What else were we gonna do on a three-day weekend?

I'm aware that when it comes to three-day or holiday weekends, that many people make plans and do things in the presence of others. I'm aware of this and used to participate in it. Albeit, against my will, but nonetheless. 

Now, I'm married. And while my husband is a social butterfly, I am forever the little introvert that I've always been. I figure, I married my favorite person so why should I have to spend time with other people? Unhealthy? Yes. Am I going to change it? Nope. I mean, let's be real, I would rather stay in my bitch cave with my loves and all of my stuff.

Therefore, when I got off of work on Friday (at lunch, thank you, Dani!) I did what any normal introvert would do. I cleaned my house from tits to teeth, ran the majority of errands that involved other people and then settled in my house and waited for D to get home. In the process of all of this, I also started watching American Horror Story: Apocalypse. Because, why not?

With the exception of about 1.5 hours of Sunday when we ran a final errand, D and I stayed home all weekend and just hung out with each other, cooked, watched tv, and played with our pups. While most people think that we're weird or too anti-social, I say f*ck it, we do what we want. 

We even sat outside in our backyard for a long while on Sunday night to watch all of the fireworks and D grilled out, because while we're hermits, we're also Americans and the Fourth of July is like our crack rock. 

Or, something like that. 

The point is, it was an incredibly lowkey weekend, but it's not very often that D and I have the same days off, so we just enjoyed each other company and let it go from there. Well, I enjoyed his company, the jury is still out on if he enjoys my company or if he's plotting his alibi for our Dateline special. 

NOTE: I still can't believe that I convinced him to watch AHS: Apocalypse though. The man HATES all things horror and I LOVE all things horror, so it's a toss up on which one of us wins more often than not. 

Saturday morning I even got up and got dressed like we were doing something (not really, because we were just hanging around the house, but still) and D said: "are you wearing my boxers and shirt?" to which I replied: "bitch, we're married.... these are our clothes." Because you know, love and devotion.

All in all, I think this was a nice weekend and while we didn't do much, he's my very favorite person to do nothing and everything with, so I'm good with it. And hopefully he is too.... if not, well, there's always that Dateline special.

I'm super pissed off that Netflix cancelled Santa Clarita Diet.

Questions that I need answers to, but will never have, because Netflix is being a big bag of dicks:

#1: What does Mr. Ball Legs do?

#2: Is Joel a zombie undead now?
 
   #2 Subsection #1: If he is, what does that mean for him being a Knight of Serbia?
 
   #2 Subsection #2: Whether he is transformed or not, how will he handle this? Either he is and he'll have to learned to deal with that. Or, he isn't and he'll have to deal with the fact that he almost was and Sheila almost lost him like he almost lost her.

#3: Are Abby and Eric ever going to actually hook up?

   #3 Subsection #1: I know that they're teenagers and that's generally not a starting point for a "long term" thing, but COME ON, there is nobody better together than them. Well.... except for Joel and Sheila at least.

#4: Is Anne ever going to stop telling people or are they going to have to take her out?

#5: Is someone else going to be importing the infected clams from Serbia? (I mean, it's happened before.)

#6: How many zombies undead are there at this point?!

#7: What the f*ck will Gary do now?!

#8: Why do they always cancel the shows that I love?!!

It's actually pretty outside and some things could be done.

But, I want to do none of them and instead go home.... (and watch Netflix/eat junk food). While sipping on some alcohol.... in sweatpants. I watched the remake of Flatliners last night. Loved it.... Diego Luna is a national treasure.

Work has been steady busy, but Dani and I are now in our lull, because it's 2:30pm. I have to stop by the pharmacy on my home today.... AGAIN (they never have everything in when I call in our prescriptions.... I always end up having to make two trips).

And I learned that the second season of Santa Clarita Diet premieres on March 23.

Binge-watching is a thing and don't say it's not acceptable.

It's no secret that I watch a lot of television. I do, and I have no regrets about it, because while everyone else is out there "living life" and other things that I have no interest in, I'm cooped up in the AC with my pup, sweatpants on, alcohol in hand, nachos not too far away, binge-watching some pretty worthy television (and some not so worthy, but I'm too lazy to turn it.... quit judging so much).

Can you tell that I love the phrase "binge-watching" more than most phrases? I do. I'm not sure why it calls out to me, but it does and if it were a motto instead of phrase it would be my life motto.

I make make no apologies for this and don't plan to change my tune anytime soon. That aside, I don't think I usually watch the most "popular" shows. The ones I watch are popular, I guess, but they're not Grey's Anatomy (which by the way, I have never watched) or something like that. If someone asked me for advice on which shows to binge-watch (i.e. you kind of really need Netflix, or Hulu, or something to have the "bingeing" capability), these are my top contenders.

Grace and Frankie: First off, if you need a little convincing read this Buzzfeed post and it should give you all that you need, and if not this one definitely should, or you can just take my word for it (and not have any spoilers).

Why you should watch this: It's not your "typical" women have to be clumsy and funny only and the guys are macho and have no emotions kind of show. Everyone is equally funny and plays their part just how you would want them to. The jokes are hilarious, the situations are relatable, and I'm ok with the fact that I'm getting older if it means that I can be like Lily Tomlin.

