Thursday, April 30, 2015

What I learned from going to Solae's softball game.

Wednesday night was Solae's first softball game of the season. And I would like to say that I learned multiple things about the sport (which, I learned one or two that I didn't), but in all actuality I learned more about the people that surround the sport. Who knew that little girl fast pitch was full of crazies? And I'm talking the parents, not the kids.

What I learned:
  • Coaches that are also the mother of one of the girls on the team are bat crap crazy!! Seriously, they just yell, scream and act a fool. I guess it's true, bitches really do be trippin.
  • We are definitely "that" family. You know the one that yells, hoops, hollers and is convinced that their kid is the best player out there on the field? Yeah, we're definitely that family. And I might be head of the clan on that one.
  • Not everyone should be allowed to be an umpire. Say what you will, but that guy really didn't have a clue what was going on. He wandered around, looked everywhere except where the ball was at and called fouls when they were clearly strikes. 
  • Prices are completely ridiculous at those types of events. Do you know those little bags of chips that end up having like five chips and some crumbs in the bag? Do you know how much they were? One dollar. One dollar for five chips and some crumbs. I call bullshit. 
  • No matter how much they try not to and no matter how good they are at sports, some girls are truly just meant to "run like a girl".

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A little of this. A little of that.

I actually fixed my hair this morning. And while that doesn't seem all that big of a deal, it kind of is. And not because of any other reason than the fact that I haven't fixed my hair to come to work (or on weekends) in weeks. Don't get me wrong I brush it and pull it back, with it not always looking so hot. And the only reason is just because I didn't want to do anything with it. I haven't wanted to blow-dry it at night, therefore it's impossible to do in the morning. You know, compared to all of the other times that it's impossible.

You see, I have naturally wavy/curly hair and without the proper tools things can go awry fairly quickly. Fortunately for me my hair is about to the middle of my back, so pulling it back after letting it dry naturally has gotten much easier over the past few years. I also thank the fact of working in a nursing home for a long while, because you just learn ways to keep it out of your face. Enough about my hair, it's not even that big of a deal, I just thought the world should know for some odd reason.

^^^^^ I sent Momma this picture early this morning with the caption- 'I'm practicing my "I'm smiling, but I secretly want to punch you in the throat" face for today. Wish me luck.' It's a good thing she finds me amusing. For some reason.

Tonight her and I are going to Solae's first Softball game. It was supposed to be this past Saturday, but the weather was horrible and the game was rescheduled for tonight at six. Her teams (and I'm assuming many other teams) parade to kick off the season is this coming Saturday. Um, had someone told me that you got a parade when you played Softball, I might have looked into playing it growing up. Just putting that one out there.

Also, Momma went to a specialist for her 'Frankenfoot' yesterday. Apparently, the whole reason that it's like it is, is because she has something called 'charcot' foot. And she somehow got a hairline fracture (we're assuming it had something to do with her arthritis weakening her bones) straight across her foot and because of her neuropathy she couldn't feel it break, only that it was hurting. But when the swelling started and we initially took her to the doctor, her podiatrist ordered x-rays and then proceeded to completely miss the fact that her foot was broken in half. (No wonder she's been in so much pain with it! P.s. She's not going back to him). It's too far along to cast and they can't do surgery to repair it, because apparently the bones in between are the consistency of jelly. So, they ordered her a special boot and we have our orders. As long as it helps and she gets to feeling better, I'm all for it.

My brother has come up and spent the last two weekends with us and he's supposed to come up tomorrow night and spend until Sunday evening again. I know Momma really enjoys having him around and I like it when he's there too. As long as he's not being an ass (which he hasn't been as of late) it's all good with me.

And that's all I got for now. We're halfway there, people!! Halfway.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Mo will be giving birth in the next few months

Childbirth scares the crap out of me. While most people just laugh or think that I'm crazy when I say this, others know what I mean. Most of my friends have kids or at the very least step-kids. There are a couple of exceptions, but I assume it's just that time in our lives. I know we're not that old, but it seems like this is about the time that people start to think about settling down and having some babies. Unless you're my friends, in which case you started a long damn time ago.

