Tuesday, September 27, 2016

When you feel like friendship is more of an obligation.

People in life come and go, there's absolutely no disputing that. Sometimes it's for the better, sometimes it's because no one had a choice in the matter.

....Other times, it's because only one person had the choice. It really only takes one person to make that decision and instead of holding onto something that kind of just weighs heavy on your mind and soul, isn't it sometimes easier to just let it go? It's not necessarily giving up, but just accepting what the situation actually is.

I've stumbled upon this conclusion quite recently.... about a "friend" of mine. And I say "friend" that way because, I have always considered her a friend, but have come to realize in the last few years that we're not friends anymore. At least not in the way that we used to be. We're "friends" out of feelings of obligation at this point. Honestly, we no longer have anything in common, we hardly ever speak (we haven't actually spoken in a couple of months), and to be one hundred percent truthful.... we don't even really like each other anymore.

And, I know that sounds horrible, and maybe it is, but we've known each other for so long that we've convinced ourselves that we're still friends, but we really haven't been friends in probably.... seven.... eight years? That's a long time to hold onto something that you both know isn't even there.

Sure, we know things about each other, and I wish her the very best, but I don't feel like we should go out of our way to communicate and be in each others lives when neither of us even wants to be. We've been "going through the motions of our friendship" for years, because we've known each other since we were little kids and have been through a lot together.... but it's all been exactly that. Just going through the motions.

I came to this conclusions a couple of months back when she asked me for my honest opinion, I told her what it was, and we haven't spoken since. Why? Because neither of us even likes the other enough to dispute and/or fight for it. I text her one other time to ask about her well being, she never responded, and after thinking on it a bit, I realized that I didn't even care and maybe it's for the best.

And I'm fine with that. Sure, we've had some good times and we're in a ton of each others memories.... but is all of the bullshit really worth trying to keep up with something that hasn't even been true in years? I just don't think that it is. And neither does she. So, we're not enemies, no one is sad, everyone knows what happened.... we're just a couple of people that were friends as kids and someone who is in a few old pictures.

And while that might be a harsh realization.... at least it is in fact real.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

It's rude to make someone feel old at 5:30 am.

(I'm young but, still very aware that I'm not getting any younger).

This morning I realized that the kid I used to babysit (well, I babysat him and his two brothers) graduated from highschool this past year. And his youngest brother (he was a little baby at the time) is now playing junior high football. As with most middle children, I have no effing clue what's going on with the middle brother (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!!) but, he's still hanging out in there somewhere. Did y'all hear me? One has graduated, the other is in highschool, and the youngest is in junior high taking hits on the field.


I swear, I'm not old yet. I mean, I've technically always been a little ole ninety- two year old man at heart BUT, in all actuality I am only twenty- six. That's young!! It's an adult age (and creeping up on thirty) but still young. Let's just say, I'm not going to be collecting social security anytime soon. But, I do have to say, when I realized that the oldest boy graduated this past year, the first thought that came through my mind was- "Fuuuucccccckkkkkk yyyyooouuuuu, guuuuuuyyyyyyyyyssssssssss." Because, I'm mature and why wouldn't it be?

I kid (mostly) but, watching teens today makes me realize not only how much tolerance I do not possess for teenagers but also, how I was weird as shit when I was a teenager (and how weird as shit I am right now). Not weird in the general description of weird but, weird in my own way. Example:

Sixteen year old girls today: "Girl, I can't go until I fix my hair. I'm either gonna straighten and/or curl it.... I don't know which one yet, maybe both!! I gotta look good for my man."
Me at sixteen: "Whatever, this half-ass, lopsided, ponytail will do. It's only falling down in the back.... and the sides.... and kind of in the front. I don't even care, if dude doesn't like it, he can get somebody else to ride in his damn truck with him."