The Ranch: I was a huge "That 70s Show" fan (and still am). My reigning favorite for its entire run was Steven Hyde (Danny Masterson).... followed closely by Fez (Wilmer Valderrama). While it's Danny Masterson and Ashton Kutcher (who played Michael Kelso on That 70s Show) that take the reigns on this one, there are plenty of 70s Show reunion.... but it still feels like it's a completely different show (because it is). Even my little buddy Wilmer pops up for a recurring guest spot as Umberto.

Why you should watch this: It's hilarious and you'll probably love it as much as I do. Also, Sam Elliott.... enough said.

Stranger Things: I am a sucker for a good 80s show. One of my very favorite movies growing up (and even now) was The Goonies. I can watch Mikey, Mouth, Chunk, and Data screw with Brand, Andy, Stef, and the Fratelli's all day long. This show is kind of like that.

Why you should watch this: It really is a mix of The Goonies, The X-Files, E.T. (another classic), and Stand By Me (#RIPRiverPhoenix). It's basically all off that and so much more. And since Season 2 won't be released until Halloween of this year **coughcough bullshit coughcough** you have plenty of time to catch up. But remember, #TeamJonathan over Steve's hero hair all day, every day.

Santa Clarita Diet: Oh, Timothy Olyphant, you crack me the hell up. People can literally talk me into watching just about anything as long as they mention that he is in it. Add Drew Barrymore and you have a hilarious match made in heaven. Not too mention it has a couple of great people playing the teens and The Waitress as the neighbor/mom.

Why you should watch this: Did everything I just say not convince you enough already?

On my Netflix queue that I've finished: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (way more than once), The League, Fuller House, Gilmore Girls (and its revival), Sirens (I'm sad this show only lasted two seasons, it's great!).

Also on my Netflix queue in various stages of completion: Criminal Minds, New Girl, Breaking Bad, Burn Notice, The Following, Friends, Dexter, That 70s Show (I watched it the whole time it was on television), Baby Daddy (I haven't started the newest season, because it's the last and that makes me sad), Supernatural, The Blacklist, My Name is Earl, Bates Motel, The Walking Dead, Young & Hungry, Peaky Blinders, Haven, Sons of Anarchy (I watched its entire original series run, so I'm all up on that too).

On my Netflix queue that I haven't started yet: Lost Girl, The Originals, Bitten, The Night Shift (I have watched this show since it premiered so I'm all caught up for the season 4 premiere), Shameless, Parks and Recreation, American Horror Story, Weeds, Bones, The Killing, One Tree Hill, iZombie, Salem, Penny Dreadful, Nikita,

2017 showed no mercy in television land this year.

Shows I was surprised to see cancelled: Chicago Justice. Last Man Standing. 2 Broke Girls. Castle. Outsiders.

Show that I'm extremely sad to see cancelled: Baby Daddy. Bones. Bates Motel (even though we knew going in).

Shows that really don't effect my mind at all, but also got cancelled: The Vampire Diaries. Reign. Rosewood. The Great Indoors.

Shows I'm happy to see renewed: Lethal Weapon. The Middle. The Big Bang Theory. NCIS: New Orleans. The Night Shift. New Girl (even if it is only for a final season).

Shows I'm happy to see renewed (that I catch on Netlix or Hulu.... or "here and there" re-runs): It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Drunk History. Fuller House. Grace and Frankie. Peaky Blinders. Santa Clarita Diet. Stranger Things. Supernatural. Vikings. Young & Hungry.

Shows that everybody else is happy to see renewed: This Is Us. The Walking Dead. Grey's Anatomy. How to Get Away with Murder. Modern Family. Once Upon a Time. NCIS. Kevin Can Wait. 13 Reasons Why. American Horror Story. Scorpion (I'm assuming I would be happy about this given that I hadn't given up at the beginning of this past season.... I just can't with Paige).

Shows that I don't watch, but for some odd reason am happy they were renewed: The Mick. The Blacklist. Criminal Minds. Chicago Fire/PD/Med. The Originals. Lucifer. Ash vs Evil Dead. iZombie. The Man in the High Castle. Mom. Outlander.

Shows that I meant to watch, but never did, and now I'm pretty sure it's my fault that they got cancelled: Imaginary Mary. Impastor. Sleepy Hollow. Grimm. Timeless. Scratch that, it's been un-cancelled. Emerald City. Salem.

Grace and Frankie.... and Coyote.

I started watching the Netflix Original Series- Grace and Frankie- last night.

I've been trying to find a new show to get in to, but can't really find anything that holds on after awhile. Good thing I always have my good ole trusty fallback- It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (my go to show for literally every occasion).

I'm not the only one that does that.... am I? You know, start a show that you're really into and think that you're going to "binge-watch" but you eventually lose all interest in everything and by the time you feel like picking it back up (if you actually do want to pick it back up) you kind of have to start over, because it's been so long you forgot what's going on?

I'm still on the same episode of The Walking Dead that I stopped at months ago. I started watching it back in December and quickly binge-watched the first season.... and then I quickly lost momentum, because the last episode I watched was actually on Valentine's Day. I checked out at: Season3, Episode13.

