I blame the fact that I use
Yiddish so much on all of the years that Momma and I watched-
The Nanny. We used to curl up and watch hours and hours of Fran Drescher, because, well, she's the shit that's why. I love
The Nanny. Sorry, this isn't supposed to be about Frannie Fine. This is about my cousin. Well, one of my cousins- Ashley- because I have like fourteen million cousins in total. Seriously. Like fourteen million. I'm not even exaggerating.
Yes I am. Let's just say there are a lot of us and leave it at that. I don't really know how to classify us. I know that we're cousins and I think that you would classify us under family and friends. I think. I mean we hang out sometimes, talk on the phone occasionally, give each other advice, and even have a few secrets between us. That counts as friendship, right? I don't know, whatevs.
{{By the way, please excuse the picture of me right here. I was going through some stuff. I put on some weight, chopped all my hair off (it was in the process of growing back), and never smiled and meant it. Give me a break. I worked through it and now I'm great.}}
Back on the real subject, I just thought that needed a little explanation. Anyway when we get together there is usually a lot of jokes cracked and a few foul words exchanged. What can I say? I have no excuse for this. It just makes me laugh. We talk about everything and when I say everything I do in fact mean everything. See even though we are related and she's around six years older than me, we have a few big things different. Number one being the fact that she's a lesbian, and I'm not. So that makes for some interesting conversation. have you ever been in one of those situations where you don't want to know something, but you feel like you have to know? Well, this is about how it goes for us. She used to like guys, and even has a daughter, but around three years ago I guess she decided to come out. I don't care that she's a lesbian, anyone that knows anything about me knows that I have nothing against that and to me a persons sexual orientation does not define them. Their character does. Just my personal opinion. However, since she used to date guys and now women and I like guys but haven't dated in quite some time it makes for some interesting conversation. Just saying.
Well, a couple of months ago her girlfriend and her decided to move out of her house and into a apartment. I know, I was thinking the same thing you are right now. But of course I helped them move
in the damn pouring rain, into an apartment building that interestingly enough smells like curry. I've always gotten along with her girlfriend ever since we met, she seemed pretty cool to me, but it's like I always say- you never really know a person until you have to live with them. Well, now that they've lived together for
a third time awhile guess what? They have broken up and have to continue living together until their lease is up. Umm...
AWKWARD. For them not me, I'm delightful. the women
and men in our family seem to have a long string of dilholes exes. Some eventually catch a good one, but mostly we just have crappy taste. I don't know what we're thinking half the time. I finally learned, thank god! They would all agree with me. So tomorrow is Ashley's
30th birthday, and she text me yesterday to tell me about the turn of events taking place in her life, and asked me if I would come out on Saturday evening with her for a drink. Of course I put a little thought into it
no I didn't and told her yes. However, I told her only drink, because this girl don't do no dancing. I also asked if she was going to be taking me to a seedy bar full of stout sweaty men that get handsy. She replied with only if I wanted her to.
Sneaky. Tricky. Busted. I also informed her that we need to find a
"hottie" cop. Yeah, you had to be there to get that joke. My bad. Apparently she needs a little
"baby cousin" time and frankly I could use a drink. So we're going out Saturday evening, having a drink, talking some smack, and I'll be
"moral support" while she figures some things out. I'm just sweet like that. Besides it might be nice to have a little non-judgmental girl talk. She says that I always make her feel better, because I'm fun, quirky and have no filter. I sound like quite a little catch now that I write it down. Just kidding.
Sort of.
{{It is right now Monday- January 27, and Ashley gave me a "rain check" for Saturday, so we didn't go. Honestly I really wasn't disappointed. I know that's horrible, but I rented movies and ate McDonalds and had a nice evening...in :) We all know how much I like to stay in. Besides I went with Aunt Poot on Friday and had chili with them for her birthday, so technically I did my "family duty." Just thought y'all might like to know.}}
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