Twenty- six year old women today: "Being an adult is hard but, I gotta look good. I mean, you never know who you'll run into!!"
Me at twenty- six: "Whatever, this half-ass, lopsided, ponytail will do. It's only falling down in the back.... and the sides.... and kind of in the front. I don't even care, if people don't like it, they can kiss it."

I'm serious, you would think that I was ninety-two, but alas, not even close. I did feel pretty damn old reading about those kids this morning though (remind me to never do that again). But, you know what? I'm good with it. You guys just keep getting older and I'll just keep drinking alcohol, eating nachos, and watching y'all make me old as shit. I'm good with it.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

52 has never looked so good.

(Happy Birthday, Momma).

This beautiful lady right here turns 52 today. I couldn't be any luckier in the "Mom Department" if they tried. She is, hands down, the best mother, friend, and woman that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I love you more than you'll ever know, Momma. You're my best friend, mother, and most importantly, my heart. Happy Birthday, Lemondrop. ❤️

(Also, you'll be happy to know that I posted this birthday message/image on social media and the not so unanimous vote is- I look just like my Momma. And you know what? I'm more than good with it!!)

Friday, September 16, 2016

Hello Friday, you beautiful wench.

(Hold, hold on, hold onto me, 'cause I'm a little unsteady.... and waiting on Friday to get its ass on over here already. At least the wait is over.).

And, this picture perfectly describes how I'm making it through this week.... hanging on by a damn thread and prayer.

After I get off of work today, I don't come back until Wednesday.

You may think that I'm talking a little roadtrip or vacation but, the truth is I'm taking off Monday and Tuesday because, Momma is having eye surgery on Monday and I wanted to make sure that I was there not only for the surgery but, for the next day as we don't know how it will affect her. We start one thing of her drops today, the second set starts on Sunday, then she'll have antibiotic drops for after the surgery. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Other than that, everything is pretty basic around these parts. Tayder has the driest skin of any dog in the county (and I have now affectionately changed his name to "Ichibum" because, the poor little thing just scratches his ass on everything these days). Our neighbors had their baby (and apparently you're supposed to congratulate people on that?). And we're back to our smaller tv because, the other one went kaput and didn't work out. You win some, you lose some.... right? Oh, and I'm almost done with the fourth season of Justified.... so, there's that.

Aunt Poot is taking us into Momma's surgery because, she wants to be there. No matter what kind of doctor and/or surgery, we both tend to get very nervous when it comes to Momma (and that ain't changing anytime soon). She recently got back from a little roadtrip herself, as she went to see a friend of hers and get away for a couple of days. She seemed relaxed when she got back but, she's been back for a couple of days now and I'm pretty sure that her stress levels have skyrocketed back on up there.

I haven't been sleeping too great lately; unless you count the night that I was awoken at two in the morning convinced that I was being pulled out of my bed by the hair of the head. I immediately grabbed my bat and started swinging, before I woke up more and realized that Tayder had crawled up to sleep atop my head and had somehow managed to get all four of his paws wrapped in my hair.... and it was him that was yanking me around by the head trying to get away.

Other than that though, sleep has alluded me. And this week has been at least seventeen days long.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

A look back. (Way the hell back).

(Oscar Wilde once said, "Nowadays, people know the price of everything.... and the value of nothing.").

The other night I was going through things and stumbled upon my old school yearbooks. I haven't look at them in years, and tend to forget about their existence unless we're moving and I happen to drop one (or six) on my foot. But, on that particular night I decided to thumb through two of them, just to see what we had all written to each other when we were just a couple of kids that had no clue what was in store for us.

(Side note: this my fourth grade "class officers" picture. Just what every little girl dreams of.... to perfectly blend in with the boys to the point of actually looking like one. Also, I was our V.P. because the little boy in the "Austin 3:16" shirt had "slim shady" hair and beat me in votes, because there were more girls in our class than boys, and most of the girls had a crush on him.... rude.).

