Friday, May 30, 2014

These are my confessions: "Friends" edition

Can you believe that it's been ten years since the show that we all loved, and if you didn't/don't you're an idiot, came to an end? One decade ago. I was barely a teenager. Oh. My. God. How old did I just sound right then? It's been ten years since we got to hear- WE WERE ON A BREAK, Phoebe sang Smelly Cat, and a magazine was delivered to Ms. Chanandler Bong. It's been ten years since Joey asked us how we were doin, Monica's OCD kicked in, and someone made a Ross dinosaur/divorce joke. Good times, good times. In honor of the ten year anniversary of this show, I thought that I would share with you some of my true confessions about it. Because it was is awesome. Enjoy.

I confess: That I love the show Friends. I have watched every episode at least one hundred times, and still watch all of the re-runs that I can. One of these days, I will have all of the DVDs. I also secretly record it on the DVR. {{Thank you, TBS.}} It's in my top five favorite shows.


I confess: That Chandler Muriel Bing always has been, and forever will be my my favorite character on the show. Also, I find him incredibly attractive. I think it's the sense of humor.


I confess: That I cry every time I watch episode(s):

03x16 (The one with the morning after) Because nothing was more devastating than the first time that Ross and Rachel broke up.


NOTHING.

06x25 (The one with the proposal) Because there is no proposal in the history of the world (besides Rocky's to Adrian) that was any sweeter than Chandler and Monica's.

Insert waterworks RIGHT HERE. 

10x18 (The one where Rachel goes to Paris/the Last One) Because you know exactly why.

SHE GOT OFF THE PLANE.

I confess: That I use Ross's signature go to H-E-double hockey sticks move. I always have and I always will.


I confess: That when I was a fifteen year old waitress I was secretly hoping that things would work out for me like Rachel. Friendship fighting turning into love? Yes, please. Lover showing up in a Navy uniform to carry me out all Officer and a Gentleman style? Double yes, please. Hanging out with friends constantly. Yep. Sadly, none of this happened, except the friend part. We all had some good times.


I confess: That I cannot hear someone ask me, or anyone else- "How you doin?" without first thinking of good ole Joey Tribbiani.


I confess: That I always knew that Chandler and Monica would end up together from the very beginning. And I was completely ok with that. In fact, I was rooting for it, because that is the kind of relationship that I have always wanted. Go, Bing!!


I confess: That I think that each one of the six was equally as important as the other. Many argue that the show could've went on without Ross, or even Phoebe. To those people- you are very wrong. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. We needed all six, because we are greedy and love them all. ALL OF THEM.


I confess: I think that their version of playing football is awesome and the way that the girls tackled Joey was perfectly acceptable.


I confess: That I catch myself doing and saying a lot of things from the show in my everyday life. I also think that when you are trying to take something away from someone, that it is completely appropriate to jump on them and pretend nothing happened. Isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!


I confess: I was only four years old when the show premiered, but as I got older and started watching re-runs and the new episodes that I fell in love with all of the characters. Their journeys. And their jokes.


I confess: The Rachel/Ross and Chandler/Monica relationships set me up for failure in my own love life.


I confess: I am a lot like Chandler. Especially when I'm moving. And I have moved a lot. I get flustered and end up hating everything. I help as much as possible, but I think that it's acceptable to be a smartass in all areas of my life. P.s. It's not.


I confess: That I'm a little bit in love with Jennifer Aniston aka Rachel Green. But seriously, do you blame me? I would smack a priest if I could look like/be built like/have the hair of Jennifer Aniston. Just saying. Btw, I'm really not going to smack a priest, so rest easy.


I confess: That my cousin and I were just talking about Friends when we were pretending that we had to go undercover. Yes, there was alcohol involved. Btw, he is Princess Consuela Bananahammock, while I am Ike Applebum. You're welcome.


I confess: I loved that Ross said that he took Rachel instead of Emily, because I hated Emily. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. Ross and Rachel were meant to be together. Those are just the cold hard facts lady.


I confess: That I could talk about this show and all the things that I learned from it, the things that I thought were funny, how much I miss the talks about "ugly naked guy", and so on and so forth, but I won't. I'll stop now. But just know, this is not everything!!

REALLY?!! REALLY?!! Could I BE any more crazy?!!

Thursday, May 29, 2014

This week has been confusing?!!

Probably because I'm a day behind on account of not working Monday. Who knew that changing one day would throw off someone's entire week? Oh, everyone? Really? Oops. The point is it doesn't feel like a Thursday. Here it is almost Friday and I still haven't told you the events of last weekend. You know, the three day weekend. Of course I feel like there's a lot to catch up on, even though there's not, so to help me I figured I'd enlist the help of bullet points, because- really, why not?

Friday, May 23:
  • Uncle Roger let me and Dani leave work at noon. Thank you Uncle Roger! It was so dead at work, and it was so pretty outside. So when we got off we headed down to the Mexican restaurant down the road and drank beer and ate guacamole, as promised. See, we do hold up to our end of the bargain.
  • I was feeling pretty good by the time I got home (no, not drunk, just not as tense) so Momma and I went out to lunch. I just got a drink, because like I said, that guacamole was delicious. After that we headed over to Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's for a visit. 
  • I rode with Josh to the liquor store. He went for beer, I went for crown. Hey, just thinking ahead of time.
  • After a long visit with them, we headed home and just relaxed at the house for the rest of the evening. It's been unseasonably hot the last week or two. 

