My nervous breakdown was temporarily averted for another day.

Y'all, it's amazing what the combination of wine/vodka, antidepressants, dogs, and a clean house can do for your mood.

I kid.... mostly. But, I did feel like I was about to have a catastrophic mental break yesterday and I was completely worn out. I seriously didn't think I was going to be able to do anything, let alone a list of things, but I forced myself with everything that I had to at the very least clean my disgusting clusterf*ck of a house, because I'm pretty sure that's where 93% of my anxiety was coming from. You know, for yesterday at least, because every day there's a new thing that gives me anxiety attacks.

Oh, what fun it is.

So yeah, as soon as I got off of work yesterday I headed straight to the house and started cleaning as soon as I walked in the door, because I knew if I sat down for even a minute I would lose all momentum and that's not something that comes easily to me these days. And when D got home, he started right in on helping me. Even my brother helped here and there and that's basically unheard of.

I had the kitchen, bathroom, etc. done by the time they got there and they helped me with the living room and the back bedroom. So now, when the guys deliver our bed today, it will fit and be surrounded by cleanliness. I'm even almost caught up on laundry, I have to wash the new sheet/comforter that I got for our bigger bed and then one to two more loads and it's all done.

And sure, there's still an endless list of shit that has to be done (like finishing the paint/trim/backsplash in the kitchen, repaint two walls/finish trim in the living room, mow the front yard/clean up the weeds, give the pups another bath, get the back room ready for company, figure out what's going on with our electric in the kitchen, etc.), and I can barely move and stay awake today, let alone function (it's not going well and I may very well pass out or sit on the couch and not be able to move the rest of the night), but wins are so few and far between these days that I'll take what I can get.

That my friends, is where I am. Not well, but not as bad in the nervous breakdown department today.

Honestly though, give it time, it's definitely coming.... possibly even later on today. The way I feel these days, I never know when it's going to happen and while it's frustrating and terribly inconvenient, it's my life now.

This picture was taken Sunday evening post kitchen painting/precleaning.