Thanksgiving 2019: what to do, what to eat, who to be with.

I'm not extremely into the holidays this year. In all honesty, holidays have never really been my thing, but this year I feel especially ugh about them. I'm not full of holiday spirit, I'm not excited for festivities, and the entire process seems exhausting to me. I don't know what to do these days, but also the thought of doing things annoys me, so who f*cking knows.

Thanksgiving is coming up this week and we were supposed to go to my cousins house on Saturday (today) for their early celebration. But, D has to work and I feel like crap run over twice, so that's a giant bust. I know I should be more upset about it, but any kind of social function depletes my entire body and all brain operation ceases to exist.

What to do: So, we have decided instead that for Thanksgiving it's just going to be me, D, and our pups. (We invited my brother, his girl, and baby, but she wants to make them their own dinner at their house too, so it's all good). I'm going to get the stuff to cook us dinner this weekend and by Thursday, we'll be prepared.... well, food prepared, not mentally or emotionally prepared.

What to eat: I figured that since it's just going to be the two of us + the three pups, I would make us all the essentials of Thanksgiving, but only the things we like and not such large portions of everything. We've decided that the essentials we will need for our dinner are: turkey (I want to get a small turkey breast and make it in my InstantPot, D wants a full turkey to make in the oven, we're still debating it), mashed taters (D's dad suggested that we get the four-cheese bag potatoes and have those, but I prefer to make homemade mashed taters and D prefers the ones I make, so homemade it is), gravy (I found a trick to make homemade brown gravy and D practically drinks it, so I'm making that kind), sweet tater casserole (the only dessert we'll need- and apparently it needs to have marshmallows), stuffing (I'm so happy that we both prefer stove top stuffing to anything fancy!), green beans (just regular green beans, NOT green bean casserole, because GROSS), artichoke hearts (I've never had this for a holiday, but decided we should try something new for us), mac 'n cheese (we debated between mac n cheese or corn casserole and decided on the mac), cranberry sauce (the canned kind, NOT the homemade kind, because I might be the only one to eat it, but Momma always made sure that I had it every single year and this will be one tradition that I keep), and rolls (the Hawaiian sweet rolls, because they're the best and ain't nobody got the effort to be making homemade everything).

Who to be with: Like I said, it's just going to be me, D, and our pups. Of course, our little furchildren will get their own plates and celebrate with us, because we're basically just a married couple with three children. Our children just have four legs, fur, and are the cutest versions of babies EVER. This way, we can all gorge ourselves on food, while wearing ridiculous sweatpants and pajamas, and take naps while drinking booze and snuggling with the babies.... in between all of my mental breakdowns.

I've never made an entire holiday meal by myself before. I've helped Momma for as long as I can remember, but I've never done it solo. I'm pretty sure D is going to help me do the cooking, but it feels compeltely different without Momma here to direct me and supervise. I say that, because no matter how or what I screwed up, she always knew how to fix it. Last year she taught me how to make the Christmas ham, and while I don't know if I'll ever make one again, because she's not here, she did in fact teach me how to make it.

I've never made a turkey all by myself though. That's why I wanted to just do a breast in the InstantPot, but if we decide to do a full turkey, I guess I'll be googling some shit and possibly getting a roasting pan? Luckily, Momma always told me the Neely's on The Food Network always have my back, so I'll probably grab their turkey recipe. Speaking of roasting pan, I also need to get some more tupperware bowls (and disposable pans and maybe those fancy holiday plates that separate the food for you?), because ours are non-existent at this point. I swear, we have a bunch of stuff and then I go to find it and it's not there. I don't even know what happens to it.... maybe ghosts? But, cool ghosts. Like, the circa Civil War era ghosts. Those are the kind of ghosts to have if you're gonna be haunted. I would say that I want Momma to haunt me, but I really hope that she's at peace, so if we have ghosts, it's definitely those kind.

Sorry, I'm just rambling at this point. So yeah, that's the plan for Thanksgiving this year. I'm planning on eating, drinking, and crying my way through it. And D is going to help.... now if he would only go down to part-time.