I used to think that my paranoia was on a whole other level. I've been like this my entire life and while I've always been a pretty straight-laced person, the fact that I've had my "wild" moments is forever prevalent in the back of my mind.
Sure, I may not be a criminal in any sense of the word, but I'm also not completely innocent and have done things that while I may not regret (even though we all have regrets) I have done things that have been incredibly stupid.
So, maybe my paranoia comes from a place of deeper meaning. Honestly, I'm not sure. I just know that I have always been on edge and that my delusions of the world around me have always made me extremely aware of the fact that anything can go terribly wrong at any moment.
Maybe that's not a way to live life, but it's the life that I've been living and there's no way to get around it. It also probably doesn't help that I can't stop watching murder/mystery shows and police dramas that constantly have me on the edge of my seat and sanity.
Eh, you win some, you lose some.
The point I'm trying to make is, even when I'm in my own house or car, I feel the overwhelming urge to still be unsettled. Sure, I'm more comfortable in my own home or car than I am someone else's, but to say that I can let my nerves and hyperawareness placate would be a bold faced lie. I've never been one to not be anxious and I'm constantly in a battle within my own mind to just calm myself and make my anxiety simmer down.
Unfortunately, that is not the mindset that I find myself dealing with on a daily basis, hence the constant checking of my backseat before I get into my car and the questioning stance I have on what lays behind my shower curtain in the bathroom.
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