The rest of the time that I was getting ready I started thinking about all the time that I spent with mine and Greg's friends while growing up. Greg had more friends that he "hung out with" than I did, basically because I was very shy around people, I didn't talk alot, and the friends I had and I talked to knew me well so I just didn't see the point. Not to mention almost all of my friends were guys so them coming over to spend the night was completely out of the question. I just don't think that would have went over well with my mother or their parents. I had one "girlfriend" (Rachel) that I hung out with on a regular basis and a few others from time to time. Mostly though, I hung out with Greg and his friends. Greg wasn't real fond of that fact, he was all "get out of my room, quit touching my stuff, mom!, blah, blah, blah". His friends were like "let her hang out with us Greg, she's not bothering anything, she's cool". That's right I was cool. They said so. John has been Greg's best friend and been around the longest. We met him the day we moved to Tennessee and he's been part of the family ever since. His friends mostly consisted of John, Corey, Jesse, Uriah and a few others that I've tried to block out of my head over the last few years. Weirdos! The point is they all treated me like their baby sister and took care of me all the while teaching me how to be tough and defend myself. That was until I reached about 15 and then they decided that I was cute and they should casually start hitting on me. To this day I still don't know how they got there. When I was around 12, Greg, John, Corey, and Jesse decided that they needed to have "the talk" with me. That was one of the most awkward moments of my entire life. Skip to three years later and a few of them started hitting on me, no wonder I was such a late Bloomer. Thanks guys.
John asked me to marry him when I was 18. I thought that he was playing and crazy, apparently he was serious. My bad. That's just what the kids did around where we grew up. It was all have babies, graduate highschool, get married, so on and so forth. IN THAT ORDER. No harm done though we still remain friends as you can tell. I hope his wife isn't reading this now that I think about it. If you are just know, he had been drinking and in all fairness I was in my prom dress. One of the only times in my entire life that I looked pretty good. Instead of marrying John when I was 18, I decided that I was going to do something completely different and awesome than what all of our friends did. They all got married, had babies, and now their mostly all miserable and some of them are even divorced and on their second marriages. All before the age of 23. Nice, huh? Apparently these awesome things that I was going to do was after I gave up my dream of being an Olympic Gymnast at the age of 6 (for lack of coordination, balance, talent, and drive) was to grow up to make terrible relationship choices and eat tons of tacos while staying in on Friday/Saturday nights to watch movies and squeeze the acne out of my oily skinned face. You might use words to describe this like "eww, pathetic, blah blah blah". You know what I say about those opinions? "Screw you! At least I'm not a single (from divorce) mom/crackhead/alcoholic all by the age of 23." That may seem weird, but you wouldn't believe how many of them I know.
I am perfectly content not to keep making the same mistakes that I've made in the past, and staying home on a Friday/Saturday night. I enjoy my own company! I'm
Back in the good ole days it was very easy to tell if someone was interested in you and if you were dating. They would just come to your house, ask for your father's permission, and when it was given the young man would start "courting" you. Whether you were interested in the young man or not was irrelevant. That decision had nothing to do with you. You were basically just kind of there. Unless you were one of those really lucky girls that a certain man saw you one time, your eyes met, you automatically fell in love, you survived/overcame every obstacle to be together, and lived happily ever after. Yeah, not unless you're in one of those Jane Austen novels or Les Miserables. Guess what? You're not! No, unfortunately women didn't have much say back in those days. However, on the up side of it all, at least you knew whether they were interested or not. A guy doesn't just trade off three cows, a goat, and six gold coins to your family unless he's serious! I would be forced to be a rebel though. My family would probably disown me and I would die alone, held up in a brothel from The Bubonic Plague or Leprosy, because I refused to marry Sir Douchebag of Debauchery. It's all good though, I would go down singing just like Anne Hathaway in her debut! That's not true, I can't sing I would have to die like Nora in TB. In the arms of who was once a stranger, trying to be all brave while they were crying, dramatic but not overly dramatic, duhduhduh music playing, and then melt into a gross pile of goo. I mean if I'm going out, I want to at least go out with a bang. No one forgets when they see someone melt down into goo!
