You never realize how many people you truly loathe until you get a new number.

(I knew I didn't like people, but damn).

This past week Momma and I had to get a couple new phones. I say "new phones", but really it was the same kind of phones, just on my own plan. We had previously been on someone else's plan, but as that old saying goes- Plans. Change. And since "plans change" I got just snarky enough to go and get our own and be done with the whole cluster fuck ordeal. It's easier and let's be honest, the easier my life is the more I like it. It gives me more time to watch reruns of Mama's Family and It's Always Sunny that way.

And even though I wanted to do all of this, the thought of having to give out my new number and try to memorize two new ones was just a giant pain in the ass. That is, until I realized that I had been presented with a unique opportunity to "lose people" so to say. You never really realize how many people you have grown to dislike (or have always disliked and were just trying to be nice..... even though that's completely the opposite of every single one of your characteristics) until you have GET to decide who you want to have a new form of contacting you.

And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Uhh, duh Katie, there's always social media where people can find you." Umm, just delete/block those bitches. Or quit social media (and stop thinking that you can't live without social media, you can, I've seen it done).

I've had the same number for over three years. Do you know how many bitches and douche canoes can acquire your number after three years? If you don't, let me go ahead and tell you- IT'S A LOT. I've had the same guy for the entire three years calling my phone and asking for Boo Boo in a hushed tone. And to this day I still don't know what in the hell dude wanted with Boo Boo, but he obviously didn't care enough to get his real phone number. I guess we'll just never know how the Boo Boo / Mysterious Phone Man saga ended. I don't know how I'll ever move on.

So, there I was going through my old phone and transferring numbers of people I liked so I could text them with the new number and what I figured would be a menial task of eliminating three or four numbers ended up being over half of my contact list. You ever have those people in your life that you think- "You're not even worth being on a contact list"? And then you think about deleting them out of your phone like as soon as you delete their number they no longer exist..... like, at all.

I AM LIVING THE DREAM, BABY.

And I must say, it's a mighty fine dream to be living. I'm not trying to sound like too much of an asshole (because boy has that ship sailed..... a long effing time ago), but I didn't even keep some of the family numbers that I had. You know those people. The ones that you're technically related to so you feel some sort of obligation to them for some unknown reason, even though neither of you like each other. Well, I no longer feel that obligation nor do I have the means of backtracking. I deleted them from (my) existence. Not going to lie, it felt kind of powerful. And the only way that I could backtrack would be for me to track down someone who did have their number and we all know that I just don't have the follow through with that. Not even close.

And those "friends" that you feel obligation to, because you've known each other for so long or you've "been through some shit" together? Guess what? Those bitches are out of here to, because I got on a role and started to get a little power hungry and felt like I was about two steps from becoming a super villain, so I just quit while I was ahead.

Here's how real it got for a minute; I actually sent a FB message to a guy that is my friend, to ask him if we even still liked each other at this point in our lives. It went something like- Me: "Hey, do we even like each other? Like, on a scale of 1-10 how much would you rate the amount you want to murder me and hack me into little pieces on a daily basis?" Him: "Good morning to you to sweetheart. What did you say? Hacking?" Clearly he's an asshole that is equally as sarcastic as I am..... so he needed the number.

And I have like four friends that made the cut. Throw in a few family members and that's about the extent of all that. And honestly even that's probably too many, because the older I get the more I really can't stand people. People are just the worst. But you know what isn't the worst? Having a minimal contact list and not having to deal with those people.

Cheers.

I just don't understand.

(Not to be confused with things parents just don't understand).

People throw out "terms" at the drop of a hat these days. And with the endless "urban dictionary" (thanks a lot for encouraging teenagers..... asshole) at our disposal it's near impossible not to hear or even be referred to as one of these "phrases."

Case in point: "You're my Ride or Die girl." (They use the term "chick" as in- "you my ride or die chick" but I just can't bring myself to go with that).

Urban Dictionary Definition: A girl who is down for her man in any situation; a girl who's not afraid of throwin down side by side with her man, even if she's the only female; she's the girl who rides in tha passenger seat with the heat ready on her lap and knows all the targets.

Umm..... What?! First of all, is it really that hard to put a "g" on the end of throwin and do we really need to say "tha" instead of "the"? Come on guys, you're killing me!!

Aside from that I still have the question of- What?!! Is this like a "Bonnie and Clyde" type of thing? Is that how it's supposed to go and feel? If that's the case, doesn't anybody remember how that story ended? In case they haven't I would like to point out that Bonnie got flowers at the end of that roadtrip, but only because they matched her tombstone. Is that how we measure love these days? Geesh. Tough crowd.

I ask this question, because two guys that I used to work with have called me their "ride or die girl" on more than one occasion. I let it go the first couple of times, but now it's just kind of nagging at me, because it's confusing.

First off, I'm pretty sure that being someone's "ride or die girl" means that you aren't in fact some other guy's "ride or die girl" to. I may be wrong on this one, but I'm pretty confident in my logic at this point. I mean, it wasn't "Riding like Bonnie and Clyde..... and THAT OTHER GUY". Was it? I think not. So, how do you pick which one to go with?

On one hand dude could teach me how to land after jumping out of an airplane/ helicopter and smoke a side of beef, BUT, the could teach me how to survive prison and make distilled liquor out of toilet water. Decisions, decisions.

And if you're someone's "ride or die girl" doesn't that somehow imply that you guys are romantically involved? I feel like it's implied. And if that's how it is, then I'm not either for, well, either. I've never dated either of the two, we're just simply friends. Can it go like that? If not, then that opens up a whole other area that I don't want to get into, because I'm already confused enough as it is.

I don't know. All I do know is I would totally be Boyd Crowder's "ride or die girl" at the drop of a hat. And sorry guys, but neither of you are Boyd Crowder. I guess we'll call it even..... or I could just not tell either and still be both without having to actually make decisions and see where that gets me. I'm so confused.

I guess my only other question (since I'm no closer to answering my original one) is- We get to ride in a car/ truck not on a bicycle..... right? Because if one has a vehicle that I can ride in and the other has a bicycle that I have to steer, peddle and do things to, then I have instantly made my decision.

Final decision: I choose neither of those pricks. I'll just wait for the legit "ride or die" friend.

It's like a scene from a Mad Max movie out there.

(People are starting to get "cabin fever").

This weather can't make up it's mind and therefore everything is in utter chaos. People are psychotic, birds don't know which way to fly and the supermarket rarely has bread and alcohol stocked on their shelves. It's like the apocalypse has come. Remember the first scene in 28 Days Later? It's just like that.

Kidding..... mostly. Things are really confusing though, because the weather can't decide what's happening. Over the weekend I wore just a tshirt and my long sleeve flannel and had to take it off at some point because it got so warm. And then by Monday night the temperatures had plummeted so by early Tuesday morning we were greeted with snow and ice for the drive to work.

Fun times.

But don't worry, we're all staying eternally optimistic (that's a lie) and the good news is that as of yesterday (Wednesday- February 17) we have a pretty new furnace installed in our house. Ours has been screwy since the beginning of January (on and off) and finally the company we rent from okay-ed the furnace guy to put in a new one (yayyyyyy!!!!!!).

Despite all of this cold happening and sickness going around (and trust me when I say there's A LOT of that) we're all just kind of dealing with it and going through our normal routines. And wearing more layers than usual.

And watching Justified while snuggled up with our pups in the evenings (maybe that's just me).