I've officially been back to work for two days and what the f*ck?!

Y'all, I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy having four days off in a row last week. I know it was for a holiday and all, but I really enjoyed it. Hanging out at my house, not wearing pants, drowning in a sweatshirt, watching tv and baking random shit. Cuddled up with my pups catching a buzz. Fun times.

Alas, I am an adult and eventually the real world came calling again and I couldn't ignore their pleas. *dramatic*

Speaking of the real world, I leave a little early today to get my Booster shot. I'm not exactly sure what an Omicron Variant is, but my bitch ass thinks it sounds like an alien warlord of some kind and no thank you. It was a random impulse scheduled appointment, so hopefully I won't feel like absolute horseshit tomorrow. We'll see. Update: My appointment was cancelled and I have to reschedule, because I was exactly two weeks away from the six month mark. Ugh.

What else? Oh yeah, Dani told me this morning that I got a "title promotion" at work. I wasn't sure what that meant, but now I get to sound fancy and tell people I'm a "Project Administrator" so that's cool. Makes me sound official as a motherf*cker. 

The next few weeks are going to be utter chaos. With Christmas approaching (don't even get me started on the fact that D and I haven't decorated and I haven't gotten him one single present yet) and our company moving, it's going to be an all out shit show. 

And guess who has front row seats?

D is also working at a different shop all this week. It's a further drive and it's a little harder for him, but like the trooper he is, he's getting up earlier and dragging his ass in. You know, sometimes we all have to do things we're not really looking forward to. But then again, I guess that's just the adult in us.

Honestly, I just want to go back home and ignore the rest of the world indefinitely. Unfortunately, I like things like shelter, food, and electricity for my family and myself, so telling the rest of the universe to f*ck off really isn't in the cards. You know, with work at least. And it's not that work is bad or anything, I actually like my job, I just really want to hibernate for the time being.

Anybody else feel like that?

I want to stay in my cave and hide from the world.

Have you just ever been so very tired of existing? Ok, that sounded a little dramatic. Let me try again. Have you ever been tired of other peoples existence? Nope, still sounds bad. Umm.... ok, I'm just going to go ahead and say it and if it sounds bad, well then, it's just gonna have to sound bad.

Ok, remember like a year and a half ago when everybody was essentially on lockdown and the only reason that we went outside was to go to the grocery store or a medical appointment (or in my case, bikini waxing appointments, because, you know what, never mind, it's a whole thing), something like that? Yeah well, I want to go back to that.

I don't want people sick or hurt, I just want us all to stay in our houses and binge watch shit like Tiger King and Love is Blind. Remember that? Those were good times. I mean, I still worked, but I could do it from my couch in my pajamas while catching a little buzz (don't judge me, it was hard times!) and all was well with the world.

When work was slow or stalled enough for breaks, I could cuddle up with my pups and watch ridiculous shows and we lived off of snack foods and nicotine. Ok, the nicotine was all mine, but you get what I'm trying to say. And what I'm trying to say is, I want to be able to stay in my house with my pups and still be an adult, but an adult with no pants that thrives in her little f*cking cave with her husband and ignores the majority of the rest of the world.

Where is my cave? Well, it's our house. It's all dark and chilly and I can wear sweatpants and hoodies and bake cookies, watch tv, listen to music, do laundry and house chores, hang out with my furbabies, and basically anything I want. It has subtle lighting and a big tv, so if the Governor or somebody wants to let everybody know that it's ok for me to work from home, so I very rarely ever have to leave my cave, I would greatly appreciate it.

So, did that sound ok? To sum it up, I want people happy and healthy, but I don't want to be around them. My body and mind are literally just willing me to be a hermit and I can't just ignore the call of the ocean. Or in this case, the call of my cave.

I did some serious grocery shopping the Friday before last.

Y'all, with COVID-19 running rampant and everything going on in the world, to say that I try to avoid going to the grocery store, or any public place when not required, would be a small understatement. Therefore, I try to go only where I have to when I absolutely have to.