Saturday, May 24:
  • Aunt Linda and Uncle Wayne decided that they were going to have their annual cook-out this year. They had said that last year was going to be the last year, so I had told Uncle Darrell that I would come to theirs Saturday, and didn't want to cancel on him. That wouldn't have been right. So, Saturday morning(ish) Aunt Linda came and got Uncle Kenny, Uncle Jim, and Shy, and they spent the night down at the lake with them Saturday for Sunday's party.
  • Do you know what that means? Yeah, Momma and I had the house to ourselves. So we went out to pick up a few things and then spent our evening/night just hanging out.
  • We had breakfast bright and early, before anybody had gotten out of bed. And it was delicious. After they left, we ran some errands. We had to pick up meds, we rented a movie (The Wolf of Wall Street), and did a little shopping. Nothing big, mostly just looking around.
  • We drove around just to enjoy the fresh air and talk. We picked up some lunch and headed home. After putting everything away and getting situated we sat down to eat and watch our movie. It was excellent, but very long so we watched in intervals. 
  • I dyed our hair, did a facial thing on Momma, and painted my nails. 
  • Then we ordered a pizza for dinner and finished our movie. It was hilarious. We had a nice day/night and all was good. (P.s. Leonardo DiCaprio was once again sublime, Jonah Hill was freakin' hilarious, and the real John Belfort was damn brilliant. Don't let anybody tell you any different.)

Sunday, May 25:
  • We got to sleep in a bit, even though I was up pretty early, because I can't sleep late to save my life. We got ready at a steady pace, no rushing, no fussing. It was nice. Momma looked beautiful as always, and me? Well, let's just say I wish I would've remembered to take a picture of myself, because I looked more hillbilly than EVER before.
  • We headed over to Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's for the cook-out and to spend some time visiting.
  • It was hot, but not miserable out. We all had a good time, and may I just say that I would love to have some of that mac&cheese Momma made right now?
  • We drew drivers out of a cup, and had to bet a dollar per racer for the Indy 500. I drew Will Power, and I'm pretty sure that my mother has a gambling addiction. Just saying. By the way, Aunt Poot drew the winner.
  • We talked, drank and had fun. WATER MOCCASINS!! Sorry. That's what I was drinking, you know besides Budweiser and hard cider, and they were delicious!! I want them all, more, right now.
  • The jokes were made, the talks were had, the teasing progressed, and it was a lot of fun. I even met Uncle Darrell's friend from back in the day. Real nice guy. He looks tough as hell, but nice.

Monday, May 26:
  • Monday was the day for remembrance. Memorial Day. Remember those who serve. Because of them we are able to spend the weekend with our families. We are able to be free and we can sleep at night. I am able to sit here and write this. To all of those men and women- THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart.
  • Monday was also the day of recovery. Three days of drinking and such? Recovery had to be had. I didn't over do it, but it's been a long time since I've done that.  
  • Apparently after we left Sunday night everybody at Aunt Poot's house got into a fight with the neighbors and all hell broke loose. I'm glad I wasn't there. I'm too old for that shit. So are they, by the way. Josh's face looks all messed up, and I have resorted to calling him knuckles. Basically, just because it's fun for me. 
  • I finally watched Green Street Hooligans. Can I say- amazing?! You know what this movie does? It just confirms that Charlie Hunnam is in fact a total bad ************. And that he should always talk in his accent, because it's like the best thing ever. It really is. 
Other random things:
  • Yesterday was Danielle's fifth twenty-ninth birthday. We had ice cream cake at work for her, and of course sang. You should've seen how she had to cut her cake. It was hilarious. Thanks, Doug.
  • Today is Shylyn's graduation from eighth grade ceremony. Apparently I have to go, because she asked me to be there. Whatevs. I never got an eighth grade graduation. I never got a graduation ceremony until I graduated high school, and even then I'm pretty sure that they debated it. 
  • This whole "M" thing? Yeah, ummm...I don't know for sure, but I'm thinking that it might be one of those things that sounded way better in my head than out loud. You ever have one of those ideas? Yeah, I know. I don't know for sure, but I think that it seemed way better when it played out in my head, than reality. How many times do I have to say it? Reality bites. Just like the Winona movie. Except, I don't get my own Troy Dyer aka Ethan Hawke.
  • My dress strap is currently being held together by a safety pin, and I need to make a mental note to sew that up quick, fast, and in a hurry. You know, right along with all of the other mental notes that I have telling me that I need to sew up my clothes.
  • On the plus side I'm still wearing the dress and I accessorized this morning. Not well, might I add, but still. Anyone that knows me know that I am NOT and accessorizer. Is that even a thing? Oh, well.
  • I've talked to Mo a couple times this past week, and have reminisced about "the good ole days". You know, you never realize how crazy some of the things you did were until you look back on them. Sorry, about all of those late night/drunken phone calls, Ginger. My bad. Funny, but bad. 
  • Have y'all watched the new show on NBC- The Night Shift? If not, you need to. I was perusing the DVR, waiting for my toe polish to dry, last night and stumbled upon this one. It sounded pretty interesting, so I turned it on. Oh. My. God. It is so intense and wonderful. Seriously, watch it. Now.

