Thursday, March 26, 2015

I met my cousins from Arkansas. (Again).

When I was little we used to take random trips and honestly I never put too much thought into it. I have always been one to just kind of go with the flow. (Plus, I LOVE roadtrips). While I would like to see the East Coast, we always went South. Don't get me wrong, I love the South. It's not where I was born, but it was where I was raised and still consider it my home even to this day. I would just like to see the East Coast and I'm extremely excited that Uncle Doodle and Aunt Poot are letting Momma and I tag along to Chicago next month.

But I digress.

We always went South. (Which is awesome). Florida, Arkansas, Georgia. Never New Orleans (which would be amazing and is on my list of places to visit). I think my family always picked these places, because it just felt right. We were all together laughing, playing, and having fun. Making memories. You know, things that you do before people grow up and you think to yourself- "Man, my cousin really is a douche canoe". Just saying.

We have a lot of family from Arkansas. Originally my Grandpa Arkie (not his original name, but I'm sure you can guess how he got that nickname and went by it his entire life) was from there and when he moved he always made sure that the rest of us knew some form of where he came from. Whether by visit, song, or story, we knew. And those were the best gifts that he ever did give.

When I was a little girl we took a visit to good ole Arkansas. I don't remember much of the trip, that's how small I was. But I remember bits and pieces. I remember one of my Aunts yelling at me to get down, because I was climbing a tree in my favorite dress. (My Momma should have named me Grace). I remember that same Aunt putting my cousin Shantel and I in the ugliest two hats that you ever did see and taking pictures next to some monuments. And by monuments, I mean those plaque things that tell you a little bit about whatever town your ins history. I find those things awesome, but that's just me.  By the way, trust me when I say that those hats were ugly. Uck.

I also remember that I met my Mommas cousins and while I don't remember them very well, I do remember that one of them (Becky) gave me a cupcake and told me that she liked my dress and just chuckled at my dirty face and scraped knees. Obviously, she was my favorite. And that was over twenty years ago.

Well, she and her family (just a couple of them) decided to come up for a visit and Wednesday night I met them. (Again). I remembered bits and pieces of Becky (cupcakes and crazy), but didn't remember her husband (Steve) and had never met her daughter (Becca).

Becca just turned eighteen and she's as cute as a little button. I took to her immediately and I think it's because she reminds me so much of me at eighteen. You know, fun loving, sarcastic and outspoken. Not to mention sensitive and a bit crazy. I had never met her, she wasn't even born the last time that I was in Arkansas, but that didn't stop us from laughing and cutting up like we had known each other for years.


Isn't she just the cutest little ball of Arkansassy that you ever did see? She calls me tiny, because I'm about six inches shorter than her and it's hilarious. We seem to have a lot in common, which is also hilarious to me (Never grown up #peterpansyndrome).

We all got together to hang out and just have a good ole time at Uncle Robbie and Aunt Winnie's house. It was a blast. Between the jokes, chili "cook off" (Aunt Winnie made all the chili and it was yummy), the karaoke and the talking we all lost track of time. Momma and I got home fairly late and as a result we're both pretty beat today, but you know what? Worth it.

Steve played the guitar while mostly Becky and Becca sang (they have beautiful voices might I add) even though we all chimed in every now and then. Becky kept trying to get me to sing and Steve even played Simple Man (classic) for me, but my "stage fright" (even though it was just family) completely knocked that one out of the park. That was until I sat down on the floor with Shantel and she played Neon Moon. There's just something about that song (it's my favorite song ever and only my closest family and friends know that) that makes me need to "perform" it. Ok, maybe not "perform" it, but I definitely have to sing along.

They all head back to Arkansas on Friday and I wish that they could stay through the weekend. But alas I am an adult and while I would like to just blow everything off so we could just hang out with them, I can't. Boo. But we will definitely all have to keep in touch and make arrangements for more visits in the future.

P.s. I expect copies of those pictures that you and your Momma took of all of us and pictures from your Prom/Graduation, Becca! You and Sir Harrington are gonna be so adorable!! But you already know that.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

And I'm just drinking wine. (And eating Bagel Bites).