Afterall, I have to pay for my house (as does everyone with their own) and my way of thinking is, if I'm already paying for it, why not stay in it?! At it?! You know what I mean. I love being at my house with my pups and just chilling. For alot of years, I ran around crazy like a chicken with my head cut off. I've been working since a little before I was fifteen, I took care of Momma since that time, and we also took care of Grammy for years. And I wouldn't change any of that. Not a single thing. But, I'd be lying if I said I was struggling with the transition of doing so much to not as much these days.

My job is steady with the same hours every week, and while I still have loads of stress and anxiety, I also find that my house is my safezone. Surrounded by my pups and D, that's where I feel the most at peace. I say all of this to basically tell you that I'm a hermit. An eighty-nine year old man inside a thirty year old woman's body.

Also, this is what happens when you watched nine seasons of The Walking Dead, all six Resident Evil movies, and decided to start making your own dog food while in quarantine.

Those vampires looked nothing like Tom Cruise.

Last week, I had to go to my lady doctor for my annual checkup. Isn't that always the luck? The hottest day in the year thus far so happens to be the day that you have to go wait in a doctor's office in a hospital gown and face mask.

And don't get me wrong, I have no problem wearing a facemask. Are they uncomfortable and hot? Yes. Am I willing to wear one so I don't by chance infect a 95 year old grandpa with fifteen grandchildren and contribute to his death? Also, yes. Because the way my family life has been going for the last few years, the last thing I need is more bad juju.

IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT YOU, PEOPLE.

But, I digress. The point is, I went to my lady doctor (and yes, lady doctor is what I call my vagina doctor) on Thursday for my annual checkup and had to have some tests run. With my personal history and family history on both sides (even though I have nothing to do with my father or his side of the family, medical background is important), she suggested that I get genetic testing done. While that sounds scary and overwhelming, it was a simple blood test and apparently it can tell you a boatload of information.

When she suggested it, I took her word for it, because I trust her and her medical opinion. If she thinks it's something worth looking into, then I'll do it. If there's a problem, then we'll known which options are on the table. If not, better safe than sorry.

While I got my blood drawn for the genetic testing on Thursday, I had to have more drawn on Saturday for various other tests. You know, cholesterol, A1C, etc. I'm really not sure what all they're testing for, but they took eight tubes of blood, so hopefully they're testing it all at once.

And that's it. I haven't got the genetic testing back. I haven't received a call about the additional blood work yet. So now, I just wait. In Limbo until we all know what's going on.

I'm still exhausted from this past weekend.

Y'all, last weekend was ridiculous and it's somehow still affecting me. First off, our little XurXur started having diarrhea and it got to the point that he couldn't hold it in long enough to even get outside. He was pitiful and it was heartbreaking. Mostly because, his diarrhea was pure blood. It honestly looked like a massacre had occurred and I was tripping to say the least.

One long night with no sleep, a nine hour trip to the emergency vet, blood work, an MRI, and countless other tests later we found out.... well, not what was going on. They were able to confirm that he wasn't bleeding internally from a perforation or something like that and landed on that he had some kind of infection in his stomach/bowels. Needless to say he had to get shots, he's on antibiotics, and we're following a strict chicken and rice only diet for the time being. I'm just glad our babies are all home with us.

Also this weekend, our garage was broken into. We had no idea (our garage is not attached to our house), but our neighbor that lives behind us let us know and showed us his camera footage that had caught what was going on. It's so ridiculous to me that people feel the need to steal. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand what it's like to be hard up and have no clue how you're going to get by. Been there, done that, played in that Lifetime movie. And I don't mean to sound like a ridiculous person or anything, but come on guys, get a f*cking job and quit stealing other people's shit. It's not like you stole food. You stole D's saw, hand sanders, and tools.

Which means, and I feel very strongly about this, get a F*CKING JOB YOU F*CKING F*CK.

Lastly, Dani called me on Sunday to let me know that she wouldn't be in the office all this week. Actually, we have three people out this week and UR and I are basically Lone Rangering it until they all get their tests back for COVID-19. Thanks to Bonehead, we've all possibly been exposed on some level or another, but her family has been possibly exposed from three to four sources. So, who even knows what's going to happen or where we'll all land from here.

