This week has been confusing?!!

Probably because I'm a day behind on account of not working Monday. Who knew that changing one day would throw off someone's entire week? Oh, everyone? Really? Oops. The point is it doesn't feel like a Thursday. Here it is almost Friday and I still haven't told you the events of last weekend. You know, the three day weekend. Of course I feel like there's a lot to catch up on, even though there's not, so to help me I figured I'd enlist the help of bullet points, because- really, why not?

Friday, May 23:

• Uncle Roger let me and Dani leave work at noon. Thank you Uncle Roger! It was so dead at work, and it was so pretty outside. So when we got off we headed down to the Mexican restaurant down the road and drank beer and ate guacamole, as promised. See, we do hold up to our end of the bargain.
• I was feeling pretty good by the time I got home (no, not drunk, just not as tense) so Momma and I went out to lunch. I just got a drink, because like I said, that guacamole was delicious. After that we headed over to Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's for a visit. 
• I rode with Josh to the liquor store. He went for beer, I went for crown. Hey, just thinking ahead of time.
• After a long visit with them, we headed home and just relaxed at the house for the rest of the evening. It's been unseasonably hot the last week or two. 

Saturday, May 24:

• Aunt Linda and Uncle Wayne decided that they were going to have their annual cook-out this year. They had said that last year was going to be the last year, so I had told Uncle Darrell that I would come to theirs Saturday, and didn't want to cancel on him. That wouldn't have been right. So, Saturday morning(ish) Aunt Linda came and got Uncle Kenny, Uncle Jim, and Shy, and they spent the night down at the lake with them Saturday for Sunday's party.
• Do you know what that means? Yeah, Momma and I had the house to ourselves. So we went out to pick up a few things and then spent our evening/night just hanging out.
• We had breakfast bright and early, before anybody had gotten out of bed. And it was delicious. After they left, we ran some errands. We had to pick up meds, we rented a movie (The Wolf of Wall Street), and did a little shopping. Nothing big, mostly just looking around.
• We drove around just to enjoy the fresh air and talk. We picked up some lunch and headed home. After putting everything away and getting situated we sat down to eat and watch our movie. It was excellent, but very long so we watched in intervals. 
• I dyed our hair, did a facial thing on Momma, and painted my nails. 
• Then we ordered a pizza for dinner and finished our movie. It was hilarious. We had a nice day/night and all was good. (P.s. Leonardo DiCaprio was once again sublime, Jonah Hill was freakin' hilarious, and the real John Belfort was damn brilliant. Don't let anybody tell you any different.)

Sunday, May 25:

• We got to sleep in a bit, even though I was up pretty early, because I can't sleep late to save my life. We got ready at a steady pace, no rushing, no fussing. It was nice. Momma looked beautiful as always, and me? Well, let's just say I wish I would've remembered to take a picture of myself, because I looked more hillbilly than EVER before.
• We headed over to Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's for the cook-out and to spend some time visiting.
• It was hot, but not miserable out. We all had a good time, and may I just say that I would love to have some of that mac&cheese Momma made right now?
• We drew drivers out of a cup, and had to bet a dollar per racer for the Indy 500. I drew Will Power, and I'm pretty sure that my mother has a gambling addiction. Just saying. By the way, Aunt Poot drew the winner.
• We talked, drank and had fun. WATER MOCCASINS!! Sorry. That's what I was drinking, you know besides Budweiser and hard cider, and they were delicious!! I want them all, more, right now.
• The jokes were made, the talks were had, the teasing progressed, and it was a lot of fun. I even met Uncle Darrell's friend from back in the day. Real nice guy. He looks tough as hell, but nice.

Monday, May 26:

• Monday was the day for remembrance. Memorial Day. Remember those who serve. Because of them we are able to spend the weekend with our families. We are able to be free and we can sleep at night. I am able to sit here and write this. To all of those men and women- THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart.
• Monday was also the day of recovery. Three days of drinking and such? Recovery had to be had. I didn't over do it, but it's been a long time since I've done that.  
• Apparently after we left Sunday night everybody at Aunt Poot's house got into a fight with the neighbors and all hell broke loose. I'm glad I wasn't there. I'm too old for that shit. So are they, by the way. Josh's face looks all messed up, and I have resorted to calling him knuckles. Basically, just because it's fun for me. 
• I finally watched Green Street Hooligans. Can I say- amazing?! You know what this movie does? It just confirms that Charlie Hunnam is in fact a total bad ************. And that he should always talk in his accent, because it's like the best thing ever. It really is. 

