I know I talk about things that have nothing to do with my personal life.

Ok... back to The Program: Cons, Cults, and Kidnapping. 

Y'all... what in the actual f*ck?! Have you seen this? If not, go and watch it and come back. I'll wait... did you watch it? Good.

Dude... when I was growing up, we didn't have cable. Well, we sometimes had cable for spurts... but then it was cancelled and a whole thing so for the majority of the time, no cable. Because of that, my Momma had the classics on tv during the day. Aka... daytime talk shows. She didn't do "the soaps" but daytime talk shows? She loved them all... from Sally Jessy... to Maury... Ricki Lake... Jerry Springer... Rosie O'Donnell... with her absolute favorite being Montel Williams.

I used to watch all these shows with her and while they could be fun and crazy... other times, the hosts had guests with very serious topics. 

I remember when it started feeling like you couldn't turn on a talk show without a set of parents on there talking about how "they couldn't handle their kid" and they "needed someone to step in and handle it." For the life of me, I could never understand why all these people had kids and then decided they were "too much" or "didn't have the time" for them. 

Then... why did you even have kids? Seriously, if you didn't have the time... and you don't have the capabilities to handle it... and you don't want to put forth the effort even when it's hard or feels impossible... and you feel perfectly comfortable letting someone else step in and raise that child... why did you even bother? And don't give me the whole "we were at our wits end"... "we didn't know what to do"... yadda yadda. That's quite literally part of being a parent and if you didn't have the mindset to deal with that, perhaps you should have reevaluated your priorities and life before deciding to reproduce. You have that option available to you.

But, that's one cynic of a shit parent (only one... I was fortunate enough to have an amazing mother).

Moving on. The solution both the hosts and parents seemed to come to for dealing with these kids were either one of two things. Either, the kid was sent to boot camp/juvie to be "scared straight" or they were sent to what they termed a "behavior modification facility." Basically, these were places that were supposed to be like "strict educational facilities" that taught values and discipline to all who attended.

You like how there was never a third option that allowed the child to stay with their actual family though? Oh no... gotta ship those little shits off. Afterall, the parents had enough!

While everyone was made to believe these places were essentially just a more strict and "life skill developing" educational program (think boarding school), there was apparently a dark side that people either didn't know about or chose to ignore all together when they stumbled across that information.

I always thought it sounded like a shit idea. Again, you're just shipping your kids off to stay with all these... strangers? Sure it's supposed to be a "school" and you should be able to trust people in that position... but how much do you really know about these places you're sending these kids and how much do you really know about the people taking care of them? These places and programs just started popping up out of nowhere and no one had any f*cking questions? They were just like, oh solution! And that was that? The f*ck?

You don't have to have any skills or degrees... no training or even a little read through... you literally could have just rolled out of bed from a four day bender still twitching through the day... and you're just in charge of the wellbeing of ALL these kids? And you just keep them until you've deemed they're no longer harmful to society or they age out of the program? 

The Program talks about this system. It literally traces it back to it's origins... and I'm sure you'll be so shocked to find that it's origins are... well... CULT. 

This documentary is amazing. I can't even describe to you what it feels like to watch it but to say it definitely makes you feel those feelings would be an understatement. It takes you through the horrors that happened to these kids through their eyes... as adults looking back. 

The particular events they go over in this documentary were around 2004/2005... meaning all the survivors are around my age. And while every single one of those people are grown and amazing people... all I wanted to do was hug them. Because realistically, I watched a group of adults recount the trauma they've endured and the struggles they still have... and yet, all I saw staring at me and telling me a story were kids. Scared, lonely, abandoned, tortured kids.

It was devastating and heartbreaking. Watching the videos and hearing the stories and just knowing even a percentage of what was going on, I can't even imagine. I will never understand how someone just looks at a kid and abuses them simply because they can. In fact, I'll never be able to understand an abusers state of mind in general, because I'll never understand just because you can... why the f*ck would you?

The atrocities committed against these people were horrendous. Physical, mental, emotional, sexual. Any kind of abuse you could think of, it was there. You haven't heard of a few different ones? Yeah, well, they were probably there too. It literally started from the "program" sending people to KIDNAP your child and drag them to this facility. Upon arrival, they were locked inside (not allowed to step foot outside again without permission), stripped completely naked "for contraband searches" and then the bullshit continued to escalate. 

