Thursday, November 21, 2013

Ways the movie "Crossroads" ruined my life.

Let us travel back to 2002 for a moment shall we? I know what you're thinking. Why on Earth would we want to travel backwards in time to eleven years ago? Wow, I just felt incredibly old when I said that. Has it really been eleven years? Eleven years since I was twelve? Damn, starting to feel old again. It's all down hill from here on out. Continuing with the subject let us travel back to 2002, the year of Trucker Hats, Shell Necklaces, The Anthrax Scare, Bandanas, and Crossroads.

Britney Spears herself set me up for disappointment throughout life, but it was Crossroads that really ruined it for me. When that movie came out I Looooved it! Still secretly do. I wanted to be talented like Lucy, have a boyfriend like Ben, and have the attitude of Mimi. Not to mention my dream car suddenly became a pale yellow '69 Buick Skylark. Oh come on, like you don't have a dream car. But like all things in life I had to eventually face reality as it came. But here today, I wanted to share some of the Reasons that Crossroads Ruined My Life...

*I assumed that as long as my friends and I buried a "wish box" that there was nothing that we couldn't accomplish. I mean it worked out for the girls didn't it? Guess what? We buried that box filled with our hopes and dreams and dug it up years later. We had forgotten what we had put in there, but when we dug it up and peered inside it wasn't near as fulfilling as we had hoped.

*I assumed that as long as you were childhood friends that you would stay tight forever. Wrong. Rachel and I were pretty much inseparable from childhood until we were fifteen, then we still kept in touch until I moved back. We spent an enormous amount of time together, and whenever we had another friend around it was usually Mo. We were close. However, one girl growing up and working a full time job, one having kids and going to jail, and one girl sleeping with her friends b/f and lying about her later we all went our separate ways.

*Rachel and I thought that it was perfectly acceptable to creepy stare at a guy that we thought was hot, as long as we hid behind a door when we did it. Yeah umm, that's referred to these days as Stalking, and it's definitely frowned upon. Learned that one the hard way.

*The "Pretty Popular Ones" are really loving and caring at heart? Wrong. They're actually just really Bitches. Sorry, but it's true.

{{Remember that I was twelve when this movie came out, and those are some pivotal years my friend. We're very impressionable and somewhat gullible at that time. Well, with that being said I would just like to go on the record by saying it sounded good in my head!}}

*I thought that it was mandatory that every guy looked like Ben, was romantic and automatically drove an awesome car, played the guitar/piano, and looked at you like you were the only girl on Earth. Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! My teenage self was very disappointed that this one wasn't true. Not to mention they don't sing Sheryl Crow with you.

*Karaoke. Not everyone is meant for it ok? Just trust me on this one, sometimes it's better just to have trust. Do as I say not as I do. Brit made it look so easy and sexy. Guess what? We're not all Britney Spears. We don't sound, look, nor dance like her. Just let it go. Even if we do too Love Rock -n- Roll.

*We don't all look fantastic after walking through the rain. We don't get consoled on the bathroom floor by the man of our dreams. Nope, we look like drowned rats and get bronchitis.

*The girls were very pretty in that movie, especially Brit, so what did I do? Well, chop my hair off and dye it blonde, buy some boys underwear, get a white fisherman hat and some hip hugger jeans, and started wearing sweatpants and peasant tops. Yeah, umm...I was a bit of a mess. More than a bit actually.

*It made scrunchy hair look amazing! Guess what? Scrunchy hair is dirty looking, hard, crunchy, and disgusting. Not to mention when you have naturally curly hair it doesn't scrunch. One side poofs while the other sticks to the side of your face.

*Guess what? There's not an over abundance of Men walking around looking like Anson Mount. Unfair, but true. Sorry.

*Boys aren't secretly ok with you and your girlfriends taking their cars whether asleep in back or not. They really don't like it. They also don't go stomping around and throwing stuff in the distance to calm down. They straight up look you in the face while they're yelling that you stole their car. So sensitive.

*I'm just gonna go ahead and be honest about the bedroom scene. Losing your Virginity, does NOT look like that!

*We can't all be Madonna's. Just because you bounce around your bedroom belting it out, and re-enacting your favorite Madg video doesn't mean that you are anywhere close to being that cool. It's a Material Girl world, and we're just living in it.

*Boys briefs are not more comfortable than panties. Not even when they're boy briefs panties. They squeeze and pinch. Not to mention they cause serious wedgies.

*Just because some dude comes up to you at a bar and gets all up on you doesn't mean that your knight in shining armor is going to come to your aid and defend your honor. Some guys are just tools, and you have to learn how to take care of yourself.

*Finally, Don't belt out boyband songs unless your around fellow boyband lovers, and not all accents are cute. Sometimes we just sound twangy, loud, and hicky. Yes, I said hicky. It's a word because I want it to be and it fits properly in that description.