I have nothing else to tell y'all. I mean, I do, but you know what I mean. I think. So you? Anyways, even though I could probably say a million more things, I'm just going to stop while I'm ahead. Now I'm rambling, because I'm tired. And sick at my stomach this morning. Remind me to tell y'all the convo that Danielle and I had via FB. It's hilarious. My bad. See, there I go rambling again. Wish me luck for tonight. Me plus a room full of teenagers and children, it's bound to be eventful.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

What am I even saying?

As I sit here writing this I feel like I could do some serious damage.... in the nap department. That's what I need right about now. A nap. Just a little one.

I know that I should be fully rested. I mean, we're coming off of a three day weekend here. And I got to leave work at noon on Friday. So why am I so tired?

Well, probably because I'm just coming off of a three day weekend, after getting off of work at noon on Friday.

I have stories. I have things to share with you. Not pictures, because I'm a horrible person blogger and forgot to take any while I was drinking hanging out with the family. However, right now I'm barely even coherent. So instead of half-assing a story, I figure I'll just wait until I can coherently put together a paragraph. Or hell, even a sentence.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Can I get an amen?!!

In the words of my old friend/co-worker Mark- "Can I get an amen?!! Hallelujah!!" What for you ask? Three day weekends, that's what! Now, I know the whole world doesn't get three day weekends like some of us do, but just so y'all know, I didn't always get three day weekends. No. Not me. I worked for many years before that was ever an option for me.

Actually until I started the job that I'm at now, I think that I worked every single holiday. I started work when I was fourteen, and my first day was Christmas Eve. Funny, huh? And not everything can stop just because it's a holiday. I mean, when I was a CNA, we couldn't exactly shut down the nursing home/rehab center, now could we? Uh, nope. But the job I'm at now is closed on holidays. Well, except for Uncle Roger. He works Every. Single. Day.

Countdown until I have to be at work after today:
3 days, 18 hours & 21 minutes 


What are y'alls plans for this weekend? I don't know all of mine, but I do know that Sunday Momma and I are going to Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's. My family takes our beer race days very seriously, you know. They wanted to have some people over for a cook-out and apparently we are starting an annual kickball match. I haven't played kickball since eighth grade and I am feeling the pressure. Uh, I wasn't the best at sports. Except volleyball and wiffleball. I kicked ass in those two. What?! Just saying. Anyways, it'll be a fun time and I'm in charge of bringing the Crown Royal/pineapple juice chips and Momma is baked mac&cheese. Don't you love how much responsibility my family gives me? Plus, Uncle Roger might let us leave work early today and if he does Dani and I are heading straight to the Mexican restaurant down the road to drink Corona and eat guacamole. #StartTheWeekendOffRight Just dropping in for a minute to say-

Happy holidays!! Hope y'all have a fun & safe (3 day) weekend!! Do Not drink and drive!!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

(We're) all a little mad sometimes.

Katie: I hate auto-correct. Momma: Why? It can be really helpful. Katie: Because never once in my life when I was talking to someone have I meant ducking. Momma: What about when you had pet ducks? Katie: Not even then. Momma: You do have the mouth of a sailor. Katie: And the face of an angel? Momma: You just say that cause that lady that you used to take care of said it all the time. Katie: Yeah, smart lady.

Katie: Ok. I'll take you to get some summer clothes. Shy: Yay!! Katie: Hey! Hey! There will be no happiness allowed during this trip. There is strictly get the clothes, try on the clothes, pay for the clothes, and leave. No fun! Shy: Ok. Yay!! Katie: Damn kids don't listen.

Katie: Should I buy new panties? Charlie: Well, depends?? Katie: I mean for dating. I feel that if I start to date, that I should buy new panties. Charlie: Please, tell me it's for what I think it's for. Katie: What if we're in a wreck? Then the paramedics are gonna look at my ID, know we're not related, and then look at my underclothes and be all- "she wore that on a date?" Charlie: You worked in a nursing home too long. Katie: I don't need their judgement. Charlie: I love you. Katie: I love you too.

Momma: Well, that was really sweet of him. Katie: It's a trick. Momma: What's a trick? Katie: Him. Being sweet. It's a trick. I smell something fishy about it. Momma: Maybe he's just a nice guy. Katie: Nobody is just a nice guy. Except Donnie Wahlberg. But no one else. He's got an ulterior motive. Momma: Don't you think he just might be nice? Katie: No. Momma: Then what? Katie: Serial killer. Momma: No more Criminal Minds for you.

Shy: So. Katie: So? Shy: So, when are you gonna get a boyfriend so that we can double date? Katie: Never. Shy: You never want to have a boyfriend. Katie: No. I'll never be double dating with you and your little boyfriend. Shy: And why not? Katie: Because that seems completely horrible. Shy: Ah! I'm offended. Katie: Good. Shy: Me and my boyfriend are adorable. Katie: My boyfriend and I. Shy: Really? Correcting the way I talk? Katie: Well, if you're trying to make a case. Shy: Fine. My boyfriend and I are adorable. Katie: No. No, you're not. Shy: Yes, we are. We hold hands, and walk with his arms around me and kiss. Katie: Eww. Shy: It's not eww. We're adorable and we're gonna fall madly in love and live happily ever after. Katie: You know why? Shy: Why? Because it's meant to be? Katie: No, because you're 14 and everything in your mind is a scene from The Notebook. Shy: Dream killer.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Random shit that you missed while on vay-cay.

