Friday, February 20, 2015

I'm surprised that there are still people that like me at this point


I was having a conversation with Erica a little while back that spilled over into a conversation with Mo, that in turn leaked into my conversation with Momma. I know, it's a vicious circle that probably needs to be addressed sooner rather than later, but I'm definitely not going to do anything about it except complain. All on the same page? Great.

And I was totally going to let all of this go, truly I was (please, like I ever let anything go), but then I decided to go ahead and tell the internet about it instead. Because why not? It's usually what I end up doing. That and when I completely want to smack talk people I do it on my blog. I have got to quit telling people about this things existence.

Moving on.

(Just a few) Reasons why I'm probably a difficult friend (or girlfriend- which I'm not, but I have been like twice, so obviously I'm an expert or something) to have.

I have NO Instagram filter.
Like, none whatsoever. If I think you're being a jackass, I'm going to tell you that you're being a jackass. If I think that your boyfriend and/or girlfriend is a giant douche canoe, guess what? I'm going to tell you about that to. I don't try to be an ass. Truly I don't, but it just comes so natural to me.

{I would appreciate it if I could choose from Instagram filters in my real/everyday life, because they make me look so much better than I actually do.}

I don't want to talk about my feelings. I just want you to read my mind.
I mean, is it so much to ask for people to just know exactly what I want, when I want it, and however I want it done? I don't think it is. Do I want to tell you when I'm sad? Hell no. I just want you to not only know that I'm sad, but why I'm sad and how to fix it. Or any of the other emotions that I happen to be running through. I don't think this is just a me thing though, I'm pretty sure this is just one of the many things that comes along with being a woman. What? You know it's the truth.
 
I'm so sarcastic that sometimes I even offend myself.
And do you know how hard it is to offend me? It's very difficult, but somehow I still manage to do it from time to time. It kind of coincides with the whole 'no filter' thing and before I even know what's happening I'm saying whatever happens to pop into my head. Word vomit at it's finest.


{P.S. I also like to have alone time, so don't be all over me and try to smother me like you're a side of hashbrowns from Waffle House.} 

Movies.
Do you like movies? Do you like watching movies? If we're gonna hang out than I hope so, because I'm going to make you watch five million of them. I'm going to insist that you see all of the ones that I've ever seen, plus we're going to have to watch movies that I've never seen. Whether they're old or new, be prepared to strap in on the couch and do some serious movie watching. I'm going to whine until you do.

I'll just poke you until I get my way.
You may call it childish, but that's only because it totally is. I like having things my way. I know that everybody does, but I really do. I don't usually insist on too many things, I'm very "go with the flow" with things in my life, but every now and then I'll really want something (whether it be to watch something specific, listen to a certain song, or eat grilled cheese while drinking copious amounts of alcohol) and if you disagree with me, I will just sit next to you and poke you until I get my way. Childish? Yes. Effective? Absolutely.

{And don't try to say I'm spoiled, because I'm not. I don't tend to get my way, because like I said, "go with the flow", and I don't even know what being spoiled feels like. Although, if someone wants to attempt to spoil me so I can find out if I like it or not, I'm not going to argue.}


{That picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post, except for the facts that I would do something like this, and I officially want to be this girls friend!! Best. Wedding. (Un)invitation. EVER.}

Follow the script.
I have a very vivid imagination. And at least ninety-six percent of the time I am playing out a scenario in my head (whether it be realistic or not) and I get very annoyed when people don't play along. I know that they don't technically know what I want them to do, but then again, it kind of resorts back to- just read my mind.

And the best part of all of this? My family and friends have completely accepted all of these annoying things about me. Erica even uses the term "It's just one of your endearing qualities that we've all come to love". They just roll with it and they're not even surprised by what comes out of my mouth anymore. And it's great. I have some of the most incredible people in my life that you could ever imagine.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

A Quarter of a Century Old. (And Valentine's Day).


Well, y'all. It happened. And by "it" I mean that I did in fact turn twenty-five years old. This past Friday to be exact. Yes, on Friday the thirteenth I turned a quarter of a century old. I couldn't believe it either. I'm not really sure when I did in fact get to the point that I was ready to be in my mid-twenties, but here I am. And you know what? I'm good with it.