You can tell these people are haunted by their time at that place.

They go through it all. From the events leading up to them being taken until they were finally able to go home. The things they saw and felt, the things they still feel and have to live with. From being abused to being brainwashed to being made to feel they weren't supposed to acknowledge any of these things. Some rebelled (can I get a whoop-whoop for Q!) while others tried to work the program. The bottom line is... there was no escape. 

No making eye contact, no smiling, no looking out the windows, no forming any kind of bond.

"Palms up, palms down, palms together, palms apart."

The survivors talk about all these things and where they are now. Many have long-term issues with their mental health while others have been left with a broken family. And I have to say, I get why they want to forgive their parents... they didn't know! The program (and others like it) are literally designed to brainwash the parents too. But, that also means they are better people than me... because there is no way I could forgive that. Whether you knew or not, you are still the person who not just signed your kid up for this abuse, but actually had them taken away for it to be enforced. You quite literally paid someone thousands upon thousands of dollars to abuse your child because you didn't want to deal with them. 

You can say they were troubled or you didn't know what to do.

Spin it whichever way you like, but Imma call a spade a spade and say shame on all of you.

And HOW has there been no justice for these people? These kids? Sure, they're grown now but you took a piece of them they can never get back. Months or years of their lives... not to mention the struggles they still have because hello TRAUMA. And what... nothing? 

I love the director of this documentary. She's spiteful and frank and doesn't give a shit who she makes uncomfortable. She's snarky and sarcastic and honestly, I think it must just be something within us Katherine's. She makes me feel like all things are possible with enough resilience and perseverance. 

None of these people cared what happened to her and her friends, so why should she give a damn about their feelings? Their reputations? Their family lives? I'm not saying anyone should do anything rash or illegal (because absolutely not, we're better than these people!), but legal recourse FOR SURE PLEASE. 

It's no wonder the majority of people that had anything to do with that place didn't even want it brought back up to begin with. Mostly, because they're all complicit in child abuse but also because they're shit people who think they didn't do anything wrong. Oh, "I was only there doing my job." The f*ck you were. You knew all of that was going on and you not only didn't tell anyone... you contributed to it. 

The few former employees that did talk in the documentary? F*ck them too. They're no better than any of the other ones... just because they're willing to talk about it doesn't mean they didn't abuse those kids. Even the most open former employee straight up admits to hardcore strip-searching the girls... and looks way too creepily excited about the recollection. Another, says she wasn't required to have any training or background investigation. The survivors all not only had horror stories about her but she admits she was a straight up "bitch" and did terrible things to them. Even going so far as to say, "I would want to know this information about people if it involved my kids." F*cking audacity by the handfuls. You're perfectly comfortable abusing other people's kids so you go ahead and have a few of your own? Fffffuuuuuu........... not saying that's not your right as a person. But also, f*cking audacity.

And there's literally nothing any of them can do to refute it because they left ALL the evidence right there in plain sight. They cared so little about these kids... and thought so few people would believe them... they didn't even bother to try and cover it up. Because they didn't give a shit as long as there was change going into their pockets.

F*cking savages.

I read earlier today there was an investigation opened in NY over this. I don't know how far it will go or to what extent they can even get justice for these people, but I would truly hope there is some form of civil justice out there for them. For all of them... the ones who survived and the ones who lost the battle. 

Like dude said, the abuse of a child is the business of anyone who knows about it. There were truly too many people who knew and did nothing. Don't let history repeat itself. Find them justice, don't let the big dogs win, and do what's right.

Also, let the Katherine's of the world do our thing. One way... or another.

If they could keep the sociopaths at bay, that would be great.

Over the weekend, D and I had a movie/show/documentary marathon. Basically, we watched a bunch of random shit. There were some real good movies in there, but the one that blew our minds the most had to be the Netflix documentary: Our Father.

Have y'all heard about this yet? If not, go and watch it immediately and come back to discuss.

I'll wait...........

Ok, now that you're back and you've watched it, you agree with me, right? What. In. The. Actual. Fuck?!

After watching this documentary on Netflix, clearly, I am an expert in all things criminal justice right now. I have also decided I am an expert on this case in general (I'm not) and since I live in Indianapolis, we all know that means I can jump inside his crazy little mind and know what he was thinking.... right?!