And then there's Breaking Bad. If I'm being perfectly honest I started watching this show, because I have a serious crush on Aaron Paul.... ok fine, I have a crush on Jesse Pinkman. Back in February I quickly binge watched the first season and one episode of season two and haven't picked it back up since. I checked out at: Season2, Episode2.

Not too mention I started Dexter for the second time (I originally watched it back in 2014? 2015? and got all the way into the last season.... and then gave up) back in January and promptly gave up for the second time. I checked out at: Season1, Episode8. In March I started Young & Hungry, binge watched the first season and randomly gave up, but I have the intention of picking it back up, whether I do or not is yet to be seen. I checked out at: Season2, Episode18.

We even decided to give Hulu a try and I started the show Drunk History in early April and was surprised by how hilarious the first of it was. And then.... well, you know. I checked out at: Season2, Episode5. I switched back to Netflix (though we still have Hulu) and thought that I would watch that show 13 Reasons Why that everyone has been so hyped up about. Yeah. I checked out at: Season1, Episode5. Decided to watch The Following again, since I watched the entire first season when it debuted on tv, but I lost it somewhere in season two. I guess that has been in the last month or so? I checked out at: Season1, Episode8.

And let's not forget The Blacklist. I checked out at: Season2, Episode14. I started Bates Motel when the new season started streaming on Netflix (I had already watched seasons 1-3) back in January. I checked out at: Season4, Episode1. I don't even remember when I started and stopped Once Upon A Time, but.... I checked out at: Season1, Episode18. And I've been watching and trying to get through Burn Notice (I LOVE Bruce Campbell) for the last two years and can't seem to make it no matter how hard I try. I checked out (for now) at: Season5, Episode8.

Then last night I decided I was going to start the show Rectify (and didn't even make it through the first episode). I checked out at: Season1, Episode1.

It hasn't been a total loss, I did binge watch Santa Clarita Diet back in February and again last week. Yes, I watched it twice and I have no regrets (and I'm super happy that it's been renewed for a second season). Shows I actually did get all the way through: Stranger Things, Sirens, The Ranch, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (WAY more than once), Fuller House, Baby Daddy.

After I gave up on Rectify (fairly quickly) I decided to try out Grace and Frankie. And while I've heard great things about it, I really only decided to start watching for one reason and that reason is.... Ethan Embry. Let's be honest, I was pretty in love with him back in the late 90s-early 00s and continued loving him (#SweetHomeAlabama), but didn't have access to watch him in most of his projects and then he took some time off. But now, he's back and I'm pretty happy about it.

There are currently three seasons streaming on Netflix and it's been renewed for a fourth season, so I'm hoping that it stays as hilarious to me as the first three episodes are. For now, it's cracking me up and I want to watch more. The best part so far?

Coyote: "Mallory, I'm sorry, I don't even remember what I did that night. I remember it involved the police and I was arrested and some bad things happened, but I don't remember what." Mallory: "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Coyote: "Yes, I was on a toxic combination of tequila, cocaine, and non-stick cooking spray." Mallory: "Fine, you ran your car over my mailbox, scared my kids, and stood in my front yard yelling- don't marry Mitch, Mal, it doesn't have to be me, just not him, at the top of your lungs and at that point he and I had already been married for SEVEN YEARS." Coyote: "Wow, that is bad."

Not to be dramatic or anything (ha!).

Oh, don't mind me. I am just currently over here having an existential crisis. Also, I'm eating my weight in Mexican food, watching It's Always Sunny on Netflix (holla!), and drinking wine like they're going to quit making it (I know, I shouldn't joke about such serious matters of life.).

An existential crisis: is a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life; whether this life has any meaning, purpose, or value. This issue of the meaning and purpose of existence is the topic of the philosophical school of existentialism.

And why am I having this current existential crisis of mine? Well, to put it plain and simple, my entire reasoning for this is none other than the same thing that every woman at one point or another goes through..... my hair.

And yes, contrary to popular belief, that's a real thing! (No, it's not- I'm just overtly dramatic.).

You see, I have long hair. Like, incredibly long hair. We're talking down to my ass and giant. My hair that is, not my ass. Although, if we're being honest, my ass is pretty giant too.... moving on.

I've went back and forth between short-medium-long hair for as long as I can remember. I always think that I'm going to love a short little hairstyle.... and then, I get said short little hairstyle and I usually fall somewhere between yay and the brink of tears. It's a fine line. My hair is currently longer than it has ever been (and in desperate need of a trim) and most days I don't do anything to it with the exception of brushing and pulling it up.... because I simply don't have the mindset or effort to tame and/or style it. This is the reason that for years I found myself in the cushy spot of having "medium-length" hair.

It seemed like a reasonable compromise. It was short enough to the point of me "styling" (beautician, I am not) it more often than usual, but still long enough to pull back for work (waitressing; cna'ing) and when I had been drinking (am I the only one that gets hot when they have a drink or two.... or six?).

But then I decided to grow it out. I had reasoning for it (that reasoning probably following along the lines of the last horrible "shortish" hair cut that I got), but I just don't feel good about it anymore. I always think that short hair is a wonderful idea, but then the dreamer/unrealistic gal in my head screams, but all the ladies in the books you read have long/flowing/beautiful hair. Because clearly if I have long hair I'm going to get to live out my favorite novels.

