What is it called when you're feeling Bittersweet and Jacked to Jesus?

It's officially here. Today is my last day at my current job. Come 3:30 this afternoon, I will no longer be employed with the company I have put my heart and soul into for going into fourteen years.

And it is... bittersweet. 

I wouldn't know and can't seem to find the correct words to describe what I'm feeling today. Sad for sure... but in a nostalgic kind of way. Yeah, I never planned on leaving and I love my job... but I'm here now and we have to part ways. 

Onwards and upwards and such... right? I don't know... I'm sad and overwhelmed... emotional to say the least. But... I'm also excited and nervous and... well... for lack of a better word... pumped. I'm sad to see this chapter of my life come to a close but I'm excited to see where it will take us.

A few people have asked me how I'm feeling and the closest thing I can come up with is it's like when you're a kid and you have to transfer schools. You're scared and nervous... maybe even a little upset it has to happen. But, then you accept that it does in fact have to happen and the emotions become overwhelming.

That's what it feels like... even though it's much more serious... though it feels equally as serious when you're a kid.

So yeah... feeling somewhere between Stand By Me and Mad Max. 

Honestly, I'm pretty sure I'm feeling the most sad about leaving Dani and losing my routine. I'm not gonna lie, at the end of the day and at the risk of sounding like I have emotions... I love her. She's done so much for me as a person and I'm gonna miss having that reassurance of her at my back. The good, the bad, and the ugly... throughout it all, we've been through it side by side for years. I hope we still have a relationship after I'm gone, but this life and change can't guarantee me anything. So hopeful, but resigned. Furthermore, I know this job, I can do this job, and I'm used to this job. I'm confident and capable when it comes down to it.

But after today and come Monday? I'm starting fresh. New. Somewhere completely different with a new atmosphere and a completely different team. It's a shock to the system to say the least. But... I'm excited. Sure, it's pretty likely I'm gonna have to look like a nerd when I go into the office (I can't wait to play that Clark Kent life- ha!) since it's a completely different environment, but it's a change and a challenge and I feel up to the task.

Do I feel like there's going to be a learning curve? Do I think it's gonna be hard and stressful and overwhelming? YES... to ALL of it. And then some. But... I'm also jittery about it. I've been itching for a life change for a very long time. To the point I can feel that shit under my skin. While this is very much not the way I envisioned making the change... I'm also not mad about it anymore.

It literally is what it is and we are moving forward with it.

At high speeds. Screeching tires. With music blared and the windows down. 

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I'm gonna succeed or end up living under a bridge. I honestly just don't have answers right now. But, what I do have is an amazing husband and two wonderful furbabies that make life worth stumbling through and that depend on me. I have determination to see this through and find our way to the life we want to live. I have the will to be happy and peaceful and live a beautiful life surrounded by happiness.

I'm thankful for the time with my company. I've grown and learned and gave it my all. But now, it's time to say goodbye, set down my title, and walk away with some dignity and grace. 

So... no... I don't know how I'm feeling. Because I have all the feelings. But, I know that change is here and I'm bracing for impact with Dev, Sparkles, and Steve at my side. 

Because come this afternoon... LIFE IS DIFFERENT.