Our love language is sarcasm and I am here for it, baby.

 **does some random cleaning and pulls wedding arch out of our garage**

D: “I‘m just gonna spray this down and clean it up.” Me: “Ok, just be careful of the flowers up top.” D: “They’re fake, right?” Me: “Nah, they’ve just been living in our garage for a year and a half with no sunlight, water, or soil.” D: “……….” Me: “They’re Jesus flowers.” D: **sprays me in the face with the water hose**

Side note: When you tell the hubby you (unrealistically) want your wedding arch in the house and he makes it happen anyways.

I am an extremely lucky (and overindulged- via my hubby) woman. D makes sure he takes care of me and spoils me to the point of being rotten, and I definitely don't hate it.

I never thought that I would A: be spoiled and B: enjoy it as much as I do. But, here I am living the dream. Don't get me wrong, I also like to spoil D and he thrives on it too. We hate telling each other no and our family crest should probably say "Treat Yo Self" but that's neither here nor there.

If people don't like it? Well, I guess they can't come and hang out under my cool wedding arch (ie: our living room).

She outgrew me when she was eight, but this still feels nostalgic.

Ok, we’re both old enough, you can stop now. Here’s looking at you, kiddo. I’m so damn proud of you.

If they could keep the sociopaths at bay, that would be great.

Over the weekend, D and I had a movie/show/documentary marathon. Basically, we watched a bunch of random shit. There were some real good movies in there, but the one that blew our minds the most had to be the Netflix documentary: Our Father.

Have y'all heard about this yet? If not, go and watch it immediately and come back to discuss.

I'll wait...........

Ok, now that you're back and you've watched it, you agree with me, right? What. In. The. Actual. Fuck?!

After watching this documentary on Netflix, clearly, I am an expert in all things criminal justice right now. I have also decided I am an expert on this case in general (I'm not) and since I live in Indianapolis, we all know that means I can jump inside his crazy little mind and know what he was thinking.... right?!

No?! Fine.

The whole premise is basically this fertility doctor from Indianapolis inseminating multiple women with his own sperm and in turn reproducing over 94+ children (and counting!). He never told these women what he was doing and many of them were under the impression that he had used their actual husbands specimen. 

This went on for almost forty years with people believing they had their biological children and fathers together. And the only reason he was caught was because of that whole "23andme" ancestry thing that blows my mind. We've really come a long way with the whole identifying DNA situation.

It started with one and kind of snowballed from there. I can't tell you how horrible I feel for these people. These people were not only mislead (with the exception of the actual doctor), but they were taken advantage of and deceived. There's absolutely no way around that. The women, the children, and even the husbands. Because they're all victims.

I understand that these women wanted to have babies. I understand that when you have any kind of medical procedure performed there are risks and things are out of your hands. HOWEVER, are you really going to sit there and try to justify what this man did?

Not only did he manage to devastate ninety some odd families (I repeat NINETY SOMETHING), but also probably his own, right? His children technically have 94+ half siblings (not including each other) and could very well have been married to one of them. It's a small community and I very much doubt he was going to let someone know what he had done if his child had married another one. He really wanted to keep that shit on the downlow. So, he very well could've just stood by and let that happen. Then again, the way his family and the community rallied around him, it wouldn't be surprising if they're all absolutely fine with it and think he did nothing wrong. 

Because nothing says devotion quite like standing by someone even though they are morally and psychologically damaged.

I don't know if this doctor did this as some sort of sick experiment. I don't know if this doctor was trying to give women the families they so desired. I don't know if this doctor thought ahead. I don't know if this doctor read one too many Nazi doctrines or if he is the epitome of religious extremism. 

Honestly, I'm not so sure he thought about any of the repercussions to his decisions. By the looks of it and the reaction to the situation, I would go as far as to say no, he doesn't care what he has done. He simply wanted to be the best of the best and didn't care how many people he had to take advantage of or what lengths he had to go to.

Even if he was trying to "do something right" and help these women get pregnant, he did so in about the most disgusting way possible. These women had a choice to go to a medical professional to help with a problem. A doctor that they should have been able to trust and were assured by said doctor that everything was by the book.

WHAT FUCKING BOOK WAS HE USING?!

So yes, these women did have a choice when they decided to get artificially inseminated, but their choice was immediately taken from them under false pretenses. Some of these women were led to believe their husbands and themselves could conceive, they just needed "a little help." The doctor then disregarded the husband's specimen in favor of his own. Umm, what? You're saying that you did this, because you didn't have immediate access to donor specimens, but then you just disregard and throw out what you do have? And then you decide not to mention this to anyone and proceed to continuously lie to these people about a legitimate concern?