That's not ridiculous or unrealistic, at all.

But then I think, I am a strong/confident/grown ass woman that isn't going to be defined by anything, especially something as silly as hair! Shave it all off for all I care!! And then I remember that Charlize Theron or Natalie Portman, I am not.... and sit the f*ck back down.

For a long while now (four? five? more? years), I've wanted to just throw caution completely to the wind and get one of those pixie cuts. I love them and they seem so easy and cute, all at once. They practically sound made for me.... we've all seen how I dress at all times when I don't have to be at work, and I am most definitely comfort/what I like over fashion and/or decency. I'm like a one woman walking/talking daily episode of "What Not to Wear" (anybody besides me miss that show?).

I would love to get one and donate my hair to one of those amazing charities that make wigs for sick kids (I'm not completely heartless), but then I chicken out and can't manage to bring myself to try it. I feel like most of the women that get those cuts (rock em, girl!) do it on a whim and that they're carefree individuals that live by their own rules. I want to be that type of girl, but I am WAY more Sheila Hammond (before turning into a zombie) about it.

I.e: "Jennifer Lawrence cut all of her hair off again. People don't like it like that, but she doesn't care. She's so bold.... I want to be that bold. Am I that bold? No, no I'm not. I would like to be 20% more bold. No, more.... 80% more bold. No, that's too much."

(Also, if you haven't given Santa Clarita Diet on Netflix a try, I suggest that you do sooner rather than later. I ended up binge-watching the first season over a couple of days- it would've taken less time, but I have to be an adult on occasion, boo!- and I loved it. Hilarious just isn't even the word for it.).

But then again, my hair is so long that when I straighten it (trust me, you do not want to see my unruly natural hair.... unless you follow me on Instagram, in which case you already have) that it almost reaches down to my butt. And frankly, that's an accomplishment for me, because I have a very short attention span. Maybe I'll get one of those pixie cuts one of these days.... maybe after I lose like, I don't know, fifty pounds. So clearly, I have time to spare.

(On a totally unrelated note, we watched Hacksaw Ridge last night and holy hell, that is an incredible movie. I recommend it to any and everyone. I'll write more about it sometime, but if you want to watch something great (Andrew Garfield, Vince Vaughn, Luke Bracey, and every guy in it absolutely kill their roles) and you're a fan of Mel Gibson's directing (I'm also a pretty big Mel Gibson fan), watch this. And if you're not, watch it anyway. The fact that it is a true story is even more breathtaking.).

My thoughts on the first season of Santa Clarita Diet. (Part III).

*Netflix released a Timothy Olyphant/Drew Barrymore headed horror-comedy and of course, loving Timothy O and Drew Barrymore like I do, I had to watch. Besides, it also has the waitress and little Tommy Doyle, so it was a no-brainer to at least give it a try.

I've talked about binge-watching on Netflix quite often, including with this show, and I've managed to binge-watch it twice (and I'm not even a little bit sorry about it).

I'm sure it's not for everybody, as alot of people I know have sensitive stomachs and don't really get into the whole "zombie" thing. If you're thinking about giving it a try, but you're on the fence to the whole "zombie" thing, just know, it's not exactly a Walking Dead situation and you should probably just go ahead and give it a try, because it is HILARIOUS.

Timothy Olyphant is at his comedic prime (something that way more people should be aware of), Drew Barrymore is superb as always, and the kids/supporting characters are pretty damn hilarious themselves and add alot to the series. (Liv Hewson + Skyler Gisondo = comedic genius).

With the second season finished filming and scheduled for release sometime in 2018 (I'm assuming around February or March?), I thought it might be a good time to catch up with the Hammonds.*

Catch up on season one: Part I, Part II.

(Season One Finale) Episode Ten: Baka, Bile, and Baseball Bats

Official Synopsis: "Dr. Wolf is ready to get down to work, but with Sheila growing more aggressive by the minute, Joel worries it may be too late."

My thoughts: Only Eric would geek out and create a powerpoint presentation to catch the doctor up on Sheila and how the three of them are helping. I mean, he's good at it though. With all of the shit that goes down at the CDC they really find some kind of virus that makes people kinda dead and want to eat people SO implausible? I mean, have they ever seen The Crazies (Another Timothy Olyphant classic)?! Come on, Sheila.... how in the hell is Joel supposed to kill you when it comes down to it if not by bashing your brains in with a ballbat?! That pillow thing isn't going to work, you're way stronger than him. Dr. Wolf was the one that had that damn Serbian book all along?!

Dude, Sheila, you can't just be biting at Joel, you'll make him undead too! Coincidentally my attitude also ranges from "that was a little rude" to "run" just like Sheila. Baka Kovak needs to puke in a bucket to mix with the other ingredients?! THAT'S THE CURE?! DRINKING VOMIT?! Nah, I'll be a zombie, thanks though. Dude, Dr. Wolf goes all out in her rat death scenarios. Dr. Wolf will have to kill Sheila, there's no way Joel can do it, he loves her too much. Abby is way too good at faking convulsions and possible death.... she's a much better criminal mastermind than her parents. Shut up, Principal Novak, Baka will end you. Joel and Sheila have Baka tied to a chair and spinning her so she'll puke.... I feel for you, Baka, that's how vodka always makes me feel. HOLY SHIT! SHEILA'S ATTACKING JOEL!!! Only Joel can talk a raving zombie down off the ledge. Oh hell, the cops have sent Joel in for an evaluation.... they're locking his bitch ass up. Sheila wants Abby to chain her up in the basement? And now Dr. Wolf is leaving. It's a good thing that Abby has Eric, because if not, she would be 100% on her own right now. "Joel or I will probably be free by next week." Yeah, ok.

