And it's not because I'm ashamed of what I think, and it's not because I'm afraid of how people will react to me and my opinions. I think I am just the type of person that doesn't feel the need to justify herself to satisfy others.
I think, feel, and do what I think is right and I steer clear of people I think are not good to or for me.
And while I do try to see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt (for the most part), there are just some things that I can't seem to understand. I think it's because I can't wrap my head around them and no matter how hard I try, I can't figure out why there are so many bad people doing terrible things out in the world.
It used to feel like the good outweighed the bad and we were all working on a system to try and get the balance in check as best we could. But now, these days, it doesn't so much feel like we're going forward.... or backwards. It feels like we're standing still, because we have no clue where to go. We're just standing on a precipice staring out into the open with nowhere to go and fire behind us.
So, what do we do? Do we try to climb down the cliff? Do we jump and hope it's not as bad as we think? Or, do we turn around and face the fire knowing that it very well might be our last fight and we might not make it out?
Earlier this month, on the night of October 1, a gunman opened fire on a crowd of concertgoers at the Route 91 Harvest music festival that was taking place on the Las Vegas Strip.
This event left 58 people dead, 546 injured, and countless lives changed forever.
While people were out on the lawn enjoying Jason Aldean's set, dancing and singing and laughing and loving, a 64-year-old man by the name of Stephen Paddock opened fire from the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay hotel, from the room that he had been staying in. For about ten minutes he fired hundreds of rifle rounds, and about an hour after the last shot was fired, police found him dead in his room from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.... his motive is unknown.
Unknown. As in, this was the deadliest mass shooting committed by an individual in the history of the United States and no one has any clue why he did what he did. I'm not saying that if he had stated a reason that any of us would understand or that it would be easier, but it almost seems like not knowing is worse than knowing.
I wasn't going to say anything about this, because as I said, I don't tend to talk in a public forum about things like this, but after reading an article on my Yahoo homepage this morning that made me sick at my stomach, I felt like I needed to say something. Not that people will listen, but for myself.
Something like this can bring out the very worst kinds of people. People so vile that you didn't even know they existed outside of movies and books. In almost anything fictional, they always have an "evil" entity (antagonist), that the "hero" (protagonist) has to deal with. And it's like this, because without evil we wouldn't know how truly good some people can be. We root for our heroes and hope that in the end good conquers evil. That's what we've all been made to believe since we were children. The prince saves the princess, the evil queen is destroyed, the hero sacrifices themselves so that people may go on for another day, and at the end of the day everybody gets their happily ever afters.
Except, that's not how real life works. Sometimes there is no happy ending and the bad people win.
We learned these lessons in Oklahoma in 1995, Columbine in 1999, New York/ Virginia/ Pennsylvania in 2001, Sandy Hook in 2012, Boston in 2013, Orlando in 2016, and countless others. We learned that some people are bad and some are evil and sometimes, the "good guys" don't necessarily win.
Because when it comes to something like this, there really never is a "winner."
And then sometimes, through all of the darkness and the fog, a little ray of hope shines through. Something like this most definitely brings out some of the worst people that you can imagine, but it also brings out some of the very best in people. You hear about people saving strangers, and helping as many around them as they can. You hear about communities coming together to treat, love, help.... and heal.
My heart and the sincerest part of myself goes out to these people and their families.
"Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious, and the greatest healing energy." -Sai Baba
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