Danielle has returned from a glorious week of fun in the sun. Sunshine, mai-tai's, and sandy ocean front resorts. Ahh, living life up in Florida. Huh, girl? Or if you're "street" or "hip" as the kids are saying these days- linizzin' on the beachizle in Flo-rida. I'm lying, no one says that. NO ONE. If you haven't noticed, I've gone a little crazier since you've been gone. My bad.

Seriously, though, I commend you. Why? Because there is no way in hell that I could be around that many children and not be sauced out of my gourds. Honestly, like I would have to be drinking All. The. Time. I wouldn't even need to sleep. It would be sun up? Sun down? Whatevs, bring me the liquor cart! Disneyworld cannot be the happiest place on the planet. After all, it's full of children. And yes, I am very aware of how much of a horrible person I just sounded like right then. Anyways, welcome back...and here is what you missed while you were gone. Well, some of what you missed.

First convo (I say stuff like convo now) with you back: Danielle: Did you miss me? Katie: No. Danielle: Yes, you did. Don't lie. I know you missed me. Katie: No. Danielle: Ass.

  • Aunt Susi and I almost died. Literally. I mean, I'm not being dramatic or anything, but that's what happened. First some crazy bitch lady almost side swiped us going 200 mph. Then, Chad force fed us each a large red beans and rice. And coleslaw. It was traumatizing.
  • Tony shaved his head and now he looks like a giant _____ with ears. Go ahead, I'll let you fill in the blank with whatever you see fit.
  • Anthony M got grounded because he dropped the *f bomb on the bus, and I know what you're thinking. No, he did not hear it from me.
  • Yes, I did agree to go out on a date, but I know absolutely nothing about it. Seriously, no details. It's like it never happened and now I'm confused. But I'll be damned if I'm about to bring it up again. By the way- I'll be expecting my cupcakes within the next few days.
  • Aunt Susi also dropped her phone into the toilet "a bowl of water" and it went all wonky. Thus creating the weirdest lunch hour that I've ever had. And that's saying something, because I used to work with some crackheads. And I held a woman's head together once. Yes. It's exactly what it sounds like.
  • We now know what Uncle Darrell would look like if he had a Donald Trump toupee'. And it is not pretty. 
  • Shylyn went camping for five whole days, and came to realize that she never wants to go camping for five days ever again. She hated it and she smelled really bad when she got back. Like, really bad. Once again, too many children in one designated location. Oh yeah, it was her school trip. I guess I should've told you that.

There was a bunch of other stuff that happened to, but now I'm tired of writing, so I would like to stop now. Oh, and don't forget to tell Aunt Susi and Uncle Roger happy anniversary. It's 24 years today. Also, seriously, CUPCAKES. That's not why I said yes, but I still want them.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

These are my confessions: Part 1

{{Thanks for the picture Aunt Poot}}

I confess: I love to watch TV. And movies. I know that it sounds boring and I should probably get out more, but it's just what I like to do. I stay in and watch TV and read. You would think that I'm a little old lady. Whatevs.

I confess: That when I'm feeling particularly cynical, and don't want to be the hopeless romantic that I am, I look at my Aunt Susi and Uncle Roger and quickly remember that the "real thing" is out there.

I confess: I take a bunch of pictures, but usually forget about them until like a year later, so people don't see them until everyone looks completely different than in the actual picture.

I confess: I could probably live off of Mexican food. I love it. Love it. Taco salad? Nachos? Burritos? Tacos? All of it? Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. With guacamole, please.

I confess: That I have a small addiction to buying red lipstick. I say buying, because I love red lipstick, and have a bunch of it, but hardly ever wear it, because I'm a little self conscious.

I confess: That I love Disney movies. Even to this day, I still watch them. I don't have children, but did that stop me from buying and watching Frozen? No. No it did not.

I confess: That I have absolutely no sense of style. I know what I like, and how I want to dress, but I just can't seem to get it right when I try. Hobo- party of one, right here.

I confess: That I got asked out on a date and now I'm completely confused. I haven't dated in like two years, and I don't think that even counts, so when he asked and I said yes, I thought cool. Now, it's just kind of up in the air, and ism confused, because I don't know how to do any of this. I think I'm reading to much into this.

I confess: That I really want to go see that movie- The Fault In Our Stars, but I don't want to go by myself, but I also don't want to go with anybody, because I have a feeling that it will make me emotional and I'll cry. Do I want people seeing me cry? Hell no. I like to keep my emotions bottled up inside. WHERE THEY BELONG.

I confess: That I try and try to do things with my hair and only very rarely does it turn out like I want it to. It only looks good when I fix it on weekends. Saturday? My hair looked awesome. Will it Monday morning? Nope.

I confess: That I paint my fingernails and usually end up peeling and/or taking it off within a 24 hour period.

I confess: I really want to be built cute and have a "rockin" body, but frankly I just don't want to put the effort into it. I hate exercising. I hate sweating. I hate eating healthy. Do you see a trend starting here?

