Thursday, January 22, 2015

You know what I mean

I have always been a fairly outspoken person. I don't have much of a filter and what little bit of one that I do have tends to fall by the wayside far more often than not. I pretty much just say exactly what's on my mind, whenever it enters my mind, and don't candy coat or skate around things. Some call it a gift, others call it tacky. You say: potato. I say: hey, look something shiny.

Every now and then though I'll try to watch what I say. Not out of fear of making someone mad, but just for the plain fact that I remember that I'm an adult and throwing myself onto the ground while wailing hysterics isn't exactly the best way to go about things. Although, it can be very effective....so I hear. I wouldn't really know though, because I get bored very quickly.

Other times you can say one thing and your friend automatically knows what you "really" mean. In other words, I can say one thing and Erica knows the (sub)textual conversation that we're actually having. And vice versa. You want a few examples? What am I saying? Of course you do.


Erica to Katie: How are things? So....have you talked to Bennett? How is he?
Translation: If you've seen him naked yet, I want to know all about it. Especially if you have pictures.

Katie to Erica: How are things between you and ole Andy?
Translation: How is the evil dog that's stealing my best friend away from me?

Erica to Katie: I saw something that (insert ex boyfriends name here) put on Facebook the other day. kind of creepy.
Translation: I'm SO sorry. I'm really surprised you actually forgave me for setting you two up. My bad.

Cody to Katie: That's what I love about your personality. Whatever is on your mind, you just say it. There's literally nothing hidden with you.
Translation: Your inmate mouth, guttermind, and tomfoolery entertains me.

Katie to Erica: So. Have y'all set a date yet? Any ideas for what you want?
Translation: If he's not good to you and he doesn't make you extremely happy, I'm going to have to cut him. Also, I want to wear red and you're not fooling anybody if you wear white.

Erica to Katie: Babylove, I just want you to be happy and be with someone who loves you for the amazing person that you are.
Translation: You need to get laid so we can talk about it. But I still totally love you.

Cody to Katie: I wouldn't stage a picture like that. Come on now.
Translation: Please, don't be like every other woman and make me do things. I don't even get anything out of this. I don't see you naked.

Katie to Erica: You can have whatever you want on your big day. That's why it's called your day.
Translation: It's not beneath me to fake a fire and help you climb out of a bathroom window in your wedding dress.

Katie to Cody: Well, if that's what you want then do it. I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't support you?
Translation: I'm going to support your decision, but I'm not going to be happy about it if it doesn't go my way.

Erica to Katie: I just miss you. We used to have so much fun and it's been far too long since we've seen each other.
Translation: Your inmate mouth, guttermind, and tomfoolery entertains me. Also, your drinking problem makes me feel far less like a lush.

Katie to Cody: I very much want you to stick around, but I'm not your momma, your girlfriend, or your probation officer, so I really don't get a say in it. And frankly even if I was one of those things, you're a grown ass man, so you make all of those decisions and I'll support you.
Translation: I'm not your girlfriend and I can't be your probation officer, because someone stole my handcuffs. And in all honesty, I have a hard enough time making my own decisions when it comes to my cluster f**k that I call an existence, I can't babysit you too.

Katie to Erica: When's the big move? I bet you're beyond thrilled to be starting a new life with Andy in a different state. A grand new adventure for the two of you.
Translation: Seriously. Make sure he knows I don't care to prison shank a bitch. (Points to my eyes and then out like Robert De Niro).

Erica to Katie: What you need to do is get a jar of caramel sauce, pour it all over him, and start in on your abtastic sundae.
Translation: I have no defense for what I'm saying, I'm a sex crazed lunatic. Also, take pictures.
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