Wednesday, June 10, 2015

You don't know Jack Schitt?!!

I used to take care of a woman at the nursing home and when you do things like that, you sometimes get incredibly close to not only them, but also their family members. Not all the time does this happen, but on occasion it does. In this case it was the woman's daughter. She was sweet, kind and really cared. The funny part? She had an incredible sense of humor. And it's proven, because she went on vacation one spring and brought me back a t-shirt (that my Uncle now has) that says exactly this, because she informed me that it reminded her of my sass. Thanks, Neida!!
"The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.
Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.

However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseperable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. So, when someone tells you that you don't know Jack Schitt, show them this".

And that my friends, is how you properly handle the situation. Like a smartass.