*I love the way this show juxtaposes everyday life with both horror and comedic elements*

My thoughts on the first season of Santa Clarita Diet. (Part II).

*Netflix released a Timothy Olyphant/Drew Barrymore headed horror-comedy and of course, loving Timothy O and Drew Barrymore like I do, I had to watch. Besides, it also has the waitress and little Tommy Doyle, so it was a no-brainer to at least give it a try.

I've talked about binge-watching on Netflix quite often, including with this show, and I've managed to binge-watch it twice (and I'm not even a little bit sorry about it).

I'm sure it's not for everybody, as alot of people I know have sensitive stomachs and don't really get into the whole "zombie" thing. If you're thinking about giving it a try, but you're on the fence to the whole "zombie" thing, just know, it's not exactly a Walking Dead situation and you should probably just go ahead and give it a try, because it is HILARIOUS.

Timothy Olyphant is at his comedic prime (something that way more people should be aware of), Drew Barrymore is superb as always, and the kids/supporting characters are pretty damn hilarious themselves and add alot to the series. (Liv Hewson + Skyler Gisondo = comedic genius).

With the second season finished filming and scheduled for release sometime in 2018 (I'm assuming around February or March?), I thought it might be a good time to catch up with the Hammonds.*

Catch up on season one: Part I.

Episode Five: Man Eat Man

Official Synopsis: "Abby discovers that parents can't be trusted (especially hers). Joel learns there might be a cure for Sheila, and Dan puts his cards on the table."

My thoughts: Abby, did you ask your dad if you could just fix up his bike from highschool? Don't look in that freezer.... and you looked in the freezer. How do you keep talking Eric into this shit on a regular basis? She's totally gonna bring up this whole "you've been lying to me, there's a dead guy in the freezer" thing. Joel tries to bribe Baka Novak with pastries, but she ain't having it.... she'll take the box though. I hope she can help you with this whole translation thing. So.... there's just a village in Serbia where people are eating each other? And there's a cure? Of course Joel is tense, Sheila! That's right, Eric, you tell Abby that she's being a brat and her parents love her. Eric can see all of his mom's and lovers messages? Gross. Aw, Eric you're so sweet.... of course you don't wanna embarrass your mom. Dude, she might be trying to protect you, but we all know she's in a crappy marriage. iT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHY JOEL TOOK THE DAY OFF, DAN! Dan, you interrupted Joel and Rick's "toke time" and for that, you're officially getting a trophy for "World's Biggest Douche." Y'all are NOT friends. How are you gonna use a severed finger to blackmail someone into being your friend? Wtf?! So, Dan wants Joel to kill for him now? Man, I hate that guy. It doesn't matter that he's being sexist right now, Sheila.... he's blackmailing Joel! I love that they're sending Abby to pick up signs while they argue. Damn, Abby. You can't go to Eric for everything, plop down on his bed, get that close to him, and spend that much time with him and not expect that boy to kiss you. Nice save, Eric. (No, it wasn't). Eric deserves a trophy, the entire Hammond family couldn't function without him. Damn, that guy is really putting up a fight. Joel and Sheila are getting their asses kicked.... and he's gone. Did you bite him or not, Sheila?! Oh, look at all that vomit.... yeah, you bit him.

Episode Six: Attention to Detail

Official Synopsis: "Joel and Sheila try dividing up the tasks, Eric and Abby stumble onto something big, and Dan learns that a realtor can only be pushed so far."

My thoughts: Is that how marriage works? No matter what the subject is, you just can't help from arguing about it 24/7 until you're blue in the face going crazy? Has Loki skipped town? Y'all left your pen in his apartment, you better get it. What kind of tingle are you feeling in your v*gina when you kill people? I'm with Joel, this is weird. Shut up, Dan. You can't prove Loki isn't dead.... Joel did what he was supposed to do.... kind of. Are you really gonna give him another "job" to do? Stupid Dan. And yeah, you really should be nicer to Eric, that kid is the MVP of your damn neighborhood. Plus, he can build robots. Nothing solves an awkward kiss like a Princess Leia joke. Well played. I knew Dan was a dirty cop!! Of course he has a secret compartment of cash, drugs, weapons.... and Gary's finger. Y'all, I don't blame you, Dan deserves to have his money stolen. You're just now figuring out that you lost a personal item in Loki's apartment? Quit carrying personal items around when you're about to murder/eat people! So.... Sheila is gonna kill on her own (including for Dan) and Joel is gonna retrieve the pen? Why are you trusting Dan at this point? Eric and Abby are gonna prank Dan while Eric wears Kevin Bacon's hat from Tremors? See, this is what you need to look for in a boyfriend, Abby. Of course Dan lied and he just wants you to kill his wife's boyfriend. Poor Joel, having to get kidnapped and wait for Marcus. I love that Joel and Sheila can just talk through their problems and love each other. There's no talking to Dan, just kill him. Oh shit! Joel really did kill Dan.... with a shovel. Dan falling onto the flash bomb that Abby and Eric hid in his garden and making it look like he died farting really is too good of a death for Dan.

