Horror movie remakes.... the good, the bad, and the stupid.

(A good horror fan always celebrates Friday the 13th). The thing that most people know about me is that I LOVE horror movies. And by "most people" I mean my close friends and family, because ain't nobody needs everyone to know their love of horror movies. I watched Scream (and all of its sequels), Randy Meeks wouldn't steer me wrong!

Personally, I go by Randy's advice when it comes to horror movies, because he kept it simple, to the point, and only had three rules for each scenario. While I liked Scream4 just fine, they had seven in depth rules and that's just too much for me.

What's your favorite scary movie? Bitch, please.... don't answer that!

Most people that love horror movies as much as me (or any genre, for that matter), don't like when people do "remakes." They feel like it takes something away from the original and "tarnishes" it.

I'm pretty much the exact opposite when it comes to something like that, because I love remakes. I love remakes and sequels and basically everything that you're supposed to "hate" about movies. I don't think it takes anything away from the original and in some cases may even be better.

Case in point: A Nightmare on Elm Street.

The original came out in 1984 and not only introduced us to a baby-faced Johnny Depp (thank you!), but also brought to our screens Robert Englund in his most terrifying role to date. Freddy Kreuger is legendary in the horror community and he is beloved (in his own way) as such. Sure, he's a psychotic, sociopathic, razor-clawed, literal nightmare of a paedophile.... but as I said, legendary. When 2010 rolled around the "remake" was released and I decided that I was going to watch it in the theatre. Sure, I had been terrified of Freddy my entire life, but my rationality said: "I'm not a kid anymore. I'm a twenty year old grown ass woman, I can suck it up and do this." Yeah.... it wasn't even five minutes into the movie and I was on the dude next to me's lap (thanks, random stranger that dealt with my crazy) with my fingers covering my eyes. Why?! BECAUSE JACKIE EARLE HALEY IS TERRIFYING AND FREDDY KREUGER IS A LITERAL NIGHTMARE. Alot of people hated the remake, and I get it, I love Robert Englund too.... but I LOVED the remake. To me, it made sense and gave me information that I had always been wanting concerning the story of Freddy. Plus, the cast? Yes.

Second case in point: The Evil Dead.

The original Evil dead movie was released in 1981 and is quite literally one of my very favorite movies in existence. Ever since the very first time I watched it (and my friends and I loved it, but for one reason, because it was set in rural Tennessee.... where we lived and were raised) I have had mad love for Bruce Campbell and will watch anything having to do with the franchise.... including the 2013 remake (except it dropped the "The" like the rest of the franchise after the first film).  (And let's not even get into how much I LOVE the Ash vs. Evil Dead tv series). Sure, the 2013 remake didn't have Ash Williams (aka Bruce "Katie's been in love with me since she was eleven" Campbell), but it brought something else to it. Something out of this world creepy and squirm in your seat gore (I literally have to look completely away from the screen during like five scenes of the movie). The original was scary in its day and to an eleven year old me still was.... but the remake? Oy vey. Besides, Shiloh Fernandez can definitely hold his own in any movie. I love the original, but find the remake to be insane (in a good way), as well.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

(As told by Randy Meeks, Scream) Rules for surviving a horror movie:

1. You can never have sex.
2. You can't drink or do drugs.
3. Never, under any circumstance, say that you'll "be right back." Because you won't be right back.

(As told by Randy Meeks, Scream2) Rules for surviving a horror sequel:

1. The body count is always bigger.
2. The death scenes are always much more elaborate.
3. Never, ever, under any circumstance assume the killer is dead.

(As told by Randy Meeks, Scream3) Rules for surviving a horror trilogy:

1. You've gotta killer who's gonna be superhuman. Stabbing him won't work, shooting him won't work. Basically in the third one, you gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up.
2. Anyone, including the main character can die.
3. The past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest! Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you.

(As told by Robbie Mercer & Charlie Walker, Scream4) Rules to successfully survive a horror remake:

1. The death scenes have to be way more extreme.
2. Unexpected is the new cliche.
3. Virgins can die now.
4. New versions are always 2.0, so the latest technology is always involved and integral to the plot. This means the killer may start filming the murders.
5. You have to have an opening sequence.
6. Don't f*ck with the original.
7. If you want to survive in a modern day horror movie, you pretty much have to be gay.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Honorable mentions: The Crazies, Fright Night (#RIPAntonYelchin.... it's still heartbreaking to me), Halloween, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, House of Wax, Friday the 13th, The Last House on the Left, Thirteen Ghosts, My Bloody Valentine, Black X-mas, Prom Night, The Fog.