I confess: That I have no filter and I'm a very outspoken person, but I'm also shy and backwards. Does that make sense? No. Still true? Yes.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

It's day.

20 Since Momma was put into the hospital, and I think that I might have had a slight nervous breakdown and/or panic attack. But I kept my cool and slowly but surely Momma is getting better and better. Yay!! 964 Since I left my old life behind in Tennessee and decided to move to Indiana to start over. I have to say that I'm extremely glad that I made that decision. 7 Since I decided that I may or may not want to let my guard down just a little bit and now I would just like it if they would allow things to go completely my way. 8857 Since the cutest tiny little dark-haired baby was born and her Momma held her so tight that she could have burst. Spoiler alert- that little dark-haired baby was me. 19 Since I've smoked a cigarette. Only twenty-one days to break a habit, right? 2080 Since I met and fell in love with SOA. 1 Since I talked to my old friend that isn't even really my friend anymore. We fell apart, but I'm trying to be the bigger person, so when she seemed upset I messaged to check. I guess karma really is a bitch. 437 Since I started this whole blogging thing. 961 Since I've been single. And that decision? Possibly in the top five best decisions that I've ever made. I'm going for no more jerks for me anymore. Only nice guys. 2185 Since I graduated high school. How old am I sounding right now? 176 Since Austin Winkler left Hinder. 589 Since I started the job that I am at now. 263 Since Nsync reunited for a tribute to Justin Timberlake at the 2013 MTV video music awards, resulting in my inner tween heart doing somersaults. Since that's the only way I can do somersaults. 4166 Since I went to the theater to see Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. And I still love it, even to this day. #NerdLife. 579 Since I decided to chop my long hair off, and immediately regretted chopping all of my hair off.   

*Please note that some of these dates may not be entirely accurate, but it's my best guesstimate work.

Friday, May 9, 2014

This is why

[Let me be frank. Plus, I love the name Frank. Sorry.] I haven't dated in a really long time. The last relationship that I was in really did a number on me, for the plain fact that it made me look at things and re-evaluate the decisions that I had been making in that department. After I broke up with him and moved, I decided that I wouldn't date for awhile. I thought to myself- I'll just take some "me" time, there is no since in rushing into anything. I'm not ready for it, nor do I want it. I want to figure out what I want out of a relationship, or if I even want one at all. To me, those are important decisions that one should ask their self.

That was nearly two years ago. I still ask myself those questions and I'm no closer to finding the answer. It has nothing to do with the idiot that I was with, because Lord knows I don't think about him unless someone brings him up, but rather the fact that I want to make the right decisions in my future relationships. I don't want to date someone just so I can be one of those girls that has a boyfriend. I don't want to give up things that I love and do things that I don't want to do. Maybe that sounds spoiled and I'm being completely irrational, but that's how I feel.

I'm not saying that's what all relationships are like. I'm not that jaded. But there are a lot of people that change and completely lose their own identities when they're with someone else. I don't want to be one of those people. I might not have everything figured out. Actually, far from it, but I do know what I do and do not want.

Be prepared. I'm about to sound like a completely horrible person. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. 

I don't want to live with someone. I think that people should have to live together before marriage to see if they're compatible. Just my opinion. Well, I've done the whole living together thing on two separate occasions. You know what I learned? I learned that I don't like living with my significant other. Nope. I don't like the idea of waking up with them every single morning, and seeing them every single day, and going to bed looking at them every night. Sorry, I just can't do it. It's not in me. If I really like that person and love spending time with them, then that is great! However, I like my own personal time, alone, to do what I like to do. I like going where I please, when I please, and not having to "check in" with someone when I do.

I don't want to get married. Let's talk marriage, shall we? I don't like the idea of it. For me. I think for certain people marriage is a lovely, healthy, wonderful thing. Sometimes the universe can't have made two people more perfect to be married to each other. But me? I have no desire to be married. I never have. You know how they talk about little girls planning their weddings with barbies and coloring books? I was not one of those little girls. I was the other little girl that was running after her big brother and his friends, because they would all piggy back me. I didn't want to marry them, I just wanted them to carry my chunky little butt around. Like I said you should live together before marriage, and I don't like the thought of either.

I don't want kids. I know, I know. The entire universe just came together for one collective gasp of horror. But I'm just speaking the truth here. I'm not a kid kind of person. I came to terms with this fact a long time ago. I'm not one of those women that's "motherly instinct" kicks in at any given moment. In fact when a kid is hurt and they need help, I don't leave them laying there bleeding or anything, but my first thought is- "How would we fix this in the nursing home?" I try to be good with them, I really do, but I'm just not. I can barely keep my own shit together and remember to wear pants. Add to that? No, thanks. I want to be able to go home to relax in my pjs and watch TV.  

I've done the dating thing and the relationship thing. I don't seem to be very good at either. I've tried and put a lot of effort in. But every time I think about getting super serious with someone I panic. Literally, panic. One time I was talking to a friend of mine at work about it and puked and had a full blown panic attack. Why? Because the prospect of it was so daunting and overwhelming. She said it's because I've never really been in love.

