I've essentially felt like I've been in a time warp since the Friday before Christmas... so... December 23rd?! I've basically just decided that between that time and this coming Monday (ie: the day after the first of the year and my final day of the last three day weekend I'll have for awhile) time means nothing and we're pretending to live in a calm and serene bubble.
Worrying about what will be and what is and what's going to sounds like a fucking 2023 Katie problem and I stand behind that reasoning. Sure, I'm doing all the things required of my adult life (work... ok, I'm just going to work, that's all), but I've decided I like having a carefree and oohsah attitude, so I think I want to keep it moving forward.
And in the spirit of keeping with that trend, I'm going to tell you a random story. Fact? Statement? Whatever.
I should probably start this out by saying D and I fell asleep at like eight thirty last night, but I was awake by eleven thirty, got up, took a shower, did dishes, and proceeded to not sleep for the next... until my alarm went off this morning, D also tossed and turned all night (when one of us can't sleep the other can feel it... or something). By the time my alarm went off I was reading a book on my Kindle and D rolled over and we proceeded to watch Tiktok videos together until well after six.
Once we rolled out of bed and I did the bare minimum to make myself presentable for the human population... we proceeded to stand in our kitchen talking while I made my coffee and he essentially made me feel better about having to deal with people that aren't him or our pups today.
Before I tell you what D said and how I laughed and knew it was beyond accurate, I feel like there needs to be a little context for you to understand this. I believe that our relationship is so loving and fun, because we're the best of friends along with being together. And I know people say their significant other is their best friend all the time, but when I say it, I legitimately mean it. He truly is my best friend and I could spend 25/8 with him and be perfectly fine with it. Unhealthy and codependent? Absolutely. Do I give a shit? Not even one.
With this level of friendship also comes our constant honesty. Neither one of us are under the impression that we're perfect. We both have our faults and where one slacks the other picks it up. It's not a problem for us, because all the things I hate doing he does and all the things he hates I don't mind doing. Sure, we like to tease each other about it, but neither of us truly care to do it for the other. We know our strengths and weaknesses and love each other for them. How boring would it be if everybody did the same things all the time without fail? Ugh.
So... while D has been home alone with the pups all day, he's been cleaning and organizing and basically doing all of the things we've been talking about needing done around the house that we just keep putting off.
Why do we keep putting them off? Well... because they're all things that are not "difficult" projects but are "time consuming" projects. Which means we can't really do them after work... because my anxiety will not allow me to shut off my brain until a project is completed once it's been started... but would default to weekend projects. Honestly, once the weekend rolls around we want to spend time together doing fun things or resting from the hard ass week not do adult projects that make me want to pull my perfectly ridiculous hair out.
And yes, we both realize that every other person on the planet has to figure this shit out and make it work, but D and I have a very unique approach to our lives and the way we live them... another million explanations for a million other days.
Back to the point. So, D has been doing all these projects by starting them first thing in the morning and having them done by the time I'm home from work in the afternoons. Which means I get to see all the amazing results and the vision we've talked about a million times come to life, but I don't actually have to see or participate in the anxiety inducing clusterfuck of it all. If I'm being honest (which I often am... sometimes to a fault) I love that shit, dude. It has been the best and now all I can think about are the fun things I get to do, because all the boring shit is out of the way.
The garage? Taken care of. Apparently Trav is coming by this morning (that boy will show up at four o'clock this afternoon and pretend it's nine in the morning *cry laughter*) to help D load up and haul off all the stuff we know for a fact is garbage. Then all that will be left is going through the boxes and sorting through what we keep, what goes to my brother, what goes to other family members, and what gets thrown out. I know it sounds daunting (because it is), but some of this stuff I've been moving around with me my entire life and I've been avoiding it all for going on four years. I think it's time I stop avoiding and start dealing with the last piece I haven't started dealing with yet.
The kitchen? Amazing. That's all I have to say about it and he's not even done yet. He rearranged our shelving and reorganized the entire system... got rid of some things and revamped the rest. He's got our bottom shelves left and then it will all be done. All I'll have to think about is how I want to paint our cabinets when the time comes. *swoon*
In fact, he's done so much around the house and in general lately that I kind of just want to jump his bones all the time, because that shit is sexy without even meaning to be sexy. You know what I mean? Maybe I'm just reading too much smut on Kindle.
Anyways... while we were talking this morning we were discussing the things that are done and the next things he's going to start on (quite literally the only man on the planet I know that requested a "honey-do" list) and he said,
"I know you don't really like change... especially when you have to deal with it... but I was hoping that with me doing it all you would like it."
Bro, write that on my fucking tombstone. If that isn't the most accurate description of my personality I don't know what is. I immediately started laughing which in turn made him start laughing and next thing I know I just felt good. He has that way. I don't know what he does or how he does it, but somehow and someway he just makes me feel... good. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.
Because it's the truth. I love absolutely everything he's done to the house/garage. It's incredible and so fun and cozy and basically a dream come true. It's both of our eclectic personalities coiled into one tiny little space and I am HERE FOR IT.
But just the thought of doing it all had me nervous twitching like a tweaker. And he knew that. He knew that I would eventually do it, but as soon as I started it I was going to get overwhelmed and in my own head about it. The man just knows me too well. So... he did it. He did all the things that could be done without me directly being there and he'll help me with all the rest moving forward.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of support and love that I want to continue throughout not only the new year, but our lives together.
I'm not perfect. So far from it I can't even see it as a blip in my rearview... and he not only knows that but accepts it and loves me for it. We love that we both acknowledge that we're human and we don't expect perfection out of each other. We only need and want love and understanding. We want to be together and live our lives our own way.
So yeah... I've been in a time warp for a week now... but I know once life catches back up and the anxiety and dauntingness that is the everyday starts creeping in that my husband will have my back and we'll keep doing it together. Because we truly are a pair now. You get one, you best be ready for the other, because we don't really like to do anything without the other.
Again, codependent? More than accurate. Do we care? Behold the field in which we grow our fucks... and see that it is barren.
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