Thursday, August 7, 2014

Holy crap on a cracker.

Has it really been over a week since I visited my little Blogland paradise? Yes? Then I reiterate- Holy crap on a cracker. I would love to be able to tell y'all that I haven't been here, because I was off on some amazing vacation, in an exotic location, with a man like Jude Law. That way I could regale you with stories that make me smile, I could tell you that I drank until the sun came up, and show you pictures of all of the amazing things that I experienced..... but, no. No, that is not the case at all. What was the case then? Why have I been absent? Well, instead of being on said adventure, I was sick.

Yep, that's it- sick. And I'm not talking about a little head cold, or maybe a slight fever with the chills. No, I'm talking about high fever, puking, having the chills, couldn't sleep, couldn't move/lay/sit without more puking, kind of sick. And you know not to be dramatic or anything, because we all know how undramatic that I am **coughcough**, but I was pretty sure that I was going to die. Especially when my body had ran out of things to throw up come Saturday morning and I commenced to doing nothing, but dry heaving for the next 2.5 days. How long did this last? Well, they sent me home from work on Friday morning (actually, Dani forcibly removed me and took me home to make me leave) and yesterday was my first day back, but I had to leave around noon, Because I got sick again, so, five days? Five days?!! Five and a half?

Although, you would have thought that I had grown an extra head or something, because neighbors kept coming over to check on me. I'm pretty sure that I don't usually talk to them most of the time, nor did they really care, but they wanted to know what was happening. Our neighbor on the corner came over and seen me on the couch, put his arm around me, and then asked me if I thought that I had- Ebola. To which I replied- "Well, if I do, don't you think that maybe you should get out of my sputum zone and maybe talk to me from over by the TV?" He agreed and I kind of rolled my eyes. But then like seven hours later as I was puking I was all- "Holy crap! He's right! I have Ebola." And then I seen on the news that it was in California, but now someone in Ohio had it, and being the completely reasonable person that I am I told my Momma- "It's in Ohio! That's close to here! He was right, I have Ebola!" To which she rolled her eyes and told me my fever was making me delirious. Yeah, she was most likely right. She knows how dramatic I can be. 

Who knows. Anyways though, I hate missing work, because I think that it's dumb, but no one here wanted my crud, so I stayed away until I knew that I wasn't contagious and I actually feel a lot better today. I mean, I'm a bit tired and I won't be chugging beer or eating pot roast anytime soon (just the sound of that makes me gag), but I do feel a lot better. About damn time, right?

Now that I've explained myself, let's talk about something else. I don't really know what, but something, I guess. Well....while I was sick laying on the couch, writing my own eulogy (insert dramatic gesture here) I watched a lot of TV. I don't really know if I paid all that much attention to any of it really, because I was puking, but I did watch some. It really is amazing the amount of stuff that you watch when you're just laying there trying not to heave. I'll do a post later on about all of the things that I watched, but for right now, I just want to say- Deuce's Wild. I used to watch that movie all the time, especially when it came out (circa 2002- Stephen Dorff and Brad Renfro- Hello!). Not only did I forget how much I loved that movie, and forget half of the people in it (i.e. James Franco, Norman Reedus, and Matt Dillon), but also I realized that Drea De Matteo plays Betsy aka Stephen Dorff's (Leon) girlfriend. And y'all know what this automatically made me think of, right? Uh yeah, the fact that Sons of Anarchy comes back in 33 days. Yes, that's right, 33 freakin' days. I'm excited. Can you tell?

Also, you know how when I'm you're sick how you tend to, oh I don't know, be in a bad mood? Grumpy? Basically, everything just annoys you, even if you only think it and not say it out loud? Well, I had some of that going on. I didn't do anything that involved social media or internet (i.e. Facebook, Instagram, blogging, emails, etc.- I didn't even bother with my phone, I just left in on a table for days) until at least yesterday morning and I was getting caught up on everything I thought to myself- "Huh. Why am I 'friends' with these people? Why do I even care what they're doing? Why does her hair have to be so perfect? All. The. Time. Why did I like him so much growing up? Blah, blah, blah." Anyways, it's probably gonna take me a bit to get 'back into it', and I'm really sorry, but please be patient with me. By the way- HELLO!!