No?! Fine.

The whole premise is basically this fertility doctor from Indianapolis inseminating multiple women with his own sperm and in turn reproducing over 94+ children (and counting!). He never told these women what he was doing and many of them were under the impression that he had used their actual husbands specimen. 

This went on for almost forty years with people believing they had their biological children and fathers together. And the only reason he was caught was because of that whole "23andme" ancestry thing that blows my mind. We've really come a long way with the whole identifying DNA situation.

It started with one and kind of snowballed from there. I can't tell you how horrible I feel for these people. These people were not only mislead (with the exception of the actual doctor), but they were taken advantage of and deceived. There's absolutely no way around that. The women, the children, and even the husbands. Because they're all victims.

I understand that these women wanted to have babies. I understand that when you have any kind of medical procedure performed there are risks and things are out of your hands. HOWEVER, are you really going to sit there and try to justify what this man did?

Not only did he manage to devastate ninety some odd families (I repeat NINETY SOMETHING), but also probably his own, right? His children technically have 94+ half siblings (not including each other) and could very well have been married to one of them. It's a small community and I very much doubt he was going to let someone know what he had done if his child had married another one. He really wanted to keep that shit on the downlow. So, he very well could've just stood by and let that happen. Then again, the way his family and the community rallied around him, it wouldn't be surprising if they're all absolutely fine with it and think he did nothing wrong. 

Because nothing says devotion quite like standing by someone even though they are morally and psychologically damaged.

I don't know if this doctor did this as some sort of sick experiment. I don't know if this doctor was trying to give women the families they so desired. I don't know if this doctor thought ahead. I don't know if this doctor read one too many Nazi doctrines or if he is the epitome of religious extremism. 

Honestly, I'm not so sure he thought about any of the repercussions to his decisions. By the looks of it and the reaction to the situation, I would go as far as to say no, he doesn't care what he has done. He simply wanted to be the best of the best and didn't care how many people he had to take advantage of or what lengths he had to go to.

Even if he was trying to "do something right" and help these women get pregnant, he did so in about the most disgusting way possible. These women had a choice to go to a medical professional to help with a problem. A doctor that they should have been able to trust and were assured by said doctor that everything was by the book.

WHAT FUCKING BOOK WAS HE USING?!

So yes, these women did have a choice when they decided to get artificially inseminated, but their choice was immediately taken from them under false pretenses. Some of these women were led to believe their husbands and themselves could conceive, they just needed "a little help." The doctor then disregarded the husband's specimen in favor of his own. Umm, what? You're saying that you did this, because you didn't have immediate access to donor specimens, but then you just disregard and throw out what you do have? And then you decide not to mention this to anyone and proceed to continuously lie to these people about a legitimate concern?

How is that NOT a crime? You can't force someone to have sex with you under false pretenses, but you can knowingly get them pregnant with your baby (without their consent- they have channels for this kind of thing so people can still have a choice about whom they procreate with) under the technicality of you being a fertility doctor? The fuck?

And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's someone using their religious beliefs to justify the horrible things that they have done and continue to do throughout their lives. I was raised in the holler. Dead ass center of the Bible belt. I can quote scripture and finish what someone is about to say before they even say it.

They kind of drill that into you as a child.

But, never once in my entire life have I met an actual "God-fearing man" that thinks it's ok to hurt those around him. Especially for his own greed or gain. And honestly, isn't that what this all comes down to? 

Strip away the emotional side of it (even though that's incredibly difficult to do) and just look at the facts. The fact is, this man had a reputation for being the absolute best. People flocked to him from miles around. Why? Because of his success rates and word of mouth. How did he come into these results? Well, we all know how he came into those results by now. 

By jerking off in a cup next door to his patients and then inserting it into them.
Fucking ew.
I hope he washed his hands.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anything negative about anyone (except the doctor, I'm saying all the negative shit about him), but it seems to me that more wasn't done about this simply because people didn't know where to start and were afraid to stand up to a challenge.

People that are supposed to care and uphold our laws just ignored these people and once it was brought to their attention, kind of just went, "eh." 