Abby: "Help me Eric-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." *so much laughter*

Episode Seven: Strange or Just Inconsiderate?

Official Synopsis: "With the cops looking for Dan, Sheila dines on the evidence. But that's a lot of evidence. Meanwhile, Joel stops to smell the coffee."

My thoughts: Get the f*ck out of Sheila's house, she has to help Joel.... because he looks like he's having a real struggle getting Dan's body into his yard to dispose of it. No one is that excited about kites. Peaches going bad really is the worst. Now is not the time to lecture Joel about impulsively killing Dan.... he was trying to protect you and finally had enough! Yeah, be careful with those hardwood floors, Dan is not worth having to install new flooring. Now is not the time for coffee, Joel! You're gonna choose now to bring up how inconvenient it is that you converted the garage into a home office? Actually, that is super inconvenient right now. Can y'all just unseal the garage door right quick, pull your car in, load his body, and deal with the rest of it later? What? Too much? I like that trunk, I can't believe you're gonna waste it on stupid Dan. And yeah, I guess eating cheeseburgers is kind of murder and eating flesh? But, give me the cheeseburgers.... and put some bacon on it. Of course Dan fell through the bottom of the trunk as soon as Rick shows up. Even in death Dan is a pain in the ass. There are cops everywhere! Y'all have to get that body out of there RIGHT NOW.... but first, fart jokes. Is Joel stoned? The master bath? Dan is not worth ruining your grout work for. That's a whole lot of dude to be eating in one night, Sheila. Of course Abby found Dan's body.... I feel like Eric's gonna be pretty good with this. Anne is 100% better husband than Dan ever was. I love that Abby told Eric about Dan.... and Eric admits that Dan was a d*ck and helps her cover for her parents. I knew Sheila couldn't finish him.... he's just too big for her little stomach. Looks like we're finally getting that trip to the beach! Nice plan on Eric and Abby's part. Now everything is pinned on Dan and I'm not gonna lie, that's a good feeling. DID ONE OF SHEILA'S TOES JUST FALL OFF IN THE BATHTUB?!!

Episode Eight: How Much Vomit?

Official Synopsis: "A new-look Loki takes Joel and Sheila by surprise while Abby and Eric learn the fine art of leaving well enough alone."

My thoughts: Clearly, gluing, sewing and nailing Sheila's toe back on is not working very well. Just watching her toe crack like a piece of splintered wood makes me queasy. I have a strong stomach, but I'm not good when it comes to fingernails and toes being messed with. She should try duct tape. You would rather make brownies for Lisa than bang Joel? Just because of a toe? I know women that wouldn't let a lobotomy stop them. I'm pretty sure Anne is having no problem replacing Dan asap in the Lisa/Eric household. And really, she is better at it. I knew that Loki was gonna pop back up. That maid is hilarious.... of course Loki puked up the little red ball thing! They are really stocking up on this whole "hunting down a zombie" thing. I imagine this is what my friend Erica's bunker looks like. No matter the situation, sometimes you do need to pick out a beauty product or two. You look good, you feel good. Why Abby and Eric are just going to trust this shady ass chop shop guy is beyond me. Yeah, Eric is gonna pay you, because there is no way that Abby is sleeping with you.... gross. So, Loki is actually a folk singer that writes poetry now? Apparently Sheila and Loki are just gonna bond over this whole "we're zombies together" thing. The chop shop guy is dead from a heroin overdose, they were gonna keep him, he was too rigid, and then Eric had to save the day AGAIN. Even as a zombie Loki wants to bang Sheila? Rude! She's a married undead woman, dammit! Joel cooked Sheila the first meal he ever made her.... but substituted Dan for the hamburger. How sweet. Annddd.... here comes Loki to kill Joel. Of course Sheila tidied up and the weapons aren't in the bedroom anymore. Good teamwork, guys! Even when he's freaking out, Joel is literally the best husband ever. And here Joel is trying to be all sweet and supportive and then SHEILA'S EYEBALL POPS OUT.

Episode Nine: The Book!

Official Synopsis: "Joel and Eric seek out the mysterious Anton at the paranormal convention while Sheila and Abby bond over their shared love of bad behavior."

My thoughts: Sheila wants to spend the day doing mother/daughter stuff with Abby, because she doesn't know how much time she has to be herself.... and Joel has literally no quit in him! He's heading to the supernatural convention with Eric to get some much needed information. Anton apparently contacted Joel and has the "Serbian cure book" and he and Eric are going to find it! Dude, I know guys that won't even pick up tampons for their wives/girlfriends/etc and here Joel is popping her eyeball back into the socket. Of course Abby and eric got pulled over on the motorcycle.... Rick for the win! And come on y'all, that whole "p*ssy magnet" leather jacket is hilarious. Everyone needs a chill neighbor/friend/cop like Rick. I love how Eric just played Joel for a minute and then was like, "nah, Dan was a d*ck and I'm glad he's dead." Eric is literally all of us. How does the chop shop guy who died of a heroin overdose (Travis?) have an even more rude brother? You can try that Raffi song all you want, Sheila.... he loves it! Annndddd we're getting out the teargas.... they dropped it into the wrong unit?! Ha! Ugh, time for the "mother/daughter bonding" talk. I understand Abby.... I'm close with my mom too, and the thought of losing her is not even something that I want to deal with at any point. This Anton guy is such a phony, fraudulent asshat. But I do agree, Eric should have put a hat on Joel to hide him a little bit, because the man is too pretty to just blend in. Come on, Joel, Eric was just trying to help! Poor Anton can't stop peeing! *so much laughter* So, really Eric talking about Sheila may have saved her? And there's actually a doctor for this?! Damn. Dr. Cora Wolf.... that really is a perfect name for a "undead" doctor (necrobiologist?). Aw, Eric is so sorry.... and Joel is pretending to actually work for the government to give Eric "street cred" in his circle of people!! YES. How has Joel been a better father to Eric in this one episode than Dan was for all of the other ones?! Joel and Sheila might be different people now, but they're in it together! Wait, is that Portia de Rossi? Did Portia de Rossi just make an undead rat?!

*I love the way this show juxtaposes everyday life with both horror and comedic elements*

My thoughts on the first season of Santa Clarita Diet. (Part I).

*Netflix released a Timothy Olyphant/Drew Barrymore headed horror-comedy and of course, loving Timothy O and Drew Barrymore like I do, I had to watch. Besides, it also has the waitress and little Tommy Doyle, so it was a no-brainer to at least give it a try.

I've talked about binge-watching on Netflix quite often, including with this show, and I've managed to binge-watch it twice (and I'm not even a little bit sorry about it).

I'm sure it's not for everybody, as alot of people I know have sensitive stomachs and don't really get into the whole "zombie" thing. If you're thinking about giving it a try, but you're on the fence to the whole "zombie" thing, just know, it's not exactly a Walking Dead situation and you should probably just go ahead and give it a try, because it is HILARIOUS.

Timothy Olyphant is at his comedic prime (something that way more people should be aware of), Drew Barrymore is superb as always, and the kids/supporting characters are pretty damn hilarious themselves and add alot to the series. (Liv Hewson + Skyler Gisondo = comedic genius).

With the second season finished filming and scheduled for release sometime in 2018 (I'm assuming around February or March?), I thought it might be a good time to catch up with the Hammonds.*

Episode One: So Then a Bat or a Monkey

Official Synopsis: "Sheila and Joel's marriage receives a jump-start when Sheila debuts a truly killer new personality and an anything-goes menu. And they used to be so normal."

My thoughts: *Timothy Olyphant has incredibly beautiful hair.... that is all*

So.... Sheila has the option to sleep with Timothy Olyphant Joel alot and doesn't take him up on it? Sounds implausible, but alright. I agree with Sheila, I would LOVE to be as bold as J. Law and feel free to cut my hair off on a whim (but I'm a wimp). Between Joel being that annoyed at the toaster oven and Abby wanting a car, I can see why Sheila would have some stomach pain. Ugh, Dan is the WORST, but I love that the waitress is a mom! Poor Eric, I can literally feel him trying to shrink down as little as humanly possible. I don't blame him. WOW, THAT IS AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF VOMIT. So.... Zombie Sheila wants to sleep with Joel as much as possible? That sounds much more believable. I love that they're all trying to figure out was wrong with technically dead Sheila and the first stop they make is to Eric. I feel you Eric, I too was the weird neighborhood kid. Eric explaining how Sheila might have to be "put down" is hilarious. Timothy Olyphant is at his prime hilariousness in this show!! Sheila gets a new Range Rover and dance party and Joel gets a nervous breakdown and a new toaster.... seems about right. Gary is like Dan, he is also THE WORST. Annndddd.... Sheila just ate Gary. Like, alot. And Joel walked in on it.... JOEL IS THE BEST. 

Episode Two: We Can't Kill People!

Official Synopsis: "The Hammonds try to live their new truth, Abby comes to a hard realization while browsing comics, and Joel treats Sheila to a very expensive meal."

My thoughts: *trying to balance having to eat people and have good hair has to be exhausting* How can you NOT find the lid for the storage container that has Gary's mutilated/goopy body in it?! Clearly you have not thought this through and it's going to be a problem. Sheila is all excited that their friends are listing their house and Joel is like, "are you f*cking kidding me right now?!" Nothing is funnier than Timothy Olyphant on a roll. I think every couple on the planet has had an argument about missing tupperware lids. They spilled Gary!! *crying laughing face* How are y'all just gonna act casual? You're literally standing in the middle of the desert, covered in blood, and holding shovels. Mormons don't just go around cleaning crime scenes, Joel! Ha! It's Abby and Eric.... Abby tracker jacked them and it's hilarious. Damn.... Eric really is a criminal mastermind. Are eating his balls the same thing as having an affair with him? F*cking Dan.... mind your business and don't worry about what they're spraying on their lawn in the middle of the night. California has a law that says you can't return a car? Damn, Cali. I agree with Sheila. Joel can tell Dan he's spraying for ants (apparently tiger ants?), but really, it's none of his f*cking business. You know, for being a virologist, Patton Oswalt isn't really open-minded. Sheila chasing that rooster around the yard reminds me of my childhood.... surrounded by farmland, you have to do some weird shit. Eric was trying to help Abby feel better by ditching school and taking her to the comic book store.... but Abby just snaps and it's hilarious!! Aw, Joel is so excited about selling the house that he wants to take Sheila out to a nice dinner.... at the morgue? Seems convenient. $500 for a f*cking foot?! I bet that creepy little morgue dude makes a mint on his "side business." Joel is gonna apologize for yelling at Sheila and offer to help her kill people? Awww...... "they've been a team since highschool, why stop now?!" Three cheers for Joel Hammond!

Episode Three: We Can Kill People

Official Synopsis: "Sheila's tummy is growling and Joel needs to find her someone tasty ASAP. Meanwhile, Abby embraces her inner badass and helps out a friend in need."

My thoughts: Sheila is worried about Abby's mental health? Don't get me wrong, she's probably got some issues, but clearly Joel is the one having a mental break. Now he can't even have his omelet in peace before killing. *face palm to head* Y'all, I know you want to keep a close eye on Abby, but I don't think this whole "family dinners" thing is gonna work.... besides, she's a teenager and her and Eric are gonna get into some shit. So.... we're on the lookout for a young Hitler for our next victim? Cool, cool. I mean, if you HAVE to be a murderer/murderer accomplice, your victims should probably be in the "Hitler/I'm a piece of shit" category. Ugh, Dan. It doesn't matter what kind of ant spray they used creepy/smile of a serial killer neighbor, mind your business! It's true, ants can be a nightmare.... realtors should know this! Exactly how big is a "coffin sized" freezer? Like, do coffins just come in a standard size and sometimes you have to special order them? Good thing y'all have that storage unit. I mean, I have a storage unit too, but mine's for random furniture and household shit that my hoarder ways won't let me part with, not a freezer for dead snacks. Poor Eric.... Abby is just dragging him along not realizing that he is totally in love with her. How are they gonna get even with her friends twenty-six year old drug dealer boyfriend? Also, how did he not know that girl was like fifteen or some shit? Rick the other neighbor cop is much more helpful than Dan. I like Rick. Y'all are just gonna kill that drug dealing ex-boyfriend in one of your pricey listings? Actually, that's pretty smart. I'm loving their "kill" outfits. *laughing* I knew that Sara girl lied about her age. Joel s just gonna let him go, because Sara lied and he sells weed to support his sister financially? Actually, that's a good reason.... but Sheila is not gonna be happy about it. Told you.... poor stoned Joel. DDDAAMMMNNNN.... Abby just tear-gassed that fool and took Sara's sweater back. Could Eric be more in love with her at this point? Ah! I reckon that's what that guy gets for yelling. I mean, Joel barely rear-ended him, he deserves to be eaten for being such a d*ck. Family dinner time! None of them are about to talk about their real day.... poor Joel. He can't even enjoy shrimp anymore.

Episode Four: The Farting Sex Tourist

Official Synopsis: "Sheila inspires her friends and insults the principal. Joel bonds with Abby, and Dan makes a damning discovery while spraying for ants.

My thoughts: She's just gonna make a man smoothie in their blender? Damn, I hope they have a completely separate one to use for Joel and Abby's milkshakes and such. Hey, it's the waitress again!! And those ladies are power-walking like nobody's business. No one is surprised that Dan is bad at sex and treats it like a military operation. I hear you, Alondra.... you're not the only female that wants to follow John Legend on tour. I mean, have you seen social media? Protein enriched diet, huh? Surrreee..... What kind of bookstore are you in, Joel? What exactly is zombie porn? You know what, don't answer that. Is that a picture of what happened to Sheila, but in medieval times?! Yes! Buy that painting Joel, it's a start. Yeah Sheila, you better grab that piece of "meat" before Rick sees it. What the f*ck, Dan?! Spray your own damn yard and mind your business. That show "Neighbors from Hell" was most definitely written about people like Dan. Does anyone still speak Serbian? I mean, besides people that actually live in Serbia. Screw that principal. Abby is not corrupting Eric.... much. Besides, how are you just gonna imply that she's stupid? I hope Sheila eats you. That's right, Joel. Sheila is crazy. I'm not sure if Eric's "pep talk" really helped Sheila or not, but it seemed to. I love that Joel took Abby on a bike to his and Sheila's "spot" and they're both freaking out about everything that's happened. They needed a good freak out moment. Joel might have just saved that principals life, because Sheila was totally about to eat him. He managed to suspend and then unsuspend Abby within like three minutes. WHAT?! Principal Novak is Serbian?! Oh Joel, you ain't catching that guy, he's scared! So, with Sheila's advice the waitress Eric's mom starts having an affair, Rick bought a Range Rover, and Alondra is leaving for a February full of John Legend? Nice. Of course Dan found Gary's finger. *face palm to face*

*I love the way this show juxtaposes everyday life with both horror and comedic elements*