What is it called when you're feeling Bittersweet and Jacked to Jesus?

It's officially here. Today is my last day at my current job. Come 3:30 this afternoon, I will no longer be employed with the company I have put my heart and soul into for going into fourteen years.

And it is... bittersweet. 

I wouldn't know and can't seem to find the correct words to describe what I'm feeling today. Sad for sure... but in a nostalgic kind of way. Yeah, I never planned on leaving and I love my job... but I'm here now and we have to part ways. 

Onwards and upwards and such... right? I don't know... I'm sad and overwhelmed... emotional to say the least. But... I'm also excited and nervous and... well... for lack of a better word... pumped. I'm sad to see this chapter of my life come to a close but I'm excited to see where it will take us.

A few people have asked me how I'm feeling and the closest thing I can come up with is it's like when you're a kid and you have to transfer schools. You're scared and nervous... maybe even a little upset it has to happen. But, then you accept that it does in fact have to happen and the emotions become overwhelming.

That's what it feels like... even though it's much more serious... though it feels equally as serious when you're a kid.

So yeah... feeling somewhere between Stand By Me and Mad Max. 

Honestly, I'm pretty sure I'm feeling the most sad about leaving Dani and losing my routine. I'm not gonna lie, at the end of the day and at the risk of sounding like I have emotions... I love her. She's done so much for me as a person and I'm gonna miss having that reassurance of her at my back. The good, the bad, and the ugly... throughout it all, we've been through it side by side for years. I hope we still have a relationship after I'm gone, but this life and change can't guarantee me anything. So hopeful, but resigned. Furthermore, I know this job, I can do this job, and I'm used to this job. I'm confident and capable when it comes down to it.

But after today and come Monday? I'm starting fresh. New. Somewhere completely different with a new atmosphere and a completely different team. It's a shock to the system to say the least. But... I'm excited. Sure, it's pretty likely I'm gonna have to look like a nerd when I go into the office (I can't wait to play that Clark Kent life- ha!) since it's a completely different environment, but it's a change and a challenge and I feel up to the task.

Do I feel like there's going to be a learning curve? Do I think it's gonna be hard and stressful and overwhelming? YES... to ALL of it. And then some. But... I'm also jittery about it. I've been itching for a life change for a very long time. To the point I can feel that shit under my skin. While this is very much not the way I envisioned making the change... I'm also not mad about it anymore.

It literally is what it is and we are moving forward with it.

At high speeds. Screeching tires. With music blared and the windows down. 

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I'm gonna succeed or end up living under a bridge. I honestly just don't have answers right now. But, what I do have is an amazing husband and two wonderful furbabies that make life worth stumbling through and that depend on me. I have determination to see this through and find our way to the life we want to live. I have the will to be happy and peaceful and live a beautiful life surrounded by happiness.

I'm thankful for the time with my company. I've grown and learned and gave it my all. But now, it's time to say goodbye, set down my title, and walk away with some dignity and grace. 

So... no... I don't know how I'm feeling. Because I have all the feelings. But, I know that change is here and I'm bracing for impact with Dev, Sparkles, and Steve at my side. 

Because come this afternoon... LIFE IS DIFFERENT.

The beginning of the current craziest week of my existence thus far.

Y'all... your girl is about to have a mental break. SNAP. Kaput. I'm somewhere between I absolutely CANNOT do this and LET'S F*CKING GOOO. It's a very strange and humbling space to be in. 

This is my last week at my current job. As in... the company I have been with since I was twenty-two years old... the company I have spent going on fourteen years with... the company that took me from being a surviving kid to a surviving adult... that company. It won't be the company I work for come 3:30 on Friday afternoon. THIS FRIDAY AFTERNOON. JANUARY 09, 2026.

And I am not ok. But... I am ok. Does that make sense? No, not really... I guess it wouldn't.

I'm not ok because it's a big change. It's emotional and in a way... devastating. I've put my heart and soul into my current job and built it into what it is today. It quite literally didn't exist before me and I was hired for something completely different. But... over the years we've grown and adjusted and I've managed to form this career out of pieces. And... I'm proud of that. I feel accomplished because of that. At one time, I even felt valuable because of it. I know everyone is replaceable at any job, but it truly felt like I had risen to a position of appreciation and it felt good.

And now, I have to start over. I don't know if "have to" is the right way to say it, but it feels accurate so I'm going with it. Am I excited? Yes... but it's also a HUGE change and will be a MAJOR adjustment. 

I'm nervous... and anxious. I'm trying to reassure myself that I totally got this (fake it til you make it, right?), but if I'm being honest, I truly have no idea. Am I going to put in my all and try everything within my power to learn and thrive in this job and do what we have to do to get out of Indy? One hundred percent... but does that mean I'm perfectly settled about this turn of events? Absolutely-fucking-not.

I want to be able to do this and I'm determined to make this life change. Am I in over my head? Only time will tell... but honestly, it's nice to know while it feels like I'm drowning, my hubby is wading through the waters to me with my arm floaties.

Things will be stressful and nonstop and intense for the next few months (like they haven't already been going 120mpm), but we're hoping to come out the other side better for it and living a much happier and peaceful life. 

Only time will tell, but it's getting here fast. I finish out this week at my current company (I feel like I want to cry but also want to put itching powder in everyone's undies) and then come Friday afternoon... the Glissons are southbound so I can start on-location training come Monday morning.

One week. That's all that's left between me and a new career path. And my anxiety KNOWS it.

Side note: did y'all know finding/buying pants for a new job or I guess just in general was such a fucking nightmare?

I don't know what 2026 has in store for us... we're five days in and life is already cranked... but I do know for sure changes are coming and they're coming fast. Wish us luck... because the Glissons are about to make this year their bitch. Or this year is about to make us it's bitch. 

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

BOOM Bitch. But also, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!🎄🎄

Ok... this is... a lot. Like... A LOT. So... your girl did a thing... got a thing... something a thing. THE POINT IS our gameplan to move South might be getting a little bit more fast-tracked because your girl got herself a new job. I KNOW.

I never thought I would be here. I literally thought I would be at my current company until I either retired (ha! the dream that none of us ever get) or killed over or they fired me. Something... nothing like getting a whole different job. But now... here we are.

And it is A LOT for me to feel. Overwhelmed... grateful... about to blow the tippy top right off my head. AHHH!! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited, but I'm also extremely nervous and anxious. Nervous that I may be in over my head... anxious that I'm going to screw this up and ruin our lives... but extremely grateful for the opportunity and overwhelmed by the magnitude of which this changes our lives. 

Besides... we wanted a whole new life and nothing says whole new life more than changing absolutely everything about it. Aside from us and our pups, we want to change EVERYTHING else. So... we are. 

I am having so many feelings about everything and just trying to push through them all. They're so overwhelming that it'll be more of an on-the-go layout.

I got the confirmation for my new job on Tuesday and immediately let my boss know. Now... we got two weeks (not including the rest of this weird holiday week) to do what they want me to do and then I'm South bound for on-location training. After that I'll be working remote... until we move to Florida and then we'll (they'll) decide on my hybrid in office/remote roll. 

I didn't expect this to happen. It quite literally came out of nowhere... but who am I to kick a gift horse in the mouth when amazing opportunities fall from the sky?

I thought we had more time... after my job let me know that transitioning to a remote position wouldn't be feasible for me and they wanted me to start training another girl, Dev and I talked about moving up our timeline. Literally the only thing holding us in Indy was my job, so why wouldn't we after knowing it wasn't an option anymore? But... we still thought it would be somewhere between six-eight months. We definitely wanted to be out before next Winter set in... but then this happened and jumpstarted even more.