Even if I didn't stay in and I went out things would not go well for me. I've never been one to go out somewhere and talk to every single person that I see. People are strange and there are serial killers lurking at practically every corner that you can think of. I used to occasionally go out to the bar with a friend of mine for her birthday or something in TN, but everytime I did something "went down" so it made me paranoid to go there. One time it was a bar fight where I was forced to throw some guy into the women's bathroom because he punched me in the side of the face...He's lucky he hit like a girl that was scared to break a nail...still kind of hurt though, another time I was walking out to the truck and got shot at (I was just an innocent bystander), and those examples are kind of the highlights. See why I have public issues? Plus it doesn't help that some people are kind of weird these days and are always asking to see/touch my feet. Really, feet? I don't know where this weird foot fetish came from, but seriously leave my feet alone! I went into the gas station one morning (around 5:45 am) to get a fountain drink and some doughnuts. A guy was standing in front of the doughnut case so I just stood there waiting for him to move. He stared me down and said "I'll move if you let me see your feet". I thought that he was joking, he was not. The lady behind the counter yelled at him and he moved. I didn't know whether to feel complimented because he thought my feet looked kind of cute, or to be insulted because apparently my face and the rest of me just wasn't appealing enough to look at. Either way I'm thinking I'm safe with that guy not being my "soulmate".
This new day in technology people use the computer to meet their significant others. There are probably 50 different dating sites that are constantly advertised on television and the radio, emails sent to you, pop-ups, posters, billboards, apparently it's a BIG thing. All you hear is "I met my soulmate on E-Harmony, I found the love of my life on Match.com, We wouldn't have this beautiful child without Christian-Mingle, Meet local/successful singles on Zoosk, so on and so forth". You know what you don't hear on these advertisements though? You never hear about the dud dates. You never hear the part where folks are telling everybody about the fact that they met 2,097 weirdos (including the guy who wants to see/touch your feet) before she got to the 2,098th guy and decided to give up on her "fantasy" and settle. No, you never hear about that one. Nor do you hear about the one's that get matched with the serial killers, rapists, guys who chloroform you to take your hair or worse a kidney and then you wake up in some seedy hotel in an icebath, sick at your stomach, and in excruciating pain. Nope, you never hear about those circumstances. They tend to leave those stories off of the commercials. I have a cousin that insists on meeting her girlfriends on Craig'sList. She really should rethink that one. They've all been crazier than hell. One locked herself in the basement,cut her arm up, while refusing to shower, and screaming that she loved her and she couldn't live without her". They had been dating for three days before she permanently moved in. I know, Wow! She claims that the girlfriend that she has now is normal, but in all fairness she said that about all of the other one's to, so we shall see. You can't blame us for being pessimistic on this one. I'm usually always an Optimist, but come on! These are the thoughts that constantly got through my head when people start talking about "online dating".
(Just a Side Note: No One Should EVER look like this while dating)
(Or any other time during their Life!!)
When I meet someone that I find even remotely attractive I look/act like a complete reject. It's true. I never know anything to say, I get extremely hot, and my lisp/stammer sometimes decides to rear it's ugly head. I know I talk normal for the most part, but that's thanks to alot of speech therapy classes as a child. Thank you Mrs. Evans! Anyways, I don't know what to say. I just stare awkwardly while they talk, until my strangeness gets too much for them and they eventually just walk away. Yeah, I'm not really sure how I've ever dated now that I think back on it. It must have been the fact that we lived in such a small town in TN that they just knew how to take my awkward personality, and when I lived in FL it was all thanks to Noodle as you know, but I didn't date in AL, and I haven't dated since I've lived in the city up here. The only people I know up here for the most part is my family, and the thought of dating someone one of my cousins sets me up with completely turns my stomach. I'm not saying that they would be awful people or anything, but I like a whole different kind of person than my cousins hang out with. The same cousin that gets her girlfriends off of Craig'sList has tried to convince me to come go out to the bars with her, and I tried to explain to her you do realize that you're into women and I'm not right? I don't think there's anything wrong with being gay, to each their own, but I'm not so I don't think going to a bar full of lesbians to "try and meet" someone to start dating is going to work.
