Country roads take me home... to the place... I BELLLOONNNGGGG!!!

We had to make a trip to good ole GA last Thursday for D's grandmas funeral. While it was a sad occasion, we decided to try and make the best of it. Sure, it was emotional and devastating for the family, but everyone came together to say their goodbyes and it was nice.

We even got to spend a little time with D's dad (Kerry Dale) and cousin (Travis). 

The funeral was in D's great grandad's hometown in GA, and when I tell you that the church/cemetery we laid Carol Ann to rest in was in BF GA, I am not exaggerating. We drove so far out that even I was like, umm... did we take a wrong turn somewhere? 

Damn, I miss living in the middle of nowhere.

We stayed at Little Ocmulgee and honestly, I so wanted to swipe the vanity mirror from that bathroom. Seriously, that thing was huge and had amazing lighting and if D hung it in our bathroom just right, I could have it for my entire body. He's probably not going for it, because then I'll be obsessed with staring at everything in HD and he'd rather not have to deal with that nonsense. 

*that seems fair to me, but also, I want that damned ole mirror*

On the way home, we decided to trail Travis so the three of us could spend some time together and hit up a few sites. We all agreed that the scenic route through TN was the way to go and I for one was super excited for D to see the places I got to grow up with and in.

It was nice to show my hubby where his wife came up and get to see the wonderment on his face while we were traveling through those mountains. I swear, there is nothing like home to me. Say what you will, but I wouldn't have wanted to be raised any other place and come retirement, God willing and the creeks don't rise, that's where our happy asses are planning retirement.

Because I want to go back to the peacefulness that is the country and spend the rest of my life with the person I love living a calm and utterly devoted to each other kind of life. 

Until then though, we're rolling with our Southside Indy lives and making the most of it. 

We stopped by Fall Creek Falls to do some hiking (that the pups LOVED by the way... even though they almost wiped me and D out on the side of a mountain) and you know we couldn't pass up the scenic overlook. 

There was even a suspension bridge that I crossed solo, because my hubby is petrified of heights and his cousin wasn't having any of it either.

Our trip ended up being about four extra hours, but it was worth it to make all those stops and get to spend that time and do those things with D. With everything happening within his side of the family, things are a little bit on edge and scary, so any time we get the chance to spend some quality time and I get him to relax, even for a little, is more than worth it to me. We even found out his cousin lives about 15-20 minutes from us and I think he'll get to finally have someone around from his side to hang out with. Which I know he is looking forward to (we stopped by his house after we got back to Indy to hang out).

So yeah, it was an extended weekend for horrible circumstances, but we tried to make the best of it. And any day that my hubby smiles is a damn good day to me.

She graduated and then they threw a shindig on a very pretty day.

A couple weeks ago, Solae graduated from high school. We're beyond proud of her and can't wait to see what she does next! Ok, did that get all the corny mumbo jumbo that you're supposed to say out of the way?

Yes? Good.

Seriously though, we are proud of her and she's a great kid. It's amazing to me that it feels like she was a little bitty thing not too long ago and now here she is, technically an adult. Like, what the f*ck? Is this how everyone feels? Do people feel this way about me? Is this going to happen for the rest of my existence?

Ah, the circle of life. 

They had a party for her today and while I don't tend to venture out of my hole for much (except work, the grocery store, and the occasional run around with my hubby), I had to make an exception for her. Because she is the epitome of a cool kid that deserves it all. Honestly, I love the little shit.

We walked up the street since it was at Aunt Poot's (can we have this weekends weather all day everyday, pleeeeaasssseeee?????) and there were all kinds of people there. Friends, family, it didn't matter. She's popular with us all, because as I said, she's awesome. We got to sign her board (like she did our wedding one!) and look through all of her band competition memorabilia. It was actually really cool and I'm glad she had a good time!

Here's to you, kiddo. We (Me + Dev + the Pups) always got your back and can't wait to see you take on the whole f*cking world. **embarrassing kissy face here**

So. Much. F*cking. Change. (And work). But, damn does it look good.

This past weekend, D and I decided to finally tackle our shed/garage/back bedroom. And oy vey, y'all. To say it was a task would be putting it mild as all holy hell. There was SO MUCH work that had to go into it. 

And I know, you're probably thinking "how bad could it possibly have been?" And the answer to that would be, BAD.

You see, three and a half years ago when Momma passed away, I proceeded to put everything into our shed that could be crammed in. Didn't matter what it was or the fact that it wasn't packed properly. I honestly just did not want to deal with it or the emotions that came along with it. 

In fact, that's kind of what happened to our entire house. We've made some changes throughout the years, but mainly it has always felt like it was Momma's house. Even though we lived there together, there were certain things that I refused to change or simply didn't have the strength to deal with. And unfortunately, you can tell that my emotions and depression got the best of me. Because it is was a disaster. 

D, bless him, has been a rock throughout this entire process. Don't get me wrong, he would've rearranged and cleaned and done any and all of it by himself, but it was something that we both knew I was going to want to do one day, we just had to wait for that day to come.

And come it did. (Hehe, that's what she said- yes, I'm twelve).

Our house finally feels like our house. There's not one room either of us can go in that doesn't immediately scream a mixture of us and the life we share together. 

I felt guilt, you know. These last three and a half years I thought somehow if I changed or got rid of something that I would somehow be kicking Momma's memory or something like that. I felt such immense guilt that it was debilitating and I felt as if someone was holding me under water. Eventually I realized that it wasn't right that I felt this way, but unfortunately with depression or anxiety, it is less about what you should feel and more about what you can't help but to feel.

But, here we are. We've tackled a giant portion of our house and the rest doesn't seem quite as daunting as the original prospect of it. With the main part done, we can go through boxes a little at a time. Condense and dispose of. You know, keep moving forward and such. There's still SO MUCH to do, but our house finally feels like our home and it's a very nice thing to come into at the end of the day. Our own place where we can raise our pups and live our lives.... together.

She outgrew me when she was eight, but this still feels nostalgic.

Ok, we’re both old enough, you can stop now. Here’s looking at you, kiddo. I’m so damn proud of you.

It's already December 22nd and I left my mind somewhere in 2017.

Y'all, if my head wasn't attached, I'm pretty sure I would have misplaced or lost it by now (I got all the way to work this morning and realized I forgot my phone so I had to drive all the way back home just to pick it up and turn right around and come back). Between moving our company, the holidays rapidly approaching and everything in between, it's been a tiny bit.... stressful. Yeah, that's the word we'll go with. Stressful. Demanding. Trying. Nerve-racking. The list is eternal.

We accomplished moving our entire company this past Saturday and while we have the majority of it set up and can function like a legitimate business, there are still a million things to do and unpack. However, I now have more space in my office than I'll ever know what to do with and I LOVE it. I have issues with people being in my personal space, so the fact that I'm completely alone and people have to stand on one side with a counter in between us is my absolute dream. I don't much care for feeling like my back is open, but once we switched my desk around and I'm facing the other way with my back to the wall, it's much better. And I can roll my chair effortlessly across the floor. Score.

I lost a dear friend of mine this past Friday. In fact, he's the friend that I share the inside joke about the title of my blog with. I won't say much more about the subject, but I want everyone to know that I love this guy and he will forever be my little buddy and partner in crime. He may have only been two years younger than me, but he was the greatest little brother that I never had. I'll miss him terribly and can't even begin to imagine a world where he's not out there somewhere making inappropriate comments and sharing his hilariously honest opinions. I love you, JB.

As most people know (because I keep repeating it like it'll remind me and make treats magically appear), D and I decided to make our family/friends jerky and sweet treats for Christmas this year. His family always requests jerky and Momma and I used to have the tradition of making cookies/candies (aka "treats") every year, so we thought it might be nice. I haven't done anything like that since I lost Momma, but it really is one of my very favorite memories with her, so I have decided to keep it alive even if it is only for me. I'm all done with my portion of the presents (even though my BS balls didn't turn out right at all.... I'm going to try again another day!) and D is making his final batch of jerky tonight. When I go home today I'll get the people I work with (ie: Dani) together and then tomorrow I have to overnight D's family's packages out. Wish us luck.

What else happened this week? Oh, my brother almost cut his thumb off and between his two hands had to get twelve stitches. I told him to quit playing with those knives.... he didn't listen. My pups are still the most adorable thing on the planet and my entire world still revolves around my boys (husband + pups).

Oh! D and I figured out how much weight we've lost in the last year. While we weren't trying to lose weight, the fact that I most definitely needed to was ever prevalent. But, like the amazing husband he is, D doesn't care what size I am as long as I'm happy. He loves me regardless. I hadn't really put much thought into my weight loss, but people have been mentioning it to me a lot more and I found myself curious. When we got married I was 198 pounds (and yeah, at five foot that's ridiculous and I looked like a little pregnant mini-fridge. I attribute our wedding pictures to me looking like a walrus.) and now I am 152 pounds. For those of you that don't want to do the math, that's a 46 pound weight loss in a year. I don't know if that's good or not, but I feel better and I'm impressed with myself, so I'm taking it as a win.

Other than that, life has been regular and good, but also stressful and hectic. It's a balance that gets off tilter at times, but we manage and at the end of the day I get to curl up in my giant bed surrounded by my boys. So, life might be stressful, and at times incredibly sad, but it's also amazing and I'm so glad I get to do it with my soulmate.

Call it the holler in me, but I don't trust it.

**5:30am**

D: "Wait until you feel the weather outside. It warmed up and it's nice."

**6:45am**

Me: *walks outside, feels the breeze, peers around suspiciously and texts husband** "This feels like some tornado weather bullshit and I don't trust it." 

❤️ Our Wedding. (I got more pics from AS). #WeDontShineWeGlisson ❤️

I recently got more pictures from our wedding, this time from Aunt Susi. Now all we have to do is get our disposable cameras from the big day developed and we'll be good to go. Needless to say, it's been quite the process and we're already over a year in! But, at least we're getting there little by little. Right? RIGHT?!!?!

Also, nobody told me that I looked like I swallowed a beachball on my wedding day. Like, if I didn't know for a fact that it wasn't true, I would almost swear I was pregnant when we got married. But no, I was just at my absolute chubbiest. I've lost somewhere between 20+ pounds since then, and I can definitely tell when I look at me now versus these photos. But you know what? I was so f*cking happy that day, I don't even care. My hubby just had some massive boobs to stare at. 

We don't mean for our faces to do that thing.... it just happens.

Today we had a "farewell" party at the shop, since we are moving buildings this coming December. It was a bit sentimental and everybody that showed up had a real nice time. While everybody was reminiscing about all the years that our company has been around here and things of that nature, I found that the majority of my reminiscing about this place makes me think of Dani.

Most people that ask me about my job get the same answers. I make no bones about the fact that I essentially "lucked" into my job. Now, I might have lucked into it, but that doesn't mean that I get to keep it for no reason. I have to work hard to keep up in an ever evolving and hectic business. Otherwise, Dani would fire my ass.

But, the fact of the matter is, I was lucky. People go to college to get degrees so that they can have the kind of job that I have now and it would be immature of me to dismiss that. Afterall, my education stops after high school. Don't get me wrong, I did well in school, but didn't have the opportunity to pursue college and once the opportunity arose, I felt like it wasn't for me. I have nothing against people going or not going to college, I think it really just all depends on the person. I just wasn't a college bound person.

However, I've always been good with working hard to get where I need to be and am comfortable with myself. When I moved Momma to Indy I was just going to go back to a nursing home as that was what I knew, but Dani showed up out of the blue and offered me a job with her in the office at the shop.

To say I was surprised was an understatement. I was appreciative of her offer, but immediately let her know that I had absolutely no clue what I was doing, as I had never done this kind of work before. She told me she didn't need me to know what I was doing, she just needed me to be willing to learn what I needed to know without giving her attitude and backlash with it. With those terms, how could I refuse?

The rest is history and while Dani and I have always been good, we've definitely gotten closer throughout the years. I mean, you can only spend five days a week/nine hours a day in a tiny office with someone before y'all either kill one another or become friends.

Lucky for me, it was the latter of the two. Now, she's my cousin, my boss, and my friend. Even when D and I got married, I couldn't think of anyone better than her to marry us. It just felt right.

She's ten years older than me and don't tell her I told you, but she's kind of the shit and I've idolized her my entire life. 

When I was little, I really wanted to grow up to be as awesome as her. I wanted to be tough and strong like her. She took absolutely no shit when we were kids (and that didn't change as we got older). When I was a young pre-teen/teen, she was in college and I wanted to dress like her and have her hair. She was the epitome of coolness and it was awe-inspiring to see her living her life like she wanted and not listening to the other people around her that tried to get her to do things a different way. In my early twenties is when she took me under her wing and gave me the opportunity to grow into who I wanted to become and into even more of a responsible adult.

We've been through alot together. Growing as people. Growing as wives. For her, growing as a mother.... which she is incredible at and I am so lucky I got to see and be a part of. For me, growing as a person and accepting to be comfortable in my own skin and way of life. Growing as women who work in a male dominated field. We've both dealt with losing a parent together and have managed to make it through almost ten years of being with each other constantly and neither of us have murdered the other yet. In all fairness, it would definitely be her that had the most legitimate reasons to murder me, but she doesn't, and for that, I am forever grateful.

In fact, there are many things in my life that I am thankful for and she has helped me accomplish many of them. Even if she doesn't know it, because she doubts herself constantly (something she should never feel the need to do), she is amazing and while I don't like putting my emotions out there for people to see, I do love her. And I am so damn thankful for her existence.

With that being said, I just want to say, thank you, Dani. You may not know it, but you are the shit and I am forever grateful for you and the person that you are. You're an amazing wife, mother, friend, boss, sister, daughter, cousin, business woman, and everything in between. And if anybody makes you doubt that for a second, let me know, and I'll hit that bitch with a forklift.

Because you, my friend, deserve it all. 

Happy 57th Birthday to my forever angel in this life and the next.

Today would have been my beautiful Momma's 57th birthday. I never thought I'd see the day where I would be celebrating anything without her, let alone her special day. Sure, I knew that eventually something would happen and I'd probably lose her before I was ready (because I don't think anyone can ever prepare themselves for something like that), but I had no clue just how little time we had together. Twenty-eight years just wasn't long enough.

But, like every other day in my life, I try to move forward and push through, because I know that's really what she would have wanted. She would want me to be happy and remember all of the good things, not the bad. And sure, I still have those days where I doubt everything and can't seem to get out of my own head. I think about how things could have been different and wonder what life would look like right now if she were still here.

Unfortunately, no matter how much I truly wish it could happen, I know that I can't bring her back to me. And trust me, during the early days of it all, I tried to reason and bargain and essentially do any and every thing that I possibly could to make the pain go away. I always thought the "stages of grief" were something that people had made up to help themselves feel better, but I found them to be very true. Like she always said though, there are some things that you just can't change, no matter how much you want to.

Therefore, I try to live my life everyday to just be happy. Or, find happiness in every day. Sometimes it's an all encompassing thing and other days it's something small that I can't help but to smile at. And I know I have her to thank for that. I have a lot to thank her for, but could never come close to the amount of love and comfort that she always brought to my life. 

So today, and all of my other days, are for her. I go on about my life and try to live it the way that makes me the happiest, for her. Because my Momma was many things, and one of those things was a devoted mother that wanted nothing, but the best for her children. I truly believe that some people were born to be parents and others should probably calm down and not go down that path. But, there is no person on the planet that was more born to be a mother than mine. 

Maybe I'm biased. Maybe not. (I definitely am). But, to me, there is no mother out there that will ever compare or come close to mine. Even today, she is my rock and part of my soul. Whether she's walking next to me physically or I'm just carrying her in my heart. The fact of the matter is, she's always with me and I wouldn't be the person I am today without her.

Whether that's a good thing or not, I wouldn't know. But, I try to be a good person and someone that she could be proud of. And that's all I ever wanted was to make her proud. And she always told me how much she was, and that's good enough for me. Always has been, always will be. 

I miss her more than she will ever know, but while the pain is still in my heart, I'm trying. I love you. Damn, do I love and miss you. You're as much my angel today as you were yesterday and all of the days leading up to that. You're a bee charmer, that's what you are.... a regular ole bee charmer.

I love you, Momma. Happy Birthday.

I went blonde(ish) and now I think I want pink hair.

I've been talking about switching my hair up for quite some time now. Sure, I've chopped it off quite a bit, but now that I'm letting it grow out again I wanted something different.

I'm letting it grow out, because D and I made the agreement that I can't cut my hair (only trims and it isn't allowed past my midback.... my stipulation) and he can't cut his mustache. And let's be honest, momma needs her a good mustache for.... activities. So, here I am letting my hair grow out.

I went last Friday and had blonde put into my hair. I haven't have blonde in my hair since I was around thirteen/fourteen, but I wanted to see if I liked it better now that I'm older and feel less like I need dark hair to match my soul.

I like the blonde, I do.... but, now that I have it I can't help but want to keep going to the extreme and now I think I want.... pink hair. Not insane neon pink hair, but soft pink hair. It may sound strange, but I seriously want to feel like I have cotton candy on my head. 

Hear me out, who doesn't want to feel like a sweet little treat that people are fond of? Come on, even if you don't like sweets, the chances of you having some kind of nostalgic memory of candy floss is highly likely. And even of you don't, you have to admit, it feels nostalgic even just thinking about it.

I just want something.... different, I guess. I'm trying to figure out what works for me and be myself. After the last few years, you could say that I've not really let myself go, but I don't do the things that I used to like to do, because they seemed low on my priority list. But, now, I've been thinking and I think that in order for me to feel normal again, I need to try and do the things that used to be fun to me.

And a big part of that was experimenting with my look. I want to find something that suits me and my personality and just makes me feel more.... me. Call me insane, but with some of the changes that I've made so far, it seems to be bringing me more out of myself and becoming me again.

D has been a big part of helping me throughout all of this craziness and I don't know what I would do without him. And he agrees, if I feel like I need to do something, or I simply want to do something that may help me be happier, then he is all for it. 

So, here I sit, contemplating pink hair.... you know what? F*ck it. I'm making an appointment.

#HowMuchDoILookLikeMyMomChallenge ❤️❤️

Two years seems like yesterday and fifty years all at once.

Two years ago today, D moved from Florida to Indy so that we could be together. Neither of us knew how this was going to work out and didn't really know what to expect. At least, that's what our answer is when people ask. 

I think deep down, we both knew that we wanted to be together and that somehow and someway we would figure out how to make it work.

When he moved here, he didn't know if I had a boyfriend or not. I didn't know if he had fallen in love after we had broken up and if he was still pining over an ex. For all we knew, we were completely different people than what we were all of those years ago and wouldn't be the least bit compatible. After all, it had been 10+ years since we had even laid eyes on each other, so what were we supposed to expect?

But, like she usually was, Momma was right and knew long before either of us did. 

The months leading up to it were insane. We both knew that life was about to change and while we both welcomed it, to say we were nervous would be an understatement. Like I said, we knew nothing about each other past the age of eighteen. But, as soon as him, his mom, brother, and pup pulled up outside of our house that cold December night two years ago, and we locked eyes after all those years, I think we both just relaxed and knew.

It was like nothing had changed and even though we were completely different people, deep down we were still the same wily and eccentric kids that loved each other even way back then. It didn't matter what had changed and if this was a good idea or not, we just simply knew that it was going to be ok.

And we made it work. It was strange at first. Not the uncomfortable kind of strange, but the strangeness that comes with all change. Of the unknown. We relearned each other and took it one day at a time. 

Many things have happened in the last two years. Some good, others bad. We've shared a lot of laughter, tears, heartache, sarcastic comments, inside jokes, and moments. The moments that mean so much and help you build with a person in every way, shape, and form.

I lost Momma and have dealt with an endless supply of depression and anxiety that came along with that. I still have my bad days and then at times, my extremely bad days. It's hard and exhausting and I get frustrated beyond all reason at myself and my body and mind for not knowing how to just simply fix this. But, D is there and helps as much as he can. Sure, there's not much he can do, because it's not a "problem" that can "be fixed." If it was, I know he would do it in a minute. He just lets me know that he's there and that no matter the ups and downs we have, or that I have with myself, he's not going anywhere. 

He moved a thousand miles away from his family, friends, and the only home that he's ever known. Having barely left the state of Florida for almost twenty-nine years, it was quite the adjustment for him. Like the true champ that he is though, he pushed through and if you ask him about it today, he doesn't even hesitate to say that he would do it all over again to have the life that we have.... together.

We got married, have furchildren, work hard, and live our lives taking it one day at a time. It seems strange that it's only been two years, because in a way, it feels like it's been forever. While 730 days isn't much to some people, especially for such large decisions such as marriage, to us, it's almost as if we're still those two fifteen years old kids that met one day and were crazy about each other for every day after that. No matter how much time we spent apart, we still found our way back to one another and for that I will forever be grateful.

So, here's to you, sweetie. I know I'm a pain in the ass and as sarcastic and sassy as one person can get, but like you always have, you just get me with a shake of your head and roll of your eyes. Here's to many more years of drunken shenanigans, slow dancing in our kitchen, raising furbabies, and genuinely just loving one another. 

No matter where I live in my life, Tennessee is in my soul. ❤️

❤️ Our Wedding.... #WeDontShineWeGlisson ❤️ 10.17.2020 ❤️