Other random things:

• Yesterday was Danielle's fifth twenty-ninth birthday. We had ice cream cake at work for her, and of course sang. You should've seen how she had to cut her cake. It was hilarious. Thanks, Doug.
• Today is Shylyn's graduation from eighth grade ceremony. Apparently I have to go, because she asked me to be there. Whatevs. I never got an eighth grade graduation. I never got a graduation ceremony until I graduated high school, and even then I'm pretty sure that they debated it. 
• This whole "M" thing? Yeah, ummm...I don't know for sure, but I'm thinking that it might be one of those things that sounded way better in my head than out loud. You ever have one of those ideas? Yeah, I know. I don't know for sure, but I think that it seemed way better when it played out in my head, than reality. How many times do I have to say it? Reality bites. Just like the Winona movie. Except, I don't get my own Troy Dyer aka Ethan Hawke.
• My dress strap is currently being held together by a safety pin, and I need to make a mental note to sew that up quick, fast, and in a hurry. You know, right along with all of the other mental notes that I have telling me that I need to sew up my clothes.
• On the plus side I'm still wearing the dress and I accessorized this morning. Not well, might I add, but still. Anyone that knows me know that I am NOT and accessorizer. Is that even a thing? Oh, well.
• I've talked to Mo a couple times this past week, and have reminisced about "the good ole days". You know, you never realize how crazy some of the things you did were until you look back on them. Sorry, about all of those late night/drunken phone calls, Ginger. My bad. Funny, but bad. 
• Have y'all watched the new show on NBC- The Night Shift? If not, you need to. I was perusing the DVR, waiting for my toe polish to dry, last night and stumbled upon this one. It sounded pretty interesting, so I turned it on. Oh. My. God. It is so intense and wonderful. Seriously, watch it. Now.

I have nothing else to tell y'all. I mean, I do, but you know what I mean. I think. So you? Anyways, even though I could probably say a million more things, I'm just going to stop while I'm ahead. Now I'm rambling, because I'm tired. And sick at my stomach this morning. Remind me to tell y'all the convo that Danielle and I had via FB. It's hilarious. My bad. See, there I go rambling again. Wish me luck for tonight. Me plus a room full of teenagers and children, it's bound to be eventful.

What am I even saying?

As I sit here writing this I feel like I could do some serious damage.... in the nap department. That's what I need right about now. A nap. Just a little one.

I know that I should be fully rested. I mean, we're coming off of a three day weekend here. And I got to leave work at noon on Friday. So why am I so tired?

Well, probably because I'm just coming off of a three day weekend, after getting off of work at noon on Friday.

I have stories. I have things to share with you. Not pictures, because I'm a horrible person blogger and forgot to take any while I was drinking hanging out with the family. However, right now I'm barely even coherent. So instead of half-assing a story, I figure I'll just wait until I can coherently put together a paragraph. Or hell, even a sentence.

Can I get an amen?!!

In the words of my old friend/co-worker Mark- "Can I get an amen?!! Hallelujah!!" What for you ask? Three day weekends, that's what! Now, I know the whole world doesn't get three day weekends like some of us do, but just so y'all know, I didn't always get three day weekends. No. Not me. I worked for many years before that was ever an option for me.

Actually until I started the job that I'm at now, I think that I worked every single holiday. I started work when I was fourteen, and my first day was Christmas Eve. Funny, huh? And not everything can stop just because it's a holiday. I mean, when I was a CNA, we couldn't exactly shut down the nursing home/rehab center, now could we? Uh, nope. But the job I'm at now is closed on holidays. Well, except for Uncle Roger. He works Every. Single. Day.

Countdown until I have to be at work after today:

3 days, 18 hours & 21 minutes 

What are y'alls plans for this weekend? I don't know all of mine, but I do know that Sunday Momma and I are going to Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's. My family takes our beer race days very seriously, you know. They wanted to have some people over for a cook-out and apparently we are starting an annual kickball match. I haven't played kickball since eighth grade and I am feeling the pressure. Uh, I wasn't the best at sports. Except volleyball and wiffleball. I kicked ass in those two. What?! Just saying. Anyways, it'll be a fun time and I'm in charge of bringing the Crown Royal/pineapple juice chips and Momma is baked mac&cheese. Don't you love how much responsibility my family gives me? Plus, Uncle Roger might let us leave work early today and if he does Dani and I are heading straight to the Mexican restaurant down the road to drink Corona and eat guacamole. #StartTheWeekendOffRight Just dropping in for a minute to say-

Happy holidays!! Hope y'all have a fun & safe (3 day) weekend!! Do Not drink and drive!!