How is that NOT a crime? You can't force someone to have sex with you under false pretenses, but you can knowingly get them pregnant with your baby (without their consent- they have channels for this kind of thing so people can still have a choice about whom they procreate with) under the technicality of you being a fertility doctor? The fuck?

And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's someone using their religious beliefs to justify the horrible things that they have done and continue to do throughout their lives. I was raised in the holler. Dead ass center of the Bible belt. I can quote scripture and finish what someone is about to say before they even say it.

They kind of drill that into you as a child.

But, never once in my entire life have I met an actual "God-fearing man" that thinks it's ok to hurt those around him. Especially for his own greed or gain. And honestly, isn't that what this all comes down to? 

Strip away the emotional side of it (even though that's incredibly difficult to do) and just look at the facts. The fact is, this man had a reputation for being the absolute best. People flocked to him from miles around. Why? Because of his success rates and word of mouth. How did he come into these results? Well, we all know how he came into those results by now. 

By jerking off in a cup next door to his patients and then inserting it into them.
Fucking ew.
I hope he washed his hands.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anything negative about anyone (except the doctor, I'm saying all the negative shit about him), but it seems to me that more wasn't done about this simply because people didn't know where to start and were afraid to stand up to a challenge.

People that are supposed to care and uphold our laws just ignored these people and once it was brought to their attention, kind of just went, "eh." 

Oh, you don't know how you would bring criminal charges against him for something like this, because it's unprecedented? Guess what? That has literally been the case for every single thing that someone's never been charged with before. That's how laws come to fruition. Or, at the very least, that's what they lead us to believe. I thought with where we were in the world, (excluding the whole Roe vs. Wade situation happening right now) that something like this couldn't happen without consequences.

I mean, we have literally emerged from the "Me Too" movement and for what? So a medical professional can insert his own specimen into a woman's body without her knowledge or consent and essentially be covered by the whole "technicality" of them wanting help with fertility? I swear, if I had a nickel for every time some dude got away with a horrendous crime against a woman on a technicality, I would be a very rich gal.

So yes, difficult and possibly a failure?
Absolutely.
Worth shooting the shot and maybe preventing something like this in the future and at least attempting to get some form of "justice" for the victims?
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Seriously, what is wrong with you people?

Be a fucking pioneer and use that fancy law degree or political position to do something worth while.

And once the children discovered this entirely fucked from the get-go situation, they began receiving threats and were harassed continuously about telling their story, but you want to talk about the media and how they investigate and use their sources to let people know? When a journalist was literally the only person that would listen to this story. They tried every form of government office they could and no one would even respond to them. Who listened?

A Fox 59 news journalist (Angela Ganote) and Dr. fucking Phil. How y'all feeling about that hill you're standing on now? 

Sorry, I just can't even get over how insane this whole situation and the response to it is.

Ok, this doctor did get two charges brought against him for lying on paperwork to the government, but that's it? And the first known child couldn't bring up anything "personal" in her testimony, but it was acceptable for people to write in letters to the judge defending this man and saying he's the best and should walk away? How is that not mixing personal with the judicial system? Also, you took his medical license and put him on probation? Dude, the man was already retired and living the cushy life that he afforded from his forty year deception of his patients. How is this justice and how are you still saying he's a good guy? How are people still defending him and others simply standing by?

To say that I'm feeling very uncomfortable as a woman would be an understatement. To say that I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable being a woman in Marion County knowing what someone can do and get away with and no one will even bother to listen or try to help? Worse. And I know it's not only happening (and happened in general) here, but when it's down the street from your house, it feels a whole other level of invasive.

I am not a lawyer. I am not a politician. I am not a genius. But, I do know when something is fucked up and this? This takes the race in this round.

These people could literally be dating or married to their half-sibling. Kids are growing up and could be in relationships with their cousins. There is an entire fallout of this that it doesn't feel like the system took into consideration. I mean, if you know you have an STD and sleep with someone without telling them and they get it, it's a crime. So, how is this not? These people have to live with this and they have absolutely no idea the repercussions that are going to continue for years upon generations to come. 

My heart goes out to these people involved. (NOT the doctor). I wish you all the best and I hope that people start using not only their common sense, but also their humanity and start doing something about this. Because this? This is unacceptable.

Fucking people, dude.

I feel like someone took Lucille to my face: Post Op. (Part II).

Well y'all, it's official. I'm never gonna dance again. Why? Because guilty feet have got no rhythm.

I'm just f*cking with you, I've never danced. Not well at least. No, I'm just trying to stay positive and use my favorite defense mechanism.... sarcasm. 