I know, right?! I didn't see this coming either. I thought that I would have some giant meltdown  or something. I honestly didn't know how I was going to react. I mean, don't people usually have a mid, or in this case quarter, life crisis? Shouldn't I be freaked out and trying to "find myself" or something along those lines? I don't know. I'm probably ok with it, because I'm good with who I am. I know me and I'm happy with the person that I am. The way I look at it, as long as you're happy with yourself, than you're fine. Unless you're a serial killer, rapist, hurt children, or you know, Casey Anthony. Than you're not ok. And I want to punch you really hard in the throat. You know, just saying.

I've also never been one to celebrate birthdays. Don't get me wrong, Momma always made us a cake every year, but we never did the whole big shebang. I had a sleepover when I was in fifth grade to celebrate and that only happened once. And it was completely by my choice, because if we're being perfectly honest I didn't like having all those girls over invading my space. Even just thinking about it gets on my nerves. The next morning I told Momma never again, and I meant it.

I've just never been one to get excited about birthdays. But this one? This one just felt different for some reason. I couldn't tell you why, because I don't even know for myself, but it did. I didn't do anything in particular. In fact, Momma and I grabbed some supper and stayed in for the night. It was SO cold! And we all know how much I don't like to go out in the first place. But we stayed in and relaxed. It was great.


And did I mention how many people remembered my birthday? And Valentine's Day? Yeah, I'm pretty sure every single person I know wished me a Happy Birthday. Some sent me cards. Others candy. My very much (non)boy(guy?)friend even sent me flowers, chocolates, and a card. (No ones ever sent me flowers before, by the way). Greg and his crew came up the next day and took us out to dinner and brought me a giant hot pink stuffed dog. And finally, two cakes people. Two. Cakes. All in all, I'm going to have to say that I put it to a vote and it's been decided- I'm turning twenty-five again next year. Don't try to talk me out of it. Cake and flowers, I've made up my mind.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

That time I did Zumba and almost didn't recover.


So, last Friday (the sixth) I did something that I never thought that I would do. I actually let Dani talk me into going to Zumba with her. Do y'all know what Zumba is? If not, I'll tell you. Actually, I'll let Wikipedia, because if I tell you it's going to have many more expletives. Just saying.

Now that you know what it is, can you really imagine me doing this? If not, you would be completely accurate. I was a, for lack of a better word, maniac. The fact that I have absolutely no arm/feet coordination was not a surprise to me. I mean, I haven't had it almost 25 years, so why start now? Right?! Everyone knows this about me. It's never by any means been a secret.

I ran into people. I followed the wrong steps. I shook my butt so hard at one point that I thought I was going to fall over. What can I say? I have alot of ass to shake. Also, can we just talk about how hot it gets in those places? SO. HOT. The class was 1.5 hours long and it was to raise money for the American Heart Association. And although I don't think that I will ever do it again, at least I have no immediate plans, I have to say that it was kind of fun. Hell, they let you dance to Bruno Mars, so what's not to like?


After I got home from Zumba, my entire body ached, so I popped a couple excedrin and did a few shots, and then Momma and I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple things. And so I could have an amazing photo-op with a giant stuffed giraffe. That I named Steve. (Unknowingly after Bennett's brother. What?! I didn't know that was his name!) And when I woke up Saturday morning, I had to take more meds and drink, because- Ouch.  

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

When I agreed to tutor an 11 year old.

Have y'all ever ever been asked to do something and in your half-hackled inebriated self, agreed to do said thing?

I only ask, because I'm nosy I myself agreed to such a thing this past Saturday. Momma and I ran a little bit of everywhere over the weekend and during this time we stopped by Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's house to pick up a quilt that she had asked us to take to the laundromat with us for her (it's easier for us to use to big washers there than it is for her to use her small one).

She informed me that she needed to talk to me and frankly she look concerned enough for me to feel a bit worried. So, I sat down and she said- "Solae got her mid-term yesterday, her mom is pissed and throwing a fit, and if she doesn't bring her math grade up they're going to keep her in the fifth grade. I need your help, I need you to tutor her. I don't have anyone else to ask". My initial thought? Shit.

