Don't ask me why, but I have always felt more like myself with black hair. Sure, my natural color is somewhere between a mouse brown/sandy blonde color, but nothing speaks to my soul quite like black. Black to match my soul, eyeliner, personality and sense of humor.
A couple of years ago, I decided to quit dying my hair. Not because my hair was unhealthy or anything, I just honestly didn't feel like doing anything in general, especially taking care of myself and/or appearance. Therefore, things such as hair, makeup, and clothing pretty much fell by the wayside. I just simply didn't care.
And in a way, I still don't. But, I'm trying.
I still don't wear makeup often, or even fix my hair everyday.... and I'm usually in pajamas or some form of sweatpants. However, I found that once I dyed my hair black again (after three glasses of wine, a few shots of whisky, and some other not to be named *shhh*) I began to feel more like myself. Not the old me, just the me in general.
More like the carefree girl that while she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, was also carefree and completely and utterly just herself. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It doesn't matter if I'm not 100% or if everybody else thinks I look like a pale trainwreck walking. All that matters is that I'm a little more confident in myself and that I feel better, even if it's just a miniscule amount.
While that seems a little bit much to get from a small hair change, it is also something that I needed to do for myself to get back to myself. And honestly, there's no substitution for that. So, here I stand, trying and pushing through every single day. The small changes, the big decisions, and everything in between.
Happy New Year and let's try not to let 2021 be such a f*cking shitshow.
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