I don't have any answers.
I usually steer clear of all subjects regarding anything considered "political" in a public forum. And it's not because I'm ashamed of what I think, and it's not because I'm afraid of how people will react to me and my opinions. I think I am just the type of person that doesn't feel the need to justify herself to satisfy others. As I said, this has nothing to do with politics.
But, it does have everything to do with people.
Earlier this week, on Wednesday, February 14, 2018, a gunman opened fire at a high school in Parkland, FL.
This event left seventeen people dead, several others injured, and countless lives changed forever.
While kids and staff were leaving their classrooms and the building for what they thought was a fire drill, a 19-year-old man by the name of Nikolas Cruz opened fire outside and in the hallways of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. For around six minutes, but what must have felt like an eternity, shots were fired outside and in the hallways and classrooms of the first and second floor. Some say that he went to the third floor and tried to shoot fleeing students. He eventually discarded his rifle, vest, and ammunition in a stairwell, and proceeded to weave his way into the students that were being evacuated to camouflage himself and escape the chaos that he had caused. He walked away like nothing had happened and proceeded to run errands and get himself a drink. Around an hour later, he was arrested on a residential street and taken into custody.
With that being said, I ask you one question.... why? Why would someone do this?
It feels like I was just here, sorting through all of these feelings and trying to understand.... because I was, back in October.
There are certain tragic moments that stick with people. And unfortunately, that number is only growing with each passing day. Just in my lifetime alone there have been too many to count. For some it's Oklahoma in 1995. Others, New York/Virginia/Pennsylvania in 2001. More recently, Newton Connecticut (known as Sandy Hook) in 2012, Boston in 2013, Orlando in 2016, Las Vegas in 2017. And just last month, there was a school shooting in Benton, Kentucky leaving two dead and eighteen injured.
For me, I remember when Columbine happened in 1999. I was just a little kid and was completely terrified to go to school.
I've tried over and over again to understand why someone would do something like this and each time I always come to the same conclusion.... and that conclusion is, I honestly have no idea. I don't know what makes someone think to do something like this and I don't think I'll ever comprehend any of it. Honestly, I don't even know that we're ever supposed to.
Something like this shouldn't be an everyday occurrence. We shouldn't be "expecting" things like this to happen and it shouldn't be common enough for people to be able to say "we saw this coming" or "we're not really all that surprised." How has it gotten here? HOW HAVE WE GOTTEN HERE? How have we all let our society get to this point? How have we let this continue?
More importantly, how can we stop this? I'm not guileless, I'm aware that violence has been present since the beginning of time and will always be a factor in our lives no matter how far we come. There's absolutely nothing that can be done to stop it. But, shouldn't we be able to help the situation in general? Shouldn't we be able to make horrible events such as this not be such a common occurrence one way or the other?
To say yes sounds naive, but to say no sounds.... hopeless.
When you're trying to wrap your head around something like this it's easy for you to come up with the solution in your head. It's easy for you to do the play by play and "fix it." But the truth is, no one person is going to fix something like this. This isn't a "person" problem it's a "people" problem.
It's also incredibly easy to give up hope. Once you read about these horrible events over and over again, it's remarkable how easy it is to lose all faith in humanity in general and chalk it all up to "people are the worst." And sure, we've all thought it before. I know I have.
But you want to know what makes me reevaluate that thought? It's never just one big thing.... it's always a bunch of little ones. There are people out there that are "the worst" but there are also people out there that are "the best." And those kind of people are what makes going on worth it.
I don't know how we're all going to get through this. As I said, I don't have the answers and couldn't even begin to pretend to know what they are.
This is no different than what I had to say about Columbine, 9/11, Sandy Hook, Orlando, or Vegas....
Something like this can bring out the very worst kinds of people. People so vile that you didn't even know they existed outside of film and novels. In almost every work of fiction, there is always an "evil" entity (antagonist), that the "hero" (protagonist) has to deal with. And it's designed like this, because without evil how would we ever measure kindness and the goodness in someone? Without it we wouldn't know to root for our heroes and have hope that in the end good will always conquer evil. We've all had this ingrained into us since we were children.... the prince saves the princess, the evil queen is destroyed, the hero comes out on top and we all go on to fight another day.
We hope that at the end of the day, everyone will get their happily ever afters.... except, that's not how real life works. When it comes to something like this, there are never really "winners" but it can feel like the evil is winning regardless. And it's a completely hopeless feeling. It always has been.
But then, sometimes, through all the darkness and the fog, a little tiny ray of hope can shine through. And sometimes, it's such a tiny little ray that if you don't pay attention or you're not looking for it, you can completely miss it.
Sure, moments like these can bring out some of the worst in people.... but, it can also bring out the very best of people.
