Love the life you have not the one you were expected to have.

I decided to do a little bit of reflecting for my thirty-fourth birthday.

Dani has a few quotes hanging in her office and one of my very favorites is, "love the life you have, not the life you expected to have." And the first time I read it, it stopped me in my tracks. Because I would say I live my life as an extension of this quote. 

Not living the way that I expected but more so, what was expected of me. 

I love my life. Dev and I have managed to fill our house with love and laughter and fun and joy and companionship. Our pups are an extension of our love, as they're our children and together we're all an amazing and beautiful family. 

My beautiful, amazing, special family. 

However, many people would look at our lives and roll their eyes. They would use words like lazy, codependent, barren (yes, that has been used to describe me because we made the decision to not have children), immature, shit like that.

And what do we say to those people who feel they have the right to have an opinion on it or tell us how we should live our lives? F*ck you and yo couch.

I'm so happy in my life. Happier than I ever thought I would be. Sometimes I feel guilt for being so happy. I realized I felt like that because if Momma hadn't passed away, life would look alot different now than it does. But, I think through that guilt and know she would want nothing but happiness and love for me. Just because I'm happy now doesn't mean I don't miss her or wish she was here. It just means I'm living a fulfilling life and she would be proud of that.

So to the people who don't think it's a good or realistic life? KILL YOURSELF, TROY.

I feel like we are all the other needs. And I'm sure some people would think that's incredibly unhealthy. People say shit like, "you can't only have your spouse as your friend" and others say "you can't only hang out with your spouse" and "you need girlfriends." Society thinks we should spend time apart and live by a set of standards that were developed in 1953. I say to hell with all that.

Y'all know it's 2024, right? The world is full and open to possibilities and we don't have to live the lives of the umpteenth generations before us. Sure, we can take pieces and skills and morals and apply them to our lives moving forward, but there really is no guideline to how you should be living your life. There are no set times you should meet your accomplishments and there's no one other than yourself that should tell you what is and what is not an accomplishment in YOUR life.

You want to have children? Cool. You don't want to procreate? Cool. You want to go back to school in your forties? You go, girl. You never want to step foot into another educational hall as long as you live? Don't blame you, dude. You wanna live life on the road out of a van? Me too. You want to have a $200,000 house? I wouldn't want to clean that bitch, but I'm happy for you!

See how that works? I don't give a shit how you want to live your life as long as you're not hurting anyone and being an absolute piece of shit while you're doing it. You're not hurting anyone, you're just weird and eclectic and quirky? You do you and the rest will come out in the wash or ringer.

I don't have an age where I think you should be a homeowner, or have children, or be finished with your education, or stop eating cereal for dinner. I don't even think you should do any of those things if you don't want to. You want to live in a fantasy land and fill your home with Disney and sour patch kids? You're grown and work hard for your money DO WHAT YOU WANT.

If you are quite literally winging life with $2.03 in your checking account and $30 in your savings account and trying to pay bills paycheck by paycheck, guess what? I'm still f*cking proud of you, because you're trying and doing the best you can do.

I think we could all do with extending a little more grace to those around us. Life is hard and unpredictable and there really is no reason to make another's life worse just because you don't agree with something about said person. Not being a dick, but can't you just turn right back the f*ck around and mind your own f*cking business? 

Oh, you have a problem with my excessive use of the word f*ck? Blow me.

So no, my life is not what others deem to be conventional. I am me and we live our lives the best way we know how. With nothing but love and admiration and devotion for the other. 

Live your life for you. We only get one and quite honestly it's beautiful in all the ways. Be free and happy... fill your homes with warmth and companionship and love whomever is going to love you back the fiercest. I know I do.

And just so you know, you don't have to wait until your thirty-fourth birthday to do it. Start right now.