All I know is I know what I want. Finding that? Completely different story. I want someone that's sweet, kind, caring, compassionate, honest and really into me. Is that so much to ask? I don't go for looks. Looks fade and then you're stuck with an asshole the rest of your life. Looks are over-rated in my opinion. I don't care nothing for them when it comes to dating. I mean, I'm not exactly what you would call attractive, so why should I think someone else should look like Jude Law? I don't. Maybe I'm weird, I don't know, but I could care less what someone looks like. However, finding those other traits in a guy is impossible too. I basically just want someone who wants to hang out, watch TV and have sex with only me. Among other things. Is that so much to ask for? Apparently, it is.  

Why am I telling y'all all of this? I should really stop, but I can't.

Now, if you get passed all of that stuff I'm an even bigger mess. Remember when I said that I'm a horrible dater? I was not exaggerating. I really, truly am. I get super nervous and about fifty million questions run through my head. Questions like: What if he's a serial killer? Hey, you laugh, but it's a real thing. Ever watched Criminal Minds? Read about BTK? Googled the Craigslist killer? I don't care how well you think you know a person, looks can be extremely deceiving. What do I wear? Everyone knows that I'm not exactly the most fashion forward girl for my age. Maybe it's from where I haven't dated that much, but I have no clue what to wear on one. Is jeans to casual? Is a dress too much? Flats? Heels? Well, I can't wear heels anyways, but still. Like I said, I'm not what you would call "attractive" anyways, so what the hell do you wear? Can I order the fajitas instead of a salad? I like salad. Salad is delicious and nutritious, and I could eat it all the time. But say we're out and the restaurant had shrimp fajitas. I love shrimp fajitas. So, can I order them without being overly-judged, or is the proper thing to do mean ordering the salad? What's the ladylike thing for this particular impasse?  

Do I pay for the date? I know that traditionally the guy pays for the date. I've read enough books and watched enough movies to know all of that. However, all the guys (which isn't that many) that I've dated (except one) had me pay. So, have I just dated a bunch of losers? Or are the girls supposed to pay for everything now? I mean, I don't want to seem horrible, and I don't mind paying my way, but I was always told growing up by everyone that that's the guy's thing. I also don't want him to feel weird, so what do I do? If we "hit it off" and I'm into him, how soon is "too soon" so I don't look like a skank? Like I said, ladylike. However, it's been a really, really long time. TMI? I know what I look like naked, it's not very appealing. Can I ask to keep the lights out? I see me naked everyday. A couple times a day actually, and I don't see anything impressive and/or appealing, so what's the guidelines on this? What? Can I ask to keep the lights out? Turn the lights out? Or wing it? Do I let them see everything? I'm not ok with that. I get nervous just thinking about it. No, thank you. How much do I tell him? I can't believe I'm about to admit this, but I mean, why stop now, right? Like I said, I've dated. But I'm not exactly that "experienced" if you catch my drift. I'm sure you do by now. I mean, I've been told that everything I do is great, but I don't really know. I was a late bloomer and get embarrassed when it comes to my own situations, so what? Do I tell them that or do I just wing it and let them think what they will? Further more, should I read up on this stuff? Or something?

If I could just find a real nice guy that I could hang out with and be real good friends with, that would be great. I don't think that's gonna happen either though. So?

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Things that make me happy

I am generally a happy person. Even when I'm sad or upset I'm constantly saying that I'm fine and that nothing is the matter. I don't like people to worry about me. I prefer to worry about everything and keep my emotions bottled up inside....WHERE THEY BELONG!! But that's neither here nor there.

I'm the eternal optimist, the daydreamer and the hopeless romantic all wrapped up into one five foot package. Although, when I say I'm done that means I am done, and I can hold a grudge like nobody's business. You know why? Because it is nobody's business, but mine. But I have my days where I feel sad too. I don't know if you would call it depression, even though some doctors have. I prefer to think of it as just an off day.

However, on these days that I feel kind of down there are random things that make me happy and smile. My family (that includes you Tayder) always make me happy, but I'm talking about the random things. So I made a list of the six most random things that make me happy. A list of six, because a list of five or ten is for people who play by the rules. And we don't do that around here.
One: Dressing like a hobo. And pulling that shit off.


This is going to make me sound horrible, but when I'm not at work I'm usually in a t-shirt and sweatpants. I know that's not very fashion forward for my twenty-four year old self, but I prefer comfort over style. Please, just love me for the slob that I really am. But sometimes I have these days where I look less like a lazy girl and more like a trendy/hipster college student.

Two: Jake Gyllenhaal. 


One of my favorite actors that I don't think I have ever mentioned on my blog (which I find really weird) is Jake Gyllenhaal. I can be in the saddest mood in the world and if I watch a JG movie, I immediately feel a little better. I don't know what it is about that man, maybe it's that adorable smirk that he has, or it could be those ginormous St. Bernard puppy eyes that seem to stare deep down into your soul. Either way, it makes me happy.

Three: When guys show up other guys in the sweetie department.


We all know that there are plenty of jerks out there. Am I right, ladies? We've all seen it or experienced it (probably more than once). There are very few times in life that a girl finds a great guy first off, and he's the perfect fit for her. However, there are those certain instances that I hear about that make me go- Awww.... 

Four: Marathons of my favorite shows.


I'm not going to lie. Law and Order: SVU is a guilty pleasure of mine. It's one of those shows that makes me feel really weird and question why I love it so much. I don't put too much thought into it though. I also don't watch the new episodes very often, because I've always been strictly #TeamStabler, but when I'm having one of "my days", and there's a SVU marathon on? Yes, please.