I will say though, ever since we just became firm in our decision to move back South, it feels like the universe has been pushing us in that direction expediently. Things are falling into place and while it's all still crazy, it very much feels like the right decision.

The progress we've made on our house is insane. We've been needing to go through and get rid of things FOREVER and there's no time like the present, right? And through it we have been. We decided to get rid of all the negativity and bullshit that we've been carrying around for other people all these years and literally start NEW when we restart. No more living a life based on the worry of other people's opinions. If it makes us happy, it's ours. If not? Bye bye. People, places, things. All of it.

Needless to say... we've thrown out A LOT of shit. I was a little sad to see some of it go... but only because I'm a hoarder and so much is changing so quickly that my anxiety is trying to keep up. After it's out of sight though? I'm loving it. The house is well underway to being painted (Eggshell-Gypsum for the clean finished looking win) and then there's just a few more things to do inside and we can switch to out. 

There's still so damn much to get accomplished. We need to talk to AM about selling our house probably this weekend (when it's ready) and get all this trash bullshit hauled off (no idea how we're going to achieve that) and finish painting and fix the fence and do some curb appeal.

Plus... I need to train a little for this new job (I was sent a link with some videos so hopefully that will give me a little insight) and buy some new clothes for it because your girl doesn't dress business... but I will be in this office with the bigwigs. I'll also need to take out my lip ring, hide my green hair, and cover these tattoos. You know... make me look boring instead of the exotic creature I am. All good though... it's all temporary to get where we need to be. 

There's so much to do and so little time to do it... but is that gonna stop us from having a nice dinner and watching Stranger Things on this here Christmas day/evening? Nope. We literally accomplished so much yesterday and earlier today that we're gonna break and eat and watch these little motherf*ckers in Hawkins.

What? We got SO much done in the last two days... time for Dev to take a little nap (before he gets up and makes me that delicious steak) and me to make some mashed taters... and for us to curl up with our babies and cuddle and just be together. 

Life is changing... fast. It's here and we're trying to keep up. At the end of the day, we're gonna be ok. But if y'all could keep some good vibes and put some good juju out there for us... we'd appreciate it. Thanks to all our family and friends that reached out this year for Christmas (even though the Glisson's were super lame this year and got absolutely nothing holly jolly accomplished... there's too much to do!). 

It's been so crazy the last couple of months... let's see where the next few take us. 

From our family to yours, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Hopefully, it's the last long drive before the BIG one.🌞🌻🌞🌻🌞

We spent Thanksgiving week in Florida with Dev's side of the family. We don't usually go down for holidays... we're more of a "come down for vacation once a year and for emergencies and unplanned happy events (ie: weddings and Jelly concerts)" type of folks... but Dev's mom asked us two or three months ago if we would come down this year... and... well... I can't tell that woman no to save my whole life.

Sooo... I worked Monday and then we headed South. (With my trusty laptop in tow because I still had some shit to do for the rest of the week because no rest for the weary and all that).

The trip down was pretty good... we made decent timing and our pups were chill and enjoyed the ride. Sure, it's always alot, but once we're there... we're good to go. You know why? Because we pulled up to my MIL's around nine in the morning... parked Trudy... and didn't start her again until we left out for my FIL's on Saturday evening. When I tell you my in-laws are the best, I ain't bullshitting.

The trip back North? Stupid. Between "Severe Winter Weather" advisories and people not realizing they're operating a vehicle so they should probably be paying attention to that... it was mayhem. We ended up taking backroads for the last forty miles of our trip home, because the interstate backed up and people were acting a fool. 

I digress. Mostly because I refuse to spend anymore time trying to figure people out. At least for the time being.

Our pups were probably the most excited. Between all the attention, snacks, cuddles, and general merriment of their existence, they were living their best lives.

My Gatorbaby? He always thrives when he's home. What can I say? He's a Sunshine State boy through and through. He's never not happy and breathtaking when we're there. He loves his family and the happiness that pours out of him when we're around them damn near brings tears to my eyes every damn time.

Me? I also thrive down South. I'm what my FIL (Pops) refers to as feral... barefoot, sunburnt, hair unbrushed, legs unshaved... it's chaos of the highest order. And I fuckin' love it. So does my husband and his entire family. Peaceful Katie is the best Katie.

With all the changes headed our way... we're hoping the next trip we have to make down South is THE last trip and therefore, moving time. *fingers-crossed*

Life has been stressful and chaotic lately... between life changes and house renovations and pups with skin irritation and frigid weather and people in general... yeah, it's just been overwhelming. So, we needed to get away and have a break and spend some time with people we love the most and love us the best.

We spent Thanksgiving with all the family that got to come over and the rest of our days were spent relaxing, hanging out with my in-laws (and one of my SIL's for a couple days), doing projects (ie: refinishing a table and watching my FIL put together a four-wheeler), watching my hubby do some bomb-ass tattoos on my MIL and SIL, and just imagining and planning our future.

When I tell you I've been a nervous wreck and overwhelmed... I ain't lying. The unknown and instability and changes that are coming have been on my brain and playing on loop for weeks on end. I've driven myself to the brink and back more than once. I honestly thought I was about to break in half. But... when they assured us we weren't alone and were welcome and loved and missed and needed? Something in me calmed and shifted. Sure, this is still scary... but worth it and thrilling. I'm still scared because of the unknown but I feel better knowing my hubby's family has our backs.

And the life we're trying to build and is on the horizon? Riveting.

We're in the process of: get us the f*ck outta here.😵‍💫😮‍💨🥴

Have you ever been... done? Like, I don't like it... I can't take it... I don't want it... done? Happened to us. And why did it happen to us? You can thank this city and all it encompasses. 

Where to start? More shootings and violence down the street from us than you can shake a stick at. It's ridiculous and overwhelming. Do you know how disheartening it is to turn on the radio and constantly hear your neighborhood on the news? And yeah, I know there's violence and horrible shit no matter where you go... but the fact there are almost a million people in this city and people don't give a shit to open their crazy in the streets with innocent bystanders... well... here we are. And I want to get the f*ck OUT. I just picture the life I have... the life I want... and they are very different.

The life I want doesn't include nasty people, or terrible situations, or overwhelming amounts of stress. The life I currently have... does. And I want peace and calm and stability. I want to be able to be my weird self and those around me just love me for me... no other reason or rhyme, no manipulations, no guilt, no judgment, just because I'm me and they love me.

So... I went to my boss. And I laid it all out. Told her about the stress and nastiness of our surroundings being overwhelming. I want out of this city and situation. But... I love my job, so it was the last man standing between me and this decision. I don't want to leave my job... I've built it for going on fourteen years and it's a piece of me. Something I take pride in. Something I have complete faith and confidence in doing. I asked to transition to a remote position. And I asked this with the understanding that it wasn't guaranteed, but with the thought that I was willing to give/take and do so much to make it work, that it could be a very real possibility. I know everyone in a company is expendable. I have no illusions that I run the show (I'm very aware I don't), but I have always done whatever is asked of me and I have exceeded every single expectation that they have ever presented to me. I've helped pull the company back from the brink multiple times. Not on my own, but as a dedicated member of the team. Put policies and procedures in place to ensure the company could move forward and streamlined as much as possible. Again, not on my own... but as a dedicated member of the team. They've quite literally never presented me with an issue where I didn't look at it and say, well, we gotta do what we gotta do and then we got it done.

But... the answer was no. I couldn't really tell you the reasoning why other than it's "not feasible" and comes down to "financial" at the end of the day. I was asked though... could I train this other girl in the office to do my job and then work for my company until I'm settled once I move and then I can figure out my next steps? I mean, sure? I guess I'll just do my job until you decide you don't need me anymore and then call it a day? Thanks for not just kicking me to the curb immediately I reckon.

