Saturday, January 17, 2015

All of my friends (almost) are having babies and getting married and I'm over here like- "Dammit. I'm out of wine and sinus meds. I want pizza." In. That. Order.

I received messages the other night from two different friends telling me that they were pregnant. Also, one telling me the gender of their baby. And my friends little brother who is also my friend (that I took to prom, long story short she told me I was forbid from it, so I did it out of spite) so that's four, count it- four, different friends of mine that are having babies. Two of them are married (even though one is separated from her husband). One is a guy and I don't know what in the hell it is that him and his girlfriend do. And the last one isn't married either, but she's with her "baby daddy". Nope still funny. The one that isn't? Well, this will be her fifth. Remember Mo? Yeah, well, she's the one on her fifth. Now granted, the two oldest are her step-kids, but she's had them since they were even one and two years old. So, five.


She text me to inform me that she was having another boy. You ready for a little math that's going to blow your mind? Watch this. She's having her fifth kid, all under the age of seven. It will be the fourth boy and she's six months younger than me. The baby is due in July. Her birthday is in August. Which means she will have five kids under the age of seven before she's even twenty-five years old. Shoot. Me. Now. And I mean that in the most loving way that I can, because I love her kids. All four (soon five) are my godchildren and I love them. (I just keep repeating that over and over). But me? Having any kids, let alone five? No. Just....no.

Then I called Noodle the other night, because we had a little 'girl talk' to do. And by that I mean, she was inebriated making tacos, I was drunk eating pizza, and instead of texting back and forth I just called her, because ain't nobody got time for texting while drinking, eating pizza, and pacing back and forth analyzing life. Especially when it's our lives. Anyways, we were talking about everything and I asked her when her and Andy were going to get married and pop out a couple of young 'ens. Guess what? A lot sooner than I had originally expected. I've informed her that I have picked out the dress that I would like to wear as her Maid of Honor and I've also planned a large portion of their wedding. Hell, I don't want to get married (EVER) so why not live vicariously through her?

Now, all of them think that I'm the crazy one for not wanting to get married or have babies. (Oh sure, I'm the crazy one for not wanting to be shackled to another human being for the rest of my existence. Really, guys?) And I'm perfectly ok with that. Erica is the one that doesn't think that I'm too crazy, but I'm pretty sure that in her mind she's all- "Just wait, Katie. You. Just. Wait."

So, I guess I will be keeping you posted for the rest of my life throughout the next couple of months to let you know how all of these pregnant/engaged friends of mine are doing. Oh, boy.

**Update: Momma and I went out to Greg's house today and about two minutes after we got there we were all in the living room and Greg said- 'Well, I told your mom so you tell mine.' To which I said- "Shit. You're pregnant, aren't you?" Because I'm obviously sensitive and never say the first thing that pops into my head. Oops. But don't tell, because it's still super early and they don't want a bunch of people to know until they know more and it's safer. You know, health wise. They're nervous, because of things not going so well last time. Fingers crossed. I'm going to be an Aunt. Again.