Followed closely by the endless list of guilt that I felt knowing that Solae and Aunt Poot needed my help. What do you tell two people that you love when they ask for your help? I assume you say what I said, which is- Yes. I knew it wouldn't be that bad. Afterall, she's a good kid and she listens to me. {Bonus: She doesn't give me lip, because I just tell her to cut the crap and she does.} But it wasn't until about an hour after I had agreed and we left that it dawned on me. What dawned on me, you may ask. Well, it dawned on me that I haven't been in school in almost seven years.

Yeah, that's right. Seven years. I was just as shocked as you are (No, you're not). See, I graduated high school seven years ago this May, and no I didn't attend college. I know, I know, but I'm good with it. I don't feel that I had to attend college to make myself happy, and I know that a lot of people would say- That's not the point, Katie! And to those people I say- Shut it. You live your life the way you want and I'll live mine over here on my own. Thanks.  
So, here I was about to start tutoring an eleven year old that really needed my help and I had agreed to do so and didn't even really know if I would remember enough to help her. I initially panicked and then did what any logical adult would do. I cussed and when we stopped at the store, I bought the book- Math & Pre- Algebra for Dummies. And I have no regrets. Sometimes you just need a little refresher course. And what this book couldn't teach me, I always had Google on my side.

The tutoring was supposed to be just every other day, but I went over to Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's Monday evening (for almost two hours) and yesterday evening (for about an hour)  to help her out and I have to go help her tonight. I think that I'll have Thursday and Friday off though. She's only got thirteen weeks off school left, so keep your fingers crossed!

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Will Smith wrote a song about me (no he didn't): Things I just don't understand

There are things that everyone just doesn't understand. And the majority of the time if you don't understand it, than you just spend time working on it until you understand it. Is that a fair assumption? I, however am not one of those people. I'll try really hard at something until I comprehend it when if comes to work or something important in my life. There are certain things though, not only do I not understand, but feel that it's probably best that I don't understand. (Examples).


The lingo:
I.e. bae, the feels, dat, doe, ish, sprang, and so on and so forth. I think you kind of get the idea at this point. Now, my question is: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS THIS?! No one should ever talk like this. EVER. It's not ok. Oh, I'm sorry, did you somehow forget how to speak?! I can feel my high school english teacher cringing right about now. And I know that I freeflow when I write. I get it. I seriously do. I have run-on sentences, I don't capitalize frequently, and a myriad of other things. Trust me, it's acknowledged. But, come on!! That "gives you the feels" or whatever dumbass way that they say it. You can't just saying you have feelings? Really? REALLY?! It's just too hard for you?! Boo hoo. And it's bad enough that teenagers do this shit, but adults too? Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves for even contributing to this. Especially when you use dat and doe together. For instance: #datbearddoe. No. Just no.

Weddings:
Kidding. I understand why people have weddings (pretty dresses, dancing, alcohol and cake. duh.). It's marriage that I just don't understand. Weddings are fun. Marriage? From what I've seen, not so much. I just wanted an excuse (like i need an excuse) to show you these pictures from Suzi's wedding of her and Erica that I found while I was snooping playing around on the internet. Ha to the ha.

Yes, I showed the entire world (dramatic much?) y'alls picture. Get over it. They were already on the internet anyways.
She is mean muggin' somebody!
Doesn't E look extremely happy in this picture? Nope.
Technology:
Everyone that knows anything about me knows that I'm not exactly the most tech-savvy person on the planet. In fact, for a twenty-four (soon to be twenty-five. ooph.) Year old girl, I'm surprisingly anti-tech. Not to the point that it appears that I've been in a cave for most of my life (my wardrobe takes care of that), but still. I still rather enjoy sending my friends letters, cards, notes, pictures, and various other things through the mail. You know, with stamps and it taking three days and such. What can I say? I'm old-fashioned like that. Most of my friends are relatively tech savvy, some more than others (you know who you are). Me? Not so much. I actually just made the switch to an Iphone(5S) for the first time today. We'll see how this goes.