And I read what people had written, laughing at some, reminiscing on others, and then I ran across what my JH/HS Social Studies/Government teacher (same guy) had written to me, my senior year. I've always held a special place in my heart for him, as do many of the kids that I grew up with.... along with the ones before us. We were extremely lucky to have had him as our teacher, as he retired the same year that I graduated. He was just one of those teachers that "got it." He was an amazing teacher, but he also took the time to understand all of us and realized that everyone was different in their own way, and no questions asked, just accepted it.

And did I mention how cool and funny he was? He white water rafted down the Rapids, sky dived, base jumped, bungee jumped, went on safaris, and studied abroad. The man fought for his country in war, loved the same woman for years, and inspired more young people than I can count. All because he believed in them. He didn't care who you were or where you came from, he treated you the same.

He wrote:

"Dear Cat, I want to thank you for all the pleasurable times we've had as teacher-student over the years. Your sharp wit and intelligent mind has been a joy for me. One of these days when I quit this game of teaching, I will look back on the good and bad times. It is you and students like you that will bring a smile to an old mans face. Thanks for the laughs, the smiles, and most of all, your kindness. May you be forever young. -L. Lee"

Firstly, I would just like to say that he is one of the only people that can get away with calling me "Kat" or "Cat" (he always spelled it with a "C" because it cracked him up). The only people that call me that are a select few that I grew up with (maybe, three people?) and him. Mostly, because I hate it. Except from them. Everyone else calls me either Katherine, Katie, or some other random nickname that I've collected over the years.

I would also like to be able to tell you that I see him from time to time and he's still out on one of his many adventures. I hope he is, and I hope whomever told me that he sadly passed away in 2009 was completely wrong. I was told a few years back that he had passed away following a heart attack, which isn't too far fetched considering the fact that we all knew he had a heart condition, and had a couple of heart attacks before. So, it could very well be true, but I truly hope that it isn't.

A kid in our class asked him one time why he still did all of the crazy/adventurous stuff that he knew he shouldn't after his second heart attack. He just smiled and informed us that a life living without fun, excitement, adventure, and love was a life that he just didn't want any part of.

And we all loved him for that.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Fifteen years later (and still so many questions).

(This is one of the things that I will just never understand).

--Original article found here. I just added to, but wanted my facts straight, as this is a very important subject for not only our history as a nation, but also to the victims of this attack and all those affected by the tragedy. I take no credit for the original article or its content. Besides what appears in the original article, all writing and opinions are my own. Thank you.--

On this day fifteen years ago a tragedy struck our nation. In the early morning hours of September 11, 2001 there were four attacks that lead to the tragic loss of so many lives. Lives of good men, innocent children, and loving women. The lives of fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, wives, husbands, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews, friends and co-workers. Lives that were cut far too short, far too soon. It's been fifteen years and we as a nation are still recuperating. After something like this tragedy happens, it begs the question-How do we recover? The answer is never simple, if there is even an answer at all. I'm not sure there is. I still haven't found it, and neither has any other person that I know of. All that seems to happen when it's brought up are more questions. People say that they have "moved on" from it, but have they really? Isn't it always somewhere in the back of their mind, closed up tightly in a box, waiting for its chance to spring back into your mind? Every year when September 11th rolls around, there are all those feelings again. Feelings of fear, anger, turmoil, sadness, and the ones that are there that there isn't even a name for, because no one can explain them. People tend to remember the events of a tragic day. Recalling everything that happened, who they saw, where they were, and sometimes even what they were wearing. Just small things that stay in your head. I remember. I still can't believe it was fifteen years ago; seems like yesterday and a lifetime all at once.

On September 11, 2001, 19 militants associated with the Islamic extremist group al-Qaeda hijacked four airliners and carried out suicide attacks against targets in the United States. Two of the planes were flown into the towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, a third plane hit the Pentagon just outside Washington, D.C., and the fourth plane crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. Often referred to as 9/11, the attacks resulted in extensive death and destruction, triggering major U.S. initiatives to combat terrorism and defining the presidency of George W. Bush. Over 3,000 people were killed during the attacks in New York City and Washington, D.C., including more than 400 police officers and firefighters.