I write all of this to basically say, to hell with this year. NO. To hell with the last few years, because it has been a royal shitshow and the amount of ridiculousness that has been going down is unheard of and insane. I read a thing the other day in response to the news that "the latest Saharan Desert Dust Model shows the dust making its way into North Carolina this coming weekend, if current trends persist the dust appears substantial enough to dim our incoming sunlight" weather update and it has never been more true, so I'll leave you with it and call it a day....

"Awesome! I always wondered what it was like to live during the times of the Civil War, Spanish Flu, Great Depression, Civil Rights Movement, Watergate, and the Dust Bowl. Not all at once, mind you, but ya know, beggars/choosers and all."

And dude, that's exactly what all this shit feels like. Like I said, I'm exhausted.

I'm very confused and want to go back to my couch with my pups.

Today is the first day back to work in a "normal(ish)" setting. I've been coming into the office a couple days a week and then working from home all other days. This morning began the first full week back and to say I'm upset about having to wear adult pants would be an understatement.

I also find myself wanting to do all of the things that I should have been doing while my bitch ass was in quarantine. I want to declutter my house and clean everything by hand from top to bottom. I'm talking wiping down walls and getting into the corners of my floors. Pulling every piece of furniture and appliance out and really getting in there.

#ICleanedWithBleachBeforeItWasCool

My laundry is piled up and needs to be handled. My kitchen has glasses in the sink that need to be washed. The refrigerator needs to be cleaned out. The entire house needs to be decluttered and organized. Frankly, D wants to build a platform in the living room for the bed (yes, we have a bed in our living room and no I will not change it) and slide the couch under it and I'm about to let him so that I can have more room in the living room.

I want to do all of this and so far all I've accomplished was our bathroom and half of the back bedroom. Frankly, living with two boys and three pups makes keeping things clean a nightmare. Who knew they could all be so messy and very much on the train of "that's your problem!" My brother especially complains about the house and yard being messy and then does absolutely nothing to help clean or make life easier. Hooray, for entitled big brothers that leave f*cking toothpaste in the sink and try to make you feel bad 24/7!

Basically what I'm saying is, my house is always a disaster zone and while I'm sure it doesn't help my anxiety, I also don't have the will to do anything about it the majority of the time. I find myself always incredibly tired, but unable to sleep. I feel judgment even when it might not be there (even though it's definitely always there from my brother). And, my mind is always running about one hundred fifty miles per minute.

Side note: how lazy would it be for me to hire someone to do all of my yard work for me? Also, would I even care how lazy it was as long as it was all done and I wasn't the one that had to do it?

One of these days I will get everything accomplished that I want and need to, but I'm going to just have to do it on my own time and try my best to ignore all of the negativity and judgment. I used to be incredibly versed in tuning people out, and honestly, I think I'm going to have to just pick that habit back up. If for nothing else, my own peace of mind and sanity.

You know, before someone ends up becoming my costar on an episode of Snapped.

Other than that, things seem to be going ok. You know, other than the insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks, and impending nervous breakdown. My pups are forever my saving grace and D tends to be on my side and doesn't judge me for the days I can't seem to pull my chunky little ass off of the couch. Or at the very least, he doesn't voice or show his judgment.

I'm just trying to get back into the swing of things, coming out of a quarantined life (has time always moved this slow?), and babbling about any and everything that comes to my mind. Which to be honest, is a plethora of wtf?!

In other news, it's been raining for over 24 hours and I had to wade through water to get into my car this morning, because our road is completely flooded. And with all this rain, I would much rather be at home cleaning and curled up with my pups watching tv. Which is nothing new, considering that's what I always want to do. And I now refuse to feel bad for that.

We rearranged our living room and it somehow made my life easier?!

The other day we decided to rearrange our living room. A weird thing about me is.... our bed is in our living room. It's a whole thing with me not being able to sleep in the back bedroom and being used to sleeping on the couch. I'm not really going to get into it, and yes I know it's strange, but like I said, it's a whole thing.

