So. Much. F*cking. Change. (And work). But, damn does it look good.

This past weekend, D and I decided to finally tackle our shed/garage/back bedroom. And oy vey, y'all. To say it was a task would be putting it mild as all holy hell. There was SO MUCH work that had to go into it. 

And I know, you're probably thinking "how bad could it possibly have been?" And the answer to that would be, BAD.

You see, three and a half years ago when Momma passed away, I proceeded to put everything into our shed that could be crammed in. Didn't matter what it was or the fact that it wasn't packed properly. I honestly just did not want to deal with it or the emotions that came along with it. 

In fact, that's kind of what happened to our entire house. We've made some changes throughout the years, but mainly it has always felt like it was Momma's house. Even though we lived there together, there were certain things that I refused to change or simply didn't have the strength to deal with. And unfortunately, you can tell that my emotions and depression got the best of me. Because it is was a disaster. 

D, bless him, has been a rock throughout this entire process. Don't get me wrong, he would've rearranged and cleaned and done any and all of it by himself, but it was something that we both knew I was going to want to do one day, we just had to wait for that day to come.

And come it did. (Hehe, that's what she said- yes, I'm twelve).

Our house finally feels like our house. There's not one room either of us can go in that doesn't immediately scream a mixture of us and the life we share together. 

I felt guilt, you know. These last three and a half years I thought somehow if I changed or got rid of something that I would somehow be kicking Momma's memory or something like that. I felt such immense guilt that it was debilitating and I felt as if someone was holding me under water. Eventually I realized that it wasn't right that I felt this way, but unfortunately with depression or anxiety, it is less about what you should feel and more about what you can't help but to feel.

But, here we are. We've tackled a giant portion of our house and the rest doesn't seem quite as daunting as the original prospect of it. With the main part done, we can go through boxes a little at a time. Condense and dispose of. You know, keep moving forward and such. There's still SO MUCH to do, but our house finally feels like our home and it's a very nice thing to come into at the end of the day. Our own place where we can raise our pups and live our lives.... together.