Oh, don't mind me. I am just currently over here having an existential crisis. Also, I'm eating my weight in Mexican food, watching It's Always Sunny on Netflix (holla!), and drinking wine like they're going to quit making it (I know, I shouldn't joke about such serious matters of life.).
An existential crisis: is a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life; whether this life has any meaning, purpose, or value. This issue of the meaning and purpose of existence is the topic of the philosophical school of existentialism.
And why am I having this current existential crisis of mine? Well, to put it plain and simple, my entire reasoning for this is none other than the same thing that every woman at one point or another goes through..... my hair.
And yes, contrary to popular belief, that's a real thing! (No, it's not- I'm just overtly dramatic.).
You see, I have long hair. Like, incredibly long hair. We're talking down to my ass and giant. My hair that is, not my ass. Although, if we're being honest, my ass is pretty giant too.... moving on.
I've went back and forth between short-medium-long hair for as long as I can remember. I always think that I'm going to love a short little hairstyle.... and then, I get said short little hairstyle and I usually fall somewhere between yay and the brink of tears. It's a fine line. My hair is currently longer than it has ever been (and in desperate need of a trim) and most days I don't do anything to it with the exception of brushing and pulling it up.... because I simply don't have the mindset or effort to tame and/or style it. This is the reason that for years I found myself in the cushy spot of having "medium-length" hair.
It seemed like a reasonable compromise. It was short enough to the point of me "styling" (beautician, I am not) it more often than usual, but still long enough to pull back for work (waitressing; cna'ing) and when I had been drinking (am I the only one that gets hot when they have a drink or two.... or six?).
But then I decided to grow it out. I had reasoning for it (that reasoning probably following along the lines of the last horrible "shortish" hair cut that I got), but I just don't feel good about it anymore. I always think that short hair is a wonderful idea, but then the dreamer/unrealistic gal in my head screams, but all the ladies in the books you read have long/flowing/beautiful hair. Because clearly if I have long hair I'm going to get to live out my favorite novels.
That's not ridiculous or unrealistic, at all.
But then I think, I am a strong/confident/grown ass woman that isn't going to be defined by anything, especially something as silly as hair! Shave it all off for all I care!! And then I remember that Charlize Theron or Natalie Portman, I am not.... and sit the f*ck back down.
For a long while now (four? five? more? years), I've wanted to just throw caution completely to the wind and get one of those pixie cuts. I love them and they seem so easy and cute, all at once. They practically sound made for me.... we've all seen how I dress at all times when I don't have to be at work, and I am most definitely comfort/what I like over fashion and/or decency. I'm like a one woman walking/talking daily episode of "What Not to Wear" (anybody besides me miss that show?).
I would love to get one and donate my hair to one of those amazing charities that make wigs for sick kids (I'm not completely heartless), but then I chicken out and can't manage to bring myself to try it. I feel like most of the women that get those cuts (rock em, girl!) do it on a whim and that they're carefree individuals that live by their own rules. I want to be that type of girl, but I am WAY more Sheila Hammond (before turning into a zombie) about it.
I.e: "Jennifer Lawrence cut all of her hair off again. People don't like it like that, but she doesn't care. She's so bold.... I want to be that bold. Am I that bold? No, no I'm not. I would like to be 20% more bold. No, more.... 80% more bold. No, that's too much."
(Also, if you haven't given Santa Clarita Diet on Netflix a try, I suggest that you do sooner rather than later. I ended up binge-watching the first season over a couple of days- it would've taken less time, but I have to be an adult on occasion, boo!- and I loved it. Hilarious just isn't even the word for it.).
But then again, my hair is so long that when I straighten it (trust me, you do not want to see my unruly natural hair.... unless you follow me on Instagram, in which case you already have) that it almost reaches down to my butt. And frankly, that's an accomplishment for me, because I have a very short attention span. Maybe I'll get one of those pixie cuts one of these days.... maybe after I lose like, I don't know, fifty pounds. So clearly, I have time to spare.
(On a totally unrelated note, we watched Hacksaw Ridge last night and holy hell, that is an incredible movie. I recommend it to any and everyone. I'll write more about it sometime, but if you want to watch something great (Andrew Garfield, Vince Vaughn, Luke Bracey, and every guy in it absolutely kill their roles) and you're a fan of Mel Gibson's directing (I'm also a pretty big Mel Gibson fan), watch this. And if you're not, watch it anyway. The fact that it is a true story is even more breathtaking.).