(No regrets).


Every time I talk to one of my "girlfriends" it seems like each one of them (with the exception of a couple) are either pregnant, planning a wedding, or telling me a new story about one of their kids that's "just SO adorable" I have to hear it. It never seems like I ask one of them how things are that they say- "Oh you know just hanging around the house" or "This guy is really on my ass.....and I like it", not even "I tried this new pasta dish the other night, it's delicious and you have to try it immediately". (I'm on the hunt for delicious pasta dishes as of right now). Do any of these things come up?

Nope.

It's mostly (once again, with the exception of a few) just a whole lot of "Wait until you see what little Bobby made in school the other day" and "We decided on a Spring wedding for next year, because we can barely wait" (By the way, if you can "barely wait" get married tomorrow, not a year from this allergy season, which will also be you know, allergy season). Also, "I have cankles, hemorrhoids, and my boyfriend currently hates me, because my mood swings make me throw knives at his face. He's getting really good at bobbing and weaving. Just wait until you get pregnant and have a baby, you'll understand".

Oh, really? Will I understand? Will I?! Because you just made it all sound so appealing. What with not being able to be comfortable even when you're naked, involuntary things popping out and turning the guy that you "love" into a MMA Fighter, why wouldn't I look forward to all of these things? Not too mention that you love this guy SO much that you can "barely wait" to get married. And then wait another whole year and some. Sounds legit. By the way "Bobbys" little "painting"? I don't know what in the hell that is. It looks like about two finger swipes and a nose dive to me. Don't worry though, I'm sure he'll improve with age. And if not, just hold out hope that he grows up smart enough to not accidentally staple his own scrotum to his own leg and desk. You laugh, but like father like son.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my friends. Love them. I only have a very select few, because I'm a firm believer in the whole "quality over quantity" practition, but every once in awhile one of them says something and it irks me on a whole other level. I mean, I accept you for the crazy, baby having, man trapping, secret pill popping (when you're not pregnant) mess that you are.

What? Did you think that there was a purpose to me telling you all of the things that I accept them for? I think the purpose is implied. And not all of them do these kinds of things and they very much accept me for me, but every once in awhile, I think they feel the need to "impart some wisdom" on me or something. And no offense, but I'm perfectly happy staying in at night, eating bagel bites and drinking alcohol soda.

I think the whole purpose of this post is to tell you guys that I know you are only worried about me and I love you guys for it, but really, I'm ok. You know me, I'm very much just me and I'm not going to change anytime soon. Which is probably good since our friendships are built on 7/8 sarcasm.

Also, "Bobbys" dad is an idiot. 

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

How to: Survive a Hangover {According to Danielle}.

Danielle and I were talking about hangovers last Friday. It's been awhile since I've actually had one, but she's kind of a pro at it by this point. Except New Years Eve when she got so drunk at the neighbors house that she informed her husband that she was and I quote "just gonna puke right here in the front yard". Don't worry, he made her go into the house before she actually puked. And she immediately regretted drinking all of those tasty alcoholic beverages the next morning. So, to avoid absolute impending death, here are her step by step guidelines for survival.


1. Stop puking.

This is the first and most important step really. Basically because you can't function let alone do anything else involving life while still going through this process. So, get it all out so you can move on.

2. Water and Meds.

After the puking ceases you're going to want to load up on water and meds. The alcohol induced vomiting has made you severely dehydrated and in turn is causing your head to feel about 9 times its normal size. Sorry.  

3. Rest. Approximately 20 hours. (Or 6 if you're not overly-dramatic).

Sometimes 6 hours can feel like 20 hours of rest and it's much needed at this point. After all, you did just spend the last 3.5 hours throwing up vodka and tequila. (Not the best drink mixture, by the way). 