Five: Reading.


I'm a bit of a nerd. I don't deny this on any level. I'm not really into video games or comic books. Basically because I've never understood video games nor do I have the patience when things aren't going my way. Comic books? I was just never around them growing up. But reading? Yes. I'm what some people call a book dork. Not nice, by the way. Dani says it's like I'm a little old lady. I don't care though, going somewhere in my head because of a book and pretending I'm that character for a little bit works for me.

Six: LOTR.


If you haven't learned by now, like I said before, I'm a bit of a nerd. Hello, my name is Katie and I love Lord of the Rings. LOTR and The Hobbit. I could watch all of those movies all day everyday and just become more and more convinced that they are the best cinematic adventure to ever come upon us. Yeah, I know exactly what I sound like. And I don't care. #TeamNerd baby.

Bonus: Saying- yeah, bitch!!

Thank you, Aaron Paul.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

See. I don't have commitment issues.

People are all the time telling me that I have commitment issues. All of my friends and exboyfriends people that I know from back in the day always say things like- "Katie, you're gonna die alone. You have issues. You have so many commitment issues that you should have been a guy. I can't believe you broke up with that guy just because he smelled like cheese, you love cheese."

Whatevs, joke is on you guys, because I think being a dude would have been so much easier than being a girl. Less maintenance, less strategy, more places to pee. I mean, hello trees. Plus, I didn't break up with that guy just because he smelled like cheese. I broke up with him because he was an asshole, who just so happened to smell like cheese. See, I don't hate. And we all know how much I love sandwiches, so I mean if my boyfriend smelled like sandwiches then I would want to do nothing but cuddle with him and sniff him all day. This is starting to get creepy. Moving on.

But now I have proof that they're all wrong. Definitive proof, I say! What is this proof? Well, I'm glad that you asked. Even though technically you didn't ask. Minor detail. My proof is the fact that I watched this awesome movie Monday night. The movie was- Rust and Bone and I loved it.

I watched it in the living room. Alone. Because I'm pretty sure that no one likes the weird ass, long movies like I do. Anyways, while I was watching this movie Shy walked through the living room and when she saw/heard the tv she looked at me and the following conversation happened-

Shy: Katie, what language are they speaking in this movie? Me: French and Belgium. Shy: Do you speak French or Belgium? Me: No. But I took two years of German in school. Shy: Oh, so you speak German? Me: Of course not. Shy: So why are you watching it if you don't know what they're saying? Me: Because I'm already committed. It's been on like 15 minutes. Shy: Committed? Me: Yes. Shy: You can't even commit to a color to paint your nails. Me: Shut up.

See what I mean? That is commitment there, my friends. I mean, the movie had subtitles to help me out, but the whole point is that I watched a foreign film, and made it through the WHOLE thing. No commitment problems here. None. So to all of those people that say I have "commitment issues", suck it! I have proven you wrong. And don't try to bring me down, because I am counting this as a victory.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

'The Fault In Our Stars' trailer.

Danielle keeps trying to get me to read this book, so that I can tell her if it's good or not so she knows whether or not to read it. Honestly, I want to read it, but I'm just at the point where I'm procrastinating. However, now that I've seen the trailer....I'm gonna have to read that book. And watch the movie. Not necessarily in that order, because, well, procrastination people.



Pretty much. I'm far too sensitive for this kind of stuff. And here I thought that- The Spectacular Now- was bad. Ahh!!!


Oh, and for all of my fellow nerds out there- HAPPY STAR WARS DAY!!! MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!!

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Season 2 Finale: The Following.

I know that the season finale of The Following was days ago (am I the only one that watches and/or loves this show?!), but you know me. Better late than pregnant. I was so excited about the season finale that I even watched it Monday night. Not on the DVR. I know, right?! Basically, I watch the show for one reason, and one reason only. I mean, it's a good show, but let's be honest, I wouldn't watch it if it weren't for Mike Weston (Shawn Ashmore). I know that's probably not fair, but I don't care I do what I want. Here's my step by step recap.


Weston better not get killed. If he gets killed I will NEVER watch this show again. And I really mean that to, because it showed up in my brain as SHOUTY CAPITALS.


What are you doing Ryan?! Why are you just standing there having a conversation with those crazy ass twins instead of saving Weston? Are you f*cking kidding me right now? SERIOUSLY?!!


NO.... NO....NO..... oh my god way to wait until the last minute, you giant tool! You know, if it wasn't for Footloose, I would never watch you again, because you've put me on edge here, Kevin Bacon. Man, do I love Footloose. The original and the remake. Willard all the way. Both. Times. Also, Tremors and Hollow Man were good, quality work.... fine, I'll still watch Kevin Bacon, but I'll be pissed! Weston's not out of the line of fire yet. Seriously, I'm glad you hit the blonde chick, but I mean, quit talking and start shooting Weston's way out. HELP HIM!!

 

Really? Really, Ryan? We're going to make ANOTHER deal with the devil? Have you learned nothing? Ever? At least let him know whose boss. Something. I mean, he's already outsmarted and beat your ass like fourteen million times. COME ON.