Anyways, we put the big bed in the back bedroom (the bedroom that remains the bane of my existence and my forever spot that needs cleaned up and arranged) and brought our full size back out into the living room. We moved the couch and honestly, it opened up our living room so much. Now it's easier to clean and it just looks so much better.

I didn't think it would make that much of a difference, but it has. And with me still working from home (D went back into work this week), it's nice to be able to keep the house clean and get my work done without having so much stress. I even enjoy cooking dinner and not wanting to pull my hair out 24/7.

Although, that might also have something to do with the fact that I've been regularly taking my meds like I'm supposed to. Also, spending all this time with my pups is great. Either way, I'm going with it for however long it lasts this time around.

I have to have all of my babies on one arm. ❤️

Well, most of my babies. Excluding D, because I've heard that putting your significant others name on you is bad luck. And frankly, I don't need anymore bad luck. Is it still bad luck if you get something to represent your significant other? I mean, I did get a paw print for each of my babies instead of their names, so maybe that would work?

Either way, this whole D having a tattoo machine and supplies thing is really working for me. Not to mention, this whole working from home thing, I can multitask. I go into the office for a little bit in the morning, but other than that, Dani and I are still in semi-quarantine and working from the house.

Needless to say, I enjoy working on my laptop from my couch. If I could make this a permanent or semi-permanent thing, I totally would. But for now, we're just doing the best we can and in my case, multitasking. 

Aka, doing productive work while watching Hulu from my couch with no pants or makeup on and getting tattooed. Trust me, you don't want to see me at this point in my life. 

We've learned quite a bit about ourselves while in this quarantine together.

The most troubling thing to me is that I don't own a pencil. Not a single one. Not a mechanical pencil, colored pencil, old school No. 2. NOTHING. I'm lousy with pens, but no pencils to be found in this house of ours. People literally have pencils on The Walking Dead and we can't find one around here.

Also, we've watched so much of The Walking Dead that we've started to compare everything in our lives to it, so please just roll with me on this one.

By the way, the most troubling thing about this quarantine should be that I let my hubby tattoo me just because I have hated the tattoo on my foot for 8+ years (the guy never did do it like I asked), because he got a new tattoo gun and I had just the right amount of Fireball to think it was a great idea.

To be fair, he did a great job. And I love it more than I ever have. And here we are. #QuarantineLife

We're still in quarantine and making the best of it.

We've been in quarantine since the day after we got home from Florida.... well, technically I have been and D has been since Saturday. I think. In all honesty, the days are starting to run together and I'm not really sure what's happening day after day.

But, I'm not complaining about it. In fact, if this is what's going to help stop the vicious spread of COVID-19, then I am all for it. Not to mention, Dani brought me my laptop and some documents/billing/timecards/etc. so that I can continue to work from home, so we are still get things accomplished.

That, and doing a whole lot of Netflixing and napping. Which is strange, because I NEVER nap, and maybe that's why my days are all off and I'm confused? I don't know. I've even been keeping up with my house cleaning. So, you know, there's that. 

Quarantine life be like whaaattttt?!!!!

With everyone and thing on lockdown and quarantine due to COVID-19, I have been working from home. And with the exception of the occasional trip to the grocery store, I have been staying inside the majority of the time.

This whole quarantine thing doesn't really bother me, because as I've said many times over the years and as most people that know me are aware, I have no problem being inside. I'm a homebody through and through and can be inside my house for days on end without it bothering me.

(What does bother me is the fact that so many people are sick and I hope they make a speedy and healthy recovery asap!)

I would be lying if I said this change hasn't affected our household and made us all a little bit crazy though. Especially our pups! But you know what? We got this.

D's company hasn't fully shut down (mine hasn't either, Dani and I are just working from home in quarantine), so the pups and I pass our time by me working and watching Netflix (have y'all seen Love is Blind and Tiger King yet? Because holy shit). Well, that and eating everything in sight. But, we're good. Also, D and I are catching up on The Walking Dead.

To everyone on lockdown out there, just know that we are thinking about you and hope that you and your loved ones are safe and provided for. (Also, who would've thought something like this would have caused mass hysteria and people would start hoarding all of the toilet paper?)

PS: I'm living my entire life in pajamas. #NoF*cksGiven