4. Eat. Cheese or Bread. Or a whole box of cheez-its. With caffeine.

Because they're (Cheez-its) basically bread and cheese. But don't try eating just cheese and crackers, because it's not the same. It has to be cheez-its. Or, you can eat McDonalds breakfast. But it HAS to be their breakfast. If you've missed the cut-off, just stop at the store and get cheez-its.

5. At this point you're going to get the shakes.

Take a shower and drink some more caffeine to get over the shakes. If you don't do something to alleviate the shakes you're going to start vomiting again and then have to start this whole process over. You're halfway there, you don't want to start over. Trust me.

6. Get 10 more hours of rest.

Maybe not exactly 10 more hours, but this step is kind of like number 3. Just a few more hours of rest can feel like 10.

7. Eat a big meal. The greasier the better.

This is where pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni or a hamburger and fries comes in handy. If you're a vegetarian, I don't really know what to tell you to eat. Mozzarella sticks, perhaps? But you're going to want to make sure that whatever it happens to be that it is greasy.

8. Go back to bed.

After that big meal you're going to need some sleep. And you may ask "But why? I'm feeling so much better?" IT'S A TRAP. Don't be fooled, if you don't go back to bed you'll regret that you even exist.

9. Next day: Take more meds and drink more caffeine.

You made it through the whole first day and should be proud. If you followed my step by step guide then you're probably feeling pretty good. Not 100% but when was the last time you truthfully felt 100%? If you're thinking about it the answer is a long freaking time ago.

10. If you made it this far there's only one thing left you have to do.

And that is- make it through the chronic alcohol induced diarrhea that's bound to emerge. Good luck and Godspeed.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

My brother and his brood.

Friday night my brother, his girlfriend, their three kids (technically his step kids), and their dog all came up to spend the night. Plus, Solae. Do that math. That equals out to four adults, four children, two dogs, and a partridge in a pear tree crammed into our teeny tiny two bedroom apartment.


Shoot. Me. Now.

I barely survived and my brother is an ass. That is all.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Winter is coming.... no, it's already here.

I'm not usually one to complain about weather. There's really no point in it. The climate is going to change and frankly, weather just happens. Snow, sleet, hail, rain, heat, humidity. It's all going to happen at one point or another. And honestly, I would rather be cold than hot. I can always put on another layer of clothes, but I can't exactly strip down nude and go into public. I mean, I guess I could, but it's probably not a good idea.


But this Winter? Oh, this Winter. It seems like Winter is becoming worse and worse as I get older. And not in the "I'm turning into a little old lady" sense (I'm already there), but in all seriousness, it's just become worse. The months are longer, the snow is deeper, and things hurt worse.

It used to be that when I fell on the ice (which happens at least twice every Winter) the only thing that it would hurt was my pride. Unfortunately it's just not like that anymore. Now it hurts everything. It hurts the back, legs, neck, blah, blah. You get the idea. And it used to only last about three months, but now it seems that Winter sticks around for October-April. In some cases, even May.


Did y'all know that it snowed 8 inches on Saturday night and that it was still snowing come Sunday morning when I got up? If not, you do now. Not to mention that there was already like four inches on the ground. I feel bad for the people in Boston and such that have somewhere around (what I assume) is 10 foot. The only good thing about all of this snow? The fact that I can sit down on the mounds of it and let Momma take cute pictures of me to text to my friends. And maybe I don't look real cute in them (I don't), but let me think that I do, please. Just let me have this.

This weather doesn't tend to stop my family though. Well, on the day that it's not horrible that is. In fact, this past Saturday almost all of the girls in my family (and Bubby) got together and went out to eat. Mexican food- yum!! Seriously, just promise me Mexican food and I'm totally there at any point and time. I probably would've waded through the snow on foot for that.


On the days/nights that it is bad though we all (I don't know if it's all of us or just me, but whatevs) tend to stay inside and clean then watch movies. Awesome movies like- The Wraith and The Other Woman. Can I just say that there's nothing better than a good ole 80s movie? Especially when it has classic Charlie Sheen in it. There's just not a whole lot of things that beat Charlie Sheen. In my opinion. And the movie The Other Woman? Hilarious.