I was asked by Noodle that if I "built" my "dream man" what would he look/be like? This was my answer. Of course every woman sees a good looking guy on TV or Singing and their all "He's so good looking". I do it, it's our right as women. It's what we do. Usually it's also followed by some dirty remark or a "yumyum" as well. I myself have eclectic taste when it comes to my Entertainer Men (Charlie Hunnam, Luke Grimes, Cory Monteith, Jason Momoa, Norman Reedus, Sam Worthington, Matthew Gray Gubler, and various others), but that's strictly for entertainment purposes. You got to admit, they are pretty dudes. If I had to pick someone to date in real-life though (because she insisted I have a real answer) the main thing would be sweet though. I'm sick of dilholes that think that they are God's gift to everyone around them. Guess what? You're not! He would also need a job. I don't care what kind of job. Truly I don't. And it's not because I want them to take care of me, I can take care of myself, I've been doing it for a long time, it's so I don't have to take care of them. I'm not going down that road again. Forget it! But besides that I'm definitely going to have to go with sweet. Oh, but the true main thing is very important to me. I'm not huge/fat by any means but I could stand to lose some weight, so the true test to see if I want to date someone? They have to be strong. At least strong enough to pick me up and carry me. Why? Because if the building is on fire and I fall (let's face it I usually do, I'm just being realistic) and break my leg, I want them to be able to pick me up and carry me out before I burn up, among other things. I'm just saying. That's a must. I'm not humongous, so I mean it's really not that much to ask for. I don't care about looks. I worked in a nursing home, I know what everyone's going to look like in the next 50 years so not really a big deal to me (as long as their hygienic-I don't deal with smelly well). As long as their nice and good I don't care. A little mean to others (bad people) that's ok, but not to me and the one's I love. These days kids usually come with the deal (thanks TeenMom/MTV), but that's actually ok with me too. All the better really, that way I'm not expected to have kids. Bonus points! If he's got sons though, double bonus points! I find that keeping little boys entertained is way easier than keeping little girls entertained, because they like all the gross stuff, and they still want to help you bake cupcakes. Just saying. I don't want to get married or live together so I would like it if he was perfectly fine with just dating and being together without the expectation of marriage or living together. If he wants to buy me the ring to let people know "I'm his" fine, that's great, I'll wear it, but that doesn't mean I'm marrying him. I don't wanna, so I'm not gonna!! Her reaction to my answer was priceless, she couldn't quit laughing!! She informed me that I "just wasn't right".
You know why women think that men should be handsome, sweet, manly, strong, soft, and fall completely in love with them the first time they see them? Nicholas Sparks and James Cameron, that's why! Don't get me wrong, those would all be great, but it's just not happening. I would love for someone to be all,
"Ok honey we'll do exactly what you want to do. We'll stay in, watch movies/your favorites tv shows, we'll even buy all of the one's you want to see from the very beginning on DVD. Re-runs of everything you insist on! I can't say no to those big blue eyes! Don't give me the puppy dog look, you know I'm powerless against it! We'll eat pizza/taco bell and kettle corn, drink beer. You don't have to dress up, you're beautiful, just wear your sweats and an old comfy t-shirt, in fact wear one of mine. We'll play wrestle and eat PB off of a spoon right out of the jar, after I paint your toenails. Sure I'll sing/listen to country music with you all the time. And every now and then I'll buy you flowers, take you to a wedding so we can dance and I can show how proud of you I am off, and take you to a Tyler Hilton concert. We can dance around all crazy, and I'll serenade you along with the radio and tv. I'll lay my head on your lap and let you read out loud to me for hours. Yes, I will make you mixed tapes! Literally, Whatever you want!! Anything to make you smile!!"
Unfortunately that's just not how it goes down. No. Sorry ladies, but there is not an endless supply of Noah Calhoun's/Finn Hudson's/Jack Dawson's just running around out there, waiting to meet one of us so they can fall in love and give you everything that you've ever wanted. Nicholas Sparks has completely put men way up there on that kind of pedestal and now women's expectations are right up there with them. It's not the way it goes though. Sorry. Damn Nicholas Sparks. Tool.
The reason for this post is because I was reading one of the regular blogs that I peruse, and she was questioning people's relationships and how life in that area goes for them. Immediately 50 things popped into my head and I felt the need to write them all down. She was of course alot nicer and more sentimental about the whole thing, she was all into love and I could almost hear her crying and using tissues as I was reading it. But not me! I say the hell with that! I'm writing down exactly what I think and what's going through my head at the time! It's just "how I roll"! If you managed to get through the whole thing, I hope you enjoyed reading it, because I definitely enjoyed writing it!!
No comments:
Post a Comment