Oh, you don't know how you would bring criminal charges against him for something like this, because it's unprecedented? Guess what? That has literally been the case for every single thing that someone's never been charged with before. That's how laws come to fruition. Or, at the very least, that's what they lead us to believe. I thought with where we were in the world, (excluding the whole Roe vs. Wade situation happening right now) that something like this couldn't happen without consequences.

I mean, we have literally emerged from the "Me Too" movement and for what? So a medical professional can insert his own specimen into a woman's body without her knowledge or consent and essentially be covered by the whole "technicality" of them wanting help with fertility? I swear, if I had a nickel for every time some dude got away with a horrendous crime against a woman on a technicality, I would be a very rich gal.

So yes, difficult and possibly a failure?
Absolutely.
Worth shooting the shot and maybe preventing something like this in the future and at least attempting to get some form of "justice" for the victims?
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Seriously, what is wrong with you people?

Be a fucking pioneer and use that fancy law degree or political position to do something worth while.

And once the children discovered this entirely fucked from the get-go situation, they began receiving threats and were harassed continuously about telling their story, but you want to talk about the media and how they investigate and use their sources to let people know? When a journalist was literally the only person that would listen to this story. They tried every form of government office they could and no one would even respond to them. Who listened?

A Fox 59 news journalist (Angela Ganote) and Dr. fucking Phil. How y'all feeling about that hill you're standing on now? 

Sorry, I just can't even get over how insane this whole situation and the response to it is.

Ok, this doctor did get two charges brought against him for lying on paperwork to the government, but that's it? And the first known child couldn't bring up anything "personal" in her testimony, but it was acceptable for people to write in letters to the judge defending this man and saying he's the best and should walk away? How is that not mixing personal with the judicial system? Also, you took his medical license and put him on probation? Dude, the man was already retired and living the cushy life that he afforded from his forty year deception of his patients. How is this justice and how are you still saying he's a good guy? How are people still defending him and others simply standing by?

To say that I'm feeling very uncomfortable as a woman would be an understatement. To say that I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable being a woman in Marion County knowing what someone can do and get away with and no one will even bother to listen or try to help? Worse. And I know it's not only happening (and happened in general) here, but when it's down the street from your house, it feels a whole other level of invasive.

I am not a lawyer. I am not a politician. I am not a genius. But, I do know when something is fucked up and this? This takes the race in this round.

These people could literally be dating or married to their half-sibling. Kids are growing up and could be in relationships with their cousins. There is an entire fallout of this that it doesn't feel like the system took into consideration. I mean, if you know you have an STD and sleep with someone without telling them and they get it, it's a crime. So, how is this not? These people have to live with this and they have absolutely no idea the repercussions that are going to continue for years upon generations to come. 

My heart goes out to these people involved. (NOT the doctor). I wish you all the best and I hope that people start using not only their common sense, but also their humanity and start doing something about this. Because this? This is unacceptable.

Fucking people, dude.

What (and I cannot stress this enough) in the actual f*ck just happened?!!?!

I watched a documentary on Netflix (Abducted in Plain Sight) last week, because there were 5,000 memes floating around on social media and I was very confused by the whole thing. Besides, it was already on my queue, because I'm kind of a documentary fiend. So, there was that.

And now I totally understand all those FB memes I keep seeing. I mean, seriously, WOW. Every single one of these people are legitimately the absolute f*cking worst. Every. Single. One.... with the exception of the detective, because he took the side of every single one of us and was like, "WTF?! Y'all are dumb as hell."

The documentary is about a girl (she's a full grown woman now, this took place in the 70s) who was, as you can probably guess from the title of the documentary, abducted. BUT that's just the tagline to pull you in, because the story that unfolds is Mind. Blowing. And not in a good "wow, that blew my mind, it was awesome" kind of way. More of a "wow.... how can people be this dumb? this can't actually be a true thing" kind of mind blowing.

Jan (the abducted) was kidnapped by the same grown man TWICE. Yeah, you read that right. Same dude. Same girl. Same family. Same situation. TWICE.

And while I thought that was all I was going to be watching a documentary about, the truth was it was full of everything including:

What I took away from this documentary:

They (as in, EVERYBODY aside from the detective in this documentary) are, hands down, THE WORST. I watched the whole thing thinking, "no one can possibly be this dumb" and I kept waiting for them to be like "we finally realized what was happening" and that moment NEVER CAME. Literally, the only person in the whole thing with any sense was the detective and even he was like, "how dumb are y'all?!"

