Monday, May 19, 2014

Random shit that you missed while on vay-cay.

Danielle has returned from a glorious week of fun in the sun. Sunshine, mai-tai's, and sandy ocean front resorts. Ahh, living life up in Florida. Huh, girl? Or if you're "street" or "hip" as the kids are saying these days- linizzin' on the beachizle in Flo-rida. I'm lying, no one says that. NO ONE. If you haven't noticed, I've gone a little crazier since you've been gone. My bad.

Seriously, though, I commend you. Why? Because there is no way in hell that I could be around that many children and not be sauced out of my gourds. Honestly, like I would have to be drinking All. The. Time. I wouldn't even need to sleep. It would be sun up? Sun down? Whatevs, bring me the liquor cart! Disneyworld cannot be the happiest place on the planet. After all, it's full of children. And yes, I am very aware of how much of a horrible person I just sounded like right then. Anyways, welcome back...and here is what you missed while you were gone. Well, some of what you missed.

First convo (I say stuff like convo now) with you back: Danielle: Did you miss me? Katie: No. Danielle: Yes, you did. Don't lie. I know you missed me. Katie: No. Danielle: Ass.

  • Aunt Susi and I almost died. Literally. I mean, I'm not being dramatic or anything, but that's what happened. First some crazy bitch lady almost side swiped us going 200 mph. Then, Chad force fed us each a large red beans and rice. And coleslaw. It was traumatizing.
  • Tony shaved his head and now he looks like a giant _____ with ears. Go ahead, I'll let you fill in the blank with whatever you see fit.
  • Anthony M got grounded because he dropped the *f bomb on the bus, and I know what you're thinking. No, he did not hear it from me.
  • Yes, I did agree to go out on a date, but I know absolutely nothing about it. Seriously, no details. It's like it never happened and now I'm confused. But I'll be damned if I'm about to bring it up again. By the way- I'll be expecting my cupcakes within the next few days.
  • Aunt Susi also dropped her phone into the toilet "a bowl of water" and it went all wonky. Thus creating the weirdest lunch hour that I've ever had. And that's saying something, because I used to work with some crackheads. And I held a woman's head together once. Yes. It's exactly what it sounds like.
  • We now know what Uncle Darrell would look like if he had a Donald Trump toupee'. And it is not pretty. 
  • Shylyn went camping for five whole days, and came to realize that she never wants to go camping for five days ever again. She hated it and she smelled really bad when she got back. Like, really bad. Once again, too many children in one designated location. Oh yeah, it was her school trip. I guess I should've told you that.

There was a bunch of other stuff that happened to, but now I'm tired of writing, so I would like to stop now. Oh, and don't forget to tell Aunt Susi and Uncle Roger happy anniversary. It's 24 years today. Also, seriously, CUPCAKES. That's not why I said yes, but I still want them.