Or, Betty Cooper. Speaking of which, why aren't Betty Cooper and Jughead just together and living happily (ok, happily is a far stretch in Riverdale) ever after. Let's get on that people.
Moving on. (Read Part I here).
Episode (Chapter) Four: The Last Picture Show
Official Synopsis: When Jughead learns that an anonymous buyer has plans to tear down the local drive-in, he fights desperately to keep it open. Betty finds her friendship with Archie on the line after stumbling upon some startling information she’s uncovered about Ms. Grundy’s past. Elsewhere, Veronica confronts her mother, Hermione, about a suspicious meeting she witnessed between her mother and a shady Southside Serpent. Finally, after uncovering Betty’s diary, Alice finds the perfect opportunity to destroy Archie’s golden boy image.
My thoughts: I knew it wouldn't take Betty long to figure out what was going on between Archie and Ms. Grundy, she's too damn smart for all of that mess. And yes dude, we're on the same wavelength, I don't think he should be banging his teacher either. Wait until
Jughead's Input: "It's been a week since the discovery of Jason Blossom’s body. But his death would not be the first, nor would it be the last casualty that the town of Riverdale would suffer. The Twilight Drive-In, where I work; my home away from home. A piece of town history is closing for good, just when we needed a place to escape to the most. With Sheriff Keller knocking on every door, and neighbor suspecting neighbor, every day that passes is becoming more like Salem during the witch trials. And meanwhile, the girl next door, our friendly neighborhood Hitchcock blonde, Betty Cooper, was wrestling with knowledge that her best friend Archie Andrews was caught up in a forbidden romance."
Episode (Chapter) Five: Heart of Darkness
Official Synopsis: With Jason’s funeral around the corner, the Blossom family moves forward with last minute preparations- and a secret agenda. Meanwhile, Archie’s attempt to refocus his energy on football comes to a halt when an opportunity to work with a new music mentor presents itself. Betty dives deeper into her investigation of Jason’s death and unearths some dark revelations about her family. Elsewhere, after uncovering secrets about her own family, Veronica forms an unlikely friendship with Cheryl, who is having a tougher time with Jason’s impending funeral than she lets on. Finally, Hermione turns to Fred for help after receiving a cryptic message from the Southside Serpents.
My thoughts: Look at how Betty looks at dressed up (up? funeralish?) Jughead.... and he's blushing!! Gothic Nightmare is the understatement of the century when it comes to the life of Cheryl Blossom and her family. How do none of these people think that Cheryl was a little too close to her brother? Like, where are those rumors?! Not sure, but Cheryl, I'm starting to think that you'd be fine if it wasn't for your psychotic family (ie your mom). Why would Cheryl invite Veronica over for a sleepover?! Because I wouldn't want to deal with her family alone either.... and her parents are just gonna make fun of her grieving over her dead brother? Damn, these people f*cking suck, no wonder Cheryl is off in the damn head. Oh hell no, y'all can forbid her from taking part in her brothers funeral, but she isn't going to take it lying down. TOLD YOU. Walking up into that bitch like she owned it in a white dress? Game, set, mother f*cking match. Oh shit! Betty and Juggie are looking for clues about Jason's murder/Polly in general (I totally knew there was more to this).... and Cheryl's grandma scared them!! Ha! Juggie is all cool and laid back.... and scared by little ole ladies. Look at him hide behind Betty!! *uncontrollable laughter here* I love these two. What?! Jason and Polly were engaged?! And Cheryl was helping him escape?! And, and, what?!! I'm glad Archie turned down the captain spot on the football team.... he's got enough for now. So.... Jughead thinks Betty's parents may have something to do with killing Jason? Seems legit, they did lock Polly away somewhere, because you know that girl is not crazy like they're saying. You're right Juggie, you guys HAVE to find and talk to Polly asap.
Jughead's Input: "Every town has one. The spooky house that all kids avoid. Ours was Thornhill, the Blossom family’s mansion, with its very own graveyard. And, trapped within its walls like some gothic heroine, was Cheryl Blossom. Still grieving for her beloved brother, Jason. Linked in death even as they were in life."
Episode (Chapter) Six: Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!
Official Synopsis: With Riverdale High’s annual variety show around the corner, Valerie’s efforts to help Archie prepare for his big performance lead to some major fallout between her and Josie. Meanwhile, Betty and Jughead’s investigation into Jason’s death brings them to a home for troubled youth and face-to-face with Polly. Just as her relationship with her mother was on the upswing, an unexpected betrayal sends Veronica spiraling, while Josie deals with her own pressures at home after her overbearing father returns for her performance at the variety show. Finally, Hermione’s first day at Andrews Construction finds her and Fred growing closer.
My thoughts: I knew Betty would find her sister with Jughead's help.... he looks so incredibly uncomfortable at that breakfast table. Like, you know he's got some serious feelings for Betty to be dealing with her crazy ass mom that early in the morning. What is Sisters of Quiet Mercy? That sounds like one of those old school "Homes for Unwed Mothers" from back in the day. Do those still exist?! Apparently they do, because there's Polly and her big ole prego belly! Y'all it's 2017, quit locking that girl away. She doesn't know that Jason is dead? Oy vey.... this is gonna get interesting. Annndddd.... there's Alice Cooper (I still can't get over her being named Alice Cooper) to swoop in a take Betty away from Polly. Look at Juggie going at those nurses when they get on Betty! Don't talk to those parents of yours Betty, you'll just end up pulling your own hair out. Hey, there's Jughead climbing up a ladder to your window. "Hey there, Juliet" love it. Aw, he came to comfort her and make sure she's ok. Like father like son (you know, because Jughead's dad is Billy Loomis and he crawled through Syd's window?! Not important). Also? Also What?! ALSO?! Ah! Jughead just 100% went for it and kissed Betty Cooper.... and she is t-totally loving it. The car?! You mean, Polly and Jason's car? Yeah, you call her out on thinking about that during you guys' moment, Juggie! Y'all can pick this conversation up later, go see if you can find the car! Oh yeah, I forgot this whole Archie/Veronica/Josie and the Pussycats talent show thing. Go back to the Pussycats, Val, that's where you belong! And she does. And Archie sings alone.... and he's not half bad,
Jughead's Input: "Fear. It’s the most basic, the most human emotion. As kids, we’re afraid of everything. The dark… The boogeyman under the bed… And we pray for morning. For the monsters to go away. Though they never do. Not really. Just ask Jason Blossom."
Final Thoughts Halfway(ish) Through: Holy hell, I want to completely ignore the fact that I have adult responsibilities and stay home to binge-watch this. And I'm not even sorry about it.