(We're) all a little mad sometimes.

Katie: I hate auto-correct. Momma: Why? It can be really helpful. Katie: Because never once in my life when I was talking to someone have I meant ducking. Momma: What about when you had pet ducks? Katie: Not even then. Momma: You do have the mouth of a sailor. Katie: And the face of an angel? Momma: You just say that cause that lady that you used to take care of said it all the time. Katie: Yeah, smart lady.

Katie: Ok. I'll take you to get some summer clothes. Shy: Yay!! Katie: Hey! Hey! There will be no happiness allowed during this trip. There is strictly get the clothes, try on the clothes, pay for the clothes, and leave. No fun! Shy: Ok. Yay!! Katie: Damn kids don't listen.

Katie: Should I buy new panties? Charlie: Well, depends?? Katie: I mean for dating. I feel that if I start to date, that I should buy new panties. Charlie: Please, tell me it's for what I think it's for. Katie: What if we're in a wreck? Then the paramedics are gonna look at my ID, know we're not related, and then look at my underclothes and be all- "she wore that on a date?" Charlie: You worked in a nursing home too long. Katie: I don't need their judgement. Charlie: I love you. Katie: I love you too.

Momma: Well, that was really sweet of him. Katie: It's a trick. Momma: What's a trick? Katie: Him. Being sweet. It's a trick. I smell something fishy about it. Momma: Maybe he's just a nice guy. Katie: Nobody is just a nice guy. Except Donnie Wahlberg. But no one else. He's got an ulterior motive. Momma: Don't you think he just might be nice? Katie: No. Momma: Then what? Katie: Serial killer. Momma: No more Criminal Minds for you.

Shy: So. Katie: So? Shy: So, when are you gonna get a boyfriend so that we can double date? Katie: Never. Shy: You never want to have a boyfriend. Katie: No. I'll never be double dating with you and your little boyfriend. Shy: And why not? Katie: Because that seems completely horrible. Shy: Ah! I'm offended. Katie: Good. Shy: Me and my boyfriend are adorable. Katie: My boyfriend and I. Shy: Really? Correcting the way I talk? Katie: Well, if you're trying to make a case. Shy: Fine. My boyfriend and I are adorable. Katie: No. No, you're not. Shy: Yes, we are. We hold hands, and walk with his arms around me and kiss. Katie: Eww. Shy: It's not eww. We're adorable and we're gonna fall madly in love and live happily ever after. Katie: You know why? Shy: Why? Because it's meant to be? Katie: No, because you're 14 and everything in your mind is a scene from The Notebook. Shy: Dream killer.

Random shit that you missed while on vay-cay.

Danielle has returned from a glorious week of fun in the sun. Sunshine, mai-tai's, and sandy ocean front resorts. Ahh, living life up in Florida. Huh, girl? Or if you're "street" or "hip" as the kids are saying these days- linizzin' on the beachizle in Flo-rida. I'm lying, no one says that. NO ONE. If you haven't noticed, I've gone a little crazier since you've been gone. My bad.

Seriously, though, I commend you. Why? Because there is no way in hell that I could be around that many children and not be sauced out of my gourds. Honestly, like I would have to be drinking All. The. Time. I wouldn't even need to sleep. It would be sun up? Sun down? Whatevs, bring me the liquor cart! Disneyworld cannot be the happiest place on the planet. After all, it's full of children. And yes, I am very aware of how much of a horrible person I just sounded like right then. Anyways, welcome back...and here is what you missed while you were gone. Well, some of what you missed.

First convo (I say stuff like convo now) with you back: Danielle: Did you miss me? Katie: No. Danielle: Yes, you did. Don't lie. I know you missed me. Katie: No. Danielle: Ass.

• Aunt Susi and I almost died. Literally. I mean, I'm not being dramatic or anything, but that's what happened. First some crazy bitch lady almost side swiped us going 200 mph. Then, Chad force fed us each a large red beans and rice. And coleslaw. It was traumatizing.
• Tony shaved his head and now he looks like a giant _____ with ears. Go ahead, I'll let you fill in the blank with whatever you see fit.
• Anthony M got grounded because he dropped the *f bomb on the bus, and I know what you're thinking. No, he did not hear it from me.
• Yes, I did agree to go out on a date, but I know absolutely nothing about it. Seriously, no details. It's like it never happened and now I'm confused. But I'll be damned if I'm about to bring it up again. By the way- I'll be expecting my cupcakes within the next few days.
• Aunt Susi also dropped her phone into the toilet "a bowl of water" and it went all wonky. Thus creating the weirdest lunch hour that I've ever had. And that's saying something, because I used to work with some crackheads. And I held a woman's head together once. Yes. It's exactly what it sounds like.
• We now know what Uncle Darrell would look like if he had a Donald Trump toupee'. And it is not pretty. 
• Shylyn went camping for five whole days, and came to realize that she never wants to go camping for five days ever again. She hated it and she smelled really bad when she got back. Like, really bad. Once again, too many children in one designated location. Oh yeah, it was her school trip. I guess I should've told you that.