My favorite part? Detective: "So, your daughter has been abducted?" Parents: "No, she hasn't been abducted. B just took her somewhere and we don't know where and we've had no contact and it's been almost a week." Detective: "...... THAT'S WHAT ABDUCTED MEANS. That's the literal definition." 

There's no doubt about it, the dude was definitely a master manipulator. He was banging basically everyone in the family (excluding two sisters) and had them all convinced that not only was it "ok" but it was doctor sanctioned.

I recently read that there's going to be a "sequel" to this documentary (which, I didn't know documentary sequels were a thing? but I guess we can all thanks "Making a Murderer".... which I still haven't finished even the first season of), and that's a good thing, because I, like so may others, have some questions that need to be answered immediately. Because honestly, we need WAY more details than what they could fit into 90 minutes. That kind of stupidity demands further explanation.

The top 10 answers I need immediately:

#1: What the f*ck?!!?!
#2: Why did you think it was ok to have a forty year old man sleep in the bed with your nine year old daughter? Seriously?! Who gives a shit about his "therapy"?!
#3: Mary Ann, having an affair is inexcusable. BUT, how are you gonna have an affair with a man AFTER he abducted your twelve year old (TWICE) so they could go to Mexico and get married?!
#4: How was Berchtold's brother not more upset with the fact that his brother was a paedophile?
#5: How do y'all still look like you have nothing, but fond memories of this psycho?
#6: Bob.... uhhh..... yeah?!!?!
#7: I know it was the 70s and that's considered "a time of innocence" (even though, how? because y'all knew about Charles Manson at this point), but COME ON, you cannot possibly be that naive TWICE. Right?
#8: Did they have legit therapists in the 70s? Because if there were, why wasn't Jan enrolled into that shit IMMEDIATELY?!
#9: How was Berchtold's wife so calm and defensive of her husband? What the f*ck, lady?!!?!
#10: Did somebody buy that detective a beer? If not, they should have.

Side note: the fact that the mother was a social worker and adoption/foster care specialist? Umm.... no. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be one of those people that blames the victim or think that you're an idiot because your kid was abducted, because that's an unimaginable and horrible situation, BUT.... it's really hard not to be concerned that this lady was in charge of other children. Did anyone think to themselves, "eh, maybe we should give these cases to Susan and send Mary Ann on leave?"

So y'all, I guess we'll wait for the sequel.... or something like that?! What do we know? We're all still so damn confused.

Yesterday was.... I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Yesterday (2/13) was my birthday. My twenty-seventh birthday. I am officially old as shit. And I don't even care. About the being old as shit part, I cared that it was my birthday.... ok, no I didn't care that it was my birthday, but people tend to have a way of making you feel special.

And by people, I mean your loved ones.... especially your mom.
Also, I found out that I have the same birthday as one of my absolute favorite bloggers/authors (ten years apart, so.... win?!).

Or, my mom, at least. Yesterday was pretty much the same as all the other days (work.... life.... trying to avoid the looming clouds of misery), with the exception that I was a year older than last. I had a normal work day and when I got home, Momma and Bubba took me out for supper (food = yum). I even drove and made Bubba put air in my tires....  because why in the hell not?! And then Momma and I spent the evening watching The Walking Dead and a documentary that I'm going to have to restart, because my attention span was minuscule last night. Also, FB.

Pertaining to the picture of Momma and I: She can't believe that her youngest is officially twenty-seven. Apparently, it was only yesterday that she told me to be nice to the boys on the playground and quit swinging upside down on the monkey bars while I was wearing a dress. She makes each Birthday the best and always better than the one before. I love you, Momma.

My thoughts on turning twenty-seven: 

Lady Gaga at twenty-seven: Multi-platinum recording artist, touring the world, raising awareness for anti-bullying campaigns, consistently banging Taylor Kinney on a regular basis. Me at twenty-seven: Where is it?! I know that shoe is around here somewhere. Twenty-seven, it is.

As for the flowers, Uncle Roger gave me those for Valentine's Day today (apparently people who aren't dead inside celebrate that?). And then, a couple of my favorite birthday notes from friends.... not all of them, but a few here and there. Here's to another year of keeping it real.

Real interesting and weird, that is.