On September 11, 2001, at 8:45 a.m. on a clear Tuesday morning, an American Airlines Boeing 767 loaded with 20,000 gallons of jet fuel crashed into the north tower of the World Trade Center in New York City. The impact left a gaping, burning hole near the 80th floor of the 110-story skyscraper, instantly killing hundreds of people and trapping hundreds more in higher floors. As the evacuation of the tower and its twin got underway, television cameras broadcasted live images of what initially appeared to be a freak accident. Then, 18 minutes after the first plane hit, a second Boeing 767– United Airlines Flight 175–appeared out of the sky, turned sharply toward the World Trade Center and sliced into the south tower near the 60th floor. The collision caused a massive explosion that showered burning debris over surrounding buildings and the streets below. America was under attack.

The attackers were Islamic terrorists from Saudi Arabia and several other Arab nations. Reportedly financed by Saudi fugitive Osama bin Laden’s al-Qaeda terrorist organization, they were allegedly acting in retaliation for America’s support of Israel, its involvement in the Persian Gulf War and its continued military presence in the Middle East. Some of the terrorists had lived in the United States for more than a year and had taken flying lessons at American commercial flight schools. Others had slipped into the country in the months before September 11 and acted as the “muscle” in the operation. The 19 terrorists easily smuggled box-cutters and knives through security at three East Coast airports and boarded four flights bound for California, chosen because the planes were loaded with fuel for the long transcontinental journey. Soon after takeoff, the terrorists commandeered the four planes and took the controls, transforming ordinary commuter jets into guided missiles.

As millions watched the events unfolding in New York, American Airlines Flight 77 circled over downtown Washington, D.C., and slammed into the west side of the Pentagon military headquarters at 9:45 a.m. Jet fuel from the Boeing 757 caused a devastating inferno that led to the structural collapse of a portion of the giant concrete building. All told, 125 military personnel and civilians were killed in the Pentagon, along with all 64 people aboard the airliner.

Less than 15 minutes after the terrorists struck the nerve center of the U.S. military, the horror in New York took a catastrophic turn for the worse when the south tower of the World Trade Center collapsed in a massive cloud of dust and smoke. The structural steel of the skyscraper, built to withstand winds in excess of 200 miles per hour and a large conventional fire, could not withstand the tremendous heat generated by the burning jet fuel. At 10:30 a.m., the other Trade Center tower collapsed. Close to 3,000 people died in the World Trade Center and its vicinity, including a staggering 343 firefighters and paramedics, 23 New York City police officers and 37 Port Authority police officers who were struggling to complete an evacuation of the buildings and save the office workers trapped on higher floors. Only six people in the World Trade Center towers at the time of their collapse survived. Almost 10,000 others were treated for injuries, many severe.

Meanwhile, a fourth California-bound plane–United Flight 93–was hijacked about 40 minutes after leaving Newark International Airport in New Jersey. Because the plane had been delayed in taking off, passengers on board learned of events in New York and Washington via cell phone and Airfone calls to the ground. Knowing that the aircraft was not returning to an airport as the hijackers claimed, a group of passengers and flight attendants planned an insurrection. One of the passengers, Thomas Burnett Jr., told his wife over the phone that “I know we’re all going to die. There’s three of us who are going to do something about it. I love you, honey.” Another passenger–Todd Beamer–was heard saying “Are you guys ready? Let’s roll” over an open line. Sandy Bradshaw, a flight attendant, called her husband and explained that she had slipped into a galley and was filling pitchers with boiling water. Her last words to him were “Everyone’s running to first class. I’ve got to go. Bye.”

The passengers fought the four hijackers and are suspected to have attacked the cockpit with a fire extinguisher. The plane then flipped over and sped toward the ground at upwards of 500 miles per hour, crashing in a rural field in western Pennsylvania at 10:10 a.m. All 45 people aboard were killed. Its intended target is not known, but theories include the White House, the U.S. Capitol, the Camp David presidential retreat in Maryland or one of several nuclear power plants along the eastern seaboard.