There was a bunch of other stuff that happened to, but now I'm tired of writing, so I would like to stop now. Oh, and don't forget to tell Aunt Susi and Uncle Roger happy anniversary. It's 24 years today. Also, seriously, CUPCAKES. That's not why I said yes, but I still want them.

It's day.

20 Since Momma was put into the hospital, and I think that I might have had a slight nervous breakdown and/or panic attack. But I kept my cool and slowly but surely Momma is getting better and better. Yay!! 964 Since I left my old life behind in Tennessee and decided to move to Indiana to start over. I have to say that I'm extremely glad that I made that decision. 7 Since I decided that I may or may not want to let my guard down just a little bit and now I would just like it if they would allow things to go completely my way. 8857 Since the cutest tiny little dark-haired baby was born and her Momma held her so tight that she could have burst. Spoiler alert- that little dark-haired baby was me. 19 Since I've smoked a cigarette. Only twenty-one days to break a habit, right? 2080 Since I met and fell in love with SOA. 1 Since I talked to my old friend that isn't even really my friend anymore. We fell apart, but I'm trying to be the bigger person, so when she seemed upset I messaged to check. I guess karma really is a bitch. 437 Since I started this whole blogging thing. 961 Since I've been single. And that decision? Possibly in the top five best decisions that I've ever made. I'm going for no more jerks for me anymore. Only nice guys. 2185 Since I graduated high school. How old am I sounding right now? 176 Since Austin Winkler left Hinder. 589 Since I started the job that I am at now. 263 Since Nsync reunited for a tribute to Justin Timberlake at the 2013 MTV video music awards, resulting in my inner tween heart doing somersaults. Since that's the only way I can do somersaults. 4166 Since I went to the theater to see Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. And I still love it, even to this day. #NerdLife. 579 Since I decided to chop my long hair off, and immediately regretted chopping all of my hair off.   

*Please note that some of these dates may not be entirely accurate, but it's my best guesstimate work.

This is why

[Let me be frank. Plus, I love the name Frank. Sorry.] I haven't dated in a really long time. The last relationship that I was in really did a number on me, for the plain fact that it made me look at things and re-evaluate the decisions that I had been making in that department. After I broke up with him and moved, I decided that I wouldn't date for awhile. I thought to myself- I'll just take some "me" time, there is no since in rushing into anything. I'm not ready for it, nor do I want it. I want to figure out what I want out of a relationship, or if I even want one at all. To me, those are important decisions that one should ask their self.

That was nearly two years ago. I still ask myself those questions and I'm no closer to finding the answer. It has nothing to do with the idiot that I was with, because Lord knows I don't think about him unless someone brings him up, but rather the fact that I want to make the right decisions in my future relationships. I don't want to date someone just so I can be one of those girls that has a boyfriend. I don't want to give up things that I love and do things that I don't want to do. Maybe that sounds spoiled and I'm being completely irrational, but that's how I feel.

I'm not saying that's what all relationships are like. I'm not that jaded. But there are a lot of people that change and completely lose their own identities when they're with someone else. I don't want to be one of those people. I might not have everything figured out. Actually, far from it, but I do know what I do and do not want.

Be prepared. I'm about to sound like a completely horrible person. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. 

I don't want to live with someone. I think that people should have to live together before marriage to see if they're compatible. Just my opinion. Well, I've done the whole living together thing on two separate occasions. You know what I learned? I learned that I don't like living with my significant other. Nope. I don't like the idea of waking up with them every single morning, and seeing them every single day, and going to bed looking at them every night. Sorry, I just can't do it. It's not in me. If I really like that person and love spending time with them, then that is great! However, I like my own personal time, alone, to do what I like to do. I like going where I please, when I please, and not having to "check in" with someone when I do.

