Unfortunately, people suck and that isn't what happened in the least little bit.
Instead, things have only gotten.... not worse.... but certainly not better. People just can't seem to let anything go for five minutes and just enjoy life. I understand there are problems in the world and issues that need to be addressed immediately, but don't you think that would be easier if people were just a little bit more.... relaxed?
With that in mind, I have taken it upon myself to offer alternatives to your constant worry and ensure that we have a little fun to go with all of our dread.
Forget Donald Trump (whether you're team or anti) for two seconds and lets go have some nachos.
And by let's go, I mean I want to bring nachos to my house and eat them while binge-watching It's Always Sunny on Netflix, because some bitches won't go on and release Stranger Things: Season 2 yet.... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Hold off on the Beyonce talk and come enjoy a breakfast bar with me.
You don't even have to eat these particular breakfast bars (Nature Valley Soft-Baked Oatmeal Squares in Banana Bread/Dark Chocolate) for breakfast.... they're more snack bars and taste exactly like chocolate covered bananas. Don't like bananas? I got you covered.... anyone want a little bite of a coffee cake snack bar?
Stop worrying about the outcome of Superbowl LI and we'll talk about the highlight of the NFL.
And the highlight is, the fact that you get to see Rob Gronkowski in football pants on the regular. Say what you want about the Patriots, but they have one fine ass Tight-End. I'm not a Patriots fan.... but I am most definitely a R. Gronkowski fan.
Do you think that you weigh a bit more than you should? Let that shit go.
Dude, you are perfect just the way you are. If you want to lose a little bit of weight for your health, I got your back.... but if you want to lose weight to conform to societies standards, to hell with that. I'll help you tell those people to piss off and we'll go get a pizza.
Quit being upset about who died on the season seven premiere of The Walking Dead.
Wait, you know what.... screw that, I'm still pissed, we can continue to be pissed off over this. But instead of being solely pissed off, we'll get together with wine and junk food while we catch up on previous seasons via Netflix.
A lot of my suggestions are just food, alcohol, and Netflix. But really, do you need more? Let's be responsible adults (ha!) and just put off our problems for a little while. They'll still be there tomorrow, and that sounds like a problem for Future Katie and Future (insert your name here).
Come on, weekend.