When you feel like friendship is more of an obligation.

People in life come and go, there's absolutely no disputing that. Sometimes it's for the better, sometimes it's because no one had a choice in the matter.

....Other times, it's because only one person had the choice. It really only takes one person to make that decision and instead of holding onto something that kind of just weighs heavy on your mind and soul, isn't it sometimes easier to just let it go? It's not necessarily giving up, but just accepting what the situation actually is.

I've stumbled upon this conclusion quite recently.... about a "friend" of mine. And I say "friend" that way because, I have always considered her a friend, but have come to realize in the last few years that we're not friends anymore. At least not in the way that we used to be. We're "friends" out of feelings of obligation at this point. Honestly, we no longer have anything in common, we hardly ever speak (we haven't actually spoken in a couple of months), and to be one hundred percent truthful.... we don't even really like each other anymore.

And, I know that sounds horrible, and maybe it is, but we've known each other for so long that we've convinced ourselves that we're still friends, but we really haven't been friends in probably.... seven.... eight years? That's a long time to hold onto something that you both know isn't even there.

Sure, we know things about each other, and I wish her the very best, but I don't feel like we should go out of our way to communicate and be in each others lives when neither of us even wants to be. We've been "going through the motions of our friendship" for years, because we've known each other since we were little kids and have been through a lot together.... but it's all been exactly that. Just going through the motions.

I came to this conclusions a couple of months back when she asked me for my honest opinion, I told her what it was, and we haven't spoken since. Why? Because neither of us even likes the other enough to dispute and/or fight for it. I text her one other time to ask about her well being, she never responded, and after thinking on it a bit, I realized that I didn't even care and maybe it's for the best.

And I'm fine with that. Sure, we've had some good times and we're in a ton of each others memories.... but is all of the bullshit really worth trying to keep up with something that hasn't even been true in years? I just don't think that it is. And neither does she. So, we're not enemies, no one is sad, everyone knows what happened.... we're just a couple of people that were friends as kids and someone who is in a few old pictures.

And while that might be a harsh realization.... at least it is in fact real.

It's rude to make someone feel old at 5:30 am.

(I'm young but, still very aware that I'm not getting any younger).

This morning I realized that the kid I used to babysit (well, I babysat him and his two brothers) graduated from highschool this past year. And his youngest brother (he was a little baby at the time) is now playing junior high football. As with most middle children, I have no effing clue what's going on with the middle brother (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!!) but, he's still hanging out in there somewhere. Did y'all hear me? One has graduated, the other is in highschool, and the youngest is in junior high taking hits on the field.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS EVEN HAPPENING?!!

I swear, I'm not old yet. I mean, I've technically always been a little ole ninety- two year old man at heart BUT, in all actuality I am only twenty- six. That's young!! It's an adult age (and creeping up on thirty) but still young. Let's just say, I'm not going to be collecting social security anytime soon. But, I do have to say, when I realized that the oldest boy graduated this past year, the first thought that came through my mind was- "Fuuuucccccckkkkkk yyyyooouuuuu, guuuuuuyyyyyyyyyssssssssss." Because, I'm mature and why wouldn't it be?

I kid (mostly) but, watching teens today makes me realize not only how much tolerance I do not possess for teenagers but also, how I was weird as shit when I was a teenager (and how weird as shit I am right now). Not weird in the general description of weird but, weird in my own way. Example:

Sixteen year old girls today: "Girl, I can't go until I fix my hair. I'm either gonna straighten and/or curl it.... I don't know which one yet, maybe both!! I gotta look good for my man."
Me at sixteen: "Whatever, this half-ass, lopsided, ponytail will do. It's only falling down in the back.... and the sides.... and kind of in the front. I don't even care, if dude doesn't like it, he can get somebody else to ride in his damn truck with him."

Twenty- six year old women today: "Being an adult is hard but, I gotta look good. I mean, you never know who you'll run into!!"
Me at twenty- six: "Whatever, this half-ass, lopsided, ponytail will do. It's only falling down in the back.... and the sides.... and kind of in the front. I don't even care, if people don't like it, they can kiss it."

I'm serious, you would think that I was ninety-two, but alas, not even close. I did feel pretty damn old reading about those kids this morning though (remind me to never do that again). But, you know what? I'm good with it. You guys just keep getting older and I'll just keep drinking alcohol, eating nachos, and watching y'all make me old as shit. I'm good with it.