At 7 p.m., President George W. Bush, who had spent the day being shuttled around the country because of security concerns, returned to the White House. At 9 p.m., he delivered a televised address from the Oval Office, declaring, “Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve.” In a reference to the eventual U.S. military response he declared, “We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them.”

September 11, 2001: 

Good evening. 

Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts. The victims were in airplanes or in their offices: secretaries, business men and women, military and federal workers, moms and dads, friends and neighbors. Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror. The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge -- huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger. These acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed. Our country is strong.

A great people has been moved to defend a great nation. Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining. Today, our nation saw evil -- the very worst of human nature -- and we responded with the best of America. With the daring of our rescue workers, with the caring for strangers and neighbors who came to give blood and help in any way they could.

Immediately following the first attack, I implemented our government's emergency response plans. Our military is powerful, and it's prepared. Our emergency teams are working in New York City and Washington D.C. to help with local rescue efforts. Our first priority is to get help to those who have been injured, and to take every precaution to protect our citizens at home and around the world from further attacks. The functions of our government continue without interruption. Federal agencies in Washington which had to be evacuated today are reopening for essential personnel tonight and will be open for business tomorrow. Our financial institutions remain strong, and the American economy will be open for business as well.

The search is underway for those who were behind these evil acts. I have directed the full resources of our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible and to bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them. 

I appreciate so very much the members of Congress who have joined me in strongly condemning these attacks. And on behalf of the American people, I thank the many world leaders who have called to offer their condolences and assistance. America and our friends and allies join with all those who want peace and security in the world, and we stand together to win the war against terrorism.

Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23:
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me"
This is a day when all Americans from every walk of life unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day, yet we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world.

Thank you. Good night. And God Bless America.

-George W. Bush, following the attacks on our country

Operation Enduring Freedom, the American-led international effort to oust the Taliban regime in Afghanistan and destroy Osama bin Laden’s terrorist network based there, began on October 7. Within two months, U.S. forces had effectively removed the Taliban from operational power, but the war continued, as U.S. and coalition forces attempted to defeat a Taliban insurgency campaign based in neighboring Pakistan. Osama bin Laden, the mastermind behind the September 11th attacks, remained at large until May 2, 2011, when he was finally tracked down and killed by U.S. forces at a hideout in Abbottabad, Pakistan. In June 2011, President Barack Obama announced the beginning of large-scale troop withdrawals from Afghanistan, with a final withdrawal of U.S. forces tentatively scheduled for 2014.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

The sentiment that you say vs. What we all actually see.

(A little quip about social media love).

I know that I am not the only one that sees someone's "declarations of love" on FB (or other forms of social media) and thinks to myself- "No. Just, no." Anyone with me on this? Or, are you one of these people that feels the need to scream your "love" from the rooftops and mountain peaks?

If you're one of these people, I apologize if I'm offending you (no, I don't), and I'm not saying that you shouldn't/can't say things that are loving, or expressive of your feelings.... all I'm saying is, maybe make sure that it makes sense. It's kind of like how people also feel the need to "threaten" others with "ass whippings" and calling them a "skanky bitch" (side note: if you're going to call someone out on something like that, make sure that you also don't fit that bill) via social media. You know the kinds of people that I'm talking about. Do you ever read these posts and automatically think- "oh sweetie, noooo....."? Happened to me this morning when I read a post from a woman to her "man" and deep down just knew that she deserved better.

-And, I'm not saying that I'm perfect. Far from it, actually. Lord knows that I don't make good decisions when it comes to dating/significant others (best decision I've ever made was to just stay single, because my taste is for shit). I was raised that you are not better than anyone, but you are just as good as everyone. This isn't one of those "you're better than someone" posts. But, I mean, COME ON.