The truth is, I had my top row of teeth removed and had to get a temporary plate (until my custom one is finished) last Friday. This entire process has been ongoing for a bit and we're at the second(?)/third(?)/something stage. I'm not really sure what stage you would count this as?

Whichever one it is, it's the painful and frustrating one.

I have to wear this plate damn near 24/7, with the exception of the time it takes for me to shower (that's when I have to take it out and clean it hansolo style), including but not limited to sleeping. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind at all and I much prefer to have some teeth in my head, but it's still pretty sore so even moving it a tad makes me want to pee down my leg.

I just keep reassuring myself that this is all temporary. That this is just part of the healing stage and eventually things will get better and easier. I'm not real sure if I believe that or if I just keep telling myself that in hopes of living in denial, but there's a 50/50 chance either way.

One thing I didn't expect this process to do was make me so damn emotional. Seriously, I woke up at three o'clock Friday morning crying and proceeded to cry on and off for the next... oh, I don't know... EVEN NOW. Like, what? I cried before, during, and long after. It's been a few days and has that stopped my random ass waterworks? Hell no. And I can't even pinpoint exactly what it is that's making me cry, so I can't even fix it. Maybe it's just from being so overwhelmed in general? Ugh.

The entire appointment Friday went by real smooth and pretty damn quick. The hardest part of that was getting numbed up for the extractions. You ever had to have work done on your very front teeth? Feels like the needles are being shoved up your nose repeatedly. It's not what I would call a fun time. But, he popped out six of the seven before I even realized he had started. He got to the seventh one though and I almost ran away, because it had been causing me pain. It crumbled on him, but once he got it out informed me that I had so much pain, because I had an exposed nerve. Glad that problem's taken care of.

My adorable husband went in late to work so he could take me to my appointment and he has been taking care of me round the clock. He insisted I not move and do as little as possible over the weekend and still won't let me do anything too crazy around the house, because the doctor said taking it easy is the best way to heal. Luckily for me and my adorable little Gatorbaby (is it lucky? I don't think that's what that means), this entire process has been fairly draining, so getting me to rest as much as possible hasn't really been too bad of a challenge.

The current plate that I have in is for healing/training. It's basically made too large to accommodate for all the situations that will happen in the healing process and it's to help me train myself into wearing one and learn how to eat/talk/etc. before receiving the "custom" one. And I say custom, because it's what I had to have my impressions made for. I'm hoping the new one curves with my jaw, because this one doesn't and it's a pain in the ass trying to get it sealed and stay up there. I also can't use adhesive anywhere except the roof of my mouth (or palette for fancy folks) until my extraction sites are closed up, so it's a process.

A slow, demanding process. That may or may not be my downfall.

I've been trying to have a good sense of humor about it. Even my jokes have been killing it. Everyone has been fairly kind so far, even though I know I look ridiculous, and I'm pretty sure D would punch somebody in the throat if they were mean or hurt my feelings either way. Of course, I can always count on my brother to call out how ridiculous I look. Yes, bro, I know I look like a resident of Whoville.

I played Cindy Lou Who in the Christmas play when I was little and this is just giving me flashbacks. In my defense, I was a lot cuter of a Who at six than I am at thirty-two.

I wouldn't say that I'm in pain. Well, not constant pain at least. I'm more sore and tender than anything. And taking out this plate to clean it, rinse my mouth, and having to put it back in? Cue the peeing down my damn leg. However, I've also refused to take anything more than ibuprofen even though I have the option of something stronger, so I've been trying to keep my complaining about that down to a minimum. 

I'll tell you what, I'd rather deal with this sore/tenderness for a bit as opposed to dealing with that constant toothache. 

Oh, and the entire left side of my face has a nasty bruise. The right is bruised a little too, but nothing like that left. Did I mention I feel less vicious without my natural canines? No? Oh, well, there's that.

Also, how am I ever supposed to french kiss my husband again? Get back to me on that.

Eating is completely off the table right now. My mouth is simply too damn tender to deal with food. And trust me, I HAVE TRIED. Since I can't have food, D has been making me these breakfast essential/protein shakes with extra chocolate syrup. Mostly because he's the absolute best, but also so I don't starve and hopefully get some much needed vitamins.

Speaking of D, y'all, he has been taking such good care of me. I thank him constantly and he's all "I'm your husband, I'm supposed to take care of you, I love taking care of you, I love you." This hasn't been a pleasant experience whatsoever, but it would've been a shit ton worse without him. He's really just made sure I'm ok and I can't tell you how much that means to me. Because I most definitely have not been ok.

Oh, and my lisp is back. Like, full force pretending like I didn't have to take four years of speech therapy growing up to improve my speech impediment kind of back. And I whistle my s's. Fuuuuuck me.

