Wednesday, June 8, 2016

How weird would it be to hang out with your brothers former "other woman"?

(Edie needs to take a poll- and not the election kind).


So..... I have a friend named Edie. That hussie is always coming to me for her problems and/or conundrums of life. Well, she needs a little help out, once again, because she's completely horrible about making adult decisions.

You see, Edie has a brother. We'll call this brother of hers- Jeff. And Edie loves Jeff with all of her heart, but sometimes Jeff is a dinkus. It's like he just can't help it. Even when he's aware that it's a bad idea/ plan and you try to tell him that it's going to blow up in his face worse than shaking the battery in your car, he still does it. And then guess what happens? That shit blows up.

Jeff has also always kind of fancied himself to be a "ladies man" even though Edie has told him multiple times that this is in fact not true. However, the female race has decided not to back Edie up on this too often, and girls have thrown themselves at him (leaving Edie with a wtf look on her face and utter confusion in her brain). Like, a lot. But he doesn't pick normal girls, oh no, he tends to get the crazies or for lack of a better term, "emotionally unstable" ones. Seriously, one tried to stab him with a pair of scissors and he had to climb out of the bathroom window. Another story for another day.

Every now and then though, he gets one that's clearly a psycho, but also pretty fun to hang out with. Most are boring and Jeff's sister and mother can't stand them (because they're a giant pain in the ass), but once in a great while, they like said girl. They (Edie and her mom) get along with her, hang out with her, and think she's a relatively good person. A little annoying and dramatic maybe, but a good person. And then shit blows up in Jeff's face (ALWAYS) and the girl is never to be found (you know, once he manages to actually get rid of her) again.

Except this time, Edie and the girl are still social media friends, still text occasionally, and talk about the randomness of things from time to time. And Jeff doesn't know this, but it's not like Edie's hiding it. She just hasn't told him and he hasn't asked, and by the way, SHE'S A GROWN ASS WOMAN.

And if you really think about it, it's not fair for Edie to suffer just because she has a dinkus brother, right? Afterall, she did try to tell him that shit was going to hit the fan and he wouldn't listen. And maybe this girl and her have some friendship goals in common. Maybe they have a mutual love for shark movies and taco bell. And maybe this chick can crochet Edie a giant blanket that looks like a shark that's chomping on her and that could come in handy, because Edie really wants one of those damn things. But then, Edie knows that somehow that shit will get turned around on her and the following conversation will have to happen-

Jeff: "Why would you hang out with a girl that tried to ruin my entire life?!!"
Edie: "The same reason that you never mow the f*cking grass or take the trash out."
Jeff: "What's does that even mean?!"
Edie: "It means, I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW, WILL WE?!"

Because Edie is mature and loves the eff word. So, when the girl reached out to Edie to suggest that they go and see that new shark movie coming out at the end of this month (The Shallows) that Edie REALLY wants to see, she found herself asking if hanging out with this girl would really be so bad. Sure, she tried to ruin Jeff's whole life and got him fired from his last job. BUT it's not like Jeff is innocent in all of that cluster f**k of a situation and it turned out pretty good for him. His actual girlfriend didn't dump him (because she's stupid) and he likes his new job MUCH better than the other one, plus all of that was like four/five months ago..... So, is it really even all that bad?

The answer is yes. She can't hang out with this girl (because she asked her mom and her mom reminded her of how much a psycho this girl actually is), but that doesn't mean that she still won't pine for the movie showing and the amazing blanket that could've been..... And you know what Edie's learned from this whole situation? You know, now that we've discussed our way all of the way through it.

Edie loves sharks. And Jeff is a douche canoe.