Case in point: I am FB friends with most of the people that I grew up with.... our county is small and none of us really knew a stranger or thought much about it. There is a particular guy, that bless his heart, is just a giant pain in the ass. He has been since we were kids. And for some reason, all of us caught onto it early on, but there are still grown ass women "fighting" over him. As someone who has known him for 20+ years, I'm gonna go ahead and let you know that the rest of us share a collective "WTF" when we see new posts that are shared to his page from these women. Mostly, because he's grown up to be an asshole (he used to be real nice) and he's constantly threatening to "whoop ass" even though he's had his jaw jacked, arm broken, eyes blackened, and hit by a car.... on more than one occasion. But, I digress.

To the girl that should cut her losses and move on while she still has a pinch of sanity and a legit balance in her checking account (did I mention that he also uses women for money?):

If you are trying to be taken seriously, which I know you are (because you're so "in love" and you'll be together "always and forever".... even though you've been dating on/off for six-eight months and have "broken up" and taken "breaks" at least seven times.... and those are just the ones that are documented on social media), quit trying to "call out" every single woman that wants your "man" (as someone who has known him 20+ years and grew up with him, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you, no one wants him.... it's true, all the females in our county took a vote and we decided at least 10 years ago that whoever gets stuck with that fool deserves prayers, understanding, and liquor).

If that's how you feel, say it out loud. But, be aware that not everyone is going to agree with your opinion about him being a "great man." And no, they don't have you, because he's all yours (and no one is arguing that). Your relationship is strictly for you, but he is a douche and you could do better on a whole other level. We're all thinking it (including him.... he's just hoping that you keep putting up with his bullshit until he can get to his "end game"). Whatever you decide, you just do you and be happy, darling. But seriously, did I mention that you could do better? Are you seriously honored that he "allows" you to be in his life? Because in all honesty, he should be "honored" that you haven't castrated him yet. Run. Run fast, and run far, while you still can. Seriously, do you need help? Because, we know people and we can get you help. Not like the mafia kind of help, but the "we'll pull together and fill your gas tank up" kind of help.

Sincerely, every single person that's ever met your "man."

Friday, September 2, 2016

Labor Day weekend is upon us.

(And I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning).

Y'all, after my work day today (that I desperately just wanted to sleep through.... but couldn't even sleep), I'm off for three days. Why? Because Monday is Labor Day and I now have one of those jobs in life that is sometimes closed (unlike every other job that I've ever had). And let's just say, I'm totally not sad about it. In fact, I'm the exact opposite of sad (and really glad that I don't have to mow grass this evening).

Big weekend plans? Nope. Tomorrow (Saturday) Momma and I are going with Aunt Poot down to see Aunt T and Uncle Clyde. We went down and seen them towards the end of June, but with the seasons changing and winter coming (apparently that's a thing for Game of Thrones fans?), we don't know how many trips we have left in us before we'll have to sludge through the snow and muck to make it down there.

Other than that, I'm pretty sure that we don't have any plans, whatsoever. My big plan is hopefully to take enough allergy meds to knock my bitch ass out, so I can finally get some sleep (Insomnia: Party of One, right here). That, and we'll probably chillax at the house, because that's what we like to do and I have some serious Netflixing to get on top of.... the rest of Season 5 Baby Daddy drops today and I need to know what happens with Danny/Riley.... and Tiny Tucker). Plus, you know, Movies on Demand has Me Before You and apparently I want to have some feelings or some shit.... IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN HOME.

We'll have the house to ourselves (Momma, Tayder, and I.... like we usually do), so I'm also hoping that I'll get to have a burrito and some pizza at some point. Because goals, people. I probably sound kind of crazy right now.... did I mention that I haven't been sleeping good (or, at all) for a few months now? It was ok at first, but now I think it's starting to catch up.

Fingers crossed that I get out of here early today. Have a fantastic weekend, have fun, and DO NOT drink and drive!!