Monday, January 12, 2015

When your best friend is inappropriate and harasses you.


**Warning: If you read this you may never fully recover. 

While we were having a text conversation: Erica: Hello? Katie: Hello. Erica: What are you up to, my love? Katie: Oh, you know, just hanging out, eating supper, watching a scary movie, and trying to stay warm. You? Erica: Oh, nothing much. just talking to you, cooking supper, and sexting with Andy. Katie: Excuse me? Erica: What? He's 600 miles away, we have to keep the "magic" alive somehow. What's wrong with that? Katie: Number one, you're on the phone WITH ME. And number two, you're cooking supper. Erica: What's your point? Katie: My point is you're multitasking and I don't want to accidentally get a photo that I'll never recover from. Erica: Don't worry, I don't send pictures, I just can't bring myself to do it. Andy does though, so the worse you'll see is him naked. Besides, we lived together, you've seen me naked. Katie: Noodle, listen to me closely, I will never recover if I see your boyfriend naked. EVER. Erica: Please, he's adorable. And it's been a long time since you've seen a naked guy. How long has it been again? Katie: I'm not ok with you asking about my "naked fun time", or lack thereof, while you're having yours with Andy. I should've hung up a long time ago. Erica: No need. He's done. We need to talk about you. Katie: I'm going to vomit.

Because of a picture I tagged her in on Facebook: Erica: Softie....I'm not soft, I'm fluffy! And I can only get soft with you. Katie: Not something a girl usually wants to hear, but I'm loving the sentiment! Erica: Not that way! Unless you have finally decided to run away with me. Katie: No, sorry sweetie, but I still love you! Erica: I'm sad now. Join us join us....We have cookies. And twinkies on Friday. Katie: Chocolate chip or oatmeal? Are you and Suzi trying to bribe me with baked goods so y'all can take advantage of me? Erica/Suzi: You know you want the fired creamy goodness...and chocolate chip. Katie: Ok, you guys are bitches, because now I really want cookies! Erica: I should bake you some and mail them...you know I could do that. Suzi says to share your cookies. Katie: It's ok Suzi, we know, darlin, we know. And we still love you! Erica: Lmao. And that is why I love you.

When I called her on the phone: Erica: Hello? Katie: Hey cutie, what are you up to? Erica (with Suzi in the background): Bow-chicka-bow wow. Chicka bow-wow. Katie: Seriously? Erica: So....any naked pictures yet? Katie: Of who? Erica: Sent or received? Katie: Who are you talking about? Erica: Oh. You know. *wink wink* (And yes, she said- wink wink). Katie: I hate you. Erica: But you love me more.