I don't want to get married. Let's talk marriage, shall we? I don't like the idea of it. For me. I think for certain people marriage is a lovely, healthy, wonderful thing. Sometimes the universe can't have made two people more perfect to be married to each other. But me? I have no desire to be married. I never have. You know how they talk about little girls planning their weddings with barbies and coloring books? I was not one of those little girls. I was the other little girl that was running after her big brother and his friends, because they would all piggy back me. I didn't want to marry them, I just wanted them to carry my chunky little butt around. Like I said you should live together before marriage, and I don't like the thought of either.

I don't want kids. I know, I know. The entire universe just came together for one collective gasp of horror. But I'm just speaking the truth here. I'm not a kid kind of person. I came to terms with this fact a long time ago. I'm not one of those women that's "motherly instinct" kicks in at any given moment. In fact when a kid is hurt and they need help, I don't leave them laying there bleeding or anything, but my first thought is- "How would we fix this in the nursing home?" I try to be good with them, I really do, but I'm just not. I can barely keep my own shit together and remember to wear pants. Add to that? No, thanks. I want to be able to go home to relax in my pjs and watch TV.  

I've done the dating thing and the relationship thing. I don't seem to be very good at either. I've tried and put a lot of effort in. But every time I think about getting super serious with someone I panic. Literally, panic. One time I was talking to a friend of mine at work about it and puked and had a full blown panic attack. Why? Because the prospect of it was so daunting and overwhelming. She said it's because I've never really been in love.

All I know is I know what I want. Finding that? Completely different story. I want someone that's sweet, kind, caring, compassionate, honest and really into me. Is that so much to ask? I don't go for looks. Looks fade and then you're stuck with an asshole the rest of your life. Looks are over-rated in my opinion. I don't care nothing for them when it comes to dating. I mean, I'm not exactly what you would call attractive, so why should I think someone else should look like Jude Law? I don't. Maybe I'm weird, I don't know, but I could care less what someone looks like. However, finding those other traits in a guy is impossible too. I basically just want someone who wants to hang out, watch TV and have sex with only me. Among other things. Is that so much to ask for? Apparently, it is.  

Why am I telling y'all all of this? I should really stop, but I can't.

Now, if you get passed all of that stuff I'm an even bigger mess. Remember when I said that I'm a horrible dater? I was not exaggerating. I really, truly am. I get super nervous and about fifty million questions run through my head. Questions like: What if he's a serial killer? Hey, you laugh, but it's a real thing. Ever watched Criminal Minds? Read about BTK? Googled the Craigslist killer? I don't care how well you think you know a person, looks can be extremely deceiving. What do I wear? Everyone knows that I'm not exactly the most fashion forward girl for my age. Maybe it's from where I haven't dated that much, but I have no clue what to wear on one. Is jeans to casual? Is a dress too much? Flats? Heels? Well, I can't wear heels anyways, but still. Like I said, I'm not what you would call "attractive" anyways, so what the hell do you wear? Can I order the fajitas instead of a salad? I like salad. Salad is delicious and nutritious, and I could eat it all the time. But say we're out and the restaurant had shrimp fajitas. I love shrimp fajitas. So, can I order them without being overly-judged, or is the proper thing to do mean ordering the salad? What's the ladylike thing for this particular impasse?  

Do I pay for the date? I know that traditionally the guy pays for the date. I've read enough books and watched enough movies to know all of that. However, all the guys (which isn't that many) that I've dated (except one) had me pay. So, have I just dated a bunch of losers? Or are the girls supposed to pay for everything now? I mean, I don't want to seem horrible, and I don't mind paying my way, but I was always told growing up by everyone that that's the guy's thing. I also don't want him to feel weird, so what do I do? If we "hit it off" and I'm into him, how soon is "too soon" so I don't look like a skank? Like I said, ladylike. However, it's been a really, really long time. TMI? I know what I look like naked, it's not very appealing. Can I ask to keep the lights out? I see me naked everyday. A couple times a day actually, and I don't see anything impressive and/or appealing, so what's the guidelines on this? What? Can I ask to keep the lights out? Turn the lights out? Or wing it? Do I let them see everything? I'm not ok with that. I get nervous just thinking about it. No, thank you. How much do I tell him? I can't believe I'm about to admit this, but I mean, why stop now, right? Like I said, I've dated. But I'm not exactly that "experienced" if you catch my drift. I'm sure you do by now. I mean, I've been told that everything I do is great, but I don't really know. I was a late bloomer and get embarrassed when it comes to my own situations, so what? Do I tell them that or do I just wing it and let them think what they will? Further more, should I read up on this stuff? Or something?

If I could just find a real nice guy that I could hang out with and be real good friends with, that would be great. I don't think that's gonna happen either though. So?