****Five minutes later****
Me: Dani, have you ever been to one of those waxing places like The Naked Monkey? Dani: I used to get my hair done in a place that did waxing, but I never got one. Me: That just sounds so incredibly painful....and kind of embarrassing. Dani: Oh, those girls are not at all embarrassed to talk about it. They walk in and are all- "I'm here for my Brazilian." And then the people behind the desk start asking them all these questions like- "Do you want inside the crack done" and "Do you want a shape or a little left". And they are not quiet about it either. Me: You leaned in closer to hear the answer didn't you? Dani: Of course I did, I'm not crazy. What would you have done? Me: Of course I would've leaned in to hear, I'm not crazy. Susi: Why would you wanna hear all of that? (Me and Dani just looked at each other and then laughed.)
****A few more minutes later****
Susi: I wonder if there's an update on their whereabouts. Dani: You could always check it out to see. Me: Do y'all really wanna know if they are in fact getting their bits waxed? Dani: Their bits waxed? Me: Yeah, their bits. Do you have a better word for it when it comes to them? Dani: Nope, bits works. Susi: Why would they have their biz waxed? Dani: Biz waxed? Susi: Yeah, biz waxed. You know like "mind your own biz wax". Dani: That's beeswax. Mind your own beeswax, not biz wax. Why would someone mind their own biz wax? What does that even mean? Susi: What does mind your own beeswax mean? That doesn't make since either. Dani: True. But do you really think they're getting waxed? Like you know, their stuff. Susi: I don't know. Me: I know this time it's my fault, but I gotta say- "I am terribly uncomfortable with the way this conversation has turned".
****After work (in the car)****
Momma: How was work today? Me: Terribly uncomfortable. Momma: Really? Why? Me: (Tells entire story about The Naked Monkey and the guys involved.) See what I mean? Momma: I get it now. James: (In a British accent) What's wrong with her? Momma: Here, I'll put it on speakerphone and she can tell you. Me: (Tells the whole story again, while describing the guys involved.) James: Well, that sounds horrible. (Rambles on and on, blahblahblah). (Momma and James start having a conversation about me.) Me: Hey! Sitting right here. Mind you're business. James, have you found me Jude Law yet? James: No, I haven't. Me: Well, you need to get on it buddy. Momma: You have Jude Law on the mind lately. Me: i'd have jude law on more than just my mind if james would get on it. momma: katherine diane! me: I'm just playing. I can make jokes too, you know....I'm not kidding James find him. Immediately. It's raining. James: What does Jude Law have to do with rain? They are completely unrelated. Me: Because if I'm going to be made to endure this rainy/dreary weather, I should at least be able to be cuddled up on the couch watching movies. Drinking. With Jude Law. In England. James: **incoherent laughing** Momma: I freaking' love you. Me: I love you. And James. But mostly Jude Law. Seriously James, get on it.