You hear about the purity within someone such as helping others even though it might come at significant personal cost to themselves. And you hear about others making sure that someone will go on through them, because they touched their lives in such a deep way. You hear about communities coming together to treat, love, help.... and eventually, maybe even begin to heal.
When you're thinking about this, try to remember, this wasn't just "something that happened." And it's not just a "blip" on your newsfeed for a couple of weeks. It certainly isn't just a "dark spot in our history." At least, that's not all it should be remembered for. Remember the names: Alyssa Alhadeff. Scott Beigel. Martin Duque Aguiano. Nicholas Dworet. Aaron Feis. Jaime Guttenberg. Chris Hixon. Luke Hoyer. Cara Loughran. Gina Montalto. Joaquin Oliver. Alaina Petty. Meadow Pollack. Helena Ramsay. Alex Schachter. Carmen Schentrup. Peter Wang.
My heart and the sincerest part of myself goes out to these people and their families.
"Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious, and the greatest healing energy." -Sai Baba
I've tried over and over again to understand why someone would do something like this and each time I always come to the same conclusion.... and that conclusion is, I honestly have no idea. I don't know what makes someone think to do something like this and I don't think I'll ever comprehend any of it. Honestly, I don't even know that we're ever supposed to.
Something like this shouldn't be an everyday occurrence. We shouldn't be "expecting" things like this to happen and it shouldn't be common enough for people to be able to say "we saw this coming" or "we're not really all that surprised." How has it gotten here? HOW HAVE WE GOTTEN HERE? How have we all let our society get to this point? How have we let this continue?
More importantly, how can we stop this? I'm not guileless, I'm aware that violence has been present since the beginning of time and will always be a factor in our lives no matter how far we come. There's absolutely nothing that can be done to stop it. But, shouldn't we be able to help the situation in general? Shouldn't we be able to make horrible events such as this not be such a common occurrence one way or the other?
To say yes sounds naive, but to say no sounds.... hopeless.
When you're trying to wrap your head around something like this it's easy for you to come up with the solution in your head. It's easy for you to do the play by play and "fix it." But the truth is, no one person is going to fix something like this. This isn't a "person" problem it's a "people" problem.
It's also incredibly easy to give up hope. Once you read about these horrible events over and over again, it's remarkable how easy it is to lose all faith in humanity in general and chalk it all up to "people are the worst." And sure, we've all thought it before. I know I have.
But you want to know what makes me reevaluate that thought? It's never just one big thing.... it's always a bunch of little ones. There are people out there that are "the worst" but there are also people out there that are "the best." And those kind of people are what makes going on worth it.
I don't know how we're all going to get through this. As I said, I don't have the answers and couldn't even begin to pretend to know what they are.
This is no different than what I had to say about Columbine, 9/11, Sandy Hook, Orlando, or Vegas....
Something like this can bring out the very worst kinds of people. People so vile that you didn't even know they existed outside of film and novels. In almost every work of fiction, there is always an "evil" entity (antagonist), that the "hero" (protagonist) has to deal with. And it's designed like this, because without evil how would we ever measure kindness and the goodness in someone? Without it we wouldn't know to root for our heroes and have hope that in the end good will always conquer evil. We've all had this ingrained into us since we were children.... the prince saves the princess, the evil queen is destroyed, the hero comes out on top and we all go on to fight another day.
We hope that at the end of the day, everyone will get their happily ever afters.... except, that's not how real life works. When it comes to something like this, there are never really "winners" but it can feel like the evil is winning regardless. And it's a completely hopeless feeling. It always has been.
But then, sometimes, through all the darkness and the fog, a little tiny ray of hope can shine through. And sometimes, it's such a tiny little ray that if you don't pay attention or you're not looking for it, you can completely miss it.
Sure, moments like these can bring out some of the worst in people.... but, it can also bring out the very best of people.
You hear about the purity within someone such as helping others even though it might come at significant personal cost to themselves. And you hear about others making sure that someone will go on through them, because they touched their lives in such a deep way. You hear about communities coming together to treat, love, help.... and eventually, maybe even begin to heal.
When you're thinking about this, try to remember, this wasn't just "something that happened." And it's not just a "blip" on your newsfeed for a couple of weeks. It certainly isn't just a "dark spot in our history." At least, that's not all it should be remembered for. Remember the names: Alyssa Alhadeff. Scott Beigel. Martin Duque Aguiano. Nicholas Dworet. Aaron Feis. Jaime Guttenberg. Chris Hixon. Luke Hoyer. Cara Loughran. Gina Montalto. Joaquin Oliver. Alaina Petty. Meadow Pollack. Helena Ramsay. Alex Schachter. Carmen Schentrup. Peter Wang.
My heart and the sincerest part of myself goes out to these people and their families.
"Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious, and the greatest healing energy." -Sai Baba
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