 

That's a little better. Hit him again! It's about time you got on it. How long have you been waiting for that one? Why doesn't anyone kill Joe? They all talk about it, but no one actually does it. Weston tried to get you to do it, A LOT. Somehow though, he always manages to live. Wtf, dude?!


Mike really seemed to enjoy that, didn't he? (hehehe). I don't blame him, I would to. That guy has caused more problems for him than any one person should have. Does no one recognize that that's Joe Carroll? I mean, napkin or not, they have all been hunting him for like two years. No one? Really? No one thinks that any of this is at all a little suspicious? I would not feel safe with any of you people. FBI, my ass.

Ok, Max and Weston are going to follow. Max is so happy that Weston isn't dead. Yeah.... give him that look while you're in the car. I know what you're thinking Max, and the answer is- yes. Yes, you should totally grab hold of Weston and make out with him. Everyone would understand. EVERYONE. Just do it already. You two look at each other like you want to devour the other one anyways. Why not? DO IT.

I see you looking at that follower, Joe. Great, that's all we need. More trouble. Joe won't hurt Hardy until they save Claire either way though. He may be a psychopath, but he does love Claire. In his own sick/twisted/demented way.


Told you that follower was behind you. No one ever listens to me. Did you really not see that one coming? You know, Joe is pretty funny tonight. Really funny, actually. He's a real comic in his own right. He could've done stand-up. You know, if he wouldn't have slaughtered the whole audience once he was done with his routine. Minor detail.


Joe and Ryan actually make a pretty good team. There's no substitute for Weston. NONE. But I could handle a little bit more of this funny back and forth between Joe and Ryan. Umm.... no he's not going in there without a weapon, Ryan. Are you crazy? Those twin are psychos and Joe is smarter than you. He actually kills most of the people that he intends to. Unlike you, who has had ample opportunity and just won't take the shot. Just saying.


Those twins are so damn crazy. I can't believe that one guy plays both twins. That's SO crazy. Not as crazy as the characters, but crazy. Crazy!! What is it with tying people to chairs at the dinner table? Did their mother really warp them that much?! Yeah, Ryan, take responsibility for killing their mother. Please. They will find out the truth. Weston will probably tell them, because they did kill his dad, after all. Joe is so funny. It's ok, Weston and Max are outside. They are gonna rescue you guys. Well, at least Ryan.


Told you that they would recuse you guys. Seriously, Weston?! Ryan took the fall for that. Quit prolonging it. Did you forget that there are two of those guys? Behind you. BEHIND YOU!! Oh man, now you're down. You're down and they have weapons, and now you're gonna get killed.



Where the hell is Max?! MAX! Come save your man. What the hell is happening? Is Weston unconscious? Is he dead? Max!! Seriously, where is she? Both twins are there and she can't manage to show up in a timely manner? I thought you were supposed to have his back, dude. He would have your back. I mean, he even traipsed into the woods to save you. WITH A HIDDEN SNIPER ON THE LOOSE. Just to save you. And that's when y'all only had a few googly eyed moments with each other! Where are you?!!


Oh, thank god! Way to take your time and make it suspenseful. Jerk. Could you have been any slower to come to his rescue? Huh? He would've been there sooner for you. See, now would be ample opportunity to make out with Weston. Just saying, girl. We both know you want to. Thank goodness he's alive, but it's not over yet. You killed the one twin, but his brother is still out there. And let's face it, revenge is kind of their thing.


Of course Joe would find Claire and then Ryan would rescue her. She's not going to forgive you, Joe. Get over it. Move on. I'm sure you'll find a very nice guy in prison. After all, you're smart, worldly, you know how to escape.

I'm glad that you had this giant life affirming epiphany and all Ryan, but have we forgotten that he's already escaped prison? Twice? I'm happy that you and Weston have decided that you need to be happy and move on with y'alls lives, but is leaving him alive really the best idea? You've been trying to kill him for two seasons. Everyone in that room understands. No one would hold it against you. Nope. Ok, definitely sending him back to prison, huh? Whatever you think is best. Even if you're completely wrong. Your choice.

I knew Claire was going to leave as soon as this shit was over with. What a using/trifling bitch. Oh yeah, y'all need to move on. Whawhawha. You're a user, and I never liked you, Claire. I don't want to be an ass or anything, but I wouldn't have been sad had you stayed dead this season. Ryan was happy and moving on and then you showed back up. I guess it worked out for the best, but still. What an asshole, you are. Where are Max and Weston?


FINALLY. Finally, is right. I knew that you wanted to. I told you. I mean, the one twin is alive and things are gonna go bad, but for now, savor it, girl. You've earned this. It started out as loathe, then friendship, and now- LOVE. You love each other, don't try to deny it. I hope nothing bad happens to either of you next season. It will, but I can be hopeful until then. I really do love this show. Kiss him again, we both know you want to.


THE FINALLY HEARD AROUND THE WORLD. Now we can all breathe a collective sigh. And say- awwwww. Yep, I'm still gonna watch season three. I'm gonna be all over that one. I know it's not a love story, but it is a good show, and I love some of these characters. I still think that Carrie Cooke (she will always be Donna Winston to me) is up to no good, though. Just so y'all know, when it comes to her, I call bullshit. Maybe it's just because of Ryan's track record, but I don't trust her. Shawn Ashmore is so f*cking adorable when he smiles. He really is.

FINALLY.