My days have been full of rest and taking it easy. I go to work and do little things around the house (a load of laundry or wash some dishes), but for the most part, I've been trying to stay calm and relax. It's not like I actually have the energy to do anything even if I wanted to. 

I go back in to the dentist tomorrow (5/19) for my first follow up since the extractions and hopefully they can readjust this current plate a little and he thinks I'm healing up well and making decent progress. A girl can dream, right?

So, that's where I'm at with it. Swollen and looking like a member of the Whoville senior citizens club. But, I'm taking it the best I can and chugging along. Because I'm not a quitter and as my hubby said, I'm adaptable. Sure, it may take me awhile, but I'll be damned if this learning curve is gonna best me.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself. *insert nervous laughter here*

❤️ When mama is down for the count, her boys don’t stray too far. ❤️

She’s such a little cutie (just like her mama!) that she can literally steal my Polar Pop whenever she wants. 🧡🧡 (#vacationthrowback).

Wooaahhh, we're halfway tthhhheeerrreee: Post-Op. (Part I).

As I said yesterday, I went to my dentist appointment and started the process of having my top teeth removed and receiving a plate. I had three teeth removed from the right side of my mouth in the back (including wisdom/molar) and had to receive stitches. Not to mention, I bled and am currently bleeding like I've been stabbed.

Was it fun? Hell no. Did I die? Also, no. 

It wasn't fun by any means, but it's over now and I just have to heal up and wait until my next appointment. Which is a week from tomorrow. And yes, I realize that I'm having all of this major work done on Friday the 13th. The irony is not lost upon me. 

I didn't take the day off this time around, but next Friday I will be taking the day off, because my appointment is at 9:00am and I'm assuming that I'll be feeling real shitty afterwards. 

Three teeth this time, seven the next. 

Oy vey. I don't particularly like taking pain meds. I'll take them if I absolutely have to, but I'm not a fan of how sick and gross they make me feel. So, I'm managing this pain with ibuprofen and hoping for the best. Hopefully, I'll be that way next week too. That's the best way to go about it, right? 

Livin' on a prayer.

So.... after work today (I seriously just want to crawl into my bed and stay there for six days) I think I'll pick up my prescriptions (antibiotics, yay!) and try to take it easy this weekend. Because I'll have to take it easy next weekend too. Honestly, it's gonna be rough for a little bit. 

But, I'm a tough cookie. Even though I can't have cookies right now, because I can barely choke down some jello and pudding. But, I digress, because at least this shit show is on the road.

They also took my impressions yesterday. Have you ever had impressions made? If not, let me tell you, I straight up thought they were gonna pull my teeth out of my head while removing them. Those things set up like nobody's business. My dentist told me he wanted to make my new teeth the same size as the originals, because it fits my mouth "well." Which sounded a little weird, but also exactly like what I wanted, so I'm going with it.

If y'all need me, I'll be over here trying not to let my face explode. 

I'm trying to whoosah through my anxiety attack and it's not working.

Today is the day that I go into the dentist to have the first round of my top teeth removed. To say that I'm nervous would be an understatement. D and I were talking about it last night and he asked me what I was most worried about.

Honestly, I'm not really sure what I'm most nervous about. I'm not excited to have to go through the pain and process of healing, but I've had many teeth removed over the years and that's not necessarily a problem. Sure, it's uncomfortable and inconvenient, but it comes with the territory. 

Maybe it's the fact that I think I have infection in one of my teeth and I'm worried that with my immune system not being what it used to be it could cause issue. Then again, I trust my dentist and antibiotics are a factor, so that's probably not it.

Perhaps it could be that I don't know how long I'll have to wait between this appointment and the next and I really just want this process to be over with so I can heal and get used to the new normal. Added to this is the fact that I'm constantly worried one of my remaining teeth are going to break off and I'll be walking around dealing with that. Hopefully, this will be only a couple of week kind of situation, but you never know. 

Then again, it could just be the itty bitty vain part of myself from deep inside calling out my insecurities and wondering if I'll still look like me. I know I will look different, but I still want to look normal and like myself. You know? 

Either way, this entire process starts off today (technically, it started on 4/26 with the actual appointment, but you know what I mean). And my amazing husband took off work early so he can meet me at our house and drive me to/from my appointment. He loves me like that.

I don't know what the healing for this all is going to look like, but since I didn't take today or tomorrow off work, hopefully it won't be too awfully terrible. I guess we'll see. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to plan out my meals of jello, mashed taters, and ensure for the next however many weeks. I know, it sounds real glamorous. And just so you're aware, the only reason I'm adding in the ensure is because my husband is convinced I'll waste away to nothing (his words, not mine). *dramatic* Wish me luck and May the Fourth be with me.