And none more true than the story of Mo. (Well, technically a few girls we grew up with had babies before her, but this story is about her. So, just roll with it for the sake of the plot, please. Thank you.).

As most people know Mo and I became friends in the fourth grade. They say that if a friendship lasts more than seven years then it will last a lifetime. I don't recall where I read that, but I definitely did read it and if that's true- Well Mo, old friend, I guess that means that we're stuck together. Might as well be, we know too much blackmail worthy things to not be at this point.

We started in fourth grade and now we're here. And she's about to give birth in the next few her third child. It will be the fifth child that she cares for (she has two older step-kids with her boyfriend), but the third that she will actually have given birth too.

And she's all very calm about the whole situation. More calm than I would ever be in my lifetime. In fact, she's more calm than I am right now and it doesn't even affect me a little bit. Well, except for the fact that I'll have one more godson (she's expecting a boy; the fourth boy in the mix) to add.

I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to remember all of these birthdays. I only remember Mo's, because I've had like fifteen or so years to practice it. Holy shit, fifteen years? We're getting old.    

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

When you have to tell your friend she's a prostitute.

(Let me give you a little back story first).

This is about my friend Dea. We went to school together, but we were never really close on account that she was two or three years ahead of me. I know that, because her brother was one year ahead of me. (And no offense Dea, but he was kind of a dick). Don't worry, we've both talked about that.

When we got older she started working at the Nursing Home. I had already been there a couple of years so they had me "train her in". Which sounds much more elaborate than it actually is. Basically "train in" means you just teach them the job like you do every other single job on the planet. She had already been a CNA at a couple other Nursing Homes, so she pretty much had the gist of it. We quickly became friends and still talk (semi)regularly. 

She's been with the same guy on and off for the past five or six years. And I do mean on and off. One minute they're so in love and planning their wedding and the next minute they're broken up and cussing at each other. One time she even threw something at his head. I don't remember what it was, but apparently it was big and made contact. Hey, it's the risk you take when you mess and/or fight with a fantastic former softball playing champion.

Well, they've been "off" for about a month or so now and I received a message from her via FB messenger. And then we had to have the most ridiculous conversation that we've ever had. Ok, maybe not the most ridiculous (not even close), but it was pretty bad.

Dea: You will never guess what I did for a couple of days, that's probably why we haven't talked. Katie: What did you do for a couple of days? (Side note: I totally guessed right, but I let it go). Dea: ******* Katie: You did ******* for a couple of days? Dea: Yes. Katie: How much coffee did you drink? Dea: I don't know what's wrong with me. Katie: Were there breaks? Dea: Focus. Katie: Sorry. So does that mean that you're getting back together? Dea: I still don't like him. Katie: Of course you don't, he's an ass. Dea: But he said if I live there that I could go back to school and not have to work while I'm taking classes. It's a hell of a deal. Katie: That is a hell of a deal. So? Dea: What do you think? Katie: Well. Isn't this kind of like a prostitute offer? I feel like this is the plot of the sequel to Pretty Woman. You're doing someone you don't like for monetary value. It sounds worse than a Pretty Woman sequel. Dea: Hell he might be my Richard Gere. Katie: I don't recall ******* being a bajillionaire. Dea: True. Katie: So what are you going to do? Dea: Hell Katie, I really don't know. Katie: The real question is- Can you live with ******* for the next few years without murdering him in his sleep? Dea: Hell I don't know but I do know I have friends and family that will visit me in prison. Katie: I'll totally come visit you in prison. And I'll slip you a spoon so you can Shawshank that shit. Dea: Aww, thanks. Katie: Anytime! And don't forget to tell me what you decide. Dea: Will do.

And that's how I kind of told my friend that she's a prostitute. And no one knows if they're getting back together or not. Including them.