52 has never looked so good.

(Happy Birthday, Momma).

This beautiful lady right here turns 52 today. I couldn't be any luckier in the "Mom Department" if they tried. She is, hands down, the best mother, friend, and woman that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I love you more than you'll ever know, Momma. You're my best friend, mother, and most importantly, my heart. Happy Birthday, Lemondrop. ❤️

(Also, you'll be happy to know that I posted this birthday message/image on social media and the not so unanimous vote is- I look just like my Momma. And you know what? I'm more than good with it!!)

Hello Friday, you beautiful wench.

(Hold, hold on, hold onto me, 'cause I'm a little unsteady.... and waiting on Friday to get its ass on over here already. At least the wait is over.).

And, this picture perfectly describes how I'm making it through this week.... hanging on by a damn thread and prayer.

After I get off of work today, I don't come back until Wednesday.

You may think that I'm talking a little roadtrip or vacation but, the truth is I'm taking off Monday and Tuesday because, Momma is having eye surgery on Monday and I wanted to make sure that I was there not only for the surgery but, for the next day as we don't know how it will affect her. We start one thing of her drops today, the second set starts on Sunday, then she'll have antibiotic drops for after the surgery. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Other than that, everything is pretty basic around these parts. Tayder has the driest skin of any dog in the county (and I have now affectionately changed his name to "Ichibum" because, the poor little thing just scratches his ass on everything these days). Our neighbors had their baby (and apparently you're supposed to congratulate people on that?). And we're back to our smaller tv because, the other one went kaput and didn't work out. You win some, you lose some.... right? Oh, and I'm almost done with the fourth season of Justified.... so, there's that.

Aunt Poot is taking us into Momma's surgery because, she wants to be there. No matter what kind of doctor and/or surgery, we both tend to get very nervous when it comes to Momma (and that ain't changing anytime soon). She recently got back from a little roadtrip herself, as she went to see a friend of hers and get away for a couple of days. She seemed relaxed when she got back but, she's been back for a couple of days now and I'm pretty sure that her stress levels have skyrocketed back on up there.

I haven't been sleeping too great lately; unless you count the night that I was awoken at two in the morning convinced that I was being pulled out of my bed by the hair of the head. I immediately grabbed my bat and started swinging, before I woke up more and realized that Tayder had crawled up to sleep atop my head and had somehow managed to get all four of his paws wrapped in my hair.... and it was him that was yanking me around by the head trying to get away.

Other than that though, sleep has alluded me. And this week has been at least seventeen days long.

Labor Day weekend is upon us.

(And I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning).

Y'all, after my work day today (that I desperately just wanted to sleep through.... but couldn't even sleep), I'm off for three days. Why? Because Monday is Labor Day and I now have one of those jobs in life that is sometimes closed (unlike every other job that I've ever had). And let's just say, I'm totally not sad about it. In fact, I'm the exact opposite of sad (and really glad that I don't have to mow grass this evening).

Big weekend plans? Nope. Tomorrow (Saturday) Momma and I are going with Aunt Poot down to see Aunt T and Uncle Clyde. We went down and seen them towards the end of June, but with the seasons changing and winter coming (apparently that's a thing for Game of Thrones fans?), we don't know how many trips we have left in us before we'll have to sludge through the snow and muck to make it down there.

Other than that, I'm pretty sure that we don't have any plans, whatsoever. My big plan is hopefully to take enough allergy meds to knock my bitch ass out, so I can finally get some sleep (Insomnia: Party of One, right here). That, and we'll probably chillax at the house, because that's what we like to do and I have some serious Netflixing to get on top of.... the rest of Season 5 Baby Daddy drops today and I need to know what happens with Danny/Riley.... and Tiny Tucker). Plus, you know, Movies on Demand has Me Before You and apparently I want to have some feelings or some shit.... IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN HOME.

We'll have the house to ourselves (Momma, Tayder, and I.... like we usually do), so I'm also hoping that I'll get to have a burrito and some pizza at some point. Because goals, people. I probably sound kind of crazy right now.... did I mention that I haven't been sleeping good (or, at all) for a few months now? It was ok at first, but now I think it's starting to catch up.

Fingers crossed that I get out of here early today. Have a fantastic weekend, have fun, and DO NOT drink and drive!!