How many times can you rob the same car, bitch?!

Ok, everyone who has ever seen my car has something to say about it. I mean, I love it. It's been the greatest car that you could ever ask for and it's been with us for about five or six years. And I paid $49 for it. Yes, you read that right. $49. That's it. In other words, I love that damn thing. But I'm not one to try to make something that it's just not. It might be priceless to me, but you can clearly look at it and tell that I'm not exactly rolling in the cash.

Case in point, my car is three different colors. Four if you count dirt as a color. But without the dirt, three. It is originally red, however it had been wrecked on the driver's side before I got it, so the driver's side fender is white, while the front-end-bra {I know, I giggle every time I say my car wears a bra too}of it is black. Still with me? The white fender also doesn't fit as correctly as it should, so I have it zip tied how it should be. Assisting that there is duct tape holding on the driver's side mirror. Yes, duct tape. Granted the duct tape is red and black so it matches {That's all momma, I straight up had original silver duct tape on that shit}, but still, it's duct tape. Also, the bra {giggles} is cracked down the front so I have it gorilla glued together. Why? Because I'm nothing if not frugal. I don't care what my car looks like, appearances don't mean jack to me, no matter what it may look like to other people, it's a GREAT CAR and I LOVE it.

With all of that being said, not long after we moved to Indiana someone broke into our car {I say broke in to, but just know I don't leave my car locked, because it has no alarm and broken windows are expensive} and took whatever there was in there. Just a bunch of random shit that you wouldn't think of anyone taking. They broke my glove box and stole the center thing that sits in between the seats {change console?} Yes, the whole thing. It had pennies. Now, pennies add up, but in their haste they managed to leave like seven dollars that I had spaced right through leaving in the console. A couple Cd's were gone, but they were my ex's that I had been meaning to throw out {he had dumb taste in music}, so I was like whatevs. Basically, there was just nothing of value in it. And that seemed to piss them off, because like I said they broke my glove box, AND THEN threw papers and napkins all over the place. Ooohhh, that'll show me. Seriously, though?! Seriously? My car is three different colors with glue, duct tape, and zip ties, did you think we were storing our freaking rubies in there or something? Dumbass.

Since then the same thing has happened to our car somewhere around four more times, but nothing is ever stolen, because we have nothing to steal. HELLO, WE'RE POOR. What I love about all of this is we've become so accustomed to it that we're just like whatevs, someone was in the car. {Did I tell y'all that I'm pretty sure that there has been a hobo sleeping and eating french fries in the back seat?}. I assume that it's the same people doing it, because it's always "ransacked" the same and they end up getting pissed off and throwing napkins everywhere {are they bringing these napkins with them to throw when they're angry?}, because there's nothing in there to take. {You've been our car like five times, if we're still storing "valuables" in there, we deserve to be robbed}. Also, they leave my Cd's, because obviously THEY have HORRIBLE taste in music. Buddy Holly is a legend and how dare you not consider him good enough to steal! Lord forbid instead of getting in peoples cars to destroy them, throw paper everywhere, and try to steal them that you actually go to bed at night {or during the day} and be productive by like, oh I don't know, getting a freakin' job?! By the way, you guys are bitches. Wnd rant. {Also, read this, because it made me laugh so hard, and it sounds just like the inside of my head}.