The Black Hole of Death!!

Did the title catch your eye? Peek at your interest? Well, you may be disappointed to know that I am in fact talking about MY PURSE!! That's right people! My purse is literally so bad that it needed it's own title. It could have it's own starring role, in it's self-titled Horror movie that would instantly become a "cult classic"! I discovered it this morning when I decided to try and find some change in my purse, so that I could get me and Aunt Susi a coke. Guess what?? My purse is scary!! There is enough stuff in it for at least five people! Five! Count it! One, Two, Three, Four, FIVE!! It's just Not Right! When did I all of the sudden become the girl that couldn't live without the sixteen bazillion things that are in her purse? Huh? When? I remember back in the day when everything that I could Ever Need or Want would fit into the pocket of my jeans, or in my coat pocket during winter, and that was it! Done! Finished!

Now without me knowing it I have become "that girl". You know what I mean. The girl that carries around the giant hobo bag, and your pretty sure that she's either smuggling kittens or has bricks in it. The sad thing is that my purse isn't even really all that big! It's a small silver purse with one handle, and one zipper. Nothing fancy. The only thing unique about it is the fact that it weighs more than a small Buick!! That, and the fact that it can apparently hold the remnants of the "Titanic"!! Upon checking it out for change I realized that I was going to have to clean it out, because a packet of Lemonade that I had in the bottom (smuggling it for one of those horrible days that I was trying to force myself to drink more water) had busted and gotten all over everything and was settling in the bottom of my bag. At least I had taken my dirty pair of Pink Joe Boxer socks out already. I had ran outside at my Aunt's house to take a picture of my Uncle getting underneath of the house, dressed like he was a member of the "Hazmat" team, forgetting that the ground was wet and that I wasn't wearing any shoes. My socks became soaked through so my Aunt gave me a pair of hers so that I could take the wet ones off. I put my dirty socks in my purse to take home to be washed, and kept forgetting that they were in there. They didn't smell or anything they were just dirty socks that needed to NOT be in my purse. Eventually three and a half weeks later I recalled their presence and took them out. Probably a good idea since I tend to have food in there so that I can eat whenever. That and the fact that I'm all the time offering other people food out of there, Never really telling them that it came out of my purse. What they don't know won't hurt them. Oh! That reminds me, I left some ham salad in the fridge at work almost a month ago. I really should get that out of there before anyone notices! Oops!

Moving On...After deciding to clean out my purse, I took on the task with my Aunt watching in "Aw" of me. (Besides the lemonade) Here are the contents that are currently in my purse: ~Wallet(with a rubber band holding it together) ~Glasses and the Glass Case ~Sunglasses in it's "holder bag" ~Sock Change Purse ~Nailbrush in the shape of a Red Hedgehog (Thank you Aunt Susi I love it!! So cute!) ~Kleenex pack ~Hairties (x2) ~Vitamins (x2 bottles) (Biotin and Acai Berry) ~Big Ass Bottle of "Sweet Pea" Lotion ~Bottle of Jordache Women #66 Perfume ~Bottle of Sally Hansen Cuticle Oil ~Big Red Gum (x3 packs) (yes apparently I am the one that always has gum or hard candy) ~Pen ~A Tube of Bacitracin ~Bottle of Hand Sanitizer (you can thank my germ thing on the Nursing Home ~Lipstick (x2 tubes) (Rimmel and Clinique) ~Lip Gloss (Hard Candy) ~Chapstick (Blistex) ~Nail Clippers (pink and white in the shape of a foot) ~Keys (x2 sets) (Btw, neither set of keys belong to me! I don't know where they came from!!) ~A Strand of Pearls Necklace (yeah I don't know either) ~Camera and Camera Case ~Phone ~Elf Oil Blotter Sheets ~An assortment of Loose Receipts ~An assortment of Loose Change ~A Pack of Roasted Pecans ~A White Dress Slip ~A Black Bra (I don't know how it got in there, because I ain't been doing anything, except going to work and home. It's strange!)

Yeah. I think that's about it. Is that not Completely Ridiculous??! I mean Come On! And that's not counting all the rest of the things that are usually in there! Usually I carry my Momma's things in my purse as well, because she hates carrying a purse, and I don't want her to have to carry it all, and try to juggle everything. Plus I usually have candy or soda in there. It's basically like Willy Wonka's Factory for Junk Food in there!!  Not to mention assorted papers, and Blog Postings. Also, I usually always have a book in there since I'm kind of a Nerd. That's what my Family/Friends tell me at least. I just really love reading! Luckily, I just finished the Novel I was reading the other night, and have not had a chance to pick out my next conquest. Very happy about that one, since I would've cried had lemonade ruined one of my Novels. Talk about a Hot Tamale, and Not in a good way! Oh, and usually there are Hot Tamales (the candy) in there too. Damn, I may need to go on that show "Hoarders" just for my purse. I may need Help!! Craziness! Do you now Understand Why I call it "The Black Hole of Death"? Huh? Do you? I think I may need a new/different purse. Perhaps a bigger/darker/squarer one. I don't know. All I know is my poor ole purse looks very tired and worn out. As well it should, as if you can't tell!!! Sorry that you had to live through this Horrible/Life Altering Moment with Me!