Tuesday, September 27, 2016

When you feel like friendship is more of an obligation.

People in life come and go, there's absolutely no disputing that. Sometimes it's for the better, sometimes it's because no one had a choice in the matter.

....Other times, it's because only one person had the choice. It really only takes one person to make that decision and instead of holding onto something that kind of just weighs heavy on your mind and soul, isn't it sometimes easier to just let it go? It's not necessarily giving up, but just accepting what the situation actually is.

I've stumbled upon this conclusion quite recently.... about a "friend" of mine. And I say "friend" that way because, I have always considered her a friend, but have come to realize in the last few years that we're not friends anymore. At least not in the way that we used to be. We're "friends" out of feelings of obligation at this point. Honestly, we no longer have anything in common, we hardly ever speak (we haven't actually spoken in a couple of months), and to be one hundred percent truthful.... we don't even really like each other anymore.

And, I know that sounds horrible, and maybe it is, but we've known each other for so long that we've convinced ourselves that we're still friends, but we really haven't been friends in probably.... seven.... eight years? That's a long time to hold onto something that you both know isn't even there.

Sure, we know things about each other, and I wish her the very best, but I don't feel like we should go out of our way to communicate and be in each others lives when neither of us even wants to be. We've been "going through the motions of our friendship" for years, because we've known each other since we were little kids and have been through a lot together.... but it's all been exactly that. Just going through the motions.

I came to this conclusions a couple of months back when she asked me for my honest opinion, I told her what it was, and we haven't spoken since. Why? Because neither of us even likes the other enough to dispute and/or fight for it. I text her one other time to ask about her well being, she never responded, and after thinking on it a bit, I realized that I didn't even care and maybe it's for the best.

And I'm fine with that. Sure, we've had some good times and we're in a ton of each others memories.... but is all of the bullshit really worth trying to keep up with something that hasn't even been true in years? I just don't think that it is. And neither does she. So, we're not enemies, no one is sad, everyone knows what happened.... we're just a couple of people that were friends as kids and someone who is in a few old pictures.

And while that might be a harsh realization.... at least it is in fact real.