Fourteen years. Damn near a decade and a half. And here we are. 
Guess they really didn't like the green hair.

Anyways... our will to get the f*ck out of Indy hasn't changed. We're doing it differently than what we imagined and I'm certainly more terrified of this change than I've ever been, but I'm also excited and ready to get the f*ck out of here. I'm ready to have peaceful mornings and be in the country and live a small and quiet life with my husband and our babies. 

Should've cut bait when I lost my Momma. Really should've cut bait when we got tackled by a guy with a knife on our motorcycle going over 40 mph. Should've cut bait when my brother did whatever it is he does. I'm learning I should've done this a long f*cking time ago.

I think people are forgetting the fact it takes very little to make us happy and I don't actually have the need to have a "career." Bro, I love it and I'm proud of it... but... I'll be ok with just a job too. Doesn't have to be a career. We can literally just work to live, not live to work. And Walmart seems to be hiring night shift.

We don't need alot... and we'll figure out the rest. The most important part? It's that we have each other, we're in this together, and one way or the other, we will figure it out. Starting with getting ready to sell this house and bounce.

So... watch out, Florida. Because within the next year (if we can manage to pull this shit off), the Glissons are coming back. And this time, we're coming home to stay. (Not counting the fact we'll see you next week for Thanksgiving).

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” -Anne Lamott

🐝I just want to be a beekeeper and live a peaceful f*cking life.🐝🐝

Y'all ever have one of those days where you think to yourself, "if I could guarantee the outcome, I'd be all in?" Yeah, that's me... only... not so much a day as an existential crisis. But whatever... I'm trying.

Dev and me live in Indy because of my job. Full stop... no other reason. Honestly, if it wasn't for my job, my ass would've bounced when I lost momma. Why? Because the city is not for me and I am woefully unhappy here. And yeah, I know there's nonsense and meanness no matter where you go... but I feel better about it in the country. I know how to handle it in the country. This city life? Pass. Too much, too many, too close, too soon, just TOO EXCESSIVE.

But here we sit... because financial stability. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. Sure, it's not the most glamorous position in the world, but it's mine and I've worked really hard to get where I am. There's only so far to climb in my company, but I feel like I have value as an employee and honestly, that's enough for me. I've never wanted fancy or to be "a boss bitch" so where I'm at is a good little spot for me. I know my job and not to toot my own horn, but I'm fairly efficient and know my shit... mostly. So yeah, I love my job and everything that it's given me. I never thought I would make the money I do in the position I'm in with the level of background and education I have.

However... if I could do my exact job remotely? From somewhere that doesn't require me to be in this city and try to build our lives here? From literally our peaceful little spot that we dream of? Yeah... I would love it even more. And the thing is... my job can be done remotely. We've tried it... succeeded in the short term... I can only imagine the level I could accomplish if I built a hub in our home and set everything from my office up. I truly believe I could not only do it, but do it just as well as what I do from here. BUT... I don't know if that would even be an option. It's never been done before in our company... and I don't know if it would be something they would be open to even discussing. I mean, sure it's never been done... but then again, my position didn't even exist until we built it into what we needed.

So yeah, that worries me because the stability I have at my job is unmatched by everything else I've encountered in my life. And while I would love to be the freespirit I feel on the inside, the fact remains that I've been working to support a family since I was fourteen years old and that part of my brain just won't shut off. You know, the... we'll have to start over, budgeting columns, what-ifs... all of it. It won't stop and it won't shut down and honestly it's running on a loop in my head driving me crazy.

However... if me and Dev keep talking and it comes down to it, I'll have a choice to make. I would try to establish the remote position first... try everything I could... but if that wasn't an option, I would have to choose. And the choice would be... stay in Indy for my career and chance that everything will be there for us until we get to retirement... or take the gamble and move my husband back to his family.

While it would be a hard decision to restart... it's also getting harder to justify my career over our happiness. Because lord knows my hubby is as unhappy here as I am. If he had his way, we would've been back in the sunshine state a few years ago.

And it's not like we haven't tried to build something meaningful and beautiful here. We've lived our lives and tried our best to be good to people. And while I would love to say we could show you the fruit of our labor, the fact of the matter is, no one gives a shit around here. My family essentially went on a tour telling people that Dev was gonna move me back to Florida and take me away as soon as we got married... he didn't... but they did stop inviting us to stuff, reaching out via the telephone, and continue with, "Katie changed."

Yeah... Katie changed... Katie lost her mom and had her entire world flipped on it's head and it's been nonstop ever since. Forgive me if I needed a breather from cookouts and holidays for a little bit. I wasn't trying to be excommunicated... I was trying to survive.

Ever since my brother moved out... I rarely hear from him. He made a big spiel about "not wanting to lose our relationship" when he moved out and I told him we were adults and perfectly capable of having a normal sibling relationship where he lived with his family and I lived with mine. I was apparently wrong about that... but not wrong about the fact my brother is resentful and petty about it. In the past month, I've reached out on four separate occasions just trying to catch up and maybe set up a time to hang out... he's rejected them all and contacted me once to tell me about our nephew having an accident and needing stitches. In fact, we haven't seen our nephew since my brother moved out. He works four minutes from our house and lives twenty minutes from us... but does he stop by? Nope. And while I would love to just swing by his house to say hi once in awhile, his living arrangement is different and not open for popups. Is he trying to punish me by not letting me see my nephew because I put my foot down and made him move out? I don't know... but either way... it feels real lonely on that front too.

And I get it... the rest of my family has their own families to worry about. I understand and I'm happy that they're happy... but clearly... I don't fit into the narrative. My aunts and uncles and cousins have their own children and grandchildren and my brother still has his father and his own child. Dev and me don't want kids... so I guess... we're just done?

Maybe I feel wrong about it, but it is how I feel. I'm not resentful or angry or sad about it, it's more of a clarity of the situation. And the truth is, I did in fact move to Indy for momma. I never would've chosen to come here on my own. I might not have stayed where I was, but I'm definitely not the same as my momma on that front. She was a city girl through and through... me?

Not so much.

Dev? Dev still has family that not only needs him but wants him... and me too. They want to include us in their everyday lives and holidays and they have our backs regardless. While I can say I have one or two people that have my back like that (ok... one and it's Dani) he has a list. And it's beautiful to see. I know he misses his family. Hell, I miss his family. Every time we go down there it feels right and my chest decompresses in a way it simply doesn't in the city.

His family up here? One-sided, not unlike mine. Everything was all fun and games when we were putting in all the effort, fronting money, driving the miles, and essentially doing it all. The minute we stopped putting forth 100% of the effort? That friendship fizzled and died out faster than a firecracker. Sure, he still texts his cousin, but the relationship we had with him and his family? Evaporated. All because we said enough was enough.

Hilariously enough, kind of like the situation with my brother.

The friendships we've tried to build have been no damn different.

I would love nothing more than to sell our house, move to that little ten acres in northern FL, build a hub to work remote, and start living our dream lives right this second.

But again... stability. And the unknown. 

It's hard to "go with the flow" or "take a chance" when literally all responsibility has been on your shoulders for as long as you can remember. And I know I don't have to live that life anymore... but old habits die hard and all that. I've had to start over so many times out of pure survival that I don't know how to kickstart something new without breaking mentally. It's frustrating and quite frankly, I hate that part of myself. I would love to make a decision strictly just because it's what I want and let the chips fall where they may and know everything will work out in the end. Except... I'm not built like that. I want to be... but conditioning has a stronghold that's hard as f*ck to fight.

You know, I always had this joke once I got the job I have now that I'm here until I'm either "fired or retired." But, I don't think I ever really thought it through for what it was. They've recently increased the retirement age from 65 to 67. Let's be real, Social Security won't exist by the time it's my turn and the fact they want people to quite literally work their asses off until they're essentially in the nursing home is f*cking laughable. Early retirement is at least 55... probably soon to increase... and even then there are so many penalties and fees. There's literally no such thing as working to an end goal anymore. People just want to take and take and we're forced to keep giving if we want to keep up. It's f*cking exhausting.

I say that to say... that means I have AT LEAST another twenty to thirty(ish because a few more than that) years to go before I can even think about retiring. Which means, if we wait until retirement to build the life and dream we want, we may very well be too old or dead to enjoy it by then. Not to be morbid... but the world is crazy these days and our luck is horseshit.

I want to continue my job until it's time to lay it down... but I don't honestly believe I have another twenty to thirty or more years left where we are. Even if I did, why would we want to build somewhere we're miserable and wait to be surrounded by all we want until then?

You know, that whole fairy godmother with the sprinkles thing I've been trying to manifest for the last couple of months would come in real handy right about now. It would be nice to be able to make a decision in life strictly based on happiness and want not finances and turmoil.

It's out there. It's on our minds and in our conversations and I would be lying if I said I wasn't going crazy thinking everything through a million times. I keep waiting for something to give or change or I don't know what, but I know sooner or later I'm gonna have to choose. Not like "CHOOSE" but choose, because something's gotta give and we can't keep being miserable.

He made a comment the other day when we were talking... and while I know he didn't mean it in a bad way... I felt the honesty in it and it hit me in the chest. He was trying to tell me how he feels and said he wanted to spend time with his parents while he still could. And... I get that. My parents are gone. My one sibling could care less. I haven't seen my nephew in over a year. Lost my grandparents years ago. Dev still has three parents, two grandparents, three siblings (four if you count his friend that may as well be my third BIL), and a slew of nieces and nephews. All of whom would give anything for their boy to come back to his roots.

While I grew up in Tennessee... I have no desire to go back there. I want to be surrounded by familiar but new. Comfort but depth.

Our fifth wedding anniversary is next month. Five years of building and trying and doing and loving. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I do often think about the next anniversary... and the next... because I want us to be as happy together as possible, but is it possible to be your happiest self when you're miserable with your surroundings? I don't know. I would like to believe I'm enough, but that's not really fair to my husband. Sure, I may be enough... but should I be? When he has the option of so much more? He could be surrounded by people and places that are good for his soul.

And I could learn to be whomever I've always wanted to be. No pressure or restrictions or expectations. Just me with my husband and babies on a little farm, tending to bees, growing plants. I could learn all the things I've always wanted to and try and fail and succeed and grow and be at peace.

What I want: build a homestead, bake bread, grow plants, tend to bees, play with my pups, have early mornings on the porch with my husband, spend time with family, go to events, cook holiday meals, run through the woods with Dev on my heels... peace. Stability. Happiness. Tranquility. To be able to exist and just be still. Just be me.

What I need: a miracle.

I don't know where the future will take us. I don't know where I'll be this time next year. I don't know if I'll be sitting right here in thirty years or if I'll get hit by a meteor by my next birthday.

What I do know is one day soon I'm gonna have some decisions to make and whether good, bad or ugly, the questions will come knockin' whether I'm ready for them or not. Why? Because mental health is no joke and mine is patchy at best. And honestly? Seeing my husband so depressed is too much. It's devastating and makes me want to cry on the regular. He says he's good, but he forgets that I know him and I see it. I don't know how he doesn't resent me (he assures me he doesn't), because I would resent me. I mean, he's literally only here because of me and I'm literally only here because of my career.

Dun dun dun.

I know we'll probably give it until the beginning of the year and reevaluate. So between now and then, if the universe could help me out and sprinkle some of that goodness down, that would be greatly appreciated.

🤒🤢🤒Wtf even was that madness?!!?!🤒🤒🤢Sickness?!!?!🤢🤒

Hey y'all... it feels very much like I'm coming back into the land of the living. Why? Because I had an illness that kept me down for an entire f*cking week. Not exaggerating... an entire week.

I'm not even sure what it was if I'm being honest. All I know is me and Dev were sicker than I've ever been. Seriously, I haven't been that sick for that long in my entire adult life. I contracted and managed bronchitis quicker than this shit. If I had to describe it, it would have to be the worst flu I've ever seen.

Even Covid didn't feel that terrible. Then again... this could have been Covid and neither of us would really know? Mine started last Sunday (3/16) evening. Everything was fine... and then... BAM... not fine. 

I had a fever from Sunday evening until early Thursday morning. Couldn't get it to break at first and then couldn't get it to stay gone more than an hour at a time. Cold sweats, a horrible cough (that's lingering, btw), nausea, diarrhea... and the god-awfulest body aches I've ever experienced. At one point my spine hurt so bad I thought it was going to come through the skin of my back. Everything hurt and felt terrible. I laid in our bed in the fetal position, on top of a heated blanket, under a wool blanket, wearing flannel pants and sweatshirt, crowded by our pups and I was FREEZING. And in a bunch of pain.

Dev was about 24 hours behind me... but his hit with the same force. It was truly awful. I missed Mon-Thurs at work (something I really hate f*cking doing), and while I came in and worked Friday, I'm not sure how I made it. Sheer will? Stubbornness? Something.

All of last week is blended into a Nyquil heavy fever dream of sorts for me. I still don't feel 100%, but I mean COME ON we got shit to do. We're mostly on the mend... I think. Just about five pounds lighter (wasn't trying to lose weight) and a little battered and fragile. Super frail, actually. But... still kicking it. Because resilient. And contrary. 

But mostly, wish me luck. Because your girl is forreal trying over here. (And her hubby is feeling better too).

I don't have the time nor the patience for that.

I've been trying out a few new things and some random stuff has happened lately and I find myself at the point of just being very "nah" about it. You know like... nah... I'm good?! That's me these days.

Napping has become a favorite of mine, social activities are a chore, and beauty trends have a way of becoming disastrous. I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round of exhaustion and honestly, Tiktok has me thinking the vanlife can't really be all that bad.

I can't be the only person feeling like this. I read an article yesterday talking about the things and ways people have changed since the pandemic and I have to agree. I don't think anyone's really recovered from it and we're all still all over the place. Time means nothing, money is fleeting, and we're all really just trying our f*cking best.

Things I have tried and found I do not have patience for to save my entire life: 

Applying and dealing with false eyelashes. Turns out, I don't give that much of a shit about my eyelashes and I feel they're more trouble than they're worth. Bought a pack, tried to figure it out on three separate occasions, failed miserably on all three said occasions, and threw the rest of the box away because I'm done trying that now.

Audacity of the people around me. We recently had to let a dude go at work and I think we can all agree that shit sucks but its also part of being an adult and we have to move forward with our lives. The news was given, he packed up and that was that... until the next day he came in to return some "things he had taken by mistake" and proceeded to slow-motion remove the pair of gloves he was wearing and lay down said gloves, an ink pen, and a tape measure. Like, slow-motion I thought he was about to challenge me to a duel at sunset type situation. And the only thing I could think through his arrogant condescension was... CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, I'm about to f*ck you up. Because honestly, how often are we getting challenged to a good ole fashioned duel these days? 

Dyeing/bleaching/basically anything besides brushing my hair. I go back and forth alot on what I want to do to my hair. It's the longest it's ever been and the most natural it's been since I was probably twelve or thirteen years old. I keep saying I want to bleach it and put in a crazy color (purple, blue, green) but honestly, I just don't have the follow through for it. While I think it would be a cool look, I don't actually want to sit there and try to do some shit myself. I also don't want to have someone else touching me. The same could be said about styling it. I like curling it but don't want to burn my hair off and all the "heatless" methods I've used have been a catastrophe. It looks like it's just gonna be me, my silver tweaked hair, and straightener for the next decade or so.

Things I apparently do still have all the patience for:

My husband. Our pups. Our lives together. Body oils instead of lotions. Tattoos as far as the eye can see. Eyebrow mascara and tinted serums. Old vinyl records. Roadtrips with my love. Snuggles with my babies. Resident Alien. La Brea. Banana bread. Dev's OCD and rearranging bug. Warm pajamas. Lazy weekends. Pizza and boiled peanuts.

The ramblings of a cold little gremlin. *it's snaining outside*

It's that time of year again where everybody feels the need to be extra. Extra blessings (braggadocio), extra tidings (passive-aggressiveness), extra presents (audacity), extra extra extra. I really shouldn't be as cynical as what I am and yet, HERE WE ARE. You know, I wouldn't be this way if people didn't make me this way. But, I digress.

Christmas is in one week and would you like to know what I've done for the holiday season? Not a damn thing. Ok, that's not entirely true... I did make cards and get them sent out (literally all done on the 15th) and we put up our tree yesterday.

Other than that? Zilch.

It's been an off year so we decided to take an off year. Usually this time of year we're running around like crazy people. D's making jerky and I'm baking treats and we run everything down to the last minute of getting everything done and shipped out. This year? Nope. With D being off work with his health and me having very little to no will to actually roll out of bed in the mornings, we decided this year just wasn't it. So, we didn't.

And you know what? While it feels a little off and there are certain moments that you feel guilt, the majority of the feeling I get is... oh well. And I know that sounds shitty, but I don't mean for it to. I just happen to like the feeling that it's holiday time and there are no expectations. We're not killing ourselves trying to finish baking and cooking. We're not running crazy trying to remember if we got everybody gifts. We're not going into monumental amounts of debt to show people hey we're here. We're just doing our thing and have no set plans.

Sparkles ear is still swelled up. Poor little guy has had this issue for weeks now and while I would like to feel like it's better, I don't really know. It looks like the swelling is going down to me but I'm also not a doctor. I'm just a gal doing what I do and trying to be a good wife and (pup)mom over here. We still have him on round the clock meds and he's still a little turd about all of it (anybody ever tells you pitties aren't stubborn is a damn liar), but for the most part, I think we're doing all we can. He's still stubborn, I'm still a worry-wart, and D probably needs a vacation from us all.

We've had a little craziness at work lately. The last few weeks have been hectic. Between year end and the holidays, letting people (one person) go and people wanting the final of everything, things have been round the clock consistent. We're not doing a big holiday party at work this year like we usually do (and I for one am NOT sad about it), but we are doing a little something. 

I have to get payroll done early so we can get all that lined up because we are having a little meeting on Friday. Everybody is supposed to be at the shop around noon and we'll have pizza (that I preordered last week), soda, beer (no worries, all employees are 21+), and some treats. Then they'll hand out checks and the little treat bags Dani and I made last Friday (she had a cute little idea and who doesn't love a good treat bag?) and everybody can be on their merry way.

Festive and efficient. Just the way I like it.

Other than that, we've been going through the things in our shed/garage. It may not sound like much, but let me tell you, it is quite literally my entire life for the first almost thirty years thrown into boxes and shoved into a bin to deal with another day. The only reason it hasn't been done before now is because I quite literally find the task to be so overwhelming. It's my life, my Momma's life, and some of my Grammy's life. All shoved into boxes and bins and totes and honestly, at times it all makes me want to cry. It's alot. To deal with, to carry, to go through, just all of it. We've made pretty good progress and I'm pretty happy with the results so far. While it is overwhelming and at times wants to take me to my knees, I carry on and eventually, I'll be through it all.

The amount of tattoos I now have is a little insane to me. I currently have four healing (two small, one medium and one large) and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon. I used to think I would hate being covered in tattoos. It was always a bit of a "no no" and was kind of engrained into me that it was something I just wasn't going to do. And then one day I realized I didn't do it for all reasons someone else had that I didn't believe in the first place... and then the cycle started. 

Personally, I love feeling like a doodle pad. It may sound strange but I almost feel like a piece of art in a gallery. Not a fancy and/or expensive gallery... perhaps not even a gallery at all... yeah, I more feel like a graffiti wall that people adore. Maybe people don't adore me but the art on my skin makes me feel like how I think people feel looking at the art they love. And that's a good feeling to me. I like looking down and seeing pieces of me and reminders of my life told through a story on my skin. It's fun and addicting and beautiful. D's currently reworking a moon piece on my back (he completed my thigh angular fish last night) and I was up until one this morning getting the work done and then all cleaned up. It's nowhere near finished but it's looking beautiful.

D finally got his new/permanent plate. He's going through the adjustment period of getting a new one (you wouldn't think it's a thing but it truly is a hell of a learning curve) and he's still sore from the bone/tooth fragments that are working their way out, but for the most part, he's doing real good. While it's been a hell of a process, he says he would do it all over again to not be in the pain he was in, and honestly, that means it was all worth it to me.

And yeah, that's where we are. We're waiting for the holidays, and getting tattoos, and spoiling our pups while watching Sparkles ear, and unpacking all of my childhood trauma. It's been a good time. Also, I've successfully avoided round the clock Mariah Carey this season, so we're taking the f*cking win.

Everything, everywhere, all at once. I can't stop rambling for nothing.

No, I haven't watched the movie... not because I'm against it, but because we haven't had the opportunity to check it out. We have however been watching a lot of random shit.

Like Knock at the Cabin. And Scream VI.

Before that, Avatar: The Way of Water. (Having just seen the first Avatar movie- for me- the night before).

I digress though, because this isn't all about movies. Even though it could be. No, this is just a little catch up on all the happenings as of late.

We've been painting around the house like crazy. The kitchen, laundry room, hallway... it's all different at this point. I both love it and want to get the rest of it painted but also have to kickstart myself every time to actually get the painting part done. Procrastination party of one? Right here.

On top of that we've basically been playing the waiting game trying to get D into the oral surgeon so we can get his dental problems handled (his appointment is on the 25th of this month). He'll feel so much better once it's all taken care of and I'll feel better knowing he's not in constant pain 25/8. Just one more step to get my love on the health and narrow.

We also came to the conclusion to maybe sell the Juke. It was Dev's idea/decision and we're seriously putting a lot of thought into it. Hopefully, if we do end up selling, it will be a painless process. *fingers crossed*

Hold onto your hats, because a couple of weeks ago we found out Travis and Macey are having a baby. That's right, another little Glissonbug is on the horizon and we're all so damn excited for them. She's been having a rough time with morning sickness and everything, so hopefully, it'll all ease up on her a bit soon. I don't know how shit like this works, but I hope she doesn't have to feel like shit the whole time.

Speaking of Trav and Mace, Dev and I took the Z up to their house on Saturday for a drive and a hangout. We had so much fun on the bike, but I can guarantee long trips are something we have to work up to, because their house is about 1.5 hours each way, and my whole body is feeling it. It was feeling it yesterday and it's definitely feeling it today. I am young no more. 

But, it was totally worth it.

And speaking of kids, Gabriel lost his two front teeth. He definitely resembles his hillbilly Aunt Katie a little more for awhile.

Work is work. Crazy and hectic and exhausting, but we're trekking forward and doing what we have to do to make sure shit gets done. Because at the end of the day, isn't that all we can really do?

My Tayderbug is an angel and demanded to go back to regular dog food. I swear, we make that little shit his own batch of fresh chicken every night and he just ain't having it. He wants regular ole pup food. Meanwhile, his brothers are drooling every which way trying to get a little piece of the actual chicken.

Dev has been feeling a bit better and doing so much around the house. I swear, I do dishes, but I don't do anything else really around the house. He basically has all the important stuff done by the time I get home and then our time together can either be spent relaxing or doing projects together. And I love both.

Just a side note, yesterday was the four year anniversary of Dev proposing to me and I was all heart-eyed once I realized it.

So yeah, a little catchup with shit I am most definitely forgetting, but here we are. Doing our best and making the most. And doing it all with a little hope, some happiness, and a fuckton of love.

Senor Fancypants and his little gremlin hit the town... looking extra and shit.

We went to my company's gala event this year... ok, it's not my company's event, but it's an event my company sponsors and attends? 

Following so far? Cool.

The point is, this was the first year Dev and I were invited and to say we were a bit out of our element would be an understatement. I mean, if you need to know the levels of the class where we reside versus what was all around us let me reiterate a little something that happened that should explain it all.

Me: *picks up tiny little round ball of whatever is on a little plate on our table, twirls it around and inspects it* "Dani... what's this?"

Dani: "That's butter, Katie!"

See, even their butter was so fancy it threw me off. 

We had a nice time though. Definitely different and nothing we're used to, but nice all the same. We agreed that getting all dressed up and going out somewhere to feel fancy was fun and we should definitely do it more often... even if it's not a charity and/or work event. 

Can't you just see us all decked out in all our extraness pulling up to the KFC? Pfsh, I can. 

Well, that is if D and I could eat fast food without our stomachs revolting. Eh, tomato, potato.

We spent a few hours with the crew and then we all decided to head out early. I think we all left between 8:00-8:30? It wasn't that we weren't having a nice time, we were all just tired and had other plans.

Kind of... D and I didn't really have any other plans except to hang out with our pups in pjs, catch a buzz, and cuddle where the warmth and cookies didn't end. Probably how I got started watching Hawaii Five-0 from the beginning all over again. I'm not even sorry about it, because now D gets to join in on the fun. He's seen episodes here and there with me, but never from the start.

I even tried to be a fancy adult and have a cocktail... vodka and cranberry, because isn't that the ultimate safety drink? Yeah, well, not for me it isn't apparently. I took like two-three sips of that thing and couldn't do it. Truly, I mean I physically couldn't choke it down and my stomach was like nah bro. I swear, the Katie from two years ago wouldn't even recognize lightweight me. D enjoyed his two cocktails and said he wouldn't be doing that again once we got home. The more you know.

So yeah, we got all fancy looking and froze our patooties off for an evening, but all in all it was different and we had a good time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some cuddles to attend to.

Let's play a little catchup and see what happens.

I'm having a real hard time with my attention span lately. Sure, I buckle down and manage it while at work, but once that clock dings, I'm out. Quite literally... mentally and physically, I'm in Lalaland.

But, that's ok. Because while I may be a bit of an airhead on the regular, D and I have been in a blissful little bubble. Sure, there are things looming in the background and we're on edge more often than not, but we've been trying to take it easy and be serene.

Personally, my goal for life has always broken down into four things I wanted: calm, happy, peaceful, stable. That's it, all I ever wanted for my life. Most people have big plans and goals and dreams. And maybe it sounds a little sad to most, but I never wanted all of that.

I just wanted a calm and happy life with a little stability. And I wanted to share that life with my best friend. I didn't need bunches of money or a fancy house. I didn't want to be entrapped in drama and I didn't want to have to answer to anyone other than myself.

And that's the life I have. 

We did finally get D's surgery scheduled. His pre-op appointment is on 3/14 and his surgery date is 3/17. We're both happy and nervous to have it finally on the books to be taken care of. We've been keeping his stress down and it seems to be helping quite a bit. His mom wants to fly up and be here for his surgery and I'm sure he would appreciate her being there. Personally, I was just going to sit in the waiting room alone and have a nervous breakdown, but it'll be nice to have company to melt down with.

Ok... probably not melt down. But, it is a nerve inducing situation.

My birthday was this past Monday and D has been spoiling me since last Friday because of it. He said I get a whole week, because I'm special and if I want the whole month or year, I can have that to. He's such an enabler and spoils me rotten. I love it.

Dani also invited us to my company's "gala" event this year. Basically, D and I are going to get all fancy and show up with the other fancy looking people and hang out. It's a formal event, so while D is wearing a suit (one that he looks damn fine in by the way), I have to find an appropriate dress to wear. Just the thought of dress shopping makes me itchy, but this time around D is taking me. He's actually really good at picking out clothes that look good on me and frankly, I could use all the help I can get. Besides, I'm usually in a pair of boxers and an oversized sweatshirt (that belonged to my FIL Dennis), so it'll be nice to let my husband see me all dressed up.

We've also been out on the bike a bit recently. Of course with winter being cold, wet, and all around miserable for most, the rides have been fewer and further between, but we've managed to get a few in here and there. We were gonna ride it when D took me to the Famous Tomato, but we didn't really want to drive on that side of town, so we've been taking random rides with no destination in mind.

Other than that we've mostly just been hanging out at the house with our pups and having chill evenings (and days). And I have to say, I'm into it. Like, this could keep on keeping on and I'd be extremely good with it.

It was a regular ole scene from Mad Max out there.

Y'all, it is frigid ass cold out here in these parts and my hubby and I are battering down for the count!

With the temperature being a "scorching" -10° and the wind velocity increasing by the minute and essentially making it feel as if it's -32° you could say that shit is getting a bit serious. There's snow and ice everywhere and quite honestly, I just want to wear sweatpants and thermal socks and not leave our house for the next... oh, I don't know... six months? Give or take... dependent upon our will towards the end.

D drove me into work this morning, because the roads (and weather in general) were questionable and if I'm being 100% real with you guys, it did not hurt my feelings at all to be chauffeured around in this ridiculousness.

We decided the highway was probably a better choice since it was so early and no roads had been cleared, but it didn't really matter, because they hadn't done anything for the highway either. Basically, D and I took the ice/snow covered highway with no way to see the lines and we hauled ass and were all over the place.

Why? Because it's not everyday you get to reenact a scene from Fury Road with your ride or die quite literally right next to you. We couldn't help ourselves. It had to be done. NO REGRETS.

Also, I totally ignored the fact that I'm the one who essentially taught my husband how to drive in snow and ice, because now that he knows how to deal with it, he feels the need to take care of me that way. And I'm not arguing, because I love that shit.

We finished all the errands we had and all the holiday shit is done (I think?), so if anybody needs us we will quite literally be hunkered down in our house with each other and our pups enjoying this holiday weekend and trying to stay at least lukewarm. 

Wish us luck and stay safe and warm out there, folks! Merry Christmas!!

I'm starting off the new year on an anxiety high.

And it's just about as much fun as it sounds. Let's see, what has happened so far to send me into an anxiety-induced twitch? 

Accidentally wore my house shoes to work this morning. Forgot to put my glasses on until I was halfway down the road and couldn't figure out why everything looked so blurry (also, my eyesight is getting worse!). Have a low tire on D's car. AND I know about his tire, because I'm currently driving his car for now, because I have to replace Ricardo.

NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Also, I've decided to talk to my brother about our living arrangement (there needs to be some changes and things clarified) and to say that I know he's going to have a defensive and hostile reaction would be an understatement. I already know it's going to be an argument and I don't have the mental capacity to deal with it, but guess what? I'm going to deal with it anyways. Because it needs to be done.

Back to Ricardo. 

My poor little guy is having transmission and front end issues and he needs new tires and brakes. I can't even begin to describe how sad I am about having to replace Ricardo. He's my buddy and the first ever car I bought that was all mine. In fact, he's my first ever "big purchase" that was just all mine. I know it's silly, because it's just a car, but he's the first car that I drove after my extended period of non-driving. He was perfect, because he made me comfortable. And now, it feels like such a loss and sad day to see him go. I should be excited about getting a new car, but really, I'm depressed to see my current one go.

Oh, and our neighbor across the street decided to beat on our door hollering for me to call 911, because he was drunk sick.... TWICE. Let me explain. So, homie beats on my door when I'm home alone and as soon as I open it to ask what he needs, he walks into our living room and proceeds to lose his pants around his ankles. Too intoxicated to realize he's no longer wearing pants he keeps saying that he's sick and he needs an ambulance. I call 911 and they send out medics. I explain everything I know to the medics (which is basically that he drunk stumbled into my home and asked me to call 911, because he was sick) and they load up and head off. Not ten minutes later they're pulling back around and dropping dude off, because apparently he changed his mind? All over the fact they wouldn't take him to the hospital that he wanted and I'm all bro, it's not Uber, but whatever. Cut to an hour and a half later and he's beating on my door AGAIN (thankfully, D was home by this time) hollering for me to call the ambulance AGAIN. So, I had to call the medics ONCE MORE and explain to TWO separate people what was happening and they had to come out ONE MORE TIME. Now don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no problem helping people out and doing what I can if they need it, BUT COME ON.  

So yeah, that's where I'm at on this third day of the new year. Wearing slippers, looking for a new car (which is hard considering I'm blind as hell), drowning in sibling turmoil, trying to avoid my neighbors and essentially just wanting and desperately needing a compound in the middle of the woods in the country where no one can get to me unless I want them to.

It's already December 22nd and I left my mind somewhere in 2017.

Y'all, if my head wasn't attached, I'm pretty sure I would have misplaced or lost it by now (I got all the way to work this morning and realized I forgot my phone so I had to drive all the way back home just to pick it up and turn right around and come back). Between moving our company, the holidays rapidly approaching and everything in between, it's been a tiny bit.... stressful. Yeah, that's the word we'll go with. Stressful. Demanding. Trying. Nerve-racking. The list is eternal.

We accomplished moving our entire company this past Saturday and while we have the majority of it set up and can function like a legitimate business, there are still a million things to do and unpack. However, I now have more space in my office than I'll ever know what to do with and I LOVE it. I have issues with people being in my personal space, so the fact that I'm completely alone and people have to stand on one side with a counter in between us is my absolute dream. I don't much care for feeling like my back is open, but once we switched my desk around and I'm facing the other way with my back to the wall, it's much better. And I can roll my chair effortlessly across the floor. Score.

I lost a dear friend of mine this past Friday. In fact, he's the friend that I share the inside joke about the title of my blog with. I won't say much more about the subject, but I want everyone to know that I love this guy and he will forever be my little buddy and partner in crime. He may have only been two years younger than me, but he was the greatest little brother that I never had. I'll miss him terribly and can't even begin to imagine a world where he's not out there somewhere making inappropriate comments and sharing his hilariously honest opinions. I love you, JB.

As most people know (because I keep repeating it like it'll remind me and make treats magically appear), D and I decided to make our family/friends jerky and sweet treats for Christmas this year. His family always requests jerky and Momma and I used to have the tradition of making cookies/candies (aka "treats") every year, so we thought it might be nice. I haven't done anything like that since I lost Momma, but it really is one of my very favorite memories with her, so I have decided to keep it alive even if it is only for me. I'm all done with my portion of the presents (even though my BS balls didn't turn out right at all.... I'm going to try again another day!) and D is making his final batch of jerky tonight. When I go home today I'll get the people I work with (ie: Dani) together and then tomorrow I have to overnight D's family's packages out. Wish us luck.

What else happened this week? Oh, my brother almost cut his thumb off and between his two hands had to get twelve stitches. I told him to quit playing with those knives.... he didn't listen. My pups are still the most adorable thing on the planet and my entire world still revolves around my boys (husband + pups).

Oh! D and I figured out how much weight we've lost in the last year. While we weren't trying to lose weight, the fact that I most definitely needed to was ever prevalent. But, like the amazing husband he is, D doesn't care what size I am as long as I'm happy. He loves me regardless. I hadn't really put much thought into my weight loss, but people have been mentioning it to me a lot more and I found myself curious. When we got married I was 198 pounds (and yeah, at five foot that's ridiculous and I looked like a little pregnant mini-fridge. I attribute our wedding pictures to me looking like a walrus.) and now I am 152 pounds. For those of you that don't want to do the math, that's a 46 pound weight loss in a year. I don't know if that's good or not, but I feel better and I'm impressed with myself, so I'm taking it as a win.

Other than that, life has been regular and good, but also stressful and hectic. It's a balance that gets off tilter at times, but we manage and at the end of the day I get to curl up in my giant bed surrounded by my boys. So, life might be stressful, and at times incredibly sad, but it's also amazing and I'm so glad I get to do it with my soulmate.

I have a bunch of half accomplishments, but not any fully fledged yet.

Let's see, what is there to do and how much time is there to actually do it? Oh, that's right.... there's everything to do and absolutely no time to get it done. Got it. Glad we're on the same page. 

#1: Get all utilities and internet switched over to our new building location for work.

     What's accomplished: The utilities are a go and all good. The internet, however? Oy vey. I have never in the history of the universe dealt with such frustrating people. And I worked in a f*cking nursing home, so that's saying something. The customer service and trying to get a straight answer out of them is the equivalent of pulling teeth out of a crocodile. In other words, somebody is about to lose a hand if I don't get some answers soon.

#2: Make beef jerky for people's Christmas.

     What's accomplished: We've started on beef jerky and hopefully with our smoker it will be a shorter process that will yield a lot of results. *fingers crossed* We still need to go and buy more meat, but we're only buying what we need at a time instead of stocking. I don't know if D will stick to this method, but that's what he's going with for now.

#3: Make treats for people's Christmas presents to go with the beef jerky.

     What's accomplished: Well, I finally made that list of things I want to make that I was talking about. And then I stared at it for fifteen minutes and dwindled it down to a more realistic expectation. Another fifteen minutes later and that list was shortened even more and now I have a list of what I'm actually going to try and accomplish. I still have to actually go buy all of the ingredients and make the stuff though. I feel impending doom.

#4: Print off and mail out Christmas cards.

     What's accomplished: So, I actually get to mark this one off the list, because it is the first task that is complete. I stopped at the CVS Tuesday after work and got everything printed off and stuffed all the envelopes and mailed them out yesterday. I'm not very happy with the way they turned out, but I had already paid for them and I'm down to the wire on so much. Hopefully, they're not as terrible as I think and I'm just being picky.

#5: Pack up and move our entire company.

     What's accomplished: There's so much done and yet still a heap of things to do. I've managed to pack up my entire desk/side of the office, but that was just my everyday stuff, that's not including the rest of the office stuff and all the files and equipment. Needless to say, we're going to continue to be busy for the next few weeks. You know, moving everything Saturday and setting up the new place moving forward.

#6: Package up Christmas presents to everyone and mail out to D's family.

     What's accomplished: You know where I'm at with treats and I haven't even bought the containers for the treats to go in, so that should tell you all you need to know about this situation. I swear, every year I always say I'm going to start early and get SO much accomplished and every single year I procrastinate or something major happens and it's an all out shit show of mammoth proportions. But yeah, I'm going to try to get all of this done within the next five days too.

#7: Finish watching Yellowstone.

     What's accomplished: I watched the entire first season of this show (per the request/demand of my SIL) and really enjoyed it. But, even though I enjoyed it I keep putting off watching the rest of it. Maybe because it's so intense? Or, there's so much happening? No, because I like all of those things. Perhaps, I just don't want to get tired of it. Who knows. All I know is I want to curl up into the fetal position, surrounded by my pups, and binge watch this shit with a buzz.

Because this week, the weeks leading up to now, and the coming weeks? Oof.

Stress makes me want to live a hermit life even more than usual.

I've mentioned in passing that the company I work for is moving buildings due to an upscale. It's been a long and tedious process, but now we're in the home stretch. As in, this is the week that it's all going down and we're moving every thing in and switching it all over. 

With that comes an enormous amount of stress and anxiety. Why? Because this is the week that it's all going down and we're moving every thing in and switching it all over.

And yeah, I know I just repeated myself, but it's those exact things that are causing unease all around and within me. The amount of things that have to be accomplished ranging from miniscule to enormous is an undertaking of the mammoth proportions. From office space to warehouse space and every thing in between.

**I swear, if this phone company doesn't call me back in the next hour and quit making my life harder than it has to be I'm going to chuck myself down a couple of flights of stairs.**

Plus, Christmas is on the horizon and not only do I not even have our Christmas cards printed off and mailed out (#failinglife), but D and I are making everyone presents this year (in the version of beef jerky and treats) and I haven't even bought the stuff I need to make my chunk of the gifts. No, scratch that. I haven't even made the list of treats I want to make so that I can therefore know what I need to get in order to make said treats. I also need to get D a(nother) present.

I should make a list: print/mail Christmas cards, make a list of treats/get ingredients for said treats, make jerky, you know what? I'm not going to make a list, because I'm already twitchy. Let's just say, I have a lot of things to do and a little bit of time to actually accomplish them. We'll see how this goes.

Oh, and did I mention that they're currently building a house across the street from ours, so our end of the road is nothing but a giant construction zone that is a nightmare to navigate?

Honestly? I feel like a box truck that was driven underneath a bridge that had a passageway too small to accommodate it. IE: I want to stay home with my hubby and pups and hide from the outside world for the next two days to lifetime. Wish me luck.

I've officially been back to work for two days and what the f*ck?!

Y'all, I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy having four days off in a row last week. I know it was for a holiday and all, but I really enjoyed it. Hanging out at my house, not wearing pants, drowning in a sweatshirt, watching tv and baking random shit. Cuddled up with my pups catching a buzz. Fun times.

Alas, I am an adult and eventually the real world came calling again and I couldn't ignore their pleas. *dramatic*

Speaking of the real world, I leave a little early today to get my Booster shot. I'm not exactly sure what an Omicron Variant is, but my bitch ass thinks it sounds like an alien warlord of some kind and no thank you. It was a random impulse scheduled appointment, so hopefully I won't feel like absolute horseshit tomorrow. We'll see. Update: My appointment was cancelled and I have to reschedule, because I was exactly two weeks away from the six month mark. Ugh.

What else? Oh yeah, Dani told me this morning that I got a "title promotion" at work. I wasn't sure what that meant, but now I get to sound fancy and tell people I'm a "Project Administrator" so that's cool. Makes me sound official as a motherf*cker. 

The next few weeks are going to be utter chaos. With Christmas approaching (don't even get me started on the fact that D and I haven't decorated and I haven't gotten him one single present yet) and our company moving, it's going to be an all out shit show. 

And guess who has front row seats?

D is also working at a different shop all this week. It's a further drive and it's a little harder for him, but like the trooper he is, he's getting up earlier and dragging his ass in. You know, sometimes we all have to do things we're not really looking forward to. But then again, I guess that's just the adult in us.

Honestly, I just want to go back home and ignore the rest of the world indefinitely. Unfortunately, I like things like shelter, food, and electricity for my family and myself, so telling the rest of the universe to f*ck off really isn't in the cards. You know, with work at least. And it's not that work is bad or anything, I actually like my job, I just really want to hibernate for the time being.

Anybody else feel like that?

Not to be dramatic or anything, but I'm going to ramble until it's break time.

I only work Monday through Wednesday this week and then I'm off Thursday through Sunday for Thanksgiving (I'm also solo in the office this week). To say that I'm excited for that prospect would be an understatement. I'm beyond excited. The thought of hanging out at my house with my hubby (when he's not working) and my pups makes me feel happy.

I mostly want to hibernate. You know, snuggle in with your loved ones and doing whatever it is you want to do. In my case, watching movies, cooking, baking, catching a buzz, doing some house chores at my own leisurely pace, drinking coffee and not wearing pants.

That's right. When D and I are home alone we like to Pooh Bear it. Well ok, mostly me, but you catch my drift.

I also think I'm going to be getting off early on Wednesday, so hopefully my hibernating can start early! If that's the case, D is either going to come home to find me bingeing horror movies, bingeing Yellowstone, or so engrossed into TikTok that I don't know what's happening in the world around me. Definitely one of those. 

It's all good though, because I usually find him so engrossed with COD that he doesn't have a clue what's happening around him either. So, it works out well for the both of us. Did I mention how much I adore my hubby? And also how much I like saying husband or hubby instead of boyfriend? Never thought I'd say that.

I realized the other day that I have officially upgraded from "borrowing my boyfriends hoodie" to "swiping my husbands Carhartt" and honestly, I feel like that's a real good flex for me. Kind of like my sweet spot.

We've also decided to do a nontraditional Thanksgiving dinner this year. Since it's just the two of us (and our furbabies), we've decided to forego the turkey and big dinner and instead have a slightly smaller dinner (but still large for us) of pot roast, taters, rolls, and sweet taters. It's still a larger meal than what we usually have and it's kind of special. We have talked about this kind of thing alot and we've decided that since it's just us and our babies that we will make our own traditions. We'll probably still do some of the things that we've done with our families over the years, but now, we'll do them together and in our own way.

Hence, the nontraditional meals and spending our days however we want to. We don't let other people tell us how to spend our time together and we do whatever makes us happy. He's my best friend and honestly, that's what I'm thankful for this year and all the years to come. So, if we could hurry up and get break time here so I can go home and take off my pants, that'd be great.

Happy Holidays!!

I'll have a cup of stress with a side of stress and a refill on the stress.

To say that D and I have been on edge lately would be an understatement. 

The company I work for is moving buildings in the next few weeks and everything seems to be closing in all at once. And it's not just the move that's stressful. It's all of it. The moving, billing, new systems being put into place, end of the year. So on.

SOS. QB. Word. Pdf. I'm literally just naming random acronyms at this point. 

It seems like no matter what I do or how hard I work, I can never catch up and stay that way. There always seems to be something lurking around the corner waiting to pop up and say "hey bitch! you forgot me!" or "hey bitch, you didn't do this correctly!" At this point, nothing surprises me anymore. But, I still got this shit.

Says the woman who lives off coffee, nicotine, and spite.

D started his new Assistant Manager position and he's been training to open this week. Meaning, we've been getting up at five in the morning to ensure that we're both on time for work. I only get up that early to harass him and make his coffee. It's the little things. He's also been picking up a bazillion hours and training new hires.

So yeah, we've both been running on fumes and we're dragging ass and stressed like no other. But you know what? We're not the only ones. I guess chugging along and keep hanging on is the way to go. I mean, we won't be on edge like this forever. Probably.

You know what? We'll play it by ear. Therefore, if you need us, please leave a message after the beep. **BEEP**