to extract ourselves from situations.... CAUL-I-FLOWER. So, all in all, I just want to go back to hibernating in my dark little fortress.

What (and I cannot stress this enough) in the actual f*ck just happened?!!?!

I watched a documentary on Netflix (Abducted in Plain Sight) last week, because there were 5,000 memes floating around on social media and I was very confused by the whole thing. Besides, it was already on my queue, because I'm kind of a documentary fiend. So, there was that.

And now I totally understand all those FB memes I keep seeing. I mean, seriously, WOW. Every single one of these people are legitimately the absolute f*cking worst. Every. Single. One.... with the exception of the detective, because he took the side of every single one of us and was like, "WTF?! Y'all are dumb as hell."

The documentary is about a girl (she's a full grown woman now, this took place in the 70s) who was, as you can probably guess from the title of the documentary, abducted. BUT that's just the tagline to pull you in, because the story that unfolds is Mind. Blowing. And not in a good "wow, that blew my mind, it was awesome" kind of way. More of a "wow.... how can people be this dumb? this can't actually be a true thing" kind of mind blowing.

Jan (the abducted) was kidnapped by the same grown man TWICE. Yeah, you read that right. Same dude. Same girl. Same family. Same situation. TWICE.

And while I thought that was all I was going to be watching a documentary about, the truth was it was full of everything including:

What I took away from this documentary:

They (as in, EVERYBODY aside from the detective in this documentary) are, hands down, THE WORST. I watched the whole thing thinking, "no one can possibly be this dumb" and I kept waiting for them to be like "we finally realized what was happening" and that moment NEVER CAME. Literally, the only person in the whole thing with any sense was the detective and even he was like, "how dumb are y'all?!"

My favorite part? Detective: "So, your daughter has been abducted?" Parents: "No, she hasn't been abducted. B just took her somewhere and we don't know where and we've had no contact and it's been almost a week." Detective: "...... THAT'S WHAT ABDUCTED MEANS. That's the literal definition." 

There's no doubt about it, the dude was definitely a master manipulator. He was banging basically everyone in the family (excluding two sisters) and had them all convinced that not only was it "ok" but it was doctor sanctioned.

I recently read that there's going to be a "sequel" to this documentary (which, I didn't know documentary sequels were a thing? but I guess we can all thanks "Making a Murderer".... which I still haven't finished even the first season of), and that's a good thing, because I, like so may others, have some questions that need to be answered immediately. Because honestly, we need WAY more details than what they could fit into 90 minutes. That kind of stupidity demands further explanation.

The top 10 answers I need immediately:

#1: What the f*ck?!!?!
#2: Why did you think it was ok to have a forty year old man sleep in the bed with your nine year old daughter? Seriously?! Who gives a shit about his "therapy"?!
#3: Mary Ann, having an affair is inexcusable. BUT, how are you gonna have an affair with a man AFTER he abducted your twelve year old (TWICE) so they could go to Mexico and get married?!
#4: How was Berchtold's brother not more upset with the fact that his brother was a paedophile?
#5: How do y'all still look like you have nothing, but fond memories of this psycho?
#6: Bob.... uhhh..... yeah?!!?!
#7: I know it was the 70s and that's considered "a time of innocence" (even though, how? because y'all knew about Charles Manson at this point), but COME ON, you cannot possibly be that naive TWICE. Right?
#8: Did they have legit therapists in the 70s? Because if there were, why wasn't Jan enrolled into that shit IMMEDIATELY?!
#9: How was Berchtold's wife so calm and defensive of her husband? What the f*ck, lady?!!?!
#10: Did somebody buy that detective a beer? If not, they should have.

Side note: the fact that the mother was a social worker and adoption/foster care specialist? Umm.... no. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be one of those people that blames the victim or think that you're an idiot because your kid was abducted, because that's an unimaginable and horrible situation, BUT.... it's really hard not to be concerned that this lady was in charge of other children. Did anyone think to themselves, "eh, maybe we should give these cases to Susan and send Mary Ann on leave?"

So y'all, I guess we'll wait for the sequel.... or something like that?! What do we know? We're all still so damn confused.