How Holiday movies ruined my life

Specifically I mean that they ruined my (love) life, or at least my expectations on the matter. Let's face it, I've made some pretty questionable decisions when it comes to past relationships. But seriously what twenty some year old girl hasn't? And meeting your soulmate at almost birth, and getting married at eighteen and having babies doesn't count. Ok? I know a lot of y'all that have done that and you're currently getting divorced. Gee, who would've thought that it wouldn't work out between a couple of eighteen year old kids? Shocking! Anyways...with Christmas being just thirteen days away, there is holiday themed stuff everywhere. I mean it...EVERYWHERE! It literally looks like Christmas threw up in our house, Jim goes a little cray with the decorating. Always has. I for one will be glad not to have to hear Christmas music anymore. No offense, but the Christmas station only plays the same five songs over and over again. I know I sound like a big ole Grinch, but I don't mean to. I'm just not very "holly jolly" this year. Kenny has been watching all of the holiday movies that Lifetime/Hallmark has to offer, and I'm over here just like- Shout out to Netflix. Sad, but true. Although I did watch White Christmas, because that's just one of the best movies ever made...EVER. But I did let Kenny talk me into watching- Mrs. Miracle, and as the movie went along all I could think was- this movie sets you up for romantic failure. Then I realized, most holiday movies do. A few examples:

 White Christmas

Expectation: Honestly I've watched this movie at least twice year (sometimes more, including in July) for as long as I can remember. So basically having this film my entire life it helped to mold me. I assumed that all men were as cool as Bing Crosby and as fabulous as Danny Kaye. I thought that whenever you had a problem or you were feeling bad, that someone would hold your hand and sing you through it. That and of course dance with you so that things seemed to perk up.

Reality: For one, it doesn't matter how great they are at dancing, it doesn't make me any better. I suck and trip over my own feet on flat ground. I can't dance. Furthermore, all of the guys that are willing to sing to you, you don't wanna hear. Trust me. They're usually pretty lit. You have to fix your own problems, because there isn't a group of people to help you do it. Besides people aren't "cool/suave" like they were back then.

Cold Mountain

Expectation: Ok, I know that this isn't technically a "holiday" movie, but I count it as one. Probably because it came out on Christmas day, and it looks so cold in the movie. When I think holiday, I think cold weather. Here's what I wanted from Cold Mountain- Jude Law. Seriously...JUDE LAW. I thought that men automatically could fall in love with you from across the room and pine for you so much that they would even leave a war, and travel hundreds of miles on foot risking everything, just to get back to you. Seriously, Ada is beautiful and a real lady that ends up having to learn how to make it on her own (with Ruby's friendship/help of course) and Inman is just sooo in love with her.

Reality: There are not an abundance of Jude Law's walking around out there, waiting to sweep you off of your feet and risk everything for your love. There's just not. There is one Jude Law, and though he is beautiful, nine out of ten times he doesn't know who you are. Men don't love like that. That deeply. There's not that level of commitment my friend. Plus, I can't play the piano like Ada, even though I've always wanted to. And unfortunately the classic days of letter writing (which is romantic) is gone. :(

Anything from lifetime/hallmark

Expectation: Where do I even begin? Love overcoming every obstacle that you can ever possibly think of. Random events that bring people together. Angels coming down to help "join" people together. Traumatic events ending up happy. Douchebags ending up being really good guys, that are just misunderstood and change because of love, and they want to be better people.

Reality: I believe in miracles. I believe in angels. I'm not a specific religion, but I do have beliefs. I stand firmly on the belief of miracles. I've seen too many not to. However, I have also seen a lot of bad things happen. Not everything has a happy ending. I would like it to, and I will it to, but sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes people don't come out on top and help others. Sad, but true. And...usually if they're acting like a douchebag, they're not "misunderstood", they're usually just an asshole.

Then there are those holiday movies that I've never seen. Movies that I'm sure would just set me up for more disappointment than there already is. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to watch the movie- Love Actually. Really? Do I? Do I really? So, I did what I assume is the best form of information. I Wikipedia'd that stuff to see what it was all about. One, that seems like a lot to follow along with. Two, it doesn't seem to have the ending that I would want it to. Three, I'm stubborn and if "Rick" don't get the girl he's in love with, I don't want to see it. Besides it has cheesy moments like "Rick holding signs" in the previews, that probably means something sad is going to happen. And of course- The Holiday. This one I want to see, but just haven't had the opportunity. Why? Like I said before...JUDE LAW people. Besides I love Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, and Jack Black. I've heard it's a great movie, and hopefully it would be good. And from what I've seen it looks like it has parts in it that I feel in my life...

But basically it goes back to Cold Mountain and Jude Law all over again. Oh, if only that man would smile this way, I'd probably fall over from heart failure. Hair or not, that is one pretty man. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm a horrible little Grinch that hates Christmas. You think that I'm going to steal all the children's toys, and kick Tiny Tim's crutch. Why can't I just leave it alone and enjoy the "classic" movies? Because apparently even though Noodle claims that I am the eternal optimistic romantic, I just can't let this one go. I usually give the benefit of the doubt, and am convinced that "love conquers all". Yadda yadda yadda. In the case of Holiday Movies vs. Reality, not so much. However, just so y'all don't think that I'm such a horrible person, I want to admit that- Yes I do have issues. I'm aware of this. It's no big reveal and/or secret. But I like me. I think I'm pretty great. At least quirky seems to work for me...I guess. And you know how much I love movies, I just had to share this epiphany